Everyone has that friend or co-worker who sucks up energy as if he were a vampire, convinced that he is the victim of countless conspiracies and that the whole world is angry with him. Unfortunately, you have to deal with a lot of pessimistic people in your life. As if that's not enough, negativity can also affect your personal well-being, so it's important to avoid it. Fortunately, there are ways to cope with the negativity of others.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Dealing with Negative People in the Moment
Step 1. Offer support
The first time you find yourself in front of a pessimistic person, offer them listening and solidarity. If she needs it, try to help her. Everyone has bad days or would like to get support every now and then. You don't need to be hostile to a friend who simply needs a hand.
If this person continues to obsessively insist on the same negative arguments, you feel emotionally exhausted after each encounter and use words and expressions with negative connotations in an overwhelming way ("I can't", "They don't have …", "I hate" and so on), at that point you can try to disarm his pessimism
Step 2. Don't get involved
When dealing with a pessimistic person, it is very easy to get carried away by their spiral of negativity. Deciding to keep out of it doesn't mean ignoring it, but keeping some emotional distance.
Negative people tend to exaggerate, they focus on pessimism at the expense of positivity. Instead of trying to make them reason about their negativity (which usually only leads to controversy and reinforces the idea that the world is against them), try to give evasive answers that neither encourage nor condemn this way of being. For example, answer: "Ok" or "I understand"
Step 3. Use the laudatory inquiry approach
If a person shows negativity about certain events or topics, you can strike up a conversation using a technique called "appreciative inquiry." The process involves a series of questions that help your interlocutor visualize a brighter future. If she complains about a past event, you can ask questions that target positive aspects of her experiences or the future.
- For example, you might ask, "What do you hope will happen next time?" or "What were the positive aspects of this experience?".
- This question should lead to the concrete description of a potential rosy future and how to get there.
Step 4. Maneuver the conversation
If the laudatory inquiry doesn't lead to constructive and positive dialogue, then gently steer the conversation towards a more harmless topic.
For example, you could say, "I understand that your colleague's behavior infuriated you. It must have been difficult. But now tell me, what are your plans for this weekend?" or "Wow, it must have been a birth to finish that project! But tell me something, have you seen that new documentary?"
Step 5. Try to stop negative ruminations
Ruminating, or coming back over and over on the same negative thoughts, only reinforces the negativity. Additionally, this is associated with higher levels of depression. If this person tends to ruminate, try to break the spiral by getting them to focus on something else.
Maneuvering the conversation often means leading a person to a happier topic within the same thematic category, while stopping negative brooding generally means changing the subject entirely. If your interlocutor is all about a business interaction, try bringing up his favorite show, his beloved pet, or another topic that is likely to result in a more positive dialogue
Step 6. Help her understand how she could take control of the situation
Pessimistic people tend to blame multiple external factors, never themselves, to justify their misfortunes. Those who attribute responsibility for their problems to variables that are beyond individual control tend to enjoy lower emotional well-being than those who take a different perspective. Try to support this person by developing a plan for how to handle negative events.
Venting out about a negative situation isn't necessarily an unhealthy response. Problems often need to be analyzed to develop a course of action and address them during this phase. Try to help this person constructively channel negative energy. For example, you can ask her what she can do to change an unfavorable situation at work
Step 7. Help her accept negative events
In addition to guiding her on how to react to a negative event, you can help her accept these experiences. For example, imagine a friend being scolded for being late for work. He complains to you at lunch: he reminds you that he hates taking the bus, that his boss is angry with him, and so on. You can try to answer in different ways in this situation, here are some of them:
- "Well, you've already been scolded by now, and that won't change. From now on you can show the boss that you are determined to arrive on time."
- "What if you cycle to work? At that point you shouldn't rely on the punctuality of the bus. You might as well leave the house a little later."
Step 8. Define Boundaries
When dealing with negative people, set boundaries regarding how you interact. Someone else's negativity is not your responsibility, you don't have to resolve their differences. If his behavior demoralizes you too much, it would be best to distance yourself.
- If the negative person is a co-worker, save yourself from their pessimism by explaining that you are busy with a project. Say it kindly or else you will only further fuel his negativity.
- If the negative person is a family member (especially someone you live with), try to take a break as often as possible. Go to the library or have a coffee at the café. Don't answer the phone every time he calls you.
