Some bad experiences seem impossible to forget. Bad memories can haunt you, affect your daily life, relationships, and even hope for the future. Mindfulness techniques and exposure therapy can help relieve anxiety caused by unpleasant memories. Ultimately, seeking help from a psychologist may be the healthiest way to prevent bad memories from negatively interfering with your life.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Consider the Role of Bad Memories in Everyday Life
Step 1. Evaluate the influence the past has on your daily life
In some cases, bad memories can occupy all of your thoughts and keep you from focusing on what's going on in the present. How many times do you happen to think of an unpleasant memory? Do memories come up when you try to focus on other things?
- Focusing or reflecting too much on bad memories (or rumination) can negatively affect your problem-solving skills. For example, you may feel helpless in the face of a professional obstacle rather than trying to deal with the chest problem.
- Ruminating too much can also lead to unhealthy behaviors, such as excessive drinking or other forms of self-medication, aimed at stopping negative thoughts.
- Brooding and ruminating about bad memories lead to negative thoughts associated with depression and anxiety.
Step 2. Notice if the past is interfering with your relationships
If memories are associated with a certain person, it can be difficult for you to spend time with them without thinking about what happened before. Bad memories can interfere with other relationships as well. Ruminating about the past can make you feel isolated from others.
Thinking about bad memories can also limit your ability to develop new bonds with people. For example, if you feel overwhelmed by bad memories of a breakup, you may not be willing to meet again
Step 3. Determine if thinking about the past limits your ability to look to the future
Everyone takes a dip in memories, but spending too much time on what happened can keep you from harboring hope for the future. If you often relive past experiences, you will have less energy to think about what is happening now or what will happen tomorrow.
- Repeating bad memories, especially traumatic ones, can lead you to lose hope and become pessimistic. You may be convinced that having experienced negative experiences in the past, they will surely happen to you again.
- This way of thinking can affect your ability to take care of yourself and plan for your future.
Step 4. Practice mindfulness practice in order to relieve anxiety caused by past traumatic experiences
Mindfulness is a practice used to focus on the present, and some studies show that it can relieve anxiety. Thanks to this technique, you accept the bad memories that crop up, consciously choosing to focus on the present. In this way, you will be able to stop negative cognitive processes.
- To practice mindfulness, try to focus on the physical sensations you feel in the moment. Note the air temperature or the pressure of your feet on the ground. Focus on physical sensations until you can stop thinking about bad memories.
- You can also practice mindfulness by repeating a positive affirmation. Try telling yourself, "I don't have to think about that now."
Method 2 of 3: Try Exposure Therapy
Step 1. Consider exposure therapy
Traumatic, painful, or frightening experiences can cause you to repress the feelings you have experienced so that you don't have to relive them. However, letting those memories surface can help you move on. This exercise is called exposure therapy and involves thinking about an event that causes you anxiety in order to control the symptoms and fear it generates. Some studies show that exposure therapy can alleviate the anxiety and fear associated with bad memories; however, this type of treatment guarantees the best results when performed under the supervision of a psychologist. A professional will be able to help you evaluate if you are ready to face this type of therapy and understand the ideal duration of the sessions. In addition, it will also be able to bring you back to the present at the end of the session.
- If you want to try exposure therapy on your own, consider that it could make the situation worse. If possible, ask a psychologist for advice so that you know the technique better before trying it on your own.
- If you decide to try exposure therapy but can't get rid of bad memories, ask a therapist for help.
Step 2. Recall bad memories in great detail
Decide on a time and date to try exposure therapy. When you feel ready, sit down and think about the event. Try to remember all the details, from start to finish. Think about what you were wearing, the sounds you heard, the scents in the air and so on. Keep traveling through your memory for as long as possible.
- Self-guided exposure can be more effective if it is split into multiple sessions. You can start with just 5 minutes of exercise, noticing that you are still safe, despite having recalled the bad memories. Each day, you can think about traumatic events for more time, until you can better control your reactions. Over time, the past will affect you less and less.
- If you can't do this exercise using only your mind, take a pen, a notebook and write down the details of the event, from start to finish. Writing a draft may be enough for the first session. Next time, you can try reading it aloud. If you have to stop, because you feel like crying, always start where you left off. If the therapy goes well, you will feel stronger and need fewer breaks each time you re-read the details of what happened.
- Avoid repressing the emotions associated with memories. Scream, bang your fists on the ground, or cry if you need to. Let the sensations surface in your mind. Absorb the grief and suffering.
Step 3. Try to move on
Once you have recalled these memories, find the strength to say aloud, "This is the feeling I feared. I have tried it and faced it. Now I have to let it go and not fight it anymore." Sigh, take a few deep breaths, then let go of the fear and anxiety caused by the traumatic event so you can heal.
- Another solution to turning the page is to organize a ritual ceremony. If the repetitive memories are related to a loved one you have lost, performing some sort of ritual, such as lighting a candle for her or letting go of balloons, can be a symbolic way to overcome the pain. If the bad experiences are related to a traumatic event, you can accept to put the pain aside once you have dealt with it and dedicate one day a year to reliving those emotions. Over time, you will find that you experience feelings of grief more rarely.
- Moving on is a long process and you won't be able to get rid of painful memories in a few days. If a thought related to the past persists in your mind, it is best to seek help from a therapist.
Method 3 of 3: Ask for Help
Step 1. Consult a psychologist or psychiatrist
Repetitive bad memories can be a symptom of PTSD. It is a chronic condition that causes intrusive thoughts or memories about a traumatic event. It can lead to avoiding everything that can evoke the event, to have irrational and persistent negative beliefs about the event and other symptoms, such as sleep problems or exaggerated reactions to external stimuli. If any of these symptoms describe your mental state, you should consult a psychologist who is experienced in treating patients who have suffered trauma.
- Possible treatments for post-traumatic stress syndrome include cognitive-behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, stress inoculation training, and drug therapies. If you suffer from this syndrome, your doctor will recommend the best treatment for you.
- You can also inquire about EMDR therapy (from Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, i.e. desensitization and reprocessing through eye movements), which can be performed by a psychologist. This treatment has been shown to reduce the intensity of a traumatic memory and the emotions associated with it.
Step 2. Join a support group
You may have asked your friends and family for help in getting rid of the memories that are troubling you and maybe they have been able to offer it to you. Nonetheless, it can be helpful to join a support group for trauma victims, people who are grieving or have anxiety problems.
Groups of this type connect you with other people who have experienced and overcome difficult situations. You can learn practical ways to cope with anxiety and stress, as well as make lasting friendships
Step 3. Surround yourself with positive people
If you really want to move on in life, overcoming the fear and anxiety of what has happened to you, your social circle is a very important aspect. Some research shows that happiness can be a chain reaction. If the people you hang out with are joyful and cheerful, they could positively influence you.
Life is short! Spend it with the people you are best with and who make you feel happier
Step 4. Get in touch with your spiritual side
How you decide to communicate with a higher power in the universe is entirely up to you. Regardless of your beliefs, spiritual practices, including rituals, meditation, and prayer, can be extremely helpful in relieving the symptoms of anxiety and depression due to painful memories.
