When children are unruly they put a strain on their parents and those in their custody, but their rebellious behavior could also indicate that they are feeling sad, fearful, or confused. Managing an undisciplined child requires the application of targeted skills and strategies, but you can work together with your child to achieve greater self-control and both manage to remain calm. Remember that the problem is not the child, but his attitude, so let him know that you love him and that you see him in a positive light, despite his rebellious behavior. You should never hit or spank a baby or even shake or hit a baby, for any reason in the world.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Create the Order from the Disorderly Behavior
Step 1. Establish a set of rules
Your main priority should be to set rules to put a stop to behaviors that cause the most fuss or are potentially risky. If the management of the child is mainly up to you, you can set the rules on your own, if instead the child spends a lot of time with other people (like the dad, the grandparents or the babysitter), set the rules together with them.
Make sure they are simple and clear. For example, for a child who tends to engage in aggressive behavior, the rule could be phrased simply like this: "Do not hit"
Step 2. Offer your child alternatives to misbehavior
Children need help replacing unruly behavior with something new that prompts them to learn to control themselves more. Depending on the behaviors you intend to correct, you can try one or more strategies.
- Stop, think, choose. Stop the activity you are carrying out, reflect on what you are thinking, then evaluate the consequences for yourself and for others, before proceeding.
- Personal time out. Step away from the room and allow yourself a few minutes to calm down before returning to face the situation.
- Share your emotions. Tell a trusted person how you feel, detailing your emotions and explaining how they are affecting your life.
- Breath deeply. Take several deep breaths to regain balance if you feel overwhelmed by emotions.
Step 3. Establish meaningful rewards and punishments
Reward the child when he adheres to the established rules and opt for minor punishments, which do not include spanking and which are appropriate for the child's age.
- Positive reinforcement of correct behaviors is very helpful. Rewards don't have to be expensive toys or outings. You could reward your child simply by playing their favorite game with them. Compliments from parents are also very rewarding for children.
- As for the punishments, don't overdo it. For older children, it may be enough to reduce pocket money or assign an extra task. For younger children, a short time out (no more than one minute for each year of age of the child) would be more appropriate.
Step 4. Take your time to review the rules with your child so that he or she is not perplexed as to their meaning or the consequences of not observing them
Focus on what you want him to do, rather than his negative behavior.
- For example, let your child understand that instead of attacking someone, they should turn to you and tell you why they are upset.
- Role-play with your child based on some real-life situations that make him nervous and lead him to engage in inappropriate behaviors.
Step 5. Behave the way you would like your child to behave
A great way to help children understand how they face challenges is to set a good example. If you and your child have agreed that to avoid hitting someone, it is a good idea to stay away for a few minutes to calm down, you can try doing it in their presence.
Step 6. Apply the rules consistently
If your child breaks a rule, give punishment that has an immediate consequence. If you postpone it later or apply the rule only a few times, it is unlikely that you will notice a change in behavior in the child. Likewise, when he follows the rules, using a positive surrogate behavior that you have worked on together, you should reward and praise him immediately.
Parents who do not apply the rules consistently and in a timely manner do not get positive results
Step 7. Communicate the rules to other people who care for the baby
If your child spends the weekends with his dad or the afternoon with the babysitter, explain to them the system you have adopted. Consistency in different environments will help him achieve more satisfying results.
Method 2 of 3: Overcome a fit of rage
Step 1. Know that tantrums are normal, especially in young children
They can last a few minutes or hours and can be frustrating for both the child and the adults around them. A child who throws a tantrum might scream, cry, but also roll on the floor, run around the house, or bang their fists against the wall.
The tantrums can be caused by various reasons, such as tiredness, hunger or the inability to express themselves adequately and perform a complicated task
Step 2. Stay calm when the baby starts having a tantrum
If you get upset, the situation tends to get worse for both of you. Know that tantrums are common among children and that sooner or later they pass.
Step 3. Don't give in, don't fight and don't scream
Do not please him, because he would think that with whims he can get what he wants, while in reality he must learn to recognize and adequately express his emotions. Even screaming or arguing is useless. While it can be frustrating to endure a child's tantrums, screaming and arguing would only create grueling power struggles. Keeping calm is the best thing you can do.
