If you are too accommodating, you probably tend to put the needs of others before your own. Maybe you want their approval or you have been taught more to give than to receive. It will take some time to change the habit, but start saying "no" to some things and "yes" to others. Set limits, make your voice heard, and stand up for your opinions. First of all, take the time to take care of yourself.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Knowing How to Say "No" Effectively
Step 1. Acknowledge that you have a choice
If someone asks or tells you to do something, you can say yes, no or maybe. You don't have to accept even if you feel compelled. When someone asks you something, take your time to reflect and remember that you can choose which answer to give.
For example, if someone asks you to stay longer in the office to finish a job, think, "I have the power to say yes and stay or say no and go home."
Step 2. Learn to say "no"
If you have a tendency to accept even when you don't want to or when the situation stresses you, start opposing your refusal. It takes a little practice, but be firm when you can't make a commitment even though someone else wants it. You don't have to apologize or find excuses. A simple "no" or "no, thank you" will do.
At first, just firmly reject yourself when faced with minor issues. For example, if your partner asks you to take the dog for a walk when you are exhausted, say, "No. I'd rather you take it tonight, please."
Step 3. Be assertive and understanding
If a sharp "no" seems too harsh, you can always be assertive and understanding at the same time: put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand their needs, but also try to say firmly that you can't help them.
For example, try to put it this way: "I know how much you want a beautiful birthday cake for your party and how much it means to you. I'd like to make it, but I don't have the chance right now."
Part 2 of 3: Setting Limits
Step 1. Take some time to reflect
When someone asks you something, you don't have to answer right away. Rather, say "Let me think" and talk about it again later. This will give you time to reflect, understand if you are feeling pressured and think about any conflicts that may arise.
- If the other person needs a quick answer, tell them no, otherwise you will get stuck.
- Do not use this method to avoid rejection. If you want or have to say no, just communicate it without making your interlocutor wait.
Step 2. Establish your priorities
By knowing your priorities, you will be able to understand when to accept and when to decline. If you feel cornered, choose the most important thing by asking yourself why. If you're unsure, write a list of your needs (or alternatives) and rank them in order of importance.
For example, taking care of your sick dog may be more important than going to a friend's party
Step 3. Firmly support what you want
There is nothing wrong with expressing your opinions. It does not mean demanding. Simply reiterating that you are able to think for yourself is a big step forward. If you tend to please people by agreeing with them instead of expressing what you want, start making your voice heard.
- For example, if your friends want to go to a Japanese restaurant when you are in the mood for Thai cuisine, don't forget your preference next time you dine out.
- Even if you agree on something, say what you want. For example: "I prefer the other movie, but I'm happy to watch this one too."
Step 4. Set a time limit
If you agree to help someone, set a deadline. You don't have to justify yourself or find an excuse for the reason that makes you leave. Present your conditions without hesitation.
For example, if someone asks you to help them move, say, "I can help you from noon until three."
Step 5. Find a compromise when making a decision
It's a great way to get your voice heard, gain some wiggle room within your limits, and find a middle ground with people. Listen to the needs of your interlocutor, then explain yours. Come up with a solution that satisfies both sides.
For example, if a friend wants to go shopping while you prefer to go for a walk, start with one and then move on to the other
Part 3 of 3: Take Care of Yourself
Step 1. Increase your self-esteem
Self-esteem is not built on what other people think of you or their approval - it just depends on you. Surround yourself with positive people and learn to recognize your moments of despair. Listen to the way you talk to yourself (for example, when you think people don't like you or call yourself a failure) and stop blaming yourself for your mistakes.
Learn from your mistakes and treat yourself like you would your best friend. Be kind, understanding, and forgiving
Step 2. Build healthy habits
Don't think that you are selfish by taking care of yourself and your body. If you tend to put the well-being of others ahead of your own, you need to take some time to take care of your own health. Eat right, train regularly, and do whatever keeps you physically healthy. Most importantly, make sure you get enough sleep so that you feel rested every day.
- Try to get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
- If you care, you will also be able to help others.
Step 3. Take better care of yourself
This way, you will feel better and be able to manage stress. Have fun with friends and family. Indulge in some body treatments from time to time: get a massage, go to a spa and relax.
Do the things you love. Listen to music, write in your diary, volunteer or take a walk every day
Step 4. Realize that you can't please just anyone
Regardless of your efforts, you will not be able to meet everyone's needs. You can't change what others think or make them like you or accept you. These are decisions that are up to them.
If you're trying to win a group's approval or want your grandmother to realize how good you are, you won't be able to
Step 5. Seek the help of a professional
It can be difficult to reject the desire to be accepted by others. If you have tried to change the situation, but it has always remained the same or it has only gotten worse, perhaps it is time to consult a psychologist. It will help you to import and engage in new behaviors.
Find a psychotherapist by contacting your doctor or mental health center. You can also ask a friend for advice
Advice
- Ask yourself if you tolerate things that other people would not accept. Learn to understand when others have inadmissible behaviors towards you and set rules when they go beyond the limits you have set.
- Don't give in. If you get into this habit, you won't get rid of it that easily. Be aware of times when you go out of your way to be accommodating to people.
- Helping someone should be a spontaneous desire, not something you feel you have to do.
- Don't worry about what others think of you.
