If you happen to treat others badly, you are probably dealing with much deeper emotional problems. Addressing the source of your negative emotions and cultivating your happiness in general can help you have a kinder personality. Also, learning to communicate with others and understand them can reduce situations where you find yourself accidentally being rude. You can change your thoughts, feelings and actions to become a more courteous person.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Mastering the Emotions
Step 1. Think about why you misbehave others
Many treat people badly in order to feel better about themselves. However, this approach is unlikely to be effective, especially if you actually want to be kinder. Maybe you happen to verbally assault someone, feel better in the moment, but later you regret it bitterly. Here are other reasons why you misbehave with others:
- You can't handle your negative emotions, so you blame others.
- Your ego feels threatened, so this behavior is a form of self-defense.
- You envy someone else's life or successes, so you want to hurt them.
- You project negative feelings onto someone else that are actually about yourself.
- You try to feel unique and different from others by defining your differences in a rude way.
Step 2. Remember that your thoughts, feelings and actions are related to each other
It can be difficult to distinguish between a thought and a state of mind. In fact, they are interconnected: the first affects the second and vice versa. Consequently, if you want to change your actions (or words), you can start by changing your thoughts first.
- For example, if you think, "That guy is an idiot!", Talking to him may cause you frustration and this will be reflected in your words and actions. On the other hand, if you think "This person needs to know more about the subject", you may be more inclined to teach them what they do not know, so your patience will show through your words.
- Remember that you can always decide how to behave, even when you think you can't control your thoughts or feelings. In fact, every time you speak or act, you choose the words and actions.
Step 3. Gain good control over your emotions before speaking
If you are talking to someone and find that you are about to attack them, take a minute to think before answering. When you allow yourself to use reason first, you are more likely to respond constructively (and less likely to be rude).
If you are feeling particularly angry, resentful, hurt, or sad, it would be best to wait before talking to others. These emotions can stand in the way of a positive exchange and lead you to verbally assault someone
Step 4. Keep a journal dedicated to this journey
Write about your daily interpersonal interactions. If you've had accidents and been rude, try to remember the details: who you were with, why you think you were, what you said, what events triggered the situation. When you are able to be nice to others, especially in circumstances where you tend not to be, reward yourself for this good behavior.
Constantly updating your diary can help you identify people, events, or environments that seem to trigger a certain tendency to behave aggressively. Analyzing the mechanisms that trigger the reaction gives you the opportunity to work to improve these situations in the future
Step 5. Cultivate a good sense of humor
Being able to laugh easily (with others, not others) can help you overcome your behavioral tendencies with a little humor. If you start to feel impatient and think you are about to attack someone, try to find a reason to laugh about it. Identifying the humorous side of a situation or laughing at something else can lighten it. In fact, this actually changes the body's chemical reaction from anger or negativity to humor.
Step 6. Get a good night's sleep
You need to get enough rest (at least seven to eight hours) to live well. Sleep deprivation can contribute to a whole host of health problems, including the inability to properly manage emotions. Restful sleep can help you have the patience and understanding to be kind to others, regardless of your mood.
If you have chronic sleep disorders, consult a specialist to understand how to treat them. Alternatively, make changes to your diet (for example, reduce your caffeine and sugar consumption) or your lifestyle (for example, reduce the time you spend in front of the computer or on the television before going to bed). These are habits that can help you sleep better at night
Step 7. Meditate before potentially stressful events or conversations
Meditation can help you regulate emotions, which can potentially help you become kinder. If you think you are being rude to someone because of anger or impatience, quickly refresh your mind with meditation. Find somewhere private and quiet, then try this sequence:
- Breathe deeply and slowly, using your diaphragm. Deep breaths can slow your heart rate and make you feel calmer. The breath should be deep enough for your belly to extend outward as you inhale.
- Imagine a golden-white light pervades your body as you inhale. Imagine it fills and relaxes the mind. When you exhale, visualize the dark, muddy colors as they leave the body.
- Once you have calmed down with your meditation practice, you should feel more likely to speak kindly to others.
Method 2 of 3: Be kinder to others
Step 1. Remember that aggression comes from within
Most people behave badly towards others when they feel threatened, belittled or mistreated. Understanding that the moments when you are rude are your problem, not someone else's, can help you determine if your nasty words or behavior are appropriate for the situation.
Step 2. Cultivate empathy
It can help you make kindness a priority. Feeling "empathy" means understanding someone else's point of view, worrying about another person's difficulties, and being able to relate to others' emotions. Whichever approach you take, make sure you focus on understanding the people you talk to and relating to them.
Step 3. View a model of behavior
Find a person whose words and actions inspire you and imagine how they would behave or what they would say in a given situation. Then, try to emulate this type of communication yourself.
Step 4. Smile at others
A smile can make you look kinder. You will likely be reciprocated and you may find that it facilitates interpersonal interactions. Smiling can also help you feel happier. Having a serene demeanor with good posture and a big smile can actually improve your mood - thoughts and feelings will respond directly to your facial expressions.
