It is normal to have many friends. Feel lucky if they get along well. Sometimes, there is no harmony and the dynamics can get complicated if you find yourself wedged between two fires. Jealousy between friends is a problem that can put a strain on relationships.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Include the Jealous Friend in Activities with Others
Step 1. Invite him to join your circle of friends
It will probably seem difficult especially if on some occasions they have come to create embarrassments with other friends. However, it remains positive. If your friend knows they are welcome, they are less likely to get jealous and misbehave.
- Don't remind him of past times he made someone uncomfortable. You may feel insecure about interacting with the rest of the party again.
- Tell him it's up to him to decide. He shouldn't feel obligated to go out in a group if the idea makes him uncomfortable.
- If he has misbehaved or manipulated some other friend in the past, it is not a good idea to invite him on a date with others.
Step 2. Help him build self-confidence
Jealousy is usually a sign of insecurity. So, if you help boost his self-esteem, you will allow him to keep this feeling at bay.
- Tell him what you appreciate about him. You will be a great support to him if you highlight the reasons that drive you to seek his company.
- For example, you might say, "You are really cheerful and nice. I have a lot of fun with you." Alternatively, try to encourage him like this: "You always have great ideas for places to eat."
Step 3. Make him understand that he must not feel threatened
Her jealousy may be due to the mistaken belief that other friendships are more valuable than hers. In this case, reassure him that his presence in your life is irreplaceable.
- Even if he doesn't tell you, he may be concerned that you may neglect or put aside your relationship. Make it clear that this is not going to happen.
- Say, "I like to hang out with the rest of the party, but it's a lot more fun when you come too" or "I hope with all my heart you'll want to join us. I miss you when you're not around."
Step 4. Choose an activity that makes him comfortable
If you don't want him to feel left out, propose something he likes, otherwise you could fuel his jealousy and sense of insecurity.
- Choose a place that he can reach easily and where he feels comfortable. For example, forget about the places that are closest to your home, or that of other friends, and too far from his.
- Pick something he likes for sure. For example, don't offer him a game he doesn't know, while your friends are true champions. If you go out to eat, let him choose the restaurant.
- You have to make sure that he feels comfortable, but you also want to avoid letting the situation be under his complete control. Don't be manipulated into doing only what you want.
Step 5. Be yourself when you go out in a group
You may feel a little uncomfortable at first if you haven't had many opportunities to interact with the rest of your party. Be consistent with yourself. Don't worry about how others expect you to behave.
- If you've created your own humor, bring it up without excluding others. You can simply say, "I'm sorry. It was just a reference to a funny episode that happened to us last week." Alternatively, don't hesitate to explain the joke if you see fit.
- Explain if someone accuses you of not acting spontaneously. For example, if you are told, "I thought you didn't like that kind of movie," you say, "I just started watching them and I have to say they are interesting. I probably haven't told you about them yet."
Step 6. Remind him that you care about him as much as everyone else
The most amazing thing about friendships is that you can have as many as you want. Therefore, make it clear to your jealous friend that no affection should undermine other relationships.
- Let him know that you appreciate his qualities. If he is a reliable and helpful person, tell him and thank him.
- You can also gently tell him what you find interesting about other friendships. Try this: "I really enjoy conversing with that person. It doesn't always happen, but when we talk, our chats are really engaging."
Part 2 of 3: Tell your jealous friend what you think about his jealousy
Step 1. Choose the best time to talk to him
Tell him you have something important to tell him. You don't have to take him by surprise. Then, ask him when he is available.
- Make sure you have enough time to argue with him without rushing.
- Choose a place where you can talk quietly in private.
Step 2. Tell him his jealousy is destroying you
Be honest without blaming. You don't have to judge his behavior, just talk about your state of mind.
- Express yourself. Instead of saying, "You always create unpleasant situations when others are around," try "I feel bad when we're in a group and you comment on other people's clothes." Instead of saying, "You're too possessive!", You can say, "I feel like you don't appreciate all the energy I put into our relationship."
