When you decide to end a friendship that doesn't work, you choose to protect your self-esteem and even your health; in fact, toxic relationships can be a source of stress and make you feel bad. You can talk to your friend about it and let him know your decision, or keep your distance and not communicate your feelings (eventually, he'll probably understand). Finally, as a last resort, you can stop contacting altogether. It is not easy to get rid of a bad friend, but you will find that your life will improve a lot without him.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Talk to your Friend
Step 1. Reflect on the situation
Before confronting your friend, take the time to clarify your feelings and identify the reasons why you think that person is a "bad" friend. The term "bad" is very vague and can have different connotations. Also consider whether you want to get rid of him completely or whether your relationship can be saved. Try asking yourself questions, so that the comparison becomes easier. Here's what you should ask yourself:
- Are your values in opposition?
- Does it constantly belittle you?
- Is it unreliable?
Step 2. Ask your friend to speak privately
Set an hour for the meeting. Find a secluded place where you can talk without interruption.
- You can say, "Can we talk after school? See you at the exit."
- Talk to him when no one can hear you. If someone approaches, ask them for some privacy.
Step 3. Try to be totally honest about why you want to end the friendship
You may feel brave enough to talk about all your worries, or you may just be able to be vague. Remember that sharing your feelings is helpful, but don't say anything that makes you uncomfortable.
- Tactfully tell your friend the news. Even if you've asked him for a confrontation to talk about his behavior, you can still have a respectful attitude.
- Use first-person affirmations, such as "I felt very hurt when you made fun of me" or "I feel like I'm being used when I'm with you." With these phrases you express your feelings and avoid blaming the other person. Accusations like "You use me for my car" or "All you do is make fun of me" can lead the other person to be defensive.
Step 4. Talk about any concerns you have about your relationship
If you want to end your friendship over the other person's behavior problems (for example, drug abuse, dangerous attitudes, or poor school performance), it will help her to hear this. Let him know that you care about her, but would rather not hang out with her as long as she continues to behave a certain way.
- You can say, "Laura, I care a lot about you, but it seems to me that you have been drinking too much lately. I can't be near you anymore, I hope you can find the help you need."
- If you feel that discussing your friend's behavior might get you in trouble, avoid talking about it.
Step 5. Take responsibility
It is important to avoid blaming or criticizing your friend. Focus on your point of view, your feelings and your values. This way you will avoid arguing. You can explain that your friendship doesn't bring out the best in you or that you don't like the way it feels.
- You can say, "When I see each other, I always feel very stressed. I don't want a friendship like that."
- Recognize your role in the breakup. You can say, "I've never liked certain things we did, but I've never told you. I'm sorry I wasn't honest from the start."
Step 6. Explain your needs
Tell your friend what you would like in the future. You can decide to stop all contact or just take a break. Make sure you are clear and that the other person understands you.
You can say, "I'm sure you don't want to hear it and it's not easy for me to say, but I don't want to see you anymore. So I won't reply to your messages anymore and I won't accept your invitations to go out anymore. I'm sorry it has to be like this, but I can not handle it anymore"
Step 7. Give yourself time to mourn
It's normal to be sad when you lose a friend, even if he wasn't one of the best. You probably had a great time together and your relationship was valuable to you.
- Be aware that at the end of the friendship you may experience conflicting emotions. You may feel sad, relieved, angry and at peace at the same time. To clarify your feelings, it may be helpful to write a journal or talk to a friend or adult you trust.
- Take some time for yourself and to do the things you enjoy. Listen to your favorite tunes, exercise or go for a long walk, have coffee with a friend or pray. Find serenity.
Step 8. Be polite to your former friend when you see him
Even if you are no longer in a close relationship, he still deserves your respect. It costs you nothing to treat him well, even if you don't value him very much.
If necessary collaborate with him for group projects. Focus on the work ahead. If you try to create conflicts, you can say, "Let's just focus on finishing the project."
Method 2 of 3: Take Distances from Friend
Step 1. Set up stakes
If you need space, but don't feel comfortable talking about it, you can decide to impose limits on the time you spend together. Establish your comfort level and stick to it.
- For example, you can decide to meet the person you are having a problem with only in a group or to talk to them only at school.
- You can decide not to answer his phone calls and not to read his messages.
- If your friend asks why you are distant, you can say "I just need space" or "I have something else on my mind", without saying anything else.
Step 2. Make excuses
If your friend invites you somewhere and you don't want to see him, you can refuse by making an excuse. You can say that you have a family commitment, too many tasks, or that you are not feeling well. However, bear in mind that this strategy can complicate matters, especially if you have mutual friends. You will need to remember your lies and avoid getting confused.
- If your friend asks you "Hey, see you this weekend?", You can say "I'm sorry, but I'm very busy with work and family".
