How to Recognize a Potentially Violent Relationship

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

Have you had an alarming experience in your current relationship? An experience that prompted you to wonder what could happen in the future if such a fight happens again? Or do you feel some fear when you think about how your partner might react in a nervous situation? It is possible that your relationship is beginning to cross that thin and dangerous line that goes from marginal to abuse. It is important to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship so that you can protect your health and walk away before you suffer serious physical or mental injury.

Steps

Part 1 of 6: Recognizing the Abuse

Step 1. Learn the definition of abuse

An abusive relationship is a relationship in which a person always and continuously uses tactics to psychologically, physically, financially, emotionally and sexually control another person. A relationship that features domestic violence is one where there is an imbalance of power.

Step 2. Recognize the signs of physical abuse

Physical attacks can be very different They can happen from time to time, or with considerable frequency. They can also be of various sizes. These may be isolated incidents.

• Physical attacks can have a "cycle," that is, have periods of calm, followed by a degeneration that leads to the attack. After the attack, the whole cycle resumes.
• If physical threats are constant, latent, or hidden, they make you fear for your safety or that of the people, things, or animals you love. Physical abuse can penetrate and affect every aspect of life.

• You may find it too trivial to mention practical acts of physical violence. However, people who have grown up experiencing physical violence may not understand that this is not normal and healthy behavior. Some examples of physical abuse include:

  • "Hair pulling, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or strangling attempts."
  • Denying the right to basic necessities, such as food and sleep.
  • Break your belongings or destroy objects in your home, such as throwing dishes or smashing walls.
  • Threatening yourself with a knife or a pistol or any assault with a weapon.
  • Physically preventing you from leaving, calling 113 for help, or going to the hospital.
  • Physically abusing your children.
  • Get you out of the car and drop you off in places far from home.
  • Driving aggressively and dangerously when in the car.
  • Make you drink alcohol or take drugs.

  

  Step 3. Learn to recognize sexual abuse

  Sexual abuse is represented by any form of unwanted sexual activity. This includes "sexual coercion", which is the attempt to make a person feel compelled to have sex. It also includes "reproductive coercion," meaning not letting yourself make decisions about a pregnancy. Sexually abusive practitioners can attempt the following actions:

  • Check the way you dress.
  • Amaze yourself.
  • Purposely infecting yourself with a sexually transmitted disease.
  • Doing drugs or getting drunk to have sex with you.
  • Getting pregnant or having an abortion against your will.
  • Forcing yourself to watch pornography against your will.

  

  Step 4. Recognize the signs of emotional abuse

  Emotional abuse includes behaviors that have no physical expression. Emotional abuse usually results in decreased self-esteem, emotional pain and hurt, and a loss of confidence. This type of abuse include:

  • Insults
  • Constant criticism
  • Willfully ridicule yourself
  • Threats
  • Manipulation of children against you
  • Threats to harm children or pets
  • Acting as if everything was your fault
  • Isolate yourself from friends and family
  • Cheating on yourself with other partners or engaging in provocative attitudes
  • Make you feel guilty.

  

  Step 5. Recognize financial abuse

  These abuses include people who do not allow you to have your own money, even if you have earned it. The attacker could also take your credit cards or use one over the limit to have it revoked.

  • You could be the victim of someone moving into your home and not helping to pay bills and expenses.
  • The abuser may not give you the money for basic needs, such as food or medication.

  

  Step 6. Recognize digital abuse

  A person can use technology to threaten, stalk, or bully you. These people can use social networks to send you threatening messages, blackmail you and stalk you.

  • They will insist that you always have your cell phone with you and answer the phone as soon as it rings.
  • They can use social media to threaten or emotionally abuse you. They might tell you who you can be friends with on these sites. They might insult you in status updates or tweets.
  • They may insist on wanting to know your passwords.

  

  Step 7. Learn to recognize the characteristics of abusers

  All people are different, but the physically abusive partner tends to have certain characteristics that contribute to the cycle of violence and control. Here is a list of attitudes to note:

  • Emotionally intense and codependent.
  • Charming, popular and talented.
  • Extreme mood swings.
  • He may have been a victim of abuse.
  • He may be suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction.
  • Try to check the next one.
  • Repress emotions.
  • He is inflexible and judges others.
  • He may have a history of childhood abuse and violence.

