It is certainly not the best to find yourself in the situation of leaving someone, but it can be even more difficult if you have already moved on mentally and concretely, loving another person. If you've already started dating someone else, but haven't yet gotten the courage to put an end to the relationship you have with your (almost) ex, it's essential to clarify everything with every single person involved. For example, your new girlfriend needs to be reassured, not thinking that you want to keep one foot in two shoes.
This article suggests you some steps to facilitate such a delicate transition. The sooner you explain everything, the better it will be, also because at some point the truth will come out.
Steps
Step 1. Review the current relationship
Consider the reasons you started dating someone, even though you were already in a relationship. Did you and your girlfriend just drift apart or did something happen that caused you to get lost? In order to make the breakup less painful, it's important to understand why you started dating someone else. Make a list of at least three reasons why you mentally distanced yourself from the relationship and ended up in the arms of another woman.
Do these reasons make sense? Are they enough to convince you to stay next to your new girlfriend or do you think you've made a serious mistake? You need to understand this right now, before you make the wrong choice and find yourself in a sea of remorse
Step 2. Analyze the new relationship
Perform the same analysis for this report as well, then compare the results. Why did you start dating this person and what made you want a romantic bond with them? Most importantly, does your new girlfriend know that right now you are officially engaged with someone else? If she doesn't have a clue, it could cause problems sooner or later, especially if the relationship becomes important. In fact, you should behave seriously and treat your new girlfriend with the respect she deserves. As you did with your (almost) ex, list at least three reasons so you will understand why you ended up in someone else's arms and why this new relationship will be different from the previous one.
Are the reasons that led you to fall in love with someone else valid enough to let the new flame completely replace your (almost) ex? Again, make sure there is no ambiguity in your reasoning
Step 3. Check the calendar to choose the ideal time to talk to your (almost) ex
Timing is everything. Avoid major events, such as holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries, especially if it's a day that reminds you of a sad time, such as the death of a loved one. Pick a totally random day - it shouldn't mean anything to you. However, do not take advantage of the difficulties of choosing the right day as an excuse not to face the problem and finish this chapter. The sooner you face the breakup, the better for both of you.
Step 4. Choose the right place to break up with her
Always do it in person, never by phone, email or text message. You owe her a face-to-face meeting. In any case, if you believe that the breakup can be charged with intense emotions, opt for a public place, while avoiding crowded and intimate restaurants. If your (almost) ex decides to go on a rampage or explode, she may not care at all about her surroundings and who finds herself listening to everything. Also, consider a place you can get out of quickly. Waiting for the waiter to bring the bill can cause embarrassing moments, so choose a meeting point that gives you plenty of room for maneuver. Here are some suggestions:
- Spacious park (away from children and the play area).
- Shopping center.
- Gym.
- Bar.
- Fast food.
- Beach.
- Stadium.
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Places to avoid:
- Intimate restaurant.
- Your favorite place when you were a couple.
- Cinema.
- The house of one of the two; in any case, there are those who feel comfortable breaking into a comfortable place that gives them security; However, only do it if you live alone.
- On vacation.
- At the theater or while you are at a concert.
Break up With Your Significant Other when You Are Already Dating Someone Else Step 5 Step 5. Tell your new girlfriend that you are going to break up with your (almost) ex
If you haven't told your fiancée yet that you are dating someone else, now is the right time to do so. In order to have a strong and honest relationship with your new flame, it is essential to warn her of the situation you are experiencing. As advised before, pick a random day and the right place to talk about it, so that he knows what's going on and what you will do.
- Engage in the conversation by reminding her of how you feel about her.
- Explain that your life has changed a lot since you met her.
- Discuss your plans for the future with this person.
- Explain clearly but gently that you are already engaged, but you will break up with this person some day. Tell her why the relationship ended.
- Reassure her that the breakup will allow you to effectively end any relationship with your (almost) ex.
Break up With Your Significant Other when You Are Already Dating Someone Else Step 6 Step 6. Get in touch with your official girlfriend and make an appointment to break up
Don't tell her by phone, email or text why you want to meet her, just ask her if you can meet on a certain day at a certain time to talk. Do not chat about this and that on your cell phone and absolutely avoid saying phrases like "I love you." or "I miss you.". Do not confuse the situation and do not answer her if she is the one making these statements. You have to be firm but delicate.
Break up With Your Significant Other when You Are Already Dating Someone Else Step 7 Step 7. Prepare for the meeting
If you have to prove what you are going to say, go ahead. On the other hand, don't pull out the cards in front of her and read them as you explain your reasons for leaving her. First, point out his best qualities, but don't go around the reason you met: to end the relationship. Ask her what she thinks about the relationship and if she felt truly happy with you. You might be surprised to find that she isn't happy after all. Either way, be prepared - she might tell you she's always been happy with the relationship. At this point, such a question will backfire: you will have to apologize and acknowledge her feelings, but, at the same time, explain to her that you have long since given up on your relationship. Other factors to consider:
- Don't tell her that she was the one who got you into someone else's arms - this will only provoke an argument that is anything but constructive and you will give the impression that you are unable to make your own decisions independently. In short, a positive portrait of you will not come out. It's not a tactic to get out unscathed, it's a way to let your near-ex know you're making excuses.