- Remember that if your friend doesn't understand that you want to end your relationship, you may find yourself having to make up excuses for a long time not to meet him and this can be unnerving as well as dishonest. Eventually you will have to be direct and stop lying. Constantly making excuses only increases your stress levels, so it's important to only use this solution in the short term if you think it's necessary.
- Don't make excuses if you're planning on doing something else. If you tell your friend that you are sick, stay home. Don't show up at someone else's house an hour later. This attitude would make you look dishonest in everyone's eyes.
Step 3. Ask your parents to impose limits
Ask them if they can "prevent" you from seeing the friend who makes you uncomfortable. Get help to get away from him. It will be easier if your parents don't appreciate it.
- You can tell your friend that your parents want you to spend more time on homework or that they will no longer allow you to stay out late at night on the weekend. Invent your favorite excuse to get out of the uncomfortable situation. Most parents have no problem making a "bad" look to help their children out of bad situations.
- Tell your parents what problems you have with your friend. Tell why you no longer want to hang out with him, giving specific examples of his behavior. Get help in handling the situation.
- You can say, "Marco has been very bad lately. We always fight and hang out with a bunch of guys I don't like. I don't want to see him outside school anymore, so I was hoping for your support. Next time he asks me out, you can help me out. find a way to say no? ".
Step 4. Write a letter
Consider this solution if you want to explain to your friend how you feel, but prefer not to face it directly. Writing a letter allows you to reflect as long as you want to find the perfect words and also helps you process your feelings.
You can write: "Dear Paolo, I know you wonder why we haven't talked much lately. I thought I'd write you this letter to explain why." You can continue by telling your friend how you feel and what you want for the future
Step 5. Do not speak ill of the friend you are having problems with others
Even if you don't want to date that person anymore, behave yourself, avoid spreading gossip about them, and don't try to turn mutual friends against them. If you ended the relationship because you were treated badly, it will only be a matter of time before others realize the true nature of that person as well.
- If a friend asks you "Why don't you talk to Giovanni anymore?", You can answer "I prefer not to speak ill of him" or "For the moment I prefer it to remain a private matter".
- If you need to let off steam, talk to someone outside of your social circle. For example, tell the story to a friend who goes to another school or to your cousin who lives in another city.
Step 6. Be prepared to feel uncomfortable around your former friend
When there are unresolved tensions in a relationship, seeing each other is usually an embarrassment. This is why talking to him is a preferable solution to treating silence. You will likely feel less uncomfortable knowing that you have made your position clear.
If you feel uncomfortable around your former friend, try to step away and put some space between you. If you are in the same group, try having a conversation with another person
Step 7. Find a new group of friends
It's important to have people who care about you, who appreciate you, as well as feel integrated, especially as a teenager. If you no longer feel comfortable in the old group of friends, find new ones or look for a different group of people to hang out with.
- If you have a friendly relationship with people you don't normally see outside of school, such as a teammate, ask them if they want to go out with you.
- If you participate in extracurricular activities or if you have a part-time job, try spending time with people you've met in those environments.
Method 3 of 3: Close Contacts
Step 1. As a last resort, completely cut off communications
Ignoring your friend without warning may seem like the simplest solution, but it's not fair to him not to let him know what's going on. Even if he misbehaved and hurt you, he still has a right to know the truth.
- Don't disappear from a friend's life just to avoid confrontation (as long as you know that an argument won't end with physical violence). Ending a friendship is painful and unpleasant, but that doesn't mean you should avoid it.
- Ignoring a friend out of the blue is a really bad impression. You would give the impression that you have chosen the most comfortable solution. Also, the other person may be in pain and confused by your behavior.
- Consider the best way to stop communicating with a friend. For example, you may decide that it is best to talk to him in person, on the phone, or by email.
Step 2. Recognize when ending a friendship suddenly is the right choice
It's almost always best to talk to your friend to let him know that you want to end the relationship, no matter how vague and hasty your words are. However, there are some situations in which it is better to disappear suddenly:
- Your friend is urging you to engage in dangerous behaviors, particularly when it comes to addictions.
- You feel controlled or manipulated by your friend and are concerned about how he might react to the news of your departure.
- You fear for your physical health and for your safety in case of direct confrontation.
Step 3. Block your friend on social networks
Stop them from contacting you and following your life on social media. Don't write to him or reply to his messages.
- If you decide to be friends with the person on social networks, prevent them from seeing posts you don't want them to see. Do not comment on his profile.
- You can also unfollow him, so that you no longer see his updates.
Step 4. Get help
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your friend, you can ask your parents to call theirs. Use this method if you feel threatened by the other person. If not, try to resolve the situation yourself.
- Ask your parents to tell your friend's parents about the situation and your decision not to see him again. You can say: "I tried to get away from Francesco, but he won't let me be. Could you talk to his parents for me?".
- You can also ask a teacher or school psychologist for help.
- You could say, "I tried to solve my problems with Davide, but he doesn't leave me alone. I don't want to be his friend anymore and I don't know what to do anymore. Can you help me?"
