Sometimes it happens that a friend gets overwhelmed by jealousy. In these cases, there are many ways to realize this. Pay attention to how you interact with him and consider whether he reacts condescendingly or unfriendly. Note his behavior in general. If he gives the impression of being pessimistic, it is very likely that he is also jealous. Therefore, talk about it and look for a solution that meets the needs of both of you. A solid friendship can survive jealousy.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Controlling How You Interact
Step 1. Beware of ambiguous compliments
A jealous friend can seem encouraging when he pays a compliment. However, if he uses somewhat strange words, his real feeling will not struggle to emerge. Paying attention to certain compliments, you may notice a passive-aggressive attitude that indicates jealousy.
For example, he may find a way to pretend to congratulate, when in reality he intends to insult you. Let's say you've found a job. An ambiguous compliment could be, "That's great. Usually, they don't hire people with that little experience, but good for you."
Step 2. Notice if it detracts from your results
It is very likely that a jealous friend is not at peace with himself. Therefore, he will not miss the opportunity to discredit the successes of the people around him. If you have received good news, it may be saying something negative or looking for a way to debase your merits.
- For example, let's say you got a good grade on a test in class. He might exclaim, "Don't freak out. We're only halfway through the term. In your place I wouldn't be too sure."
- In addition to belittling your successes, he may also go further by making observations that overshadow any accomplishments you have achieved. For example, he might brag about his accomplishments by specifying that they are somehow more valid and important than yours, such as: "I remember the math class I took. It was much harder than yours and I took 8 on all tests. I passed. the average grade in class ".
Step 3. See if he avoids encouraging you
Best friends celebrate successes together. While others can warmly congratulate you when things are going well for you, a jealous friend will react differently. He might put it in hasty terms, like "Ok, great". In these cases, it is neither a sincere compliment nor an enthusiastic one.
Step 4. Notice if he distances himself
It is possible that a jealous friend will begin to drift away. His jealousy may cause him to see in your successes what he doesn't have. For your part, you may notice that he tends to become more and more aloof.
- If you used to see each other often, now he could justify himself by saying that he is "very busy" and find excuses to avoid you.
- You may notice that he does not disdain the company of other people in your party, but that he has less and less time to devote to you.
Step 5. Notice if he listens to you
A jealous friend will get tired of hearing about your successes. You may find that he seems absent when you chat about your job, school, or a new relationship. He probably looks away, plays on his phone, doesn't comment, and doesn't ask questions about your life.
Part 2 of 3: Pay Attention to His Behavior
Step 1. Find out if he's pessimistic
Jealous people tend to have a negative view of the world. They believe they are forced to scramble for everything, while they are convinced that others get their successes easily. If you have a jealous friend, you will notice an air of general pessimism during your meetings.
- Typically, a pessimistic friend is dismissive of your every effort. For example, if you are planning to learn a new skill, it will list all the reasons why it doesn't suit you.
- Moreover, he is pessimistic with himself. If you try to suggest some solutions to his problems, he wastes no time enumerating the reasons why it won't work.
Step 2. Notice if he imitates you
Jealousy often manifests itself in this way. If a friend is jealous of you, chances are they'll start copying you in some ways in an attempt to shape their life on yours. Therefore, you may notice that he dresses like you, mimics your attitude, brings up the same arguments as you, and makes the same jokes as you.
You may even find that he tries to outdo you while imitating you. For example, if you start running 20 minutes a day, it will likely start running 30 minutes a day
Step 3. Listen to him if he complains that he is being treated unfairly
He might protest the cruelty of life, saying, "It's not fair that things are that easy for you. You have a well-paying job, while I'm stuck in a dead end." He pays attention to the injustices he continually feels he is a victim of, because more often than not he may blame external circumstances for his inability to get or achieve what you have.
Step 4. Find out if he is eager for attention
Jealous people are often looking for attention. Therefore, notice how he interacts with others. A jealous friend always tries to be the center of attention.
- A jealous friend can show off on social networks, posting photos or comments that allow him to happily paint his life. You may also notice that he makes friends with your friends because he wants the approval of the people closest to you.
- There is also the likelihood that he wants to grab a group's attention by making hilarious jokes or telling funny anecdotes. He could take advantage of an opportunity to overshadow someone's story with something more bizarre.
Step 5. Check his behavior with others
A jealous friend may begin to exclude you. You may find that she only goes out with others and suddenly stops inviting you. You may even start to dump yourself by telling you one afternoon that he has to finish his homework with the intention of letting you find out that he has dated someone else.
Part 3 of 3: Managing a Jealous Friend
Step 1. Put yourself in his shoes
Think about why he might feel jealous and what is affecting him emotionally. If he's having a hard time, he may be more prone to jealousy. Perhaps, without realizing it, you talk too much about yourself and your successes, involuntarily fueling his torment. In this case, make an effort to change your approach. However, the important thing is to understand what he is experiencing so that he can profitably discuss his problem.
- Maybe he's having a hard time. Have you suffered recently? Difficulties in work or in romantic relationships can foster jealousy.
- Think about whether you are fueling his jealousy. While he is happy that things are going well for you, he may avoid being encouraging if he is in a difficult situation. Maybe you talk too much about yourself and your successes.
Step 2. Be aware of their insecurities
Go out of your way to be understanding and helpful. Many personal insecurities are likely to be hidden behind his jealousy. Perhaps he has low self-esteem, little self-confidence, and little personal satisfaction. Maybe in life he has never received the same opportunities that you or other people have had.
Usually, those who are comfortable in their skin have self-esteem and are not jealous. However, people who mask their insecurities can irrationally manifest their jealousy
Step 3. Discuss it together
Once you understand his situation, don't hesitate to talk to him. Pick a time when you have some time and tell him you want to have a chat with him. You could start like this: "Lately I have the impression that you are jealous. I would like to solve this problem because I care about your friendship."
- Approach the conversation with an open mind. Even if you think he's overly jealous, it's possible he has something to point out to you. Perhaps, without realizing it, you were not very sensitive towards him.
- After you've made your comments, give them time to talk.
Step 4. Find a solution together
If you want to continue your friendship, you will need to find a solution that is satisfactory for both of you. Tell him how he should change and agree to change too if you have some responsibility in the whole affair.
- For example, you may decide that, before sharing good news, it is best to ask if you should share it with him. In fact, it is likely that in some moments you prefer not to hear about your successes.
- He may agree to tell you when he is feeling jealous. In these cases, don't dwell on the positive results you have achieved.
Step 5. Distance yourself if necessary
If despite all his attitude remains unchanged, you better get away. You can gradually reduce contact or deal with it directly, for example by saying, "I think, given your jealousy, we should avoid each other for a while. I hope you understand." It is painful to lose a friend, but this feeling can become detrimental. If appropriate, it is best to separate.
