It can be very difficult to move on and move on after a relationship ends. You become very dependent on the person you are with and life without them can seem impossible. Over time and with these tips, you will be able to live a better and more fulfilling life, meeting new people and gaining new skills along the way.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Recognize your Pain
Step 1. The Five Stages of Suffering
When we lose someone important to us, the healthiest reaction is to show pain. Psychologists think that people normally go through the same pain levels, or the same set of emotional responses. Understanding these stages will help you understand your feelings and you will realize that what you are feeling is normal and healthy. These stages have different durations depending on the individual and some stages may not occur: remember that we are all different.
- I decline. It can be hard at first to believe that your relationship is truly over. Especially if you've been together for a long time, the idea of not being together can seem unnatural and unreal. Maybe you think your partner isn't really gone, that he just needs time to calm down and reflect. It is a normal reaction, but at some point you will have to admit that your relationship is over, rejecting it will only make things more difficult for you and your ex partner.
- Anger. It is often described as the "Why me?" Feeling. You probably feel the need to blame your breakup on a variety of factors. You can blame yourself, your partner, your God, your family, your friends, your job, or another countless number of causes. However, it is important not to lose your mind. The blame is often shared by several factors or it may not exist at all.
- To negotiate. This is the time when people often try to mend their relationship. Maybe you beg your partner to take you back, promising to change what you think is the source of the breakup. It's not a good idea. Even if the relationship can be repaired, this should happen after serious reflection and positive changes. This stage normally ends when one realizes that the relationship cannot be repaired.
- Depression. This is usually the longest stage. You often feel very sad, as if there is no hope. Maybe you feel like you can't love anyone else or life is useless. These emotions are normal, but remember that thinking about suicide is not. If you feel this way, seek help immediately. Like all degrees of pain, this stage will also end and you will be happy again.
- Acceptance. Acceptance of what has happened usually follows or coincides with the stage of Depression. You will come to understand that the end of your relationship is not the end of the world. You will feel good about what happened and be ready to move on to the next stage in your life.
Step 2. Be sad
It is important to be sad. Don't pretend that everything is wonderful. Holding onto your emotions is unhealthy and can cause problems over time. Allow yourself to be sad. Cry if you want. It is a normal and healthy response when bad things happen to you.
Step 3. Take some time to be alone
When you are at this stage, it is important to have time for yourself. Being with other people is important and helps you in the healing process, but you also need time to be with yourself. Use this time to take care of your needs. Focus on what makes you feel best and think about what you want at this time in your life. Having other people around can be a distraction, which is good in moderate doses; if you overdo it it can keep you from taking care of yourself.
Step 4. There is a sense to all of this
After a breakup, especially a long-lasting relationship, you may feel like you've wasted your time or everything doesn't make sense. This is not true and it is important that you remember it. Even bad experiences teach us something about ourselves, what we want from life, what is important, and how to interact better with people. Even if your relationship ended, it has undoubtedly enriched you with valuable life experiences. If it weren't so, you wouldn't feel so bothered by its demise.
Step 5. Remember your ex
Don't pretend it never existed. Like holding back your emotions, removing your ex is not a healthy reaction. This person has played an important role in your life and you need to acknowledge that. You know that time with your ex is a thing of the past, but in the long run, lovingly remembering your time together will help you feel better.
Some people think they're better off thinking badly about their ex, but it's actually important to think about the good things. Focusing on the bad things will lead you to be bitter and regret things in your relationship that you enjoyed at the time. This poisoning of your memories will hurt you in the long run. To remind yourself of the good parts of your relationship, make a list of what you liked about your ex or particularly good times you had together
Step 6. Reflect on your relationship
Failed relationships, like anything in life that ends badly, can become a wonderful opportunity to learn. Reflect on your relationship, the bad and the more positive, and use this knowledge to bring positive change to your life. This will allow you to improve future relationships by learning from mistakes made in the past and also you will better understand what you want from yourself and from others.
- Think about your partner's shortcomings in the relationship, and also about the positive things. Which of these qualities would you like to see in future relationships and which qualities do you prefer to avoid in the future? Maybe your ex was lazy, which didn't bother you at first, but over time it became a problem. This may be something to consider in your next relationship, although it may not seem like a problem at first.
- Acknowledge your faults. You've probably mishandled some things in your relationship too. Think about what you have done and how these habits of yours have negatively impacted your relationships with other people. They can be qualities that touch your friends and family. Think about how and if you want to try to change these traits of yourself. For example, you may find that you don't always consider other people's feelings. This may be a quality to change if you want to build better relationships with everyone around you.
- Beloved. Remember to think about the good things about yourself. You are a good person, even if you have made mistakes. Bad life experiences shouldn't stop you from feeling that you have something to offer the world. Make a list of things about yourself that you and others love. Focus on bringing out these qualities and you'll feel so much better in no time.
