It can be difficult to deal with a jealous person, especially if you intend to maintain relationships with them or if they are someone who plays an important role in your life, such as a family member or co-worker. By finding out how you can relate to those who are jealous of you, you will be able to establish a healthy relationship. If your partner tends to behave like this, take the time you need to properly resolve issues related to lack of trust.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Learning to Know About Jealousy
Step 1. Don't be alarmed if the other person talks or misbehaves around you
Jealousy can cause people to have negative thoughts about themselves and the relationships they have, even if they don't match reality. If you are with someone jealous of you, they may take your words and actions personally, even when they are not directed towards them. For example, if you have been out together but your eyes are closing and you want to go home soon because you have had a hard day, it may feel like your company is boring you.
Don't get defensive in response to your partner's negative attitude. Rather, explain what happened to you, perhaps saying, "I'm not yawning because of you. I like going out with you, but I'm sleepy because I was forced to wake up at 5am to show up early for a business meeting."
Step 2. Notice if he seems to notice only the good things that happen to you, ignoring the less happy aspects of your life
Sometimes, people fall into the trap of jealousy because they have a hard time understanding how complex the lives of others are. It happens because they are victims of their own insecurities.
- If you find that a person often points out all the fortunes that happen to you, and even seems to feel a sense of resentment, remind him that there are so many other sides in your life that he surely is not aware of.
- You probably won't be able to change a jealous person's point of view, but you can start telling them all the hardships and challenges you face in life. For example, you might say, "When we were camping, I felt so lost that I almost decided to go home after the first day."
Step 3. Ask yourself if your friend or partner feels threatened or insecure about your relationship
Some people have problems with jealousy because they fear being left behind. This fear can lead them to see others as a personal threat.
For example, someone who is jealous of you may magnify the relationships you have with other people, because they feel that your bond is less strong and this fear fuels their jealousy of you. Unfortunately, your relationships make him feel threatened, despite the fact that he's not the same to you and you don't even care about making comparisons
Step 4. Realize that social networks can aggravate the problem
Social networks, including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and more, can make anyone's life look perfect. Typically, users post pictures and considerations about their best moments, leaving aside all the difficulties and fears they are forced to face. In some people all this can generate a rather strong feeling of jealousy and a distorted vision, due to which they believe they know your personality and your life, when the reality is very different.
Therefore, if you feel it has become a problem, consider changing the privacy settings of your social profiles
Step 5. Learn when and how to distance yourself from a jealous person
If you can understand what triggers his jealousy towards you, changing his attitude could improve the situation.
- If she gets jealous when she hears about your new flame, avoid making comments about your relationship in her presence. Do not allow her to see the photos you took with your boyfriend and posted on social networks. Don't go out with both of them at the same time.
- Keep in mind that, nevertheless, you should find a solution to this problem so that you accept your new romance instead of keeping it from him.
- Sometimes it's best not to give a lot of twine. When you meet her, chat with her, but be brief and get to the point. You could focus on a positive aspect about her and leave soon. For example, if it's a colleague, try saying, "I heard your phone call to that customer was very successful. Keep it up, you're doing a good job!"
Method 2 of 3: Communicate Effectively
Step 1. Tell the other person how you feel
When chatting with a friend who expresses jealousy towards you, express yourself in the first person to communicate your feelings. Start by saying "I feel …" and then describe your state of mind in relation to a particular gesture or speech he made.
- For example, you might say, "I feel bad when you talk badly about my friends, because I feel like you want to be regarded as the one person around whom all my relationships must revolve."
- The verb "to feel" should not be followed or modified by other elements that could distract his attention from your mood. For example, don't say "I feel you", "You make me feel" or "This thing makes me feel". These are expressions that deprive you of the authorship of what you are feeling. For example, the phrase "You make me feel uncomfortable" is quite general and, moreover, it risks attributing responsibility for what you are feeling to someone else.
- Here are some terms you can use to convey your emotions: conditioned, nervous, afraid, confused, resentful, insecure, empty, angry, annoyed, and so on. If you are having a hard time finding the right words, try reading this article.
Step 2. Describe what behavior is making you nervous
You should only mention the gestures you observe in the person jealous of you and not the reasons that, in your opinion, are behind their behavior. It is the best way to deal with a problem of this kind, as it allows you to express precisely what you are feeling, without accusing those in front of you.
- For example, if he says you are his best friend with an attitude that makes you feel obligated to reciprocate his statement, say, "When you repeat over and over again that I am your best friend in the same evening, I feel conditioned to tell you the same." Don't say, "You're almost forcing me to tell you you're my best friend."
