Do you often get into conflict with colleagues, relatives or even the person you like because they say you are full of yourself? Do you have difficulty working in a group? Does it seem ridiculous and pointless to ask someone for help? In all of these cases, you may have ego problems. Of course, it can be helpful to have strong self-esteem when it comes to getting ahead in the job. However, it can also prevent you from working as a team. So, improve your relationships by learning to keep your disproportionate ego at bay.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Changing Perspective
Step 1. Stop comparing
Whether they are positive or negative, they can make you more anxious, demoralize you, and affect your decisions. There are always two sides of the same coin. By observing someone, you may think you are better, but it is equally true that they may surpass you in other respects.
- If you learn to like, you will stop making comparisons. Instead of having an ideal in your mind that you feel you need to conform to, just respect and appreciate what others have to offer as people.
- Remember that no one is perfect, not even you. If you need to make a comparison, do it with the person you were until yesterday.
Step 2. Change the way you see failures
Those with a huge ego might consider failure as the end of the world. Do not do it. If you are afraid of setbacks, you may be prevented from making further attempts or even reaching the smaller goals. Failures offer you the opportunity to perfect everything you know and are capable of doing. Learn to see every failure as an opportunity to get closer to success.
- Pay attention to how you currently react to obstacles. Do you blame yourself? Do you delete all major projects?
- Choose how to react. You may decide to carefully analyze everything that has happened and modify your plans taking into account the new information you have gathered.
- Encourage yourself. Find some inspiring quotes and put them in your living room or office. Repeat a few sentences that encourage you to overcome obstacles.
Step 3. Change the way you see success
Often, in today's fast-paced society, success is only measured by tangible rewards, such as a reward, a pat on the back, or a promotion in the workplace. By relying on this kind of recognition, you risk overstating your self-esteem when you shouldn't, because there are many other ways to gauge success that don't depend on money or rewards.
- Another way to see success is to think of it as a journey. There is a saying about it that success is the progressive realization of a dream. In other words, you are successful as long as you progress towards your goals (while taking small steps), even if your boss or teachers don't notice and you are not adequately rewarded.
- In the meantime, avoid bragging about your accomplishments. Congratulate yourself when you do a good job, don't overdo it, but try to acknowledge the contribution made by others. If you don't want to show a huge ego, you need to be able to share success and victories with people who deserve as much attention.
Step 4. Resize your expectations
If you demand too much of yourself or others, you risk making your ego problems worse. Our expectations shape the way we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Consequently, we react to the surrounding environment according to what we expect. When we break free from the trap of expectations, we have the power to look at ourselves and the surrounding reality from a new perspective.
- Check if your actions are guided by irrational perceptions. Perhaps as a child you were told that if you act as if the surrounding space is yours, others will also believe that you have this power. It can work, but there is also a risk that people will drift away in the meantime. Eliminate all "cause and effect" beliefs and define success in your own way.
- Practice mindful meditation. Strive to be fully present in every moment of your life. In this way you will not feel limited by a vision limited to the past or oriented exclusively to the future.
- Start with a beginner mindset. If we are convinced that we know a situation in all its aspects, we risk not evaluating it as a whole. In order not to fall into the trap of expectations, face each situation as if it were the first time. This way, you will be prepared to accept new ideas and other points of view.
Part 2 of 3: Changing the way you interact
Step 1. Learn to compromise
To keep your ego in check, you have to get used to finding intense ground with others. Whether it's work or interpersonal relationships, the art of compromise can help you interact more effectively. Here are some simple tips on this:
- Reconsider your motives. Again, when you find yourself in a stalemate with someone, you should ask yourself if you disagree because you feel superior or inferior. If any friction has arisen, try to give in on some point. Find a middle ground that is beneficial to all parties involved.
- Decide what's important to you. Remember there is no "me" in a team. Which group goal are you moving towards? Are you willing to revise your position to achieve a goal shared by all?
- Recognize that compromise does not mean defeat. In order to achieve a goal, it is really worth collaborating with another person, even if you are forced to give in on something that does not matter (such as being right or power). Just make sure that the variables that really matter, like beliefs or personal values, are never compromised.
Step 2. Accept differences of opinion
It won't get you upset when others have different opinions from yours. A little friction in personal and professional life can even be healthy. There is an adage that says, "If everyone thinks the same, then no one is thinking." The same goes for interactions with others: if everyone is always in agreement, then there will always be only one opinion. While such a situation may suit you well, on the other hand it severely limits personal and / or professional growth.
This does not mean that you should pick a fight with your partner or colleague, but avoid getting stuck and closing the communication whenever you feel threatened. It may happen that someone expresses a different point of view than yours, so try to consider this difference as a way to encourage you to see reality from a different perspective
Step 3. Be interested in others
Instead of monopolizing conversations, show interest in people. This attitude will take you much further than when trying to get people's attention. There are various ways to show interest in others.
- Make eye contact. Turn to the person in front of you. Don't keep your legs crossed and your arms folded. Try to listen actively so that you understand your interlocutor's speech instead of focusing on your responses. Before saying something, repeat in your own words what you have heard and ask for some clarification, such as: "Are you saying that …?".
- Call your interlocutor by name. Ask him something important about, for example, his children or his favorite hobbies. You might say, "Hi Sara! Have you been out on the boat lately?"
- Give a compliment. It can be difficult, but don't give up. Instead of focusing on yourself, direct your attention outward. Find something you truly appreciate about the person in front of you: how they care for their appearance, their efforts, or their personality. Let her know that you rate these qualities positively. For example, you might say, "You know your energies in this project are really contagious. Thank you!"
Part 3 of 3: Recognizing Your Ego Problems
Step 1. Question yourself
Despite the constant clashes in the office or at home, you are not necessarily fully aware of your ego problems. There are rather complex paths to define this concept. Perhaps the best explanation of ego is that it is that part of us that is constantly seeking approval. To find out if your ego imposes itself in a given situation, ask yourself two questions:
- "Do I feel superior to others?".
- "Do I feel inferior to the others?".
- If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you will most likely allow your ego to handle situations. Perhaps it makes sense to you that feeling superior is a symptom of a disproportionate ego. However, you may be unaware that feeling inferior to others can also be an ego problem.
Step 2. Notice if you get involved in territorial wars
Those with a rather strong ego tend to have conflicting relationships with people who invade what is perceived as personal territory. Your best friend tries to give you some tips on how to perfect your golfing skills. The manager who sits behind a desk all day thinks he can tell you how you can improve your job.
If in similar situations you feel some nervousness, it means that your ego is emerging. You may get angry when a person tries to give you a hint about something you think you know and turn down any kind of help. When someone offers you a good idea that overshadows yours, you tend to dismiss it so that your observations are not belittled
Step 3. Find out if you get offended easily
A disproportionate ego is not always evident. Sometimes, it emerges if you have a tendency to get offended as soon as someone expresses an opposite point of view to yours. Those with a strong ego tend to be overconfident. If he disagrees with a criticism or a different way of looking at things, he believes his own abilities are being challenged.
