There are different forms of mistreatment. If you have been repeatedly humiliated, manipulated or degraded by your boyfriend, you have faced psychological violence. If, on the other hand, you have been abused, or have been beaten, it is physical violence. In any case, the only thing to do is to end the relationship immediately and be safe. It is important to act promptly and move on.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Take action
Step 1. Protect yourself
If you feel you are in danger, you need to end the relationship as soon as possible and with great caution. If you have been attacked, or are in immediate danger, call the police immediately, or contact associations for the protection of women. Immediately leave the place where you are. Don't try to "make him think" until you are safe. Leave immediately.
Call the Telefono Rosa or other associations against violence against women immediately
Step 2. Decide how to end the relationship right away
Physical or psychological abuse is a more than valid reason to immediately break up a relationship without thinking about how many years you have spent together, in the presence of any children, pets or a shared home, and also putting aside the feelings you may have for that man. There is never any justification for violence and it must be stopped as soon as possible. Get away from the man who made you suffer, and do it immediately, without thinking too much and expose yourself to any dangers.
- Leaving that man does not mean that you are not interested in him, or that you have never felt feelings for that person, on the contrary: those who act in this way often have behavioral problems that should not be ignored; Your boyfriend therefore needs psychological support and the help of professionals. If you continue to forgive him, it will only make the problem worse.
- If you live with your boyfriend, and you're afraid of being in danger, don't let him know you're going to leave him - just leave him. Don't wait for the next time he attacks you, get it over with as soon as you can.
Step 3. End the relationship by planning your present
After contacting the police and associations that can give you the assistance you need, it's time to leave the person who mistreated you forever. Break up with him definitively by telling him that the story is over forever, also add that if he tries to contact you you will call the authorities.
- If you'd rather tell him in person that you want to leave him, do it in public, make sure other people are there, and be very concise. After communicating your decision to him, do not try to be swayed by his words and retract.
- If you live together, it is important to leave the house right away and leave your boyfriend in a public place. Pack your suitcase the day before and hide it. When you are ready to leave, do it as soon as possible, if you have to return within the walls of that house, never do it alone but let someone accompany you.
Step 4. Document all abuses suffered
If after leaving your ex is always trying to contact you, either in person or on the phone, or online, provide all the documentation and correspondence between you to the authorities, or associations you contacted, take pictures and provide some valid evidence, so that you can free yourself from its presence and finally move on.
Take photos of tangible evidence of physical abuse that you will not be able to prove in the future, such as scratches, bruises or injuries of various kinds. Document everything before the signs disappear
Step 5. Take back your life
It's never easy to end a relationship, especially if the person you're trying to break up wants to keep in touch with you or tries to manipulate you. If you've already tried to get away from him but still haven't, don't give up! Think that it is the right thing to do to safeguard your future: only you can get out of that situation, the choice is up to you. Take back control of your life.
Method 2 of 3: Get Safe
Step 1. Contact the authorities
From the moment you are safe, it is important to speak with the police and take legal action. Find out what procedures you might follow. To ensure that the abuses suffered do not happen again in the future, it is important to notify the police and file a complaint.
Talk to a counselor who specializes in domestic violence and find out what steps to take. It may be difficult for you, especially if you have been linked to that man for quite a long time, to start from scratch, find a job and a new home. To avoid dealing with these changes on your own, consult with charities that help abused women
Step 2. Get a restraining injunction
Since you have had enough of his abuse, you need to make sure your ex no longer has a chance to hurt you. Go legal and call the police if they are still trying to contact you.
If your partner has a child with him, or money you own, you can intervene by asking for custody of the minor and the possibility of having access to the bank account while carrying out legal procedures. Don't let it intimidate you or threaten you
Step 3. Don't give it a second chance
When it is too much, it is too much. Once you leave him, never go back to him and avoid contacting him and forgiving him. It's over. Do not interrupt the legal procedure you have undertaken against him.
If you have suffered abuse, there is no reason to rethink the choice made. Don't negotiate, don't listen to his excuses and false promises. Don't believe him if he tells you he'll never do it again. For violence there is no forgiveness
Step 4. Change your daily routine
At least for the first time avoid all the places that your ex goes to, do not let yourself be seen in his areas and try not to have any contact with him. There is no reason to expose yourself to any dangers.
If you attend the same course, or are co-workers and inevitably meet in the same environments, ignore his presence. Do not look at it and have someone accompany you every time you are in the same place and before getting into the car
Method 3 of 3: Turn the Page
Step 1. Visit a counselor who specializes in domestic violence cases regularly
It is essential for you at this time to have psychological support and talk to someone who understands the extent of the trauma suffered and the effects that past abuses have left on you. Look for an association or group that can help you and participate in meetings to resume a normal life as soon as possible.
Step 2. Focus on yourself and rebuild your identity
The abuse you have endured has made you more fragile and vulnerable and it may take some time to get back to being yourself and start seeing all the qualities that make you special again. Make a serious commitment to this very delicate phase.
- Give yourself a period of time to vent your pain, then resume your occupations. After a breakup, it is normal to want to spend days in bed, unable to do anything and in the throes of depression. It is a natural reaction but it is important that it does not last too long. Give yourself an upper limit and then start moving on. The relationship has ended, love can end.
- Avoid feeling guilty about what happened, and about wasting time with that person. By leaving her you have made a courageous decision that will allow you to start a new life. Be proud of your courage and think that you will no longer have to be treated badly by your ex or tolerate his presence. Look to the future.
Step 3. Spend time with loved ones
Make a list of the really important people in your life. Think of all those who have been close to you in difficult times, the people you really love, all those who always know how to make you smile. Family, longtime friends, long-known neighbors, and so on. Spend more time with them.
Step 4. Learn to love yourself
Maybe it's been some time that you haven't taken care of yourself, that you don't relax, that you don't enjoy the company of your family. Now is the right time to do whatever you like without being afraid of unleashing your boyfriend's anger. Although it may take a while, gradually release all the tension gained during the history of abuse you have experienced, rediscover the good things in life.
Now you are free to do what you want, even what sent your ex on a rampage. Do you want to turn on the radio and sing early in the morning? Just do it. Be yourself
Step 5. Let go of anger
Again, this is a gradual process. Inside you will likely be filled with resentment and this anger could stifle all of your emotions. Vent your anger into productive energy, vent when you feel the need. Go for a run, punch a punching bag, try yoga. Physical activity will help you eliminate negativity.
Be careful never to turn your anger into self-destructive and harmful actions. The emotions inside you don't have to become an excuse to hurt yourself and indulge in excess. Think about moving forward, not going back
Advice
- Remember that violent people cannot change and sometimes they don't even realize the extent of their actions.
- If he does physical violence on you, leave him immediately.
- Make sure that more than one person always knows where you are and where you are going.
- Ignore her jealous reactions.
- Trust your intuition.
- If he physically abuses you, or beats you, call the police immediately.
Warnings
- Don't panic and stress. Keep your nerve, react and get rid of that man.
- If he has mental problems, your words probably aren't enough to stop him and make you safe. Even if he only calls you on the phone, he could make more serious gestures sooner or later. Take legal action against him. Keep your distance from him and don't be manipulated by his words. Don't fall into the trap and never tell him what you are doing.
- Stay away from him. Ask your family and friends to do the same.
- Let everyone know about the abuse you have suffered so that he can be identified as a dangerous person. Document the violence and provide evidence.
- Check your computer for spyware.
- If your children have also suffered abuse, contact the authorities immediately and seek psychological support to help your children overcome the trauma.