Method 2 of 3: Return to Life
Step 1. Discover yourself
Reflecting on yourself and your relationship can teach you a lot about yourself as a person. This new knowledge can give you a better appreciation of who you are, your strengths and what you want from life. You may find that the things you sacrificed during your relationship are more important than you thought at the time.
You may find that the hobbies or talents you have given up on due to lack of time or a difference in taste are actually very important to you. You may find that the job you put aside for the sake of your relationship gives you much more satisfaction than you thought. You may also find that you have sacrificed your friendships more than you intended. This new beginning gives you the opportunity to explore and rediscover these things that are important to you and that you have overlooked
Step 2. Forgive
It is important to know how to forgive during the healing process. Forgive your ex for hurting you and forgive yourself for the failures you blame yourself for. Remember that blaming people, yourself or others, doesn't erase problems. Blaming will make you more sour and keep you from future happiness. Forgiveness is essential for moving on.
- Begin the forgiveness process by identifying exactly what is making you so angry. Understanding the real reasons why you feel hurt will allow you to better interact with the feelings you have, especially identifying the person you need to forgive.
- Express your feelings. Start by writing down your bad feelings on a piece of paper, it will help you clear up your anger. Afterward, express your feelings to friends and family. They will help you understand your feelings better, looking at them from a different perspective. Finally, decide if you want to tell the person who hurt you how it happened, what you felt like and why.
- Find compassion. Realize that we are all human and that the person who hurt you did it because they are not perfect, like everyone else. You have to understand that you make mistakes too. It could also be that the person who hurt you did it because they thought it was the best thing to do. Try to understand the reasons for her actions, it will help you to forgive her.
Step 3. Laugh
The act of laughing releases endorphins into your body. Endorphins are used to regulate your emotions and make you happy. Plus, laughing will remind you of how to find joy in life and get you back into the habit of being happy. Finding irony in bad situations will help you in particular to experience them in a less negative way. Laughing and putting yourself in situations where you can laugh will help you significantly in the healing process.
- Hang out with friends who make you laugh. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh when you are together and give you positive energies. Don't waste time with those who make you sad or continually share negative emotions, they slow down your healing process.
- Watch comedies. Watch entertaining shows on TV or live entertainment at local clubs. These activities can be done with friends or alone. Seeing these shows will distract you from bad emotions and remind your mind how to be happy again.
Step 4. Embrace your independence
When you are in a relationship, you have a tendency to become very dependent on the person you are with. You lose a lot of your independence and this can lead to you no longer doing many things that you used to appreciate.
- It's nice to have someone you can count on, but being independent can also be better. It gives you the freedom to do the things you want, when you want. You don't need someone's permission to do them and you don't have to worry about how your actions will make others feel.
- Here are some examples of how you can enjoy your new independence: Go see a movie your ex didn't want to see, wear clothes you like but your ex found unappealing, spend time with a friend your ex didn't want to see. ex had not bonded, and all other individual activities like reading books that are hard to find time for when dating someone.
Step 5. Start new activities
The best way to come back to life is to "live" your life. You are alive and the world around you is a wonderful place. Everyone has things they have always wanted to do and this is a great chance for you to try new things and experience the world around you.
- Do you practice any sport. Playing sports releases endorphins into your body, like laughing. By playing sports, you will make yourself happier as well as healthier. It is also an activity that many people don't have time for when they are in a relationship. Getting a healthier, toned body will make you feel like a new person. This new beginning feeling will help you eliminate negative feelings and memories, focusing on the good things that are waiting for you.
- Volunteer. One of the best ways to feel happy is to make others happy. Taking responsibility for helping another person will give you a purpose, which you may lack at times like this. It also gives you the opportunity to realize that everyone has problems and that some of them are more serious than yours. This new awareness can be comforting and can teach you to appreciate the wonderful things and people you have in your life. Start as a volunteer at a soup kitchen if you are looking for something that takes less time.
Step 6. Travel
Traveling will give you something to be proud of, and will give you new memories, good and bad. Put yourself in situations you've never been before, go to a place where you don't speak the language. This will create better experiences than you have had with your ex and you will be happy to come back to your life and share your experiences with others.
Method 3 of 3: Spend Time With People
Step 1. Spend time with friends
It is important to spend time with other people. This will help you remember the inner goodness of others and that interacting with others doesn't always hurt. Spending time with your friends will distract you and help you cope with your pain. It will also help you see the good aspects of yourself, and you will have new experiences to remember fondly.
- Participating in activities with your friends will help you think positively rather than have negative emotions and experiences. Go to the movies, to parties, or try something more ambitious like hiking.
- Take advantage of this opportunity to spend time with friends you haven't seen in a long time. Sometimes we neglect people when we are in a relationship and this is the time to reconnect and remember how much fun you have together.
Step 2. Meet new people
Making new friends or a new round of friends is always a good thing. Who doesn't want to have more fun people around? Go out and meet new people, be it through your friends or in social places like school, nightclub or bar. It will give you new things in life to focus on, distracting you from your pain.
