When two people start a fight, it can be difficult to know what to do. There are several ways to calm tempers, but first of all it is important to ensure your safety; Before you get involved, you need to have a clear idea of what to do so that you can choose the best solution. Take all precautions to avoid further aggression.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Assessing the Situation
Step 1. Keep your distance
You don't have to get involved in a fight unless necessary. By keeping a safe distance, you can ensure your personal safety. If you're not sure what to do when faced with a confrontation, step back or find a safe zone; this may be the best solution.
- Put your safety first.
- Use nonviolent methods before resorting to physical intervention to stop a fight.
- Acting physically should be a last resort to use, only when other options have not been successful or there is no alternative.
Step 2. Look for the underlying causes
Conflicts can arise from hidden or unconscious beliefs or values. Being able to establish the real cause of the argument can help to resolve it; before getting involved, reflect on the cultural aspects and personalities that are at stake.
- Understand the type of relationship that binds the two people. They know each other? Are they members of the same family? Is this a romantic issue?
- Consider possible reasons. Is it an occasional attack or does it arise from a specific feeling of being treated unfairly? The different reasons can affect the reaction of the two litigants towards a person who intervenes to divide them. If it is an occasional confrontation, an unprovoked aggression, the subjects are less likely to respond to the mediation attempt, since not even the aggressor is very clear about the causes that led to such a violent situation.
- Ask questions to anyone who wants to answer.
Step 3. Establish the facts
A quarrel can arise from a misunderstanding; by defining the real reason for what is happening, you can intervene forcefully and calm down the parties involved. Make sure you know the truth before going into the merits; it is better not to get involved, rather than to make the situation worse.
- Take note of what happened, of the people involved, where the events occurred, when and why; this information can help you understand the whole situation, as well as being useful in case you need to call the police.
- Talk to witnesses.
- Ask questions of the people involved.
Step 4. Assess your personal skills
You need to make sure you are able to handle a situation like this. Take stock of the state you are in; if you are under the influence of psychotropic drugs or alcohol, are too tired or not properly dressed for this type of initiative, think twice before attempting to split the two litigators.
Step 5. Consider the people involved
Try to understand the position of each. If they are psychologically altered, armed or clearly more than experienced fighters, it may not be an ideal situation to intervene in; carefully observe the people who are escalating the altercation before deciding to act.
Step 6. Find a person authorized to speak
Look for a teacher, a vigilante, or a policeman. To avoid putting yourself in danger, find someone trained and prepared to intervene in situations like this; immediately look for a figure who has an authoritative role to manage a violent circumstance.
Part 2 of 3: Applying Non-Violent Methods
Step 1. Create a diversion
When the atmosphere between two people heats up, it is sometimes possible to calm it down by finding some source of distraction. Mention or ask questions about friends or family they are with; Sometimes, by reminding them of loved ones they think fondly of, you may be able to calm down the quarrels. There are many quick ways to release tension.
- Order them to calm down in an imperative tone. Many quarrels between children can be stopped in this way;
- Use a sense of humor;
- Sing a song out loud;
- Not scream.
Step 2. Make it clear that you want to call the police
If you say out loud that you want to call law enforcement and get on the phone, you can sometimes stop the fight. Nobody wants to deal with the police and this could be a quick fix to dampen the conflict. However, be prepared: the litigators may be charged with some crime and your presence may be necessary to speak to the agents.
Step 3. Empathize
Try to put yourself in the other person's position. By doing this, you can understand the emotional nature of the attack, so that you can reason with people who are not in the mood to accept rational motives. By giving yourself the opportunity to understand how the parties are feeling and by helping the quarrels to understand each other's feelings, you can have a better view of the conflict and be able to resolve it; empathy can actually help mitigate aggression.
- Ask both sides to see each other's point of view;
- Use language that shows that you understand the feelings of the quarrels;
- Use clear, moving language that engenders empathy.
Step 4. Chat
Many times speaking in a calm voice can help calm down the attackers. Dialogue can help people to vent some of the emotions that prompted them to act violently and can be crucial to resolving the conflict, as well as revealing the source of the problem.
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Speak in first person:
- "I feel…";
- "I listen to what you say …";
- Avoid using the "you", as it could be seen as accusatory.
- Ask questions;
- Keep calm.
Step 5. Listen
An assault can result from a sense of frustration and sometimes that frustration just needs to be heard. Give both sides a chance to talk and let them know that there is someone willing to really listen to them. Sometimes, people feel better when they get rid of some emotions.
- Make statements that show that you are listening, such as: "I understand your point of view";
- He nods to assent;
- Maintain eye contact.
Step 6. Act as a mediator
Encourage both sides to seek compromise. Work with them to prove that neither of them are making a bad deal; don't impose a solution and remember to be impartial so that the two quarrels both feel comfortable.
- Listen to them actively;
- Ask questions;
- Gradually help them resolve the dispute by themselves.
Step 7. Invite them to reconcile
Make the counterparts recognize the actions that led to hurting the other person and forgive each other; in this way, it is possible that no future quarrels will occur and the tension is likely to ease. By helping them reconcile, you allow them to forgive themselves and leave the past behind.
Part 3 of 3: Using Physical Methods
Step 1. Throw in cold water
Sometimes, this simple gesture can calm overheated souls. Throw a cup or pot of cold water or direct the garden hose at the people who are arguing; this is a great way to avoid coming into direct contact with attackers.
Step 2. Stand between the two quarrels
By physically positioning yourself between the two counterparts, you can stop the fight; However, keep in mind that you could risk injury by doing this. This can be an effective solution especially if you are certain that neither party wants to harm you.
Step 3. Detain an attacker
Act cautiously when you want to block a litigant; many times this solution can lead to some physical injury. Trying to restrain an abusive person can not only be dangerous to your safety, it can also injure the person himself. While blocking an individual involved in a fight or using other methods of restraint can be effective with adults, it can cause injury or even death and is only recommended in extreme situations; it is not recommended to block children with grappling holds, for example those around the neck.
- In some circumstances, if you are not properly trained, it is considered acceptable to lock children with a firm hug to stop a fight.
- The same technique can be used in quarrels between adults;
- Lock / tighten at the throat;
- Lock arms / legs;
- Use immobilization techniques.
Step 4. Use a pepper spray
You can consider using one of these self-defense products, as long as it meets the regulatory requirements, but only in extreme cases. The pepper spray not only stops an attacker, it can also prevent the fight from resuming.
- Proceed with caution when you want to use pepper sprays, as some people may be allergic, resulting in serious health problems.
- You must be doubly cautious with the use of these products, because if they do not comply with certain requirements they are illegal: their transport and use can be a crime.
Advice
- Don't take one side or the other.
- Don't get involved unless absolutely necessary.
- Don't lose your cool.
- If it's an argument in the school setting, call security or a teacher right away.
- Call the authorities or ambulance immediately.
