If you think some of your friends aren't being honest, maybe it's time to clean up. Having hypocritical or reckless friends will not only make you feel sad, but it could also have a negative influence on your health and well-being.
Life is too short to waste it on fake friends, so start distinguishing sincere friends from those who aren't to push the latter away from your innermost circle.
Steps
Step 1. Identify friends who are negatively affecting your life
If you have friends rolling their eyes or whispering behind your back, it's best to include them on your "bad" list. Here are some types of people to watch out for.
- The critic: thinks he knows more than you and / or tries to correct your every move.
- The manipulator: he doesn't care about your interests but his. He will look for your weaknesses and use them to his advantage.
- The narcissist: He is always focused on himself, 24 hours a day, and doesn't care about your feelings.
- The evasive: You're never a priority for him and when you really need a friend, he's not there for you.
Step 2. Keep close friends who are always by your side
To understand which are false (or negative) friends, think first of the friends you have no doubt about, the ones who have always been close to you, for better or for worse. The aspects to compare:
- Moments when you needed a friend. Think about the last time you had a moment of crisis, or when you wanted to share good news. How did your sincere friend react? And how did the "fake" one react?
- The conversations. During a conversation with a sincere friend, it is always a question of giving and receiving; for example, you tell your day and ask your friend about his, almost like a tennis match. Can you have the same type of conversation with the potentially fake friend, or are you just talking about him?
- Does your friend try to solve your problems or tell you what to do to stop you talking? Usually, a good friend will listen to you and be around you when you have problems. If you do not ask for any advice, does your friend try to rush you by telling you what to do (or where you are wrong) so that attention returns to him?
- The time you spend with your friend. Aside from long-distance friendships, do you manage to spend quality time with your friend when it's most convenient for both of you, or only when he can find time for you?
Step 3. Reduce contact with fake friends
When you realize that some friendships aren't improving or enriching your life, it's time to break the relationship. It is not necessary to argue and scream, but you can interrupt the friendship in an elegant way. In some cases, "the friend" may not be aware of the interruption of your relationship because he had invested very little in it! In other words, don't worry too much about her reaction.
- Stop calling your friend. In particular, if you're always the one calling, stop contacting him.
- Don't comment on her social media posts. Do not "remove the friendship", but do not comment on either his photos or his posts.
- Keep communications short and concise. If for any reason you have to call or write an e-mail to the fake friend, be polite, but keep the conversation short. A simple "How are you?" okay, but stay focused on the goal and don't talk about his life.
Step 4. Maintain your usual circle of friends, but reduce the relationship with the fake friend
Don't cut yourself out of the circle of friends to run away from this person, but in social situations, stay close to sincere friends.
It might help to talk to friends you trust. Explain to them the reasons that prompted you to stop dating that particular person so that they understand your point of view
Step 5. Be prepared to explain your reasons if the fake friend confronts you
It may happen that the fake friend realizes that you are avoiding him. If you want to cut him out of your life forever, prepare a plan or speech in case he desires a confrontation. Some reasons you can use are:
- "I was busy". The universal language of "I don't want to see you, so I tell you I'm busy" always works because no one will ask you questions about your schedule. If you don't want to face it, this excuse is fine; moreover, if your friend really cared, he would try to reconnect with more effort, but given the situation it is unlikely he will.
- "I don't feel appreciated." If you are ready for battle and you want to clearly tell your friend that your relationship is no longer working, take responsibility for your feelings and avoid saying "You make me feel like…". If you are really ready to face this conversation, let the other person express their feelings. Don't make any accusations. The purpose of a "breakup" with a friend is to end the relationship and not to make more scenes.
- Avoid it completely. Another way to deal with (or not deal with) a potential confrontation is to hide completely from the other person. The head in the sand method can be difficult, especially if you hang out with the same friends or places. Before answering the phone, check who is calling you (if it is "your friend", start the answering machine immediately) and do not reply to e-mails, tweets and notifications on Facebook. Hopefully, after a few weeks your ex-friend will understand the situation and stop looking for you.
Step 6. Get on with your life
Your other friends are still here for you; don't think too much about what happened. The sooner you learn to stay away from fake people while remaining civil, the sooner you will be ready to face these kinds of people in all areas of life. Learn from this experience.
Advice
- Don't drag other friends into this situation. Asking them to "choose" their side puts everyone in an awkward position. However, you can explain your reasons and ask that they respect your choice.
- Be superior and avoid that the confrontation is unpleasant regardless of the other person's behavior.
- If friends don't want to hang out with you anymore, act like you don't need them and find more friends.
- Maintain your dignity and upbringing throughout the process –– don't let yourself be seen stressed or worried.
- Losing friends is OK. For sure you will make new ones.
- Don't be in a hurry, the process takes some time.
