Sometimes, it's hard to spot fake friendships, because people who have this kind of relationship tend to manipulate and deceive others with extreme skill. Typically, relationships where you feel your needs aren't being fully met or recognized are false. Whether it's a co-worker or someone in the same party as you, chances are that in certain situations you will be forced to interact with a self-righteous subject. Try to relate to him so that you don't lose your emotional energy. Learn to spot problem behaviors and get rid of them. If the relationship becomes overwhelming, find a way to end it elegantly.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Interacting with Fake Friends
Step 1. Establish limits of time and emotional space
It is not always appropriate to devote much of your time and energy to a self-righteous friend. Try to understand the extent to which you can tolerate it and manage the moments you spend with him accordingly.
- Be cautious when getting involved in a relationship. You shouldn't give someone too much time or excessive consideration if they continually overstep your boundaries, dump you all the time, or disrespect you. Fake friends tend to engage in these behaviors.
- You don't have to respect those who don't respect you. If you have a hard time organizing or meeting up with a self-righteous friend, it's best to let him go. You always have the option to hang out with him, especially if you are part of the same party, but you might want to stop having an individual relationship with him or get drawn into his personal problems. Rather, focus your energies on true friends.
Step 2. Have realistic expectations of their behavior
A fake friend is unlikely to change their behavior, and in some cases, they may even turn out to be bossy. Therefore, carefully manage your expectations when relating to him. Keep in mind that your interactions could get worse. As you prepare to deal with a bad attitude, you will feel less offended or confused if it does.
- For example, if a friend gives you an ambiguous compliment or is deviously demoralizing you, don't expect anything different when you go get a drink with her. Think, "It's like this."
- Try not to hope too much from this person. If you were very involved in a relationship that turned out to be insincere, you may feel very disappointed. However, you have to accept the fact that his proximity is not good for your emotional well-being.
Step 3. Keep an eye on the evolution of this relationship
Sometimes, being untruthful can undermine friendships until they become unmanageable over time. Then, try to carefully evaluate the other person's behavior. Look for anything that indicates worsening, including the most overbearing and intolerable gestures.
- You should periodically take stock of his attitude. Ask yourself if it has made you more uncomfortable or stressed too much lately. Has it become increasingly difficult to deal with her? Does it create problems between you and other friends?
- Friendships transform over time. It is possible that a friend, who is false at first, will change and become attached to him in the long run. It is important to consider any changes in your relationship. If you have the impression that it is approaching, it could become an important presence in your life.
Step 4. Don't neglect your emotional needs
When you hang out with an insincere friend, you are prone to put aside your needs and desires. You may go out of your way to accommodate a person who is not easily satisfied. If there are more times when you feel bad than good times, try to put your emotional needs first. It would do you good to temporarily distance yourself or spend less time and energy on him if your relationship is becoming unbearable.
Part 2 of 3: Awareness of Problem Behaviors
Step 1. Identify the behaviors you find unacceptable
You shouldn't interact with someone who treats you in an inadmissible way. If you are in a friendly relationship with a self-righteous person, try to identify the attitudes you do not tolerate. As soon as she behaves a certain way, get away from her. You can recognize these moments by the mood you have in his company.
- If you are constantly arguing and failing to clarify, it is likely that you are not respecting your boundaries. A fake friend tends to deny your reactions in relation to the way he treats you, saying that you are too touchy.
- Also, you shouldn't tolerate any attitudes that fuel anxiety, tension, or discomfort. Behaviors that undermine your self-esteem or self-confidence aren't acceptable either.
Step 2. Look out for signs of bullying
Sometimes, fake friends can cross the line between enemy-friends or turn their sense of competition into a genuine desire for dominance. If a relationship has taken on intimidating tones, consider ending it. Learn to observe the signs of bullying within a friendship.
- Generally, bullies have low self-esteem. Therefore, they look for someone to unload their insecurities and frustrations on. If a friend becomes aggressive, they won't miss an opportunity to criticize you. He may also display a difficult temper or speak and behave with the intention of hurting you.
- It is not easy to understand when someone has exceeded the limit that generates aggressive behavior, but you have to be careful. A bully person can compromise the self-esteem of others over time. So, notice how it behaves. If he repeatedly oversteps your boundaries without apologizing, he is probably mistreating you. In these cases, it is preferable to end the relationship.