Method 2 of 2: Dealing with Long-Term Negative People
Step 1. Identify negative people
One of the keys to dealing with a long-term negative person is to understand if they are pessimistic by nature or if they have just had a bad day.
- Negative people often become negative because they are constantly disappointed and hurt, and a certain anger is associated with these circumstances.
- Negative people tend to attribute responsibility to external factors, not to themselves. Of course, some are also more likely to blame themselves, and this can be just as annoying to those around them.
Step 2. Avoid lecturing or lecturing this person
Long lasting friendships or working relationships with negative people can drain patience, time, and energy, but it's important not to lecture or lecture. Even the most positive people in the world do not accept criticism willingly, so a pessimistic individual would be more likely to think that you are against him, without constructively assimilating your words.
While taking this weight off your chest will help you let off steam, it will not ultimately improve the situation. If you really need to let off steam because of a negative person's attitude, do it with someone from your closest circle, without directly involving them
Step 3. Act instead of react
One way to help both yourself and the person enmeshed in negativity is to make nice gestures for them, without basing them on a specific situation or conversation. An already negative worldview will always be reinforced by rejection, so showing acceptance can make a difference.
- People who already have a negative mindset often naturally take the support they receive for granted. Make a positive gesture towards him, but it doesn't necessarily have to be stimulated by a negative situation. This way, you could exert more control over your interactions and improve them.
- For example, if you occasionally make up excuses about why you can't see her because you know she'll be mulling over a negative situation, instead try calling her to meet her at a time when she isn't in a bad mood and isn't obsessed with her thoughts..
Step 4. Send her reminders of positive things to help her focus her attention elsewhere
Remind her of a fun moment you shared or a nice situation. Compliment something you think has done well. This reminds her that someone cares about her and brings a glimmer of positivity into her day.
For example, say to her, "Good work with the essay! I was very impressed with all the research you did."
Step 5. Do something unexpectedly nice every now and then
It can be anything from doing all the housework for a day to inviting her to watch a movie or take a walk together. It is a good way to inspire positivity without giving her a lecture about her behavior, also because this is well received by few.
Step 6. Plan group outings
Sometimes the best way to deal with a pessimistic person (especially if they belong to your circle of friends) is to organize group events, so that their negativity is "distributed" among different people. Either way, you need to make sure that these situations don't push the group to join forces against the negative person.
This step works best when all group members show equal solidarity with the negative person and use the same strategies to try to help him overcome the negativity
Step 7. Take responsibility for your own happiness
For social creatures like humans, serenity often depends on the quality of interpersonal relationships. Either way, you are solely responsible for your positivity and happiness.
- Being happy despite the circumstances means gaining control of your emotional reactions rather than the situation. For example, if you are dealing with a negative friend, you can allow them to drain your optimism, or you can defend yourself by reminding yourself of positive things before facing them and after.
- Controlling your emotional reaction is a bit like training a muscle. You need to practice controlling your emotions in response to external situations, such as dealing with a negative person.
Step 8. Evaluate this person's role in your life
After all, sometimes the best way to cope with such an individual is to completely eliminate him from one's existence. There are times when his pessimism knocks you down so much that it doesn't even give you the slightest chance to cultivate a satisfying and mutually enjoyable relationship.
- You need to look into the pros and cons of eliminating a person from your life. It can be difficult if she belongs to a circle of shared friends. It may even be impossible to do this, because sometimes they are co-workers or superiors.
- Honestly analyze the benefits you get from your relationship with this person, and don't rely too much on how they used to be if they've only turned negative in the last few months or years.
Step 9. Avoid this person
If you can't get rid of it completely, avoiding it will be your best bet. Remember that you need to take care of yourself. You don't owe your time and energy to anyone, especially if this person drains you with their negativity.
Advice
- Remember that people have different reasons for showing negativity, including insecurity, low self-esteem, a history of abuse, a life filled with frustration, low confidence in their possibilities, and so on.
- These people often have a hard time seeing the bright side or the beauty of life. Remember that in order to really change they must first want to revolutionize their way of self-perception.
- Don't react to negative comments. If you don't give her the reaction she wants, she'll stop, because she'll realize that her spasmodic pursuit of attention won't work.
- You should behave politely, avoid being harsh, and cultivate good patience.
Warnings
- Don't let someone's negativity make you a pessimist. You must remember that you are primarily responsible for your happiness.
- A perpetually negative person often suffers from depression. If when you speak she expresses her negativity by threatening to harm herself or others, encourage her to speak to an expert.
