If you can't tell if a person is a true friend, your relationship is probably already in trouble. You will have many friends in life, but the real ones can be counted on the fingers of one hand and give great satisfaction. Fortunately, they are not difficult to spot.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Evaluate Communication
Step 1. Consider if they offer helpful comments and words of encouragement
They make you feel needed, confident and happy. Everyone needs positive energy and they have it to spare. Even when they disagree with you ("That hat looks like a dead mouse …"), they still support you ("… but at least you wear it very well!").
- If a friend gives you sincere compliments on everything from your new outfit to your work ethic, that's a good sign.
- See if your friend is your first supporter. While they don't always have to cheer you on, true friends are your fans and always hope you succeed.
- A friend of yours always belittles your successes or tries to surpass them ("Did you get 85 at maturity? Bravo, I got 90"), does he criticize you or does he not believe in your possibilities? This is probably not a true friend and you should distance yourself from him.
Step 2. Notice if they listen to you
Sometimes all you have to do is just shut up and listen. True friends know how to shut their mouths and open their ears, as long as you're willing to do the same for them. They look you in the eye when you speak, they remember what you said and ask you sensible questions. Notice who speaks most often. In an ideal friendship, both people should share the time equally, and in some cases, you just want someone who can keep quiet and listen to you.
- If you feel like you're always listening to your friend's problems, you're not getting what you deserve from your relationship.
- If your friend looks around and checks his phone every time you talk, or doesn't remember when you told him you wanted to try the medicine test, he is probably a fake person who is not worth your time.
Step 3. Consider if you speak openly with each other
True friends are able to share stories and secrets, without being ashamed of anything. They understand your state of mind without you having to say anything. For example, "Hey, you look down on me today," might be the greatest expression of empathy one of your friends can show you, but it's still a sign of great friendship. Your well-being is at heart. When the situation is difficult, true friends do not procrastinate, they have sincere and mature conversations that go straight to the point.
- If you know how to have a mature conversation when you are unhappy, communication between you is great. If you and your friend don't mind saying "Hey, I was really upset that you didn't come to my party the other night", you've found someone to hold onto.
- If you feel the need to hide things from him, if you can't reveal your secrets or the most important news about you, if you have the impression that he is not open about his private life, your relationship is not so true.
Step 4. Determine if your friend is honest
Honesty is one of the cornerstones of a true friendship relationship. If your friend is open and honest with you, that's definitely a positive sign. If your friend tells you lies, big or small, it doesn't matter, your relationship may not be a true friendship.
Step 5. Find out if they are gossiping behind your back
If your supposed friend is always talking about everyone's business, he probably does the same about you behind your back. Everyone loves interesting news, but if you get the impression that your friend is always discussing the private life of others or talking badly about someone, he probably does the same about you when you don't listen to him. Here are some ways to tell if a friend gives too much importance to gossip:
- If he speaks ill of someone who has just left the room, he is not a good person.
- If he often talks about people he considers his closest friends, he does the same about you with other "real" friends.
- If he always makes negative comments about people who are not there, he is certainly not a true friend.
Part 2 of 3: Evaluating their Behavior
Step 1. Think about whether they take the time to be with you
Life can be complicated and it is difficult to find time to sleep, work and eat, let alone socialize. But a true friend always finds time for you. If a person doesn't even have a minute to see you or talk to you on the phone, why are you friends?
- A good friend is adept at planning phone calls, lunches or dinners and always respects the projects you organize together. Congratulations! Make sure you do the same for him.
- If a friend of yours never finds time to be with you, always complains about his "busy schedule" and expects you to adapt to his schedule, you have a problem. Especially if he spends his time with his partner or with other people. We all have many things to do, but some of us know how to find space for friends.
Step 2. Consider whether they invest their commitment in your friendship as much as you do
In an ideal friendship, both people engage with the same intensity in their relationship, to communicate, to find time to meet and to offer the next round of beers. It takes and gives, so avoid just giving, especially if your friend just likes to receive. If you notice the following signs, you probably have a problem: Movie night always takes place at your house, you always call first, he borrows your DVDs without asking… put an end to this trend. True friends do their part instinctively.
- Both of you should be ready to show your affection. Not everyone loves hugs, but each of us knows how to show that he cares about a person.
- Being on an equal footing does not mean spending exactly the same amount of money; relationships are not a commodity for sale. Instead, it means feeling respected and loved, no matter how your friend shows it to you.
- Don't let your friend always seek you out for favors and support, never doing anything for you in return. You should each do their part: not only ask for help, but also offer it.
Step 3. Consider if they keep their word
A fake person is not your friend. If someone never does what he promises, often leaves you alone, or forgets your projects together, forget it. Everyone has had a last minute break or change plans, but if a friend never respects their word, they don't deserve your time and company. For a good friend, "every promise is a debt."
