Sometimes, we get the impression that a particular person, or all those around us, claim the right to make us feel invisible. This feeling can depend on the way we behave (or don't behave) among people or on simple misunderstandings about the signals transmitted by others when they notice our presence. However, the good news is that we have the opportunity to transform ourselves from individuals who go unnoticed in the eyes of the people into protagonists of the social scene.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Assessing the Situation
Step 1. List a number of real life situations
To solve the problem, you must first understand it. Then, make a list that includes times when you felt ignored by others. Enter any kind of circumstance, from the most trivial ("I said hello and nobody answered me") to the most indisputable ones ("I went to a party and nobody spoke to me"). Try to describe these episodes in as much detail as possible.
- Since your list will presumably remain a private matter, you don't have to write it nicely. It contains personal observations, so worry more about the content than the style or language.
- By identifying the reactions you have had in various situations, you will be able to understand the emotional phases that commonly accompany the feeling of being ignored or excluded. It is not uncommon for those who are isolated to feel confused at first ("Am I really going through all this?") And later feel anger and resentment when no one seems willing to help them in a given situation. So, recognize your state of mind before others force you to commit an antisocial gesture just to get noticed.
Step 2. Find out if the way you are treated follows a pattern
Do you find it difficult to get people to listen to you when you are at work, at home, in social or private contexts? Is there a particular person who appears multiple times in the list you wrote? Has anyone started ignoring you after a particular episode? For example, it is documented that infiltrated moles among the staff of a company can be marginalized by their colleagues.
- Don't underestimate your attitudes. Also observe your behavioral patterns. For example, do you enjoy talking to people but can't leave a strong impression? Or do you get anxious when you are forced to talk to others?
- Write down your observations about the behavioral patterns you embrace at these times and set personal goals. If your family life worries you, balance your efforts to improve it. This way, you will also be able to see positive changes over time (and be proud of it).
Step 3. Take Your Responsibilities
To change, you have to accept the possibility of improving, albeit slowly. Remember that you are in control of your actions. The feeling of being invisible could become a reality. If you believe you do not deserve the attention of others, you will actually go unnoticed.
Step 4. Find a friend or confidant to help you identify and pursue goals to improve your social life
You should choose a person who you trust and who values you. Ask her to accompany you on meeting and socializing occasions to observe how you interact with others and offer you advice.
Part 2 of 4: Focus on Your Wellbeing
Step 1. Recognize your subjectivity
Become aware of the moods and behaviors you had in the past and accept them, but decide to follow another path in the future. You should think about everything that makes you unique and that you have accomplished in your life. If you love yourself, others will appreciate you too!
By keeping a journal of your personal successes, you can maintain a positive and forward-looking mindset. Plus, you'll have great conversation starters. That way, most people will be more than happy to congratulate you when, for example, you get a job promotion. You can also write down all the things you are grateful for. There is no "right" way to tell the feelings you feel in everyday life
Step 2. Create your "sanctuary"
At home and / or in the office, document your life and achievements by displaying photos of your best moments, encouraging quotes and memories of your adventures.
If you have been to Machu Picchu, let them know by keeping a photo of your trip on your desk. It's a great way to break the ice. According to some studies, if a person takes possession of a space by arranging some personal effects, he has the possibility of fueling positive feelings
Step 3. Defend your interests in front of others
Probably to promote a climate of harmony, you will be tempted to sacrifice yourself and compromise. This attitude that leads to indulging people can be welcome, but also trivial if repeated. Pretend to be your personal PR (PR agent), encouraging yourself to see the positives and responding to attacks you receive.
Be direct, not aggressive. People often disappear into social invisibility to avoid conflicts. It is understandable, but this behavior can lead to problems in the long run. So, in the most tense situations try to stay calm, reflect and not lose sight of your goals. Ask your colleagues: "How can we solve this problem?" or "Why do you think this way?". Those looking for a leader will see guidance in you
Step 4. Learn to say "no"
If you have a hard time getting out of social invisibility, you will surely feel compelled to take every opportunity to demonstrate your commitment and gain approval from others. Resist this temptation. When an opportunity presents itself to you, ask yourself if it falls within your personal and professional goals set for the present and the future. If it doesn't work, give yourself a day to think through each aspect and find an answer. This way, you will put your needs first and show others how important you are.
Step 5. Do something for yourself
Buy yourself a new dress by combining the right accessories. Communicate how special you are through clothing. For example, choose a unique and exceptional piece of jewelry and wear it on the most important occasions. The so-called "enclothed cognition" is a process that nurtures self-confidence through the choice of clothes commonly associated with the idea of prestige and power. In this case, a simple necklace can be a perfect social armor, so don't hesitate to buy it if it hits you!
Step 6. Eat right and train
Make sure you eat regular, healthy meals. It is another where you can express your personality and broaden your knowledge. For example, you can join a food and wine association or even write on a cooking blog. Likewise, physical activity does not have to be an effort made in solitude. Join the nearest gym, hang out with a group of people exercising outdoors, or track your progress with an online support group. This way, you will be able to get more visibility.
Furthermore, exercise has been shown to activate the production of endorphins, which in turn stimulates positive emotions. When you feel good about yourself, others notice it too and are more likely to get carried away by your exuberance
Step 7. Give yourself a break
From time to time you have to accept the idea of disappearing from the social scene. By doing this, not only will people tend to like you more, but you can also recharge and reevaluate your goals so you can move forward. It can also be an opportunity to experience new adventures! Book a trip to a distant place and test your social skills by adopting a different and bolder personality, even if for a short period of time.
