A negative friend can represent a troubling presence in your life. On the one hand there will certainly be various factors that you appreciate in his person and you may feel the desire to help awaken his positivity; on the other hand, however, it could pose a problem and tend to drag you into its world. Learn how to best deal with such a person so you can understand them and start instilling some positivity into their life.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Negativity
Step 1. Avoid criticism
Making a critical speech to your friend about his negative behaviors could make him feel even worse and even lead him to turn against you. Accepting criticism is difficult for anyone, but it will be much more so for those who continually experience negative emotions and thoughts. Trying to point out his behavior could only worsen the situation and make him feel in a position of inferiority, almost under attack; Instead, try to let him know that you want to help, to the best of your ability.
Step 2. Be responsible for your happiness
If you allow your happiness to depend on a negative person, everything will end in a disastrous way. Keep your distance from friends with this personality, avoiding getting sucked into their world and feeling the need to solve their problems to achieve your happiness.
Step 3. Express your positivity
One of the most effective ways to help those at the mercy of negative emotions (and also to help yourself) is to always remain positive in the face of problems: in this way you will not lose your spirit and will show your friend that there are valid alternatives to the way. in which he behaves and sees the world.
- Take a break. Often it happens to "absorb" the emotions of others, or to be influenced by how close people feel. Even if you are always a positive person, dealing too often with who is your opposite could make it difficult for you to maintain this way of being. Detach yourself from your friend's negativity when you feel the need.
- An alternative way is to always stay in tune with your essence: if you begin to feel prey to the pessimistic environment that you perceive around you, do an examination of conscience and remember that this is absolutely not what you want to happen to you. For example, if you start feeling nervous because your friend has been complaining about the behavior of the restaurant waiters for several minutes, remember that it is not you who has a problem and that the anger you feel is not coming from you. You will be more likely to feel positive thoughts if you focus on them.
- Be witty. Turning a problem situation into something fun helps counterbalance the natural mental focus on negativity. The next time your friend starts complaining, turn her around nicely; for example: "I'm sorry that your car had problems and that you had to run to catch the bus. But come on, you said you wanted to do more motorcycles, right?"
- Remind yourself that your friend's negativity is irrational. It will be easier for you to avoid getting involved if you detach yourself from unreasonable emotions. For example, if you start complaining because you think your evening was ruined by having seen a 2D film instead of 3D, remember that the whole talk is absolutely nonsense: you have seen the film anyway and you can still enjoy the rest of the evening. to have fun. Don't get caught in the traps of other people's negativity.
Step 4. Avoid joining in with his negativity
You may feel the desire to ally with your friend: many researches show that people generally prefer to engage in a boring or not very fun activity in company, rather than having fun alone. Nonetheless, this will only make the situation worse: your friend will think it's okay and may even drag you into his downward spiral.
Step 5. Be compassionate
Other research shows that compassion is always a winning way of dealing with other people: there are both psychological and physical benefits associated with this behavior, such as better stress tolerance and greater depth of social relationships, which lead to further improvements., such as a strengthening of the immune system. Furthermore, showing compassion also helps others and pushes them to be compassionate themselves: giving support spontaneously encourages them to do the same too. In summary, compassion is a great way to build and maintain a healthy environment for you and those around you.
For example, think of ways to help your friends in times of trouble: if someone has problems with the car, offer them a ride or try to start it with the battery cables; if he complains about a family member, ask him if he wants to let off steam with you, etc. Small gestures like these will bring great benefits to everyone's life
Step 6. Always protect yourself
It can be very unpleasant to have to "let go" of a friend, but in some cases it is the best solution. Sure, it's okay to let the negativity flow over you without being swayed and accepting a friend despite the clouds around him, but sometimes the situation becomes too difficult to bear and you may need to end the relationship. If you have to go that far, reassure yourself by thinking that you have to take care of yourself first of all and that this step is necessary to avoid sinking into that black hole in your turn.
Sometimes the pessimistic behavior of others awakens unpleasant or traumatic memories from your past. For example, if you have come out of drug addiction problems and your friend is constantly complaining about his parents wanting him to stop using drugs, these problems could bring back very painful memories. If your friend's behavior often causes you to have similar episodes, think it might be best to walk away from him
Step 7. Think about talking to a psychologist
This could be very useful, especially if you want to continue to cultivate friendship but sometimes you have trouble enduring negativity. A skilled person will help you learn how to use the best ways to live with them, teaching you how to direct your mind towards healthy thoughts, which will help you stay positive.