If your friend often blows you up, doesn't want to make plans with you, and doesn't show up at an important event, he's not a true friend. Free your agenda from the plans you made with him
Step 4. Determine if they are with you for ulterior motives
It is not easy to discover a person's true intentions, but it is important to succeed. Think about why your friends want to hang out with you. Most likely you simply have a good relationship and the "benefits" of your friendship come naturally. There are some classic reasons why a malicious person seeks someone's friendship, but they are usually accompanied by warning signs that are easy to notice. Pay attention to those who try to exploit some of your qualities:
- Popularity. If Mean Girls has taught us anything, it's that true friends stay by your side regardless of your popularity. Popularity comes and goes, but true friends don't care.
- Wealth. Let's face it, having rich friends is a lot of fun. It gives you the ability to do things you could never afford! However, if your friends only love you for your money, they will disappear as soon as your account is in the red.
- Convenience. Do you always drive them to the office or do you allow them to copy your homework? They don't do anything for you?
- Boredom. During the summer holidays, your neighbor suddenly becomes your best friend. When school starts, it disappears. These so-called "friends" will abandon you as soon as they find another company or partner.
Step 5. Recognize if they are using you to inflate their ego
Although friends should encourage and support each other, some may be too clingy or always seeking attention. If a friend of yours is always looking for you to please his ego or to feel better about himself, it is possible that he is taking advantage of you.
Part 3 of 3: Consider how they make you Feel
Step 1. Decide if they make you feel good
A true friend doesn't have to always agree with everything you do, but your relationship should make you feel good. Time flies with them and you feel like you can conquer the world. If, after spending time with a friend, you feel invigorated, excited, or laugh at all the silly moments you've shared, you have a great relationship.
- If every time you say hello to your friend and come home, you feel like you've made a mistake, angered him, or feel like a worse person, your friendship isn't healthy. If he belittles you to feel better, he doesn't behave well. If it makes you feel inferior with insulting comments about your looks, weight, grades, and so on, you should avoid it.
- Even if they criticize you or give you negative feedback, they should do it in a respectful and constructive way.
Step 2. Think about whether they make you feel appreciated
They don't flatter you with lies, but rather always make you feel useful, important and indispensable. They ask for your advice and listen to your words, staying by your side even when a classmate "cooler" than you arrives. Nobody has time for silly behavior like that - find someone who values your friendship. If, when you are with someone, you are not sure if you are important to them, do not consider them a true friend.
Fake friends can make you feel good in private, but they often ignore your existence at parties or in public. They don't care about your words and they don't include you in their plans
Step 3. Determine if they make you feel happy
Sounds simple and mundane, doesn't it? However, it is the most important thing to remember. In a nutshell, true friends are the ones you feel happy with. If you are worse off when you are with someone than when you are alone, don't spend time with them. Remember: better alone than badly accompanied.
- We all go through difficult times. However, if your friend always seems to be in a crisis and won't allow you to be calm because you always have to look after him, your relationship is not healthy. You are a friend, not a box of tissues.
- If the idea of spending time with someone is not pleasant, if you try to keep them away from your family and other friends, or if you feel a burden when you are with them, you are not really friends. However, this time it's up to you to tactfully pull away from her.
Step 4. Follow your instincts to find true friends
If something doesn't convince you, your suspicions are probably well founded. Don't follow the logic of horror movies, which is to ignore bad forebodings only to pay the consequences in the future. If a relationship with someone doesn't make you feel happy, if you don't feel appreciated and helped or if you can't trust them, distance yourself. It's not easy to find a true friend, but that doesn't mean you should settle for someone who treats you badly.
- Take a step back and ask yourself if you really think this is a true friendship and if it's just your hope that this is what keeps the relationship going.
- If you've ever wondered if someone is a true friend, your relationship probably has major problems. No friendship is perfect and there are always times of difficulty. But they shouldn't be the norm in your relationship.
Advice
- A true friend accepts you for who you are.
- True friends always have your back. They are by your side in difficult situations and are always ready to help you.
- Don't add up your positive and negative actions. A true friend shouldn't talk about you behind your back, steal your things, or lie to you, no matter how nice they seem to you.
- Friendship, like many things, has degrees. True friendship requires great involvement on the part of both people; many are unable or unwilling to achieve that level of confidence. Don't give up on a good friendship because it will never be perfect; remember, you will not be able to maintain your true friendships if you make a habit of betraying others.
- True friends are always by your side.
- If a "friend" always talks to other people and never to you unless you are looking for him, your relationship is not healthy.
- True friends try to include you in everything they do.
- True friends don't lie.
- True friends aren't jealous of other people in your life.
- Talk to your friend about your doubts, but don't accuse him of anything.
Warnings
- Don't lie to yourself by trying to be friends with someone who doesn't truly appreciate you. Eventually, you will hurt yourself.
- Don't try to change a friendship that you know will never change. If a friend treats you badly and abuses you, it's not worth trying to correct the relationship with him. Get away from him and find better people; after some time you will be happy you did.
- Don't lie to your friends, because they will do the same to you. Even worse, they may distance themselves from you if you are dishonest on very important topics.
- Don't repeatedly question your friends in a rude way. You will get nothing, especially if they are true friends.