Step 5. Use positive body language
Communication is not just verbal. Your words may be perfectly polite, only non-verbal language and actions convey negativity to others. Negative feelings towards people may be communicated through the body, giving the impression that you are an unpleasant person.
To have more neutral body language, you need to try using progressive muscle relaxation, a process that involves the contraction and relaxation of all the muscles in the body. It can eliminate negativity or stress not only from the physical but also from the mind
Step 6. If necessary, assertively express your feelings
Instead of communicating passively (being angry without saying anything) or aggressively (exploding in a way that seems disproportionate to the situation), try assertive communication. To practice it, use hard facts (not magnified by emotions) to communicate requests (not demands) to others in a respectful way. Convey and express your feelings clearly and effectively, so that everyone's needs are met.
For example, if you generally tend to raise your voice to your wife because you don't like the way she folds the laundry, you might try an assertive statement instead, like, "I appreciate your help with the laundry, but I would like you to fold my pants differently., because the way you do it now causes creases. Wearing them to work makes me feel unprofessional. I would really appreciate if you folded them more carefully or if you let me wash and fold my clothes."
Method 3 of 3: Improve Your Mood Overall
Step 1. Do something you like
Taking care of yourself, indulging in treats that make you happy, can also help you be kinder to others. Doing an activity that you are passionate about can help you improve your mood, distracting you from the bad mood. If you can control your mood, you are more likely to make thoughtful (non-emotional) decisions about how you communicate with others.
Step 2. Give yourself time in solitude
Especially if you are an introvert, you may feel the need to carve out some alone time from time to time. This can help you be kinder to others because you will feel regenerated. This can be especially helpful if your loved ones are the victims of your rude behavior - taking a break from everyone can help you treat them better.
Step 3. Read a book or watch your favorite show
According to some studies, experiencing reflected experiences through others (which happens both when you read and when you watch well-known characters from your favorite show act) can make you feel more peaceful. It is also possible to experience a catharsis, or to release emotions passively by experiencing events through fictional characters. Releasing emotions in a controlled environment can help you control them in real life.
Step 4. Exercise
There is a strong link between moderate exercise and a good mood. Regular exercise can also help you control emotions in general. All of this can lead you to feel calmer, therefore more likely to treat others better too.
- You could do yoga. This activity combines physical movements and mental awareness, so it has both the benefits of motor exercise and meditation. If you can't find a course in your city, try watching videos on the internet or download a mobile app.
- If you feel restless, you may want to try dancing to get better. Dance allows you to both exercise and activate the pleasure centers in the brain.
- You may find that daily physical activity gives you more energy overall. This can help you be productive and patient, without feeling irritated by others.
Step 5. Have a healthy meal or snack
Hunger can make you feel irritable, which leads you to pick on others. A nutritious diet rich in whole foods can make you feel healthier and happier.
- Include whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and proteins in your diet. Eating healthy fats is also helpful in keeping you full for longer.
- Avoid fat-free and overly processed foods. They often don't contain adequate nutrients and could leave you with a sense of dissatisfaction.
- Anti-inflammatory foods and foods containing omega-3 fatty acids can be especially helpful in feeling better. Here are some specific foods that fall under this category: leafy greens, avocados, asparagus, nuts, dark chocolate, and green tea.
Step 6. Socialize with a friend
Maybe you take your frustrations out on others because you feel isolated. Being around your friends is a great way to improve your mood when you feel distant from others. Plan a breakfast, lunch, an aperitif in your favorite bar or dinner with them. If you can't afford to eat out, take a walk or go to the park, sit on the swings and talk.
If you can't see each other in person, talking on the phone and having a balanced conversation (especially with a nice friend) can quickly improve your mood
Advice
- As with all habits, this too will be difficult to change. However, with perseverance, your pettiness and defensive will change.
- Be a good listener. Listen to what others are telling you.
- Be courteous, patient, observant, and considerate. And be optimistic. Don't be negative or critical. Always look for the positive side of any situation.
- Think hard before you say anything. Don't say the first thing that comes to your mind, otherwise it will be difficult to change.
- Constantly tell yourself that you are a good person so the mind will start accepting it. Change your behavior to suit your new needs. Thinking that you are a good person can actually affect your attitude a lot. The mind will react positively.
- Be honest. Don't be kind only when you have an ulterior motive. If you want to treat others well so you can get preferential treatment, that doesn't mean being kind - it's deceptive, mean, and unfair. Be courteous because you want to be proud of your life and know that you are a good person, regardless of everything.
- Before you do anything, quickly ask yourself, "Will this thought / action / comment make the world a better place for me or for others?" If the answer is no, don't, and spare yourself the repercussions. It is useless to expend energy to make yourself or someone else unhappy.
- Resist the temptation to judge others. It can be a source of unpleasant thoughts about people, which can emerge from your interactions.
- Be superior: You don't have to be rude just because someone else is acting this way to you.
- You don't have to compliment others to stop being rude. You simply have to address them with respect.