Step 4. Make sure your child doesn't get hurt
When children, especially younger ones, have a tantrum, they can sometimes put themselves in danger. Do not lose sight of him to avoid injury.
Make sure it doesn't harm anyone, especially any children present
Step 5. Try to approach the child with great serenity
If he is old enough to understand, approach him and calmly explain to him that he should stop throwing tantrums and show him how you would like him to replace his negative behavior.
Step 6. Take your child to a quiet and safe place
If he can't calm down, tell him to sit still for a minute. After he has done a minute of silence, you can interrupt the time out.
Step 7. When you're done throwing tantrums, show your love to him
It is important for children to feel loved after a fit of anger. Keep calm and show your affection, including praising him for quitting tantrums.
Eliminate the triggering cause of the tantrum, whatever it is, and give him something simple to do. For example, if the whim arose from the difficulty encountered in coloring a drawing, put the latter aside and give it a simpler task
Step 8. Try to avoid having a tantrum at home
Learn to recognize situations that make the child nervous and busy to explain how to recognize his emotions. Make sure the toys are appropriate for her age, and try to stick to regular meal times and bedtime at all times.
You can also tell him how to express feelings through words, or how to unleash his energies in a more positive way
Step 9. Avoid tantrums outside the home
If your child tends to throw tantrums when you go out, stay home when he's tired. Make sure you always carry snacks with you. Try to involve the child in everything you do by talking to him about what's going on. Help the child feel involved in your activities, even if it involves a long queue at the bank.
Method 3 of 3: Handle Someone Else's Unruly Children
Step 1. Be prepared to talk to those who care most about the baby
Children, especially those aged five or younger, are not always able to control their emotions and reactions. Be prepared to deal with inappropriate behaviors and seizures and talk to the child's main guardians (e.g. parents) about things to avoid, the rules their children must follow and how you should apply them in their absence.
It is important that the rules are imposed by everyone who cares for the child, including you. Learn about the rules he should abide by and how his parents would like you to react when he breaks them
Step 2. Don't try to replace your parents
Even if you don't approve of their educational methods, you still have to stick to their rules. Children need to feel the consistency of adult educational behaviors and to always suffer the same consequences when they break them. The presence of contradictory messages can create confusion and lead them to misbehave more frequently.
Giving in to a child's requests, such as eating too much candy or not going to bed at the appointed time, creates discomfort for parents and confusion in the child. He may initially respond positively to your permissiveness, but his behavior will quickly worsen if you don't set any stakes according to parenting guidelines
Step 3. Keep the children busy with stimulating activities
Boredom is a common cause of rebellious behavior, so if you're looking after someone else's child, do something interesting and fun with them. Give him something to do and he'll likely become less unruly.
If possible, try to know in advance what the child likes to do. Dedicating to chores and drawings, playing games or playing with her favorite toys are all engaging activities for children
Step 4. Try to prevent the child from being overwhelmed by hunger or fatigue
These too can provoke rebellious behavior. Make sure you have snacks on hand, prepare meals in advance, and know nap times for younger children. They behave best when they are full and go to bed at the appointed time.
Step 5. Keep calm and don't resort to violence
If a child misbehaves, it is very important that you do not lose your temper and explain to him what is wrong with his behavior. Tell him what you would like him to do. Remember to abide by the rules and punishments that his parents have indicated to you.
Never raise your voice or hit the baby. Do not shake or hit a newborn in any way
Step 6. Try to distract and comfort the child when he seems particularly agitated
If he doesn't hear reason, distraction and comfort are the two options you have left. Hugging him, giving him his favorite toys and snacks or proposing new activities are the various alternatives you could try to help the baby get better.
Warnings
- If you are a babysitter, do not spank or hit the child you care for. Ask your regular caregivers (parents or guardians) how they would like you to help them by adopting their educational methods.
- Never use hard manners with a baby, don't shake him or hit him. Crying indicates that he needs your attention, so approach him and try to understand his needs.
- Never hit and never spank a child. Corporal punishment has been amply demonstrated to have negative effects and are ineffective. They could also cause physical and psychological damage.
