Having good friends is good for physical and mental health. Social relationships teach you how to interact with different people, help you understand your personality better and inspire you to achieve your goals. Friendships can even generate painkiller-like brain reactions, helping people manage physical ailments better. To have many friends, you need to learn three things well: meet lots of people, turn these people into friends, and keep the friendship by acting like a good friend yourself.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Finding Places to Meet New People
Step 1. Join the associations
Extra-curricular activities are an excellent opportunity to meet people with similar interests. Join as many associations as possible, but make sure you only join those in which you have a real interest. If you've already finished school, check out local newspapers or weekly periodicals to find clubs and associations in your city that you'd like to join.
- If you choose to learn a foreign language, join the French, Spanish or German study groups. Not only will you make new friends, but you will also meet people to practice the language you are learning with!
- Try the bands. School bands are quite large and offer a large base of potential friends; Furthermore, there are many different tools available among which you will certainly find the one that's right for you.
- If you like to sing, join the choral singing groups.
- Do you like to convince others of your opinions? Try opinion clubs and school representations. You will meet new people at school, but you will also be able to participate in debates and discussions and meet other students with your same interests.
- If you are an adult, there will certainly be dance classes, choirs and bands looking for new members in your city and other opportunities to meet new people in your area.
Step 2. Play a team sport
Sports groups, school and non-school, often meet teams from other schools or locations, giving the opportunity to go out of town and make friends with kids from other places who share the same interests. In addition, team members usually train together several times a week, thus having plenty of time to forge solid bonds with teammates.
- Try your school's football, basketball or volleyball teams. If there isn't a sport you like among those available at your school, try looking for others in your neighborhood.
- In most cities, there are local groups whose members meet to play more casual sports, such as playing Frisbee or volleyball. Search local newspapers and websites or search the internet for a particular sport in your city.
- If you are a woman, you may be interested in the roller derby teams in your city. It is a contact sport, so it is not suitable for those who are shy. Membership fees may be a bit steep, but the fun is guaranteed and will help you make lots of new female friends.
Step 3. Try new activities
Go to gyms where pilates or rock climbing are done. Take part in a food or music festival. Take music or acting lessons. Sign up for fitness classes at the gym or art classes at local museums and galleries.
- Numerous organizations offer free or low-cost classes to attract new customers. Look for bargains in local newspapers or online.
- Some organizations allow you to attend classes or participate in free demonstrations in exchange for voluntary help in organizing them or cleaning and tidying up at the end of the same.
Step 4. Visit new places
Go to different bars or restaurants than the ones you usually go to. Go to a concert somewhere you've never been. Take the dog to the park or ask the neighbors to walk their dog for them.
- See the list of events in your area in local newspapers or cultural websites.
- Check the posters in the bars and restaurants for more local events.
- In universities there are usually bulletin boards where local events or meetings are advertised.
Step 5. Volunteer in new areas
There is a practically endless list of places that need volunteers, so find one that fits your interests and go there once a week for a couple of months.
- Kennels are always in need of help, as are voluntary associations for the homeless and soup kitchens.
- Find an organization that plants trees or cleans public parks if you are interested in helping the environment.
- Offer to read books to the children or visit nursing homes.
- Check what volunteer actions are needed at local hospitals.
Step 6. Get a new job for the summer or part-time
If you can't get in touch with other people at school or at your main place of work, look for a job in a place where you can do something you enjoy and meet your peers.
- In the summer, you could be a lifeguard or work for an event agency helping to organize big special events like concerts and festivals.
- Get a job at a hobby store to meet people with similar interests to yours. Video game, sporting goods, and arts and crafts stores are great places to meet other people who enjoy the same things you do.
- Find a job at family-run restaurants or in trattorias frequented by locals. You will have the chance to meet people from your own neighborhood that you don't yet know.
Step 7. Join multiple social networks
Almost everyone has a profile on Facebook or Instagram, but there are many other sites with more specific interests or topics that you can subscribe to. Otherwise, join groups on your social networks to meet people in your area who share similar activities or values.
- Try LinkedIn to build a network of friends based on your profession. Pinterest is perfect for meeting people who share the same interests, like crafts or cooking.
- Join online groups for games you love, like World of Warcraft or Minecraft.
- Search Facebook groups for news on local religious gatherings, amateur sports teams, or activist companies. Post regularly on the group wall for members to get to know you better.
Part 2 of 3: Meeting New People
Step 1. Start a conversation with the person next to you
Wherever you are (at a game, at a practice, at a meeting, at the bar, at a class), there is likely to be someone near you that you do not yet know. Start a conversation by talking about what's going on right now.
- After a lesson, ask your neighbor "What did you think of that lesson / rehearsal / discussion?"
- If you're on a Spanish class, ask him to recommend the best restaurants in town for tapas, or ask if he knows a place to go together to practice conversing in the language with native speakers.
- If you are at a concert, ask those around you "Did you already know this band?" or ask him to recommend similar groups he knows that you might like too.