Part 3 of 4: Develop and Show Confidence in Yourself
Step 1. Encourage yourself with positive affirmations
Repeat in mind how much you believe in yourself. It probably won't be true at first, but the more you say "I'm a confident person," the more distrust will leave you. Your unconscious will learn to believe it if you repeat this frequently. In fact, Carnegie Mellon University researchers found that self-encouragement increases the ability to solve personal problems and can even help improve grade point average in school.
Step 2. Compliment
Share your approval with others by recognizing their talents. Try saying, "I share your point of view" or "I think you made a great choice." For example, if you notice that someone is wearing a particular piece of jewelry or perfume, tell them sincerely: "The bracelet you are wearing is truly amazing. Where did you buy it?".
Step 3. Show determination through body language
Walk with your head held high, keep your back straight and move with ease. When walking, also try to make eye contact with others and smile. Usually, those who manifest self-awareness do not go unnoticed. People sense that he has strong self-esteem and, therefore, respect him.
Take up the space you need. When you focus on preventing conflict, your body is also involved and you can give in to the need to physically limit yourself in the presence of others. Resist this urge. For example, if you have to give a conference, get hold of the territory that belongs to you when you sit down by spreading the documents you need for your relationship and moving to occupy the surrounding space
Step 4. Avoid hiding behind your cell phone
It often happens to play with your phone to cover up the embarrassment resulting from social invisibility. In these cases, try at all costs to put it away. Interact with a group of people (or give yourself a time limit) before pulling it out.
Step 5. Be fun
Not everyone has the comic streak of Robin Williams or other brilliant comedy actors. However, that doesn't mean you can't be a witty person. Try to understand what kind of humor you have. Do you like jokes? Do you prefer the more biting social satire? Or do you love black humor and zany jokes? Think carefully to evaluate the different genres of "comedy" in order to distinguish yourself with your approach in moments of socialization.
You can break the ice by telling funny anecdotes. Browse fake news websites and pick up some stories to discuss with other people. With this tactic, you can bring up some pretty sensitive political issues and, as a result, keep the conversation going. Undoubtedly your interlocutors will have questions and you will gain the center of attention
Part 4 of 4: Always Give 100%
Step 1. Immerse yourself completely in the conversation
Try to actively listen to your interlocutor, showing him your involvement. By paying attention, you will show respect towards him and thus save him from social invisibility. Active listening gives you the ability to create common ground, foster mutual understanding, and establish deep empathy. Questions allow you to make an otherwise passive conversation active.
Avoid closed-ended questions ("yes" or "no"), but stick to the ones that start with "how" and "why". For example, if a friend tells you about a recent trip abroad, instead of asking him: "Did you have fun?", You could ask him: "What did you enjoy the most and why?". Also, ask questions to deepen the dialogue and confirm your interest in what he is saying
Step 2. Take a stand and don't be afraid to show your disagreement
If you have a valid objection, express it politely. In fact, sometimes you can even allow yourself to be the devil's advocate, a role that often gives a touch of liveliness to conversations. Also, by considering both sides of an issue, you will demonstrate mental resilience, a widely appreciated quality.
Step 3. Test your limits
Maybe you just need a simple injection of self-esteem to start gaining some social exposure. Do something crazy, absurd and daring to get the attention of people who probably won't have a chance to meet you again.
Behave spontaneously, but positively. For example, high-five someone you casually meet on the street or offer them a coffee. This way, you'll have some exposure for at least one day (and make a good impression on the other person). According to studies conducted at Stanford University, the act of offering something promotes social interactions and generosity
Step 4. Get involved
If you have a busy schedule, you will greatly increase the chance of getting noticed. Ask friends, family and colleagues to suggest activities and events that may interest you. Keep an eye out for new opportunities and, remember: don't be afraid to try your hand at something adventurous!
- Regarding work, you may want to get in touch with professional groups in your area. For example, many young professionals meet based on age or industry. In this way, you can increase your social visibility by exploiting the affinities you have with other people. Alternatively, you can get involved in organizing company parties or participating in charity activities. Helping others is always a great way to draw attention to yourself.
- Themed meeting groups are another option to acquire an almost guaranteed social visibility. They are made up of people who all have similar interests (alumni of a course or school, lovers of camping, fans of board games, and so on) and who plan gatherings (often organized through social networks).
Advice
- There are not only people of the opposite sex to yours. Sometimes, it is believed that one's social life revolves around winning a partner. It is easier to expand one's circle of acquaintances strictly on the level of friendships. In this way, you also get used to having greater social visibility.
- Please note that once a certain visibility is reached, no one will shout " I'm noticing you"There are subtle signals people send when you pique their interest. Be careful and show your involvement when talking to someone.
- Social invisibility also offers some benefits. In particular, the ability to act without worrying about the reactions of others and the ability to ignore social stereotypes regarding external beauty are considered advantageous.
Warnings
- Keep in mind that workplace invisibility can turn into marginalization. If you are being ignored on purpose and faced with threats, you should go to your superiors. Canadian researchers have found that social ostracism is quite a widespread phenomenon: over 70% of respondents experienced a feeling of exclusion in the workplace. Some scholars argue that social exclusion is more frequent (and probably more problematic) than outright bullying.
- The suffering due to social ostracism can be strong and unstoppable. If you believe you can harm yourself or others, don't hesitate to ask friends, family and doctors for help.