If your friend's problems are very serious, for example if he talks about suicidal instincts or self-harm, confide in a parent you trust, a teacher, a psychotherapist or some other important figure: your friend needs a lot of help. bigger than what you can offer
Method 2 of 3: Communicate Effectively with a Negative Friend
Step 1. Think about the words to use
The last thing to do is to appear critical or, worse, hostile, thus risking to complicate the situation even more. If you want to tell your friend that he may be viewing the situation too heavily, think carefully about the best way to communicate this to him.
Speak in the first person, instead of referring directly to his behavior: for example, "Stop being so negative" will have a much worse effect than "I think there is something better in this situation than what you see. ". The sentences in the first person seem less critical, making your interlocutor more serene and open to listening to your advice
Step 2. Pay attention to the way you speak
Don't focus attention only on what you say, but also on how you say it: tonality and non-verbal components are just as important. Speaking out loud or raising your hands in surrender will increase the tension, instead of helping you mitigate the negativity.
- Maintaining a condescending gaze and nodding your head when you agree are great ways to create a positive interaction.
- Use a steady tone of voice. Staying calm while your friend is losing it will help in letting him know that there are better ways to react to a problem.
Step 3. Be careful not to speak too fast
Some research has shown that speaking slower makes you appear "more interested and understanding". If you also want your way of speaking to encourage positivity and prevent you too from becoming prey to an environment that is too negative, always check the speed with which you speak.
Step 4. Stand up for yourself
You will need to be positive and compassionate, but remember that this doesn't mean letting others step into your head. Sometimes a negative friend may try to import their ideas; keep your composure and steadfastness about the freedom to express yourself and have a different point of view. In general, we must always try to satisfy the needs of all the people involved, not just one.
- Clearly express your wants, needs and wants, using straightforward language that cannot be contradicted, for example: "Your behavior is bothering me. I'm going now, but we can talk later if you wish.".
- Take advantage of empathy, as in this case: "I understand that you want to continue talking about this topic, but I don't feel comfortable, so I'll leave."
- Set limits, for example: "I have no problem listening to your grievances for five minutes, but then we need to change the subject to avoid getting entangled in negative emotions."
Step 5. Change the direction of the conversation
If your friend is constantly mulling over something, shift attention to a topic that will cheer him up. Bringing in a blast of cheerful emotions works much better than trying to fight the negativity.
For example, if he is complaining that he has had a bad day at work, ask him if he wants to go out to go bowling or to the movies, offering him the ticket
Method 3 of 3: Understanding Negativity
Step 1. Learn to recognize pessimism
This is a way of planning life expecting everything to go wrong. Generally, people become pessimistic when things have actually not gone well in their life; for this they may seem negative, because they tend to decline favorable ideas and opportunities. Just remember that they most likely have a history of bad experiences and therefore pessimism, in their perspective, is completely justified.
- People with this mindset may see your positive thoughts as a refusal to acknowledge life's problems. You can help your friends learn a happier way of thinking and seeing the future by harnessing your healthy positive thinking in your interactions with them.
- For example, a pessimistic friend might say things like "I shouldn't even show up for that interview, because I'm definitely not going to get the job." Someone who disagrees might reply: "Of course you will have that place! It is impossible that you are not the best!". Even if this answer seems correct it will not help, because it is clearly unlikely and does not correctly answer your friend's justified doubts.
- Rather be positive but down to earth: "Okay, you might not be the best person for that place, but you'll never know if you don't try! You have a lot of the qualities they're looking for, what harm would it hurt to try?"
Step 2. Look for signs of depression
It is a mood disorder characterized by symptoms such as lack of hope, the inability to experience positive emotions and chronic fatigue. Depression is the reason for so many cases of negativity and understanding it will help you behave better towards friends who may be suffering from it. There are many factors that cause it that are beyond a person's control, such as genetic predisposition or bad family or social environment. Those in depression have trouble managing the energy to do what they want or need. Because of the tiredness and low mood they suffer, depressed people can appear sad and negative.
