There are many reasons for wanting to flirt with your boss. Maybe you have a sincere attraction to him and hope for a relationship, or you have read one of the (much discussed!) Studies that suggest that women who flirt at work have more careers (sorry guys, apparently it doesn't work for you). Whatever your motivation, it's important to know that flirting at work is dangerous, and that you need to do it with caution. This article will help you assess the risks and then give you some tips for flirting with your boss, should you decide to continue.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Analyzing the Situation
Step 1. Think about your motives
You've spent some time researching an article on flirting with your boss, so this is something you've been thinking about for a while. Ask yourself why you want to flirt with your boss - are you bored? Do you feel attraction to him and do you think that a real relationship can arise? Are you trying to gain some advantage or favor at work? Knowing why you want to flirt will help you figure out if it's worth the risk.
Some casual flirting with your boss might attract enough attention to get you the project you want, or help you get a more welcome time. Of course, your behavior could also be counterproductive, depending on the culture of your work environment
Step 2. Think how far you want to go
Do you just want to limit yourself to flirting, or are you hoping that a romantic relationship with your boss will eventually arise? Set limits and don't offer more than you are willing to give. Deceiving a person rarely allows you to achieve anything.
Step 3. Consider the possible consequences
Relationships in the workplace, especially between superiors and employees, are prohibited in many companies. A relationship with your boss could put both of you at risk of losing your job. If you flirt unwelcome or excessively, you also run the risk of crossing the line of sexual harassment, which in many offices leads to immediate firing. Ultimately, you risk losing your credibility and trustworthiness in the workplace.
- Even after-hours relationships with your boss can be used as the legal basis for a dismissal, so be careful!
- Research relationship guidelines in your workplace before continuing. If they're not made public, ask HR staff for help.
- If you are afraid to ask questions on this subject because you fear that people may gossip about you, remember that they will talk even more about you if you are in a relationship with your boss, so consider this factor in your decision.
Step 4. Consider the possible social consequences
If flirting won't cause you problems at work, it could still make you very unpopular. Co-workers will blame you for flirting with the boss, or be jealous if you get special treatment for your behavior. You may also be embarrassed if your flirting attempts fail, or if your relationship ends badly.
Part 2 of 2: Flirting with Your Boss
Step 1. Proceed with caution
If you've decided the game is worth it, start flirting with your boss. be careful! Since the risks are so many, the best approach is to pay close attention to all the reactions produced by your efforts, and keep a discreet attitude, in order to be in a position to deny that flirting was your intention if everything doesn't go as planned. hoped. Try flirting without appearing to be flirting.
Step 2. Look for eye contact
Making eye contact is the first flirting lesson, and in some cases, it's the only tool you need to convey your interest to another person. Eye contact is an effective tool for both genders, and it can even make a person feel more attracted to you.
- Try making eye contact with your boss at a meeting and lingering longer than you normally would.
- When your boss talks to you, be sure to look him directly in the eye.
- Create more opportunities to make eye contact with your boss by purposely walking past his office, or meeting him in person, instead of communicating over the phone or email.
- Note that it takes more than just a fleeting glance to convey the desired message. It may take between 3 and 13 romantic glances before your boss realizes you are attracted to him.
- Too much eye contact can get creepy though, so watch out for the boss's reaction. If he tries to avoid your gaze, or he seems nervous and uncomfortable, be sure to stop staring at him.
Step 3. Smile
It may seem like a trivial piece of advice, but few things are more attractive than a friendly, sincere smile. Crow's feet are indicators of a happy, unforced smile, so don't worry about wrinkles. Give your boss a real smile from time to time to let him know you're happy to see him.
By definition, it's hard to feel a genuine smile, but if you want to see what yours looks like, try thinking of something funny and look in the mirror
Step 4. Pay attention
Be very careful when your boss talks to you and tries to show interest, even if you're not particularly passionate about the subject. Ask questions that show your involvement and comments that show your enthusiasm ("Wow, I didn't know!").
- Don't be too conspicuous. Being authentic is more important than being attentive.
- Imitating your boss's body language when he speaks is a great non-verbal way to show your attention.
Step 5. Look for physical contact
This is probably the riskiest move you can make when flirting with your boss, but one of the most effective for showing interest. Do not proceed further if you have not received clear and positive reactions to your previous attempts (your boss returns your looks and smiles, and seems to be very careful when you speak).
- Offer a handshake and a smile at the end of a meeting.
- Try a gentle, short touch on your forearm or shoulder when talking to your boss.
- If he makes a joke, laugh and place your hand on his forearm. Leave it for a second before removing it.
- Avoid overly loving or sexual contact at work. This includes shoulder massages, hugs, hand on knee, etc. Even if contact is desired, you may still be fired.
Step 6. Pay attention to the signs
Flirting with your boss is dangerous, so pay close attention to their reactions and go one step at a time. If your looks and smiles are returned, things are probably fine. However, if your boss seems to be nervous or rushing around you, or seems to be doing everything to avoid you, you have probably made him uncomfortable and you should stop your flirting efforts right away.
Step 7. Avoid actions that you cannot retract
Avoid texting or flirting emails to co-workers, as written communications are hard to retract or ignore if things go wrong. You should also avoid flirting openly in front of other people.
- Remember that, in many cases, your employer has the right to check emails you send or receive using a company computer, or even messages and phone calls made on a company phone.
- If your flirting attempts are reciprocated and progress to the messaging and emailing stage, remember to conduct your interactions with personal computers, accounts, and phones.
Step 8. Be honest and direct
If things go well, one of you will have to make the first move to advance the relationship. Due to the complexities generated by relationships at work, it is better to talk about the situation right away than to come forward with sexually explicit proposals. Be direct and honest about your intentions, and give your boss a chance to respond. You will feel uncomfortable, but it is important to clarify if you are both on the same page before moving on.
- Ask your boss to have lunch or coffee with you, and talk about this topic.
- Approach the subject gradually, and give yourself a way out, in case you misjudged the situation.
- For example, you could start with small talk at work and approach the question: "What do you think about relationships in the office?". Your boss's response should give you a clear indication of whether or not to proceed.
- Remember: If you've misunderstood your boss's feelings, and he's not interested, a direct conversation will embarrass you a lot less than trying to kiss him, for example.