- When talking about their behavior, avoid labeling the other person, over-generalizing, threatening, moralizing, giving ultimatums, interpreting what they think or speculating. For example, don't say, "I feel bad when you go out of your way to force me to call you my best friend." This way you risk making intentions a process, assuming you know what's going on in your mind.
- When you talk about her behavior, if you accurately report certain behaviors, she will feel less offended and accused than if you have to confront yourself based on guesswork and assumptions, which often happens when you argue.
Step 3. Explain how his actions have affected you or what his behavior means to you
Clarify why you feel the way you do. Therefore, you should reflect on how you view your bond, what you remember, feel, assume and expect from your friendship or relationship in relation to its manifestations of jealousy.
- For example, you could explain what you are feeling, saying, "I get anxious when you ask me if I will go out with other friends, because I am afraid you will take it badly if I tell you."
- Alternatively, also try to clarify how you interpret a certain behavior. For example, you might say, "I get anxious when you ask me over and over if I'd rather go out with some other friend than with you, because I sense from your words that you question our friendship."
- When giving your explanations, avoid placing the responsibility for your feelings on the other person. For example, don't say, "I feel compelled to respond to your messages because of your jealousy."
Method 3 of 3: Finding Solutions to Manage Jealousy Within a Relationship
Step 1. Distinguish between forms of abuse and normal jealousy
Below you will find some warning signs that can tell you if your relationship is characterized by abusive attitudes. You should seek help if someone isolates you, controls you, or shows obvious signs of severe jealousy.
- He prevents you from going out, because he fears you might meet someone else.
- Often denigrates your friends and family, because he wants your complete devotion.
- He frequently contacts you, because he wants to check what you are doing.
- He often questions you about what you do.
- Check your mobile phone, browser history you use, your inbox, and so on.
- If you are not sure if you are being abused, or if someone else is, call 1522, the public utility number, promoted by the Department for Equal Opportunities, which offers a multilingual and 24-hour telephone reception service for 365 days a year, aimed at the victims of all forms of violence. It is free and confidential and can help you understand if you are being abused.
Step 2. Invite your partner to talk to you
Ask him when and where it would be best for him to have a confrontation. If you can, try to suggest a quiet place where you can talk freely without distractions. Sit wherever you have a chance to discuss and clarify.
Make sure your TV is off and your cell phones, laptop, tablet, and other devices are on silent or set aside
Step 3. Express your feelings openly to your partner
Even in this circumstance, talk about your feelings firsthand. Communicate what behavior is bothering you and what your mood is.
If on the one hand you are right to express yourself in the first person when you specifically analyze his manifestations of jealousy, on the other it would be appropriate to also think about the moments in which you have noticed this kind of attitudes and the consequences that, in your opinion, entail within of your relationship. For example, you might say, "Since I had a jealous boyfriend in the past, I got upset when I read your message asking who I was with."
Step 4. Try to clearly state your position
When explaining why you feel certain feelings, refer to memories, expectations, considerations, hopes, and interpretations about the situation. To communicate clearly to your partner what is happening to you, introduce the speech using statements such as "I imagined …", "I understand that …" or "I wish I had …".
For example, "I would have preferred you to notify me of your arrival instead so I got the impression that you don't trust me." Avoid generating guilt on the other side for how you feel. For example, don't say, "I feel trapped because of your jealousy."
Step 5. Try to solve trust issues together
Basically, you both need to actively try to base your relationship on mutual trust. To do this, report a problem in your relationship and analyze it. Each of you should explain what reaction you wish to see in the other. Then you can decide how to behave to raise the situation and remain calm.
For example, an effective solution might be to say to yourself, "I'll look you in the eye for a couple of seconds when I'm talking to another girl to let you know I love you." Avoid making unrealistic requests. For example, forcing you not to talk to other girls is not a healthy way to solve the problem. Solutions must be practical and achievable
Step 6. Work on your communication skills as a couple
When dealing with jealousy or problems in your relationship, try a few simple techniques to help build respect and understanding between you.
- Express yourself without going too far and try to understand what the other person is feeling. Finally, give importance to what he says and respond by showing that you understand his speech.
- Be understanding when you speak, for example by saying, "I really appreciate your sincerity and the fact that you have told me what you are feeling. I know how difficult it is for you."
- You can also show understanding by reporting what the other person said. For example, if she says she is afraid and jealous when you talk to your ex, try to answer like this: "I understand that it does not reassure you that I have remained friends with my ex and I was wondering what I could do. to reassure you ".