  

  Step 8. Recognize the presence of domestic abuse

  Abuse in relationships is more common than you think. More than a quarter of American women are victims of domestic violence. Men can also be victims of their partners: more than 10% of men are victims of domestic abuse.

  Domestic violence occurs in all cultural and socioeconomic strata. It is more common in poorer neighborhoods and among those who have not finished university after starting it

  

  Step 9. Remember that men can also be victims

  Not just in gay relationships. They can also be victims of abuse by women. This often happens in relationships where the man is in a financially inferior position to his female partner.

  • Men suffering from domestic violence often feel mortified by being abused, and rarely report it. They may feel the need to maintain their macho reputation. They are often afraid of looking weak.
  • Abused men often have no means of retaliation against the companions who attack them. They are rarely believed and people do not feel compassion for their problems. This can lead to further isolation and stigma.

  

  Step 10. Learn to understand the physical and emotional cost of abuse

  Domestic violence causes disability and worsens health. Its effects can be compared to those of "living in a war zone".

  • 1200 women die each year from domestic violence.
  • Two million women are injured each year from domestic violence.
  • Victims of domestic violence are at greater risk of mental, emotional and physical disabilities. These abuses increase the likelihood that the victim will not be able to walk without assistance (such as a cane) or need a wheelchair by 50%.
  • The risk of disease also increases. Victims' chances of heart attack rise by 80%, heart problems and arthritis by 70% and asthma by 60%.
  • Victims of domestic violence are more at risk of alcoholism.

  Part 2 of 6: Keeping Your Relationship Under Control

  

  Step 1. Make a note of your feelings

  If you are in a potentially abusive relationship, you may have new and negative feelings. Take note of your feelings, emotions, and actions for a week or two. This will help you figure out if your relationship is having a negative effect on you, because it is potentially abusive. These feelings include:

  • Loneliness
  • Depression
  • Feeling helpless
  • Embarrassment
  • Shame
  • Anxiety
  • Suicidal thoughts
  • Fear
  • Alienation from friends and family
  • Difficulty with alcohol and drugs
  • Feeling of being trapped with no way out.

  

  Step 2. Listen to your inner monologue

  If you start internalizing your partner's negative statements about you, you may start telling yourself that you are not up to par, you are not beautiful enough, you are not a good person. Recognize your partner's attempt at manipulation, trying to belittle you and make you feel worthless.

  

  Step 3. Think about how and when the relationship became serious

  Many abusive relationships become serious very quickly. The attacker is ready to make a commitment without giving you a chance to get to know him well.

  • Your partner may be pushing or rushing you to get involved at a faster rate than you'd like. If he doesn't respect your need to go slow, or tries to make you feel guilty or force yourself to do something you're not ready for, it's possible he is abusing you.
  • In some cases, emotions are simply out of balance and the partner has stronger feelings for you sooner than you do. It's pretty normal for a relationship. But being pressured can make you very uncomfortable. In case of persistent or relentless behavior, think about breaking the relationship.

  

  Step 4. Observe the development of the arguments

  Not everyone always agrees, even in the healthiest relationships. In healthy relationships, misunderstandings, communication problems and conflicts are resolved quickly and decisively.

  • Observe the motion in which you resolve disagreements. Do you calmly express your feelings and reach a solution that satisfies both of you? Or does every disagreement degenerate into long quarrels of hours? Does your partner start yelling, sulking, or insulting you right away? These can be warnings of future problems.
  • In particular, notice if your mate takes refuge in a dark, angry silence and gives your complaints only curt, angry answers.

  

  Step 5. Think about how you communicate

  People in healthy relationships communicate openly and honestly. This also means that they share their feelings. It is not always one of the two who has to be right and both listen to each other in a loving, open and non-judgmental way.

  • Assertive communication maintains a level of kindness and respect in the relationship, and encourages cooperation in problem solving.
  • Is there a good deal of respect between you? Healthy couples are kind. They don't insult themselves, they don't demean themselves, they don't scream, and they don't show any other signs of abusive behavior. They support each other privately and in public. They also respect personal limits.