- Don't make her think you can get back together. You have to make it clear that it's over.
- Don't blame her: it takes two people for a relationship to work (or not). Acknowledge your mistakes, lack of participation, and inability to fully contribute to the relationship.
- Don't bring up the past: focus on the here and now instead of talking, for example, about the time she kissed someone else. The idea is not to blame or try to put your near-ex in the wrong. Instead, help her understand that it is indeed a good decision for both of you.
Break up With Your Significant Other when You Are Already Dating Someone Else Step 8 Step 8. Arrive on time for the meeting
Show her respect by showing up at the appointed time in the place where you decide to meet. If you know she's a laggard, bring something to pass the time so that you don't get discouraged while you wait. You can entertain yourself with mobile games, read a book or an eBook. Just remember to stay calm until he arrives (and after of course).
Break up With Your Significant Other when You Are Already Dating Someone Else Step 9 Step 9. Stay calm and don't lose focus during the discussion
Keeping a conversation under control means being ready to engage in it and tell her your intentions as concisely as possible. Also, be prepared to ask questions by balancing them with what she asks of you. Ask her what she thinks about the breakup, how she feels and what she will do next. By getting her to answer your questions, you show that you care about her interest, but it also takes the spotlight away from yourself all the time. In fact, she will be forced to think about how she is handling the situation and what she will do to move on.
- Similarly, keep in mind that your near-ex might go into a rage, so remember to anticipate a negative reaction during the conversation. If you stay calm, maybe you can manage the meeting in a calm tone.
- If you still have things that belong to her at home, make sure you give her enough space to move on to retrieve them, without pressure or anxiety. You could also offer to send them to her, but don't give her the impression that you don't want her to come by and take her things back in case she suggests it.
Break up With Your Significant Other when You Are Already Dating Someone Else Step 10 Step 10. Keep an eye on the clock
Don't let the meeting last more than an hour. You owe her time to talk about her feelings, but don't linger on the conversation, don't talk for hours. This will only lead you to ruminate: it is not healthy. Incidentally, your ex will succumb to the temptation to list a variety of reasons why things shouldn't go this way and that you should reconsider. Try to have a good excuse ready, such as a meeting with someone else, a work project that you need to complete or the need not to come back late because you will have to wake up early the next morning. If this seems appropriate, offer to take her home or call a taxi.
Break up With Your Significant Other when You Are Already Dating Someone Else Step 11 Step 11. Try to end the meeting positively
It might be impossible, especially if this person didn't expect anything like this or didn't want to break up. If she goes away in a rage, there's nothing you can do. However, if you manage to end the relationship in a friendly way, you can wish her well and even hug her. Don't make plans to see her again soon or say "We can stay friends." The breakup is still too fresh to arrange future dates or follow the dynamics of a friendship.
Break up With Your Significant Other when You Are Already Dating Someone Else Step 12 Step 12. After talking to your ex, make a date with your new girlfriend to reassure her and tell her you ended the previous relationship
She needs to be certain that you have gone through this transition and that the previous relationship is completely over. In this way, you can continue to be together in peace, as a strong and free couple.
Advice
- You could also try to leave this person as soon as you realize that you are no longer in love with them; there is no need to wait to meet someone else and get involved in a new relationship. Be honest and sensitive. You don't play with the feelings of others.
- If you run into your ex, in the company of her new partner, don't flaunt your relationship. Of course, you don't have to hide it, but behave in a warm and friendly manner, without public displays of affection or sloppy words.
- Depending on the seriousness of the previous relationship, avoid giving this person their personal items, such as jewelry or token gifts (such as a special teddy bear or birthday present), right during the meeting to leave them. There is no need to get rid of his things on this occasion: you will only turn the knife in the wound. You can discreetly give them back later, but don't wait long.
Warnings
- There is always a risk that your new girlfriend will not like this situation and feel betrayed because you didn't end the previous relationship before starting a new one.
- If your near-ex doesn't want to break up at first, repeat the steps in the article one more time. Reevaluate your behavior to determine if you are doing something that makes her think she still has a chance or if you are giving her false hope. If not, put an end to all contact with her, because otherwise she won't accept the situation.
- If you feel like your ex continues to chase you even after you ask her to stop, explain that you may be requesting a restraining order. Maybe just saying something like that to make her pull back. Doesn't he listen to you and cause you problems? Learn how to get a restraining order.