- If you can, give some more precise examples. For example, you might address yourself like this: "When you suggested that I not go to my friend's birthday party, I got the feeling that it bothered you that I could be with people I love."
Step 3. Let him know that you appreciate his strengths
He is likely to feel very vulnerable. Therefore, reassure him by telling him that your friendship is also based on his extraordinary qualities.
- Remind him of your points in common, especially if they are precious and special. For example, you might say, "You are one of the few people I can share my passion for rugby with."
- Show him that you appreciate his strengths. You could point out, "I've always admired your problem solving skills. That's something I really appreciate about you."
Step 4. Tell him he has to trust you
We appreciate all the efforts you make to keep your friendship going. However, your friend also needs to commit. Let him know that he must meet you and trust your relationship.
- If he can't control his jealousy, there is a risk that everything will fall apart. In this case, you can tell him, "I have a hard time managing your jealousy. You have to keep it at bay if you want us to continue being good friends."
- Be assertive. Explain that trust is an important element in friendship and that it is like a two-way street.
Step 5. Keep showing him that you still care
At the end of the conversation, plan to meet again soon. By doing so, he will realize that you are not going to walk away from him.
- Ask him what he would like to do to show that you want to keep the relationship going.
- Over the course of the day, send him a text message or email thanking him for the clarification you had. Reiterate that you are grateful for their love.
Part 3 of 3: Restrict or Close Friendship
Step 1. Ask yourself if you want to end this friendship
Ending a friendship is as difficult as ending a romantic relationship. Don't make the decision lightly. First consider if there are alternatives. For example, you might limit the time you spend with the other person.
- Even if the relationship has gotten complicated, you probably want to keep it if you work together or have a lot of mutual friends, otherwise a breakup could cause constant tension that you won't be able to escape that easily.
- Try to distance yourself to see what your social life would be like without this friendship. Tell your friend that you intend to leave for a while or do so without warning.
Step 2. Prepare your speech
Ending a relationship is a delicate matter. So, prepare exactly what you mean. You can also write a text to review.
- If you write a speech, don't take it with you when you need to talk to your friend.
- If the idea of a face-to-face confrontation scares you, write a detailed letter or email explaining your motives. You can ask for a momentary break or communicate that your friendship is over.
Step 3. Take responsibility for your decision
Your friend is likely to feel sorry and rejected at the turn of events. Don't make it worse by accusing him of your decision. Explain that you have come to this conclusion for your own well-being.
- Express yourself to avoid blaming him. You might say, "I need to nurture my friendships without being stressed, so it's a decision I have to make."
- You can also express what you are feeling: "I'm sorry we won't see each other as we always have, but I don't think spending so much time together is a healthy choice for me."
Step 4. Be sincere, but kind
Remember that this is a person who has been a part of your life. You don't have to hurt his feelings. Plus, if she's jealous, she's very likely already feeling insecure.
- For example, you might say, "This is very difficult for me, but I realize we have created an unhealthy relationship."
- If he asks you for an explanation or a more concrete example, don't hesitate to be clearer. They will likely need to hear real reasons why your friendship needs to change.
Advice
- Think before deciding whether to limit or end a friendship, otherwise it will not be easy to recover. So, be sure before you take action.
- Remember that jealousy almost always comes from insecurity. Therefore, try to build your friend's self-esteem and tell him how much you appreciate him.
- Understand that anyone can get jealous. Try to be understanding with him.
Warnings
- Don't talk about his jealousy with other friends. There is a risk that he will feel even more insecure.
- Never report what your party thinks of him. For example, never say, "Everyone else has noticed too."
- If the rest of the group has also noticed your friend's jealousy and told you about it, you should consider adopting some solutions.
- If your friend threatens to hurt you, your friends, or himself, he evidently needs help. Jealousy should never lead to aggressive behavior or lead to psychological violence.
