Overcoming obsession with someone is really difficult, but there are ways to keep obsessive thoughts and behaviors in check. Whenever your mind is fixed on that person or you feel the urge to check their social profiles, take steps to rein in your thoughts, try to distract yourself by doing something pleasant or productive, or let off steam through writing. It may seem impossible to overcome these feelings, but don't worry - things will get better over time.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Controlling Obsessive Thoughts
Step 1. Identify obsessive thoughts and behaviors
Notice when you can't stop thinking about that person; maybe you want to check her social profiles, or you have the urge to call her or send her a message. Stop and tell yourself that you have the power to redirect your thoughts to something else.
- Try saying to yourself: "These are obsessive thoughts" or "I'm behaving obsessively"; Say: "These thoughts have no control over me, it is I who control them."
- Sometimes, obsessive ideas and actions can go unnoticed or even seem positive; denying them won't do you any good: instead you have to recognize them for what they are, remember that you have better things to do and convince yourself that you are able to manage them.
Step 2. Find out if there are deeper causes behind your obsession
Obsessions are in some ways a form of addiction; they may therefore be a symptom of a wider need or problem. Reflect on your life and try to understand if you are missing something that you thought that person could give you. Think of another way you can get what you need.
- Try to describe how the person makes you feel when you are together and how you feel when they are not there; reflect on what might be causing these feelings.
- For example, you may find that you are afraid of loneliness. If so, you may find ways to meet new people, perhaps by joining a club, signing up for a class, or some other group activity.
Step 3. Try to avoid triggers
Think about what things and situations lead you to think or act obsessively. While it may be difficult at first, do your best to resist the impulses when you are faced with a trigger. The best thing would be to get away from it or eliminate it; if this is not possible, at least try to control your reactions.
- For example, if you constantly check the person's social profiles or often have the desire to write them, getting rid of your computer or phone is certainly not the most practical solution; however, you could hide her posts in your News section, remove her from friends, or stop following her.
- If the person in question is your ex or your ex, return all of their belongings to them and try to keep everything that reminds you of them out of your sight and mind.
- If you can't stop dating the person, at least try to keep your distance. If she sits next to you at school, for example, avoid looking at her and imagine she is someone else; focus all your attention on immediate things to do, such as taking notes.
Step 4. Focus on the details of your surroundings
Whenever you feel like you are falling prey to fixation, take a deep breath and close your eyes: listen carefully to the sounds around you and focus on all the other sensations you are experiencing at that moment.
- Ask yourself, "How is the temperature? Am I hot, am I cold, am I okay? What sounds and smells am I hearing right now? What is the weather like? What does the sky look like?"
- Obsessive thoughts often include questions like, "What if I did this?" or "What are you doing now?". They are reflections that dwell on times and places other than those in which you are. Paying attention to your surroundings can help you keep your mind focused on the here and now.
Step 5. Visualize the troublesome thoughts leaving your head
Try to imagine your mind as a floor on which all obsessive ideas accumulate like dust and dirt; every time you start brooding, imagine sweeping away all the dust and dirt with a broom.
- You could also pretend those thoughts are a barking dog. Imagine walking past a dog barking at you from behind a gate; say to yourself, "It's just noise, it can't do anything to me. In a few minutes I'll have reached the next block and the dog will be far away."
- Try to "shake off" the obsessive thoughts. Shake your head, arms, legs, whole body. Imagine shaking off those thoughts too and clearing your mind.
Step 6. Create a ritual that helps you block obsessive ideas
Whenever you think about the person or have the urge to contact them, imagine a big stop sign. You could also wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you start to think or act obsessively.
Such rituals are great ways to remind yourself that you need to redirect attention. Practice your ritual and try to say, "Stop! I have to stop thinking about this and do something to distract me."
Part 2 of 3: Keeping Your Mind Busy
Step 1. Distract yourself by doing something you enjoy
Think of activities that you find interesting and enjoyable. Make a mental to-do list for when you fall into obsessive thoughts; having them ready in mind, it will be easy to shift your attention quickly when needed.
Examples of things you can do to distract yourself are gardening, reading a good book, listening to music (not songs that remind you of the person, though!), Playing a video game, playing an instrument, drawing, painting, or exercising
Step 2. Commit to something that gives you satisfaction
Think about a project you recently put aside; even if it doesn't necessarily have to do with the object of your obsession, you may have abandoned it precisely because of your obsession. Take it back in your hand and finish it. Think about how this can represent your ability to overcome obsession.
- For example, you may have stopped practicing the piano or keeping your room clean; or you are behind with work or study.
- Getting a job done, especially one you had set aside, is an excellent way to develop a positive and constructive attitude.
Step 3. Try putting your obsessive thoughts on paper
If you have trouble changing the course of your thoughts, write them down. Describe your emotions, write a letter to the person who obsesses you, or write down phrases or words that you can't get out of your head.
- Don't show the person what you wrote; also, avoid rereading it and mulling it over.
- Instead, you should focus on the idea that by writing them you are removing those thoughts from your mind. A symbolic way to get rid of them is to tear off the paper you wrote them on and throw it away.
Step 4. Try meditation or techniques of relaxation.
Wear loose clothing, play some relaxing music, and sit in a comfortable position. Inhale deeply for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 4 again, and then exhale slowly for a count of 8. As you do this exercise, imagine a place that has the power to relax, such as a safe place related to your childhood or life. your favorite holiday destination.
- You can also search for guided meditation videos on the Internet.
- Practice breathing exercises whenever you feel like you are losing control, for example if you start brooding over the person or feel the urge to call or text them.
Part 3 of 3: Asking Others for Help
Step 1. Call or hang out with loved ones to escape obsessive thoughts
You don't necessarily have to tell them why you're calling them or talk about your problem. Do something together, be it a chat over a coffee, a walk, a lunch or some other activity. You could call your best friend, your brother, or someone you haven't heard from in a while.
- You might say, "Hi, how are you? I wanted to hear from you and how are you. News?" You propose to meet, for example saying: "Are you busy today? Would you like to have a coffee or have lunch together?".
- Keeping social relationships alive can help keep obsessive thoughts at bay; do your best to nurture your relationships.
Step 2. Let it out to a loved one you trust
Whoever the object of your obsession is (an ex, someone you like, someone you envy, etc.), keeping it all inside will only make you feel worse. Confiding in a friend or relative will help you at least partially free yourself from the burden you carry and clear your head.
- Try saying, "I need to get a weight off my stomach. I like a person who doesn't love me back. I feel terrible and I can't stop thinking about it."
- While just talking about your feelings helps, you might as well ask for advice; for example: "Have you ever felt such a thing? What did you do to stop thinking about someone?".
Step 3. Talk to a psychologist if needed
If you do something to control your thoughts and distract yourself, things should get better over time. However, if you can't focus on anything else and don't notice improvements, it might be a good idea to see a therapist. He will not judge you or tell others about your feelings; his job is to help you, so express yourself sincerely.
- Emotions don't follow precise rules. However, as the weeks and months go by, you should notice that you think less and less about that person and that your feelings become less and less intense.
- It would be wise to see a psychologist if you have been trying on your own without success for at least a month or two. You should also seek help if obsessive ideas become more frequent, rather than diminish, or if you often experience a feeling of hopelessness, neglect your daily activities, or think you are hurting yourself or others.
- If you are still in school and don't want to ask your parents to refer you to a counselor, you may want to talk about your problems with a school counselor.