Step 3. Pay attention to the behavior of true friends
You should recognize it so that you can better spot the improprieties of the fake ones. Sincere friends are caring and supportive, and therefore can help you understand how you deserve to be treated.
- A friend should always make you feel happy, but he's also excited to see you, he's kind, and respects your spaces. Unlike hypocrites, he appreciates you for who you are. It does not pretend that you are different.
- True friends offer constructive suggestions or tell you when they are concerned about your behavior. Unlike the fake ones, they don't want to see you suffer, but only want the best for you and care about your well-being.
Step 4. Beware of co-dependence
Fake friends are often co-dependent subjects and emotionally manipulate people. They seek friendship to feel stable and do not know how to honestly value others. You may not notice that you have a false friend next to you as co-addiction often masks itself as love or worry and rarely manifests itself aggressively. If you find yourself in a co-dependent and somehow untrue relationship, you need to do what you can to fix the problem.
- A co-dependent friend is seldom assertive. In reality, he may indulge your wishes, but later on you face consequences for having adapted. He may complain about what you do together and start making increasingly unreasonable demands when you interact with others.
- A co-dependent friend has a hard time taking responsibility for his or her actions. He can lay the blame on you or claim he is out of touch if you point out that he hurt you.
- If you are in a co-dependent relationship with a friend, you need to ask yourself if it is worth pursuing. In the long run, co-dependent relationships can be exhausting and harmful.
Step 5. Defend yourself from emotional blackmail
Often fake friends behave in a way that puts in place real moral blackmail. Therefore, you need to ignore these kinds of attitudes and think about your happiness and psychological well-being. Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation where a person uses anger, rage, or shame to get you to act as he or she wants.
- A fake friend can be very adept at morally blackmailing you, as they can disguise a criticism and put it as a compliment. For example, if you do something he doesn't like, he might say, "I thought you were a better person. I can't believe you can go that far."
- A master of emotional blackmail might also aggressively threaten you or give you an ultimatum if you don't behave in a certain way, for example by saying, "I don't know what I'll do if you don't accompany me to this party. Your refusal could hurt me so much that I'll end up getting drunk. ". Morally blackmailers try to make you feel responsible for their behavior.
- If someone behaves this way, avoid it. End conversations that tend to manipulate you and don't respond to text messages or emails in which they try to blackmail you.
Part 3 of 3: Setting Limits When Necessary
Step 1. Consider yourself and your needs
The first step in setting healthy boundaries with a person is to know their needs within the relationship. Everyone has their rights whether it be a love story or a friendship relationship. Identify which ones are yours so you can figure out if a fake friend is worth dating.
- What makes you feel good in a relationship? What are you looking for in a friend? Common interests, kindness, understanding? Does the other person possess these qualities?
- Does this person respect your limits? He cares about you? Does she care about your emotional well-being? Maybe you need someone who understands you more than a self-righteous friend.
Step 2. Decide if this friendship is worth continuing
It doesn't always pay off to keep dating a fake friend. It is preferable to walk away if his behavior becomes more and more problematic.
- Reflect on the effect this relationship has had on your self-esteem. Do you feel uncomfortable in his company? Did you introject some criticisms and recriminations he had against you?
- Do you really intend to continue seeing this person? Perhaps you frequent her out of a sense of obligation towards her. Maybe you are also tense during your meetings. If so, it could be an insincere friendship.
Step 3. Peacefully end a toxic friendship
If you've come to the conclusion that continuing this relationship isn't worth it, find an elegant way to end it. You should be direct with the other person and tell them that you don't want them to be a part of your life anymore.
- The easiest way is to send a text message or email, even if it seems too aloof. It is especially suitable if this dating creates a lot of stress. You don't have to be caustic or make a list of his mistakes. A simple e-mail will suffice. For example, you could write: "I'm sorry, but I think our friendship is unhealthy for both of us."
- Keep your emotions in check. Even if you have every reason to believe that she treated you badly, placing the blame on her risks aggravating the situation. You need to recover as quickly as possible and avoid unnecessary drama and hostility.
Step 4. Reduce contacts without ending the relationship
It is probably not necessary to cut all the bridges. It's unrealistic if it's someone you see from time to time, especially if you have mutual friends or work together. Keep in mind that, after all, you don't have many opportunities to see yourself alone. Don't invite him to go out with you or to meet a few people. Just relegate it to the margins of your social life.