- During sports or team games, ask a new acquaintance for advice on how to improve.
Step 2. Smile often
People like to surround themselves with people who seem happy and smiling shows that you are interested in the conversation and getting to know the other person better.
- Smile with your whole face, not just your lips. Practice in the mirror if you are not someone who smiles often to make sure you can smile with just your eyes.
- Make a genuine smile, not an artificial one. It will help you feel comfortable in your environment, which explains why it is important to participate in activities and groups in which you have a real interest.
Step 3. Listen more than you talk
Ask people you want to befriend questions about them rather than dominating the conversation. It shows that you are really interested in getting to know your interlocutor better and they will almost certainly want to continue conversing with you.
- Aim to listen at least three times as much as you speak. However, don't neglect to answer the questions they ask you!
- When it is your turn to speak, give general information about your personality or interests to allow the interlocutor to get an idea of who you are as a person.
Step 4. Invite someone to an event or out based on your common interests
If you are part of a sports team, maybe the other person would like to go to a professional game with you. At the end of a concert, ask your potential friend to go together to the next concert you plan to attend. Invite your colleague from the Spanish course to try the restaurant they suggested.
- If your new acquaintance refuses, don't give up, but also avoid insisting on a "date with friends". Wait until the next time you speak to invite him to a different activity.
- Not everyone will want to interact outside the group. It 'does not matter! Try a different person next time.
Part 3 of 3: Being a Good Friend
Step 1. Keep an open mind
Don't let past experiences interfere with new friendships. Let go of regrets or residues of negative feelings you harbor based on how others have treated you in the past.
- Learn the difference between forgiving and forgetting. It is always better to abandon negativity, but it is also important to remember the lessons learned from past experiences to better understand who to trust in the future.
- Give everyone an opportunity to make you understand what they can give you, regardless of whether they have different religious beliefs or political beliefs than most people you know. You don't necessarily have to agree with those values, but you could always learn something from them.
Step 2. Be kind
People want to hang out with those who treat them well and make them feel comfortable. Talk to friends with sympathetic and supportive comments, and learn to express criticism when necessary in a constructive way to avoid hurting others' feelings.
- If you find yourself having negative feelings towards your friend, refocus your attention on their good points. Consider them for their positives, not negatives.
- Instead of scolding your friend when he doesn't agree to go out, remind him how much fun you have when you are together and tell him you'd like to repeat those good experiences.
Step 3. Avoid gossip
Never speak ill of someone behind their back, especially to mutual friends. Gossiping reveals more about your personality than theirs.
- If a friend of yours is gossiping about another, say something positive about the other, for example "Anyway, he's very nice" or "I'm not very knowledgeable [about what you say], but he has always been helpful with me".
- Speaking badly is often a sign of envy and gives a negative idea of yourself. If you have friends who spend a lot of time talking about others, consider whether they are the right people to deal with.
Step 4. Be collaborative
Everyone may need help, but not everyone asks for it. Offer to help out regardless of whether a friend of yours asks you for help in doing something or you know that with your support it could be better.
- There's a good chance your friend will return the favor when you need them and will appreciate the voluntary sacrifice you made for him.
- Be careful not to overdo it, though! Don't agree to do something you don't know how to do or don't have time for or anything else you don't feel comfortable doing.
Step 5. Have respect
Always be honest with your friends unless it does them more harm than good. Show gratitude to their friendship, especially when they do something spontaneous towards you.
- Honesty leads to trust, so it's a very important aspect of your personality to offer to your friends.
- Don't agree to do things you have no interest in or think you can't handle.
Step 6. Be trustworthy
Keep your promises. Do what you say you do and be where you say you are. Make appointments with friends the same importance as schoolwork or work commitments.
- Try not to cancel appointments unless it is an emergency, especially at the last minute. Everyone can change plans once in a while, but make sure this is the exception and not the norm.
- Write down your appointments on your calendar or activate reminders on your smartphone so you don't forget them!
Step 7. Be yourself
Never try to change for another person. Try new activities and see if you like them or not, but don't keep doing something you don't like just to meet new people. Certain subtle bonds will break when you stop trying to be different from who you are.
- You can always change what you do or behavior, but never the underlying character or moral values.
- If someone wants to change your values or acts against your principles, then they are not a person to befriend.
Advice
- Go out with friends in a group if possible. They might invite other friends of theirs you don't know yet.
- It's okay to have a small group of real good friends rather than lots of acquaintances to spend time with doing casual activities. Having a mountain of friends isn't something everyone wants or can support.
- Not everyone will want to deepen their friendship with you, there's nothing wrong with that. Do not get mad!
- Never try to buy a friendship. It is not worth making friends with people who accept material goods for your time and effort.
- Make sure you are yourself! You don't have to befriend people for whom you need to change.
- Tell your friends about your interests. Ask about them too. It doesn't matter if your friend doesn't share the same interests as you. As you get to know each other, you can enjoy new activities together.