  

  Step 6. Listen to the way your partner talks about you

  Language is a powerful tool. It can be wielded as a weapon to keep you in line and under the attacker's control. Expressing contempt while still professing love is a sign of danger and a potentially abusive partner.

  There are no terms that indicate emotional abuse with certainty, but listen to the context to be sure. If you are regularly vilified, or disrespected, or if you are placed at a lower level than your partner, these are signs of abuse. You have the same rights as your partner and you should be on the same level

  

  Step 7. Watch out for displays of extreme jealousy

  People who get angry or sad when you want to go out with friends, or get the third degree every time they see you talking to someone of the opposite sex, are unreasonable and jealous. If you are feeling kept away from friends and family, or choked off because you can't move without your partner, these are signs of a potentially abusive relationship.

  

  Step 8. Look for signs of possessiveness

  Part of abuse is establishing control over the relationship - and consequently over you. Always pushing for affirmation or more intimacy, especially in the early stages of a relationship, can be a sign of insecure behavior that can lead to an abusive relationship.

  • Does your partner insist that you go all over the place together and never be divided? Does your partner decide to come with you even when they shouldn't? They are potential signs of possessiveness.
  • Saying things like "You belong to me, and me alone" is a sign that your partner sees you as his or her property and will likely be jealous when you act like a normal person and talk and interact with others. Love professions after a few days or weeks of dating can also be signs of a possessive and obsessive mate.

  

  Step 9. Is the partner unpredictable?

  You may have trouble predicting your partner's mood. In a moment he can seem thoughtful and kind and immediately after that he moves on to threats and intimidation. You will never know how to deal with such a person.

  

  Step 10. Pay attention to your partner's substance use

  Do you overuse alcohol or drugs? Does the partner become more violent, difficult, mean and selfish when using drugs or alcohol? Have you discussed the possibility of treatment? Are you willing to quit? An addict who decides to remain in an altered state due to drugs or alcohol is dangerous, selfish and in need of rehabilitation. You don't deserve to be hurt and your partner needs more help than you can offer them.

  • While alcohol or substance use is not necessarily a sign of abuse in a relationship, substance abuse, or excessive use is a risky attitude that should be considered in addition to the other warning signs.
  • At the very least, this is a sign that your partner needs help.

  Part 3 of 6: Observe Partner's Relationships with Others

  

  Step 1. Notice how your partner treats friends and family

  If your partner is rude or contemptuous of their parents or friends, how do you think they will treat you? Remember that, now, as long as the relationship is young, the partner is doing their best. How will things go when he no longer needs to impress you?

  

  Step 2. Observe the partner's interactions with strangers

  See if you treat waiters, taxi drivers, hotel staff, or any other employee in the service sector with disrespect. These are signs of a superiority complex. These people divide the world between worthy and unworthy and you will soon be the victim.

  

  Step 3. Consider what your partner thinks about your sex

  Attackers often have stereotypical views of the sexes. Male aggressors, for example, often use men's privileges to dominate women. They may have negative attitudes towards women and their role, thinking they should stay indoors and be submissive.

  In relationships where the woman is abusive, it is often the contempt for the male gender that influences the way the partner is treated

  Part 4 of 6: Recognizing the Episodes That Must Lead to a Breakup

  

  Step 1. Adopt a zero tolerance policy towards violence

  If your partner becomes abusive even once, you need to end the relationship right away. Physical abuse is never "for your own good" and it is never your fault. Don't let fellow manipulators make you feel guilty after getting hit. This is not good, and it is a clear sign of an abusive relationship, which will happen again in the future. End the relationship immediately. -

  Threats to harm you are on a par with physical violence. Take them seriously, as dangerous signs of possible future abuse. If the partner hurts or hurts other people, animals, or is generally very violent, this is a sign that he is an abusive person you should avoid

  

  Step 2. Don't be intimidated

  As much as you love your partner, if you are afraid when you are at home, you have a problem. When you are away from your partner, you may miss him terribly, but you may be terrified of going home. This is a sign that your relationship has crossed the line and needs to be safely ended.

