Children often tend to be insolent when they find themselves in stressful situations or when faced with other problems in life. Most of the time they just want to get the attention of adults and see how far they can go. It is vital to remember to remain calm and act with respect towards them. Try to identify why they behave the way they do, analyzing the situation with them and with maturity.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Coping with the Situation as a Parent
Step 1. Point out your mistake immediately
If the child is disrespectful, you should point this out right away. By ignoring him, you will encourage him to continue until he gets your attention.
- For example, suppose you are at home trying to talk on the phone while your child interrupts you all the time. You could say something like, "Honey, I know you're trying to get my attention, but I'm busy now." This reaction will show the child that you are aware of their behavior and that you are not ignoring them.
- You might also add: "… so you'll have to wait until I'm done". This allows you to say what to do and at the same time point out that you will not forget about him.
Step 2. Provide explanations to the child
If you tell him to stop without giving reasons, he may not understand why. Once you have pointed out his behavior, explain to him why he is being unfair or disrespectful. This will help him understand the importance of good manners.
- Let us return to the telephone example. If your child keeps interrupting you, say something like, "I'm on the phone. It's not nice to interrupt me while I'm trying to talk to someone else, because I can't give him all my attention."
- You could also suggest alternative behavior. For example, say something like, "Could you wait for us to pause in the conversation if you really need something?"
Step 3. Explain the consequences
If you try to talk rationally with your child who disrespects you and despite this continues to behave badly, you must expose the consequences to him and, in case he does not change his attitude, you must put them into practice.
- Never tell your child that their behavior has consequences without applying them at the right time. If you tell children that they would get in trouble, but in reality they don't, they would continue to misbehave.
- Make sure you set out some consequences that can be put into practice.
- For greater effectiveness, choose consequences that are directly related to the behavior of the child you intend to change.
Step 4. Give your child adequate punishments
If you have to punish him, make sure you do it properly. Not all forms of punishment work, and the type of punishment depends on the age of the child and the severity of his action.
- Corporal punishment and isolation are not appropriate solutions. For example, don't send your child to his room and don't spank him. Corporal punishment could scare a child, especially if he is small in age, while his isolation precludes you from helping him grow.
- Ideally, punishments should teach children how to interact, communicate effectively, and correct negative behaviors. Isolating the child does not allow him to understand why he misbehaved.
- Try to think less in terms of punishment and more in terms of consequences. Choose consequences that make sense. Taking your child's favorite toy away won't help them understand why it's wrong to interrupt. You should also apply the consequence immediately and make sure it refers to the mistake made. For example, if your child prevents you from talking quietly on the phone, their behavior is improper because it indicates disrespect for your free time. You could order him to do a task that normally falls to you, such as drying dishes, to show him that your time is important, as you are very busy with housework and work.
Part 2 of 3: Coping with the Situation as a Teacher
Step 1. Tell the child what he should do
As a teacher, especially if you work with younger children, it is preferable that you suggest alternative behavior to them, rather than berating them for disobeying you. Provide direct and precise indications on how they should behave when they assume the wrong attitudes.
- When a child misbehaves, explain to him how he should act and give him a valid reason why he should prefer the alternative behavior you suggest.
- For example, suppose you are in the pool and you see one of your pupils running over the edge of the pool. Instead of saying "Paolo, don't run", say something like: "Paolo, use non-slip shoes to avoid slipping and getting hurt".
- Children tend to get the message better when they are told what to do, rather than when they are reprimanded for misbehaving.
Step 2. Try the "time-in"
Sending a child into a corner (the so-called timeout) is no longer a popular disciplinary method for little ones, as isolation can be frustrating. However, the time-in involving the child in a different activity, but in an alternative environment, could distract him from a stressful situation. If you suspect that one of your pupils is misbehaving due to stress or fatigue, suggest time-in.
- Create corners of intimacy and tranquility in your classroom where students can sit and relax when they disturb the rest of the class. Enrich it with pillows, photo albums, soft toys and other objects that can convey serenity.
- The basic idea is that in this way the child does not suffer punishment, but understands that he must learn to control his emotions if he is to participate in the lessons. He is not isolated in a hostile environment, as happens in the traditional time-out, but in an alternative environment where he can calm down.
- Remember that punishment should be an opportunity to learn. When you have a free moment, ask the child to explain why his behavior disturbed him. Decide together how to deal with situations that arouse his emotion or cause him to become rowdy in the classroom.
- While this approach is often adopted at school, parents could also benefit from the time-in. If you are a parent, try to find a space in the home where your child can calm down when he loses control of his emotions.
Step 3. Maintain a positive attitude
Use positive sentences instead of negative ones. Children could become disrespectful if they don't feel respected. Don't use statements like, "I won't help you with that problem until you try to find the solution yourself." This will cause the child to think that he has done something wrong by giving his all. Instead, say, "I think you would learn more if you tried to find the solution on your own. After you do, I can help you."
By using positive affirmations, you reiterate the concept that you respect the child and treat him as an adult
Step 4. Don't take it personally
If a child treats you badly or doesn't respect you, try not to take it personally. Teachers often experience anxiety when children are rebellious towards them or misbehave in class. It is likely that the child is trying to assert his autonomy or is going through a bad period and is angry with you.
- Remember that children can often react abruptly. Just because a child says "I hate you" doesn't mean that you really think so.
