The moment you realize that you are dating or living with a person who often sulks is a crucial point in your relationship. The pouting tactic is a form of manipulation to force others to bow to their desires. And if you give in, the pattern will repeat itself. Perhaps these tips will help you change things for the better.
Steps
Step 1. Recognize the person sulking
The person who tends to sulk can be either male or female; tends to resolve conflicts by avoiding them, hiding, or pretending they don't exist. We have all heard of the archetype of the man who takes refuge in the tool shed or of the woman who holds her nose and sighs while standing still, sitting in front of the person who wants to hurt; these are the classic stereotypes of people who sulk, but there is a grain of truth in them. Here are the most common signs to identify such a subject:
- It hides or isolates itself.
- He refuses to talk to you all day / night / for any length of time he sees fit.
- He assumes a childish attitude; pouting, sighs, arms crossed, maybe stomping his feet from time to time.
- He assumes a cold, icy attitude, and does not reciprocate the gestures of affection.
- Place an object, such as a newspaper or a book, TV, crossword puzzles, in such a way as to ignore you even in public.
- It temporarily animates when someone else approaches, but still sulks with you and returns as before when the person is no longer within earshot. The last sign is a real warning sign - if the person in question can go from glamorous to total freezing so smoothly, it means that he has perfected this habit over time and knows which levers to pull, with no respect for people. who fall into his trap.
Step 2. Don't be too angry
What's happening is that Miss or Mister Sulking is trying to take the responsibility for her emotional immaturity onto you. Unfortunately, if you get upset or worry for him, you give it to him and then he'll know he can do it again and win again. Instead, interpret it as a problem with his wounded ego not being able to make peace with himself and trying to take it out on you, in an attempt to shake off his emotional immaturity and make you feel bad. If you realize that you don't have to react, but let his rudeness slip over you, it will be much better for you.
Step 3. Don't tolerate such an attitude
Reacting as if he needs to be kept in cotton wool, reassured and pampered, so that he can cut the silences, hysterics and tantrums, you just feed this attitude and he will eventually be able to control you. The more you tolerate his childish behaviors, the more you'll find yourself walking on eggs when he's around. Instead of running after him apologizing for your existence and always walking on tiptoe, try one of these techniques:
- Ignore his behavior and go on doing your thing like he's not sulking. As we said in the previous step, if you don't take it too hard, things will get easier. Put it this way: “Patience if you want to blame me. He has serious problems with himself to deal with.”.
- Expect him to take responsibility for his emotions as you take it for yours.
- Expect me to respect your presence. It was really rude to distance yourself, act coldly and try to control you like that. It denotes a huge lack of respect and these are not the basis for a lasting relationship.
Step 4. Expect changes
When such a person sees that his manipulative attitudes don't work with you, he is likely to gradually change his attitude and begin to respect you. He may face the problem or leave you because he doesn't want to take a non-controlling position. It's a risk you have to take. It is better to be respected and treated with dignity than to be belittled and treated like a doormat.
Step 5. On the other hand, if his attitude does not change despite your signals, turn the page
If you have tried to ignore her pouting and demand respect without success, take a deep breath and seriously consider whether it is worth living next to a child who has never grown up. In most cases it's not worth it, because you can't and shouldn't try to change a person. You will realize that if his attitude is so ingrained that he can't help but control you, things won't change, no matter how determined you are not to tolerate his pouting. Stop letting his mood swings control your life; tell him that it was interesting to meet him, but that you have many other things to do.
Advice
- When you are in the mood to talk, try to tell your partner that you would like to understand what happens when he becomes silent, ignores you or isolates himself. It is not a question of being right or wrong, and you are not asking him to defend his actions. Make it clear that you are trying to understand what happens, so that you can work on your relationship.
- Do not confuse the occasional need to distance yourself emotionally and have some personal space with the regular tendency to sulk. We all need to break away from our partner every now and then; the difference is that it must not transform into the usual way of "relating" to the other.