- People with major depression cannot simply "wake up" and instantly overcome these feelings; despite this, the disorder is easily treatable with the right psychiatric and psychological therapy.
- Other characteristic symptoms of depression are: frequent feelings of sadness or want to cry, outbursts of anger, lack of interest in things that were previously pleasant, weight changes, sleep, exaggerated appetite, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, and thoughts (more or less frequent) of self-harm or suicide.
Step 3. Talk to your friend about depression
This complex disorder makes it difficult to feel positive emotions and to live a happy and healthy life. You certainly can't be the one to cure a friend of depression, but if you have noticed any alarming symptoms, talking to them could be a good way to show your attention and willingness, as well as an encouragement to seek medical help.
- Set up the conversation by speaking in first person, like "I've noticed that you don't want to go out lately and I'm worried. Would you like to talk about it?"
- Ask questions, without starting with the idea that you have already understood what is happening. Rather ask some specific things, such as "Have you felt this way for a long time? Has something happened to you that makes you feel this way?"
- Offer your help. Let your friend know you care and are there to support. Very often people with depression have very negative ideas about themselves or do not value themselves at all. Let the other know that you are available to help him, saying things like: "Our friendship is very important. Even if you don't feel like talking about it now, know that I'm always available as soon as you feel like it."
- Depressed people may respond to your attempts to help in an irritated or angry manner; in these cases do not take it personally and avoid forcing your hand.
Step 4. Check for signs of excessive anxiety
Anxiety causes frustration and irritability, leading people to feel helpless or afraid in the face of things that do not represent any problem for others; they spend so much time in fear that they have trouble concentrating on anything else. Very anxious individuals may be more aggressive towards others, thus generating a lot of negative energies that affect their life.
- If your friend often tends to worry about too many things or feels he is losing control of his life, he may suffer from anxiety problems.
- Like depression, anxiety disorders are psychiatric conditions that can create serious problems, but can also be easily treated. It's not up to you to find a cure for your friends, but you can always show your attention and willingness to help.
Step 5. Encourage your friend to seek a cure for anxiety
Many overly anxious people feel distressed about their inability to control themselves, which leads them to suffer from it even more. They may think that asking for specialist help is a sign of weakness or it means that they are somehow "wrong". Try to be helpful in these cases by reminding them that seeking a solution is actually a sign of strength and self-care.
Talk to your friend about his anxiety, without making him feel guilty by saying things like, "You need to control your anxiety." Rather, use gentle and reassuring phrases, like, "I've seen you very stressed and worried the last few times, are you okay?"
Step 6. Learn to manage insecurity and lack of self-esteem
Very often, those who feel insecure or not up to par have problems being positive and responding adequately to happy events; this could be a self-protection mechanism, as he is likely to fear rejection or fear of being hurt even more. While it may seem absurd to you, understanding its logic will be very helpful in dealing with it effectively. You can help your friends improve their self-esteem in several ways:
- Provide positive feedback. Learning to overcome the self-protection instinct takes time. When you recognize a sign (even a small one) of improvement, respond happily, such as: "I'm very glad you decided to go out with us tonight! We really missed you!"
- Always be encouraging. Overcoming negativity is a very difficult task and there may be moments of regression. Keep encouraging your friend and pushing him to try new methods.
- Offer your listening. Many suffer from a lack of self-esteem because they think that others are not interested in them or do not want to listen to them. Take some time to listen to your friend, discuss his fears and share your ideas. In this way you will make him feel part of your life and will understand the importance he has for you.
Step 7. Learn that negativity is partly unconscious behavior
We tend to think of these ways of doing a choice, but the reality is more complex: negativity, whether it is caused by depression, pessimism, anxiety, insecurity or otherwise, is something that you don't have complete control over. There are paths to follow to reduce the impact of this way of thinking in life, but judging someone for this only leads to greater problems.
Remember that it's not up to you to solve your friends' problems, but you can always be there to help. Don't forget to take care of yourself too, though
Advice
Support the idea of consulting a psychologist or psychiatrist if you think your friend suffers from particular ailments
Warnings
- Avoid talking about your friend behind their back - this is bad behavior and will definitely not be of any help.
- If your friend talks about thoughts of self-harm or suicide, call the emergency services right away and don't underestimate the situation.