- Also keep in mind that children tend to be disrespectful of their parents or other authority figures to test hierarchical structures of power.
- Don't get distracted. Focus on the behavior you want to teach the child and not on punishment.
Step 5. Get help
If the situation does not improve, help should be sought. The child may have problems and may not be willing to talk to you about it. In addition, he may experience particular family situations that create discomfort and perhaps he needs to let off steam. If you are concerned that one of your pupils may have an underlying problem that prevents them from behaving properly in class, talk to the director of the school or a psychologist.
If the child trusts you, you may want to try asking them yourself. However, avoid betraying his trust and let him know in advance that depending on the seriousness of his problem, you may need to report him to the principal or to the appropriate authorities
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with More Serious Problems
Step 1. Avoid the onset of negative behaviors
Sometimes the best way to educate is simply prevention. Try to establish an atmosphere at school and at home that does not foster bad behavior. Identify situations that cause your child to lose control and find ways to change them so that they feel comfortable.
- Learn to recognize situations that prompt him to throw a tantrum. The most common reasons include: anger, fatigue, fear or confusion. If you know you find yourself in a situation that could trigger the bad behavior, consider bringing some snacks or toys for the baby or perhaps hiring a babysitter.
- Allow your child to exercise some control. If his requests are not unreasonable, sometimes it is better to satisfy them. In doing so, you show the child that you respect them and avoid fueling power conflicts between parents and children. Suppose your daughter loves her summer dress, but it's cold outside. Instead of preventing her from wearing it, you may want to allow her to wear it in the colder months, as long as she is wearing a coat and tights.
- If you can't handle the situation, ask an experienced psychologist how you can change his or her behavior.
Step 2. Try to find the cause of his bad behavior
You can't set proper boundaries and strict discipline if you don't understand why your child is misbehaving. Make an effort to understand your child and the reasons behind their attitude.
- When he is upset, make an effort to establish an emotional connection with him. Say something like, "This seems to make you particularly angry. How come?"
- There may be causes that you are unaware of. Discovering them could help you understand how to best deal with the situation in the moment. For example, if your child cries every night when you put him to bed, he is probably afraid of the dark or has seen a movie on television that scared him. Instead of scolding him, the next time you put him to bed, take a few minutes to talk about his fears and reassure him that he has nothing to fear.
Step 3. Teach him the principles of empathy
If you want to help a child grow, you need to support positive behaviors and not just discourage negative ones. One of the most important things you can convey to your child is empathy. When he misbehaves, tell him why he has hurt other people's feelings.
- For example, suppose he took a schoolmate's pencil. You could say something like, "I know how fond you are of the pencil with the bunny you got last Easter. How would you feel if someone took it without asking your permission?" Give him time to respond.
- Once the child identifies with the person he hurt, tell him to apologize. Teaching a child to put themselves in another person's shoes is key to developing empathy.
Step 4. Provide concrete examples of appropriate behavior
Imitation is one of the best ways to teach children how to behave correctly. Try to act like the person you want your child to grow up to be. Use good manners; keep calm in difficult situations; openly express your emotions and show your child how to deal with sadness, anger, and other negative moods constructively and appropriately.
Leading by example is one of the best ways to teach your child to behave well. This is especially effective on young children, who learn best from examples
Step 5. Don't make assumptions
If your child, or another child, is misbehaving, don't guess. Don't assume he's insolent. Take some time to talk to him and find out the real source of the problem. Believing him to be moody, you may not show him enough affection. If you think he has more serious problems, you may be tempted to justify his behavior.
- The difficult thing about guessing is that it could lead you to treat your baby differently, which often won't solve the problem.
- Whenever possible, try to be consistent with your actions when your child is misbehaving, but try to understand how he feels and why.
Step 6. Avoid power struggles
These occur when two people try to prevail over each other. While you want to show your child that he or she needs to show you respect as you represent authority, you need to do it calmly and respectfully. Avoid raising your voice, yelling at him, or addressing him in the same way. If he's having a tantrum, he probably hasn't developed problem-solving skills adequately. Try to understand and address their needs, rather than forcing them to follow your rules.
- Show the child that together you can handle a problem without resorting to an irritating power struggle. Have him sit down and try to address the problem by explaining that you can solve it together. If he continues to be insolent and refuses to have a conversation as a mature person, give him time to calm down and not fuel other discussions.
- Don't let yourself be manipulated by a child. Children often try to find a deal or manipulate you to get what they want, so make sure you don't give in while staying calm.
Step 7. Praise positive behavior
If you want your child to behave better, positive reinforcement could help you. Praise your child for the small changes in behavior so that they learn the appropriate ones.
- Focus on the behaviors you want to change. For example, suppose your child often interrupts others. Explain to him the reasons why this attitude is incorrect and then evaluate his small progress. Many parents aim too high and expect a child to transform completely overnight. On the contrary, try to appreciate the small changes.
- Let's say you are talking on the phone and your child is bothering you. However, he stops pestering you the first time you ask him, instead of continuing to bother you right after he gets caught. Although he bothered you at first, he is struggling to change.
- When you finish your phone call, praise your child for the small step forward. Say something like, "Paolo, I really appreciated that you stopped talking the moment I asked you." Eventually the child will learn what the correct behaviors are and act accordingly.