  

  Step 3. Do not accept forced behavior or coercion

  If the partner forces you to do something you don't want to do, or manipulates you to reach an agreement, you need to end the relationship. If your partner blackmails you, begs you, or starts arguing about something you disagree with, until you just give in to end the argument, this is an unacceptable and dangerous sign of emotional manipulation and possible abuse.

  • An abusive person will often insist on doing things as they please and will not give in until you agree. He may try to control the clothes you wear, the way you wear make-up, what you eat, or the activities you do.
  • If your partner has ever forced you to have any form of sexual contact without your consent, it is a serious crime, even if you are in a relationship and if you have previously consented to sex.

  

  Step 4. Trust your instincts

  While these warning signs and things not to be tolerated are pretty clear signs of a manipulative and abusive partner, they are still ambiguous attitudes, clouded by mixed feelings and hard to spot. The best way to know if you are in a potentially abusive relationship is to trust your instincts. If someone gives you a sinking feeling, fills you with bad forebodings, consider them signs. You don't need to name things to understand that something is wrong.

  Part 5 of 6: Take action

  

  Step 1. Talk to someone if you feel a change in your relationship

  When a relationship goes from uncertain to turbulent to scary, it's time to take action. For further advice, call the public utility toll-free number designed to provide listening and support to women victims of violence: 1522, available 24 hours a day.

  You can talk to a trusted friend, relative, or other person. Start planning how to end the relationship as safely and quickly as possible

  

  Step 2. Call 113 immediately if violence occurs

  This will ensure that the violence stops, at least for the time being. Tell the police about the physical abuse. Describe what happened in detail and show where you are hurt. Take photos of the marks or bruises right away when they show up. These photos are admissible evidence in court. Remember to ask for the names and ID numbers of the agents who answer your call. Also ask for the report or case number.

  

  Step 3. Create a custom security plan

  A safety plan is a chart that will help you decide what to do if your relationship puts you at risk.

  You can find a model here on the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence website. Print it and complete it

  

  Step 4. Find a safe haven

  Make a list of all the places you could go. Think of friends and family that your partner doesn't know. Also include places like safe houses. They are usually maintained by non-profit organizations. They are located in secret places and are accessible 24 hours a day. Thanks to them, you can escape when your partner sleeps, in case of need. The agencies that run these homes can help you leverage government aid for domestic abuse victims who want to start a new life. They can also help you get a restraining order, and many offer the help of a psychologist.

  Part 6 of 6: Closing the Relationship

  

  Step 1. End the relationship as soon as possible

  Make a plan to end the relationship safely and bring it to fruition. Once you've made up your mind, try not to deal with your complicated feelings now - just do it. Now is not the time to regret your failed relationship or retrace your steps, but the time to think about your safety.

  When you decide to leave, know that your abusive partner will do anything to get you back. This is another form of control. It is unlikely that he will be able to change his behavior without the help of intense psychological therapy

  

  Step 2. Talk to your partner

  First decide what to say, do some rehearsals and don't dwell on it. Make it clear that you want to end the relationship and that you are not interested in trying to save it with ultimatums or other compromises. It's over.

  • Make the conversation as short as possible, and ask someone to help you so you don't risk being manipulated. Tell your partner that you have to leave in less than 10 minutes because you have a commitment, so you have an excuse to finish quickly.
  • If you are afraid for your safety, don't do it in person, do it in a public place, or get someone to help you. Think about your safety first.

  

  Step 3. Don't try to resist

  Leave someone who abuses you at the first sign of abuse, in the safest way possible. Ask at least one trusted person for help when you want to leave your abusive partner. Getting reliable and safe support from a range of friends and family will help you cope with the difficult transition.

  

  Step 4. Get a restraining order if needed

  This type of order must be issued by a court in your region. It protects you from contact with the person who abuses you. This person will not be able to threaten, harass you or make you a victim of stalking. He will not be able to enter your home or visit you at work.

  If you need a restraining order, you should also consider relocating and changing your habits for some time. This will make it harder for the attacker to find and harass you

  

  Step 5. Consult a psychologist

  It may be a good idea to speak to a psychologist who specializes in domestic violence cases. Even if you ended the relationship before things got too serious, you may still want to talk about your experience with a professional.