Being a good girlfriend can be challenging, especially at the beginning of a relationship. But whether you and your boyfriend are still trying to get to know each other, or your fifth anniversary is approaching, there are many tips to follow in order to be a good girlfriend and ensure a healthy future for your relationship. You will need to be affectionate, independent and supportive of your partner. If you want to know how to do it, continue reading this useful guide!
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Availability
Step 1. Don't be too helpful in the beginning
Going slow in a relationship means making sure there is enough space for both of you and making sure you are a good fit for each other. If you're immediately looking to turn the relationship into something more than it already is, remember that premature insistence could scare him and ruin what's good between you. Instead, be patient, and understand that it takes time to develop a strong and lasting relationship. In this regard, avoid making the following mistakes:
- Don't force him to call you "girlfriend" after only a couple of dates; you risk giving him the impression that it was not his choice. Be patient and let him decide when to let that 'word' slip away. If you are compatible, it will happen soon enough.
- Don't start talking about marriage and children before you have even met their relatives and friends. Raising these issues prematurely could create tension from the start and block, or worse end, an otherwise prosperous and loving relationship.
- While it is said that a man's heart can be won by gratifying his stomach, it does not mean cooking him a three-course meal on your first date. Remember that you don't have to prove anything; you just have to be present and interested in what he tells you, pay attention to him, and share his passions.
Step 2. Be honest
Sure it's very important to be honest with your boyfriend, but it's just as important that you be honest with yourself first and foremost. If you react badly or make a mistake, you can admit your mistakes and apologize. If you feel vulnerable or upset, you can tidy up your feelings and expose them so they don't sound like an accusation.
- The most important thing about this point is that you are able to open up as much as possible. For example, if he does or says something that bothers you, be direct and share the effects of his behavior on you, without accusing him or asking him to change.
- By establishing solid lines of communication from the beginning, you will know before, and not later, if this relationship has the necessary foundations to make it last over time.
Step 3. Express your views
Make him participate in your wishes, needs and opinions, even when they clash with his own. You don't have to and shouldn't exist just to indulge it. Furthermore, by showing that you have your own personality and your own needs, desires and approaches to life, you will make him more interested in getting to know you better and understanding you. If you feel free to say what you think, he will feel comfortable and able to do the same.
Remember to express yourself without attacking the opinions or lifestyle of others in any way, you can be humble and straightforward at the same time, using assertiveness strategies and remaining courteous and caring about their feelings
Step 4. Be yourself
Don't fake yourself just to impress him. The idea might be tempting considering that he might like a different type of girl, but usually putting pieces of things said or suggested together isn't a winning strategy. Most likely you are wrong; after all, he wants to date you, not a perfect girl, but an imaginary one. And if you were really tempted to change a few things about you because he insists you'd be better thinner, taller, prettier, quieter, or whatever, then maybe that's an indication that you're not compatible.
- If he actually said these things to you in a nagging and inappropriate way, then it wouldn't be love, but an attempt to control you.
- Don't pretend to share her interests when she doesn't. Initially you may find it fun, or safe, but when she realizes that her passions aren't really shared, she'll suffer. Also, he may base his thoughts about your role in his future on something that isn't real, and it will end up hurting both of you.
Part 2 of 3: Support
Step 1. Be interested in his passions
Remember what they like to do and the things they like to talk about. You don't have to act like you love his hobbies, but at least try to understand why he is so passionate about them. If he loves a band, try to understand why. If he likes to be playful and childish, remember that it could be his way of relieving stress. In learning to accept their particular way of being, you will also learn a lot about yourself, realizing if you can really think about spending the rest of your life with this person.
- You don't have to show interest in all of his interests. If he loves watching baseball games but you find them boring, don't worry.
- Simply ask him questions about his passions and talk about the things that matter to him.
Step 2. Learn to act as a team
As in all healthy relationships, there will be a certain amount of conflict, some small, some big. Remember to be an authentic person and try to let go of all selfishness. A relationship is based on group collaboration and is a non-parasitic symbiosis. In a group you have the support of the other, you do not harm them, and you openly rejoice in the other person in front of others.
- In difficult times, the team approach can help you solve problems in a more detached way, because you both take responsibility for solving things rather than expecting just one of you to do it.
- Avoid a "one-way" relationship where the bond revolves around one thing. Keep your relationship strong by bringing variety and diversity within the couple. Try new and different things together. Relationships consist of having fun together, learning from each other and growing together.
Step 3. Give him more compliments than criticisms
If everything you say about him turns out to be criticism or attack, he won't want to see you and will begin to doubt that he wants to be with you. Likewise, you don't always have to agree with him just because he's your boyfriend. Touch is the best strategy in mature relationships, just as establishing bonds and compromises are important behaviors to learn and adopt.
- While it is okay to express valid criticism when you think it is right to do so, you should say at least four positive things for every negative thing said.
- Don't criticize him just because you're in a bad mood or things aren't going perfectly.
Step 4. Learn to compromise
If you want to be a good girlfriend, you need to learn the art of compromise instead of looking for a fight or getting angry when you don't get what you want. With the right balance, both of you will be able to calm down and discuss the situation rationally while trying to understand each other's perspective. Try to understand your boyfriend's motives rather than blindly focusing on your needs.
You don't want to be a girlfriend who always gets what she wants just because her partner prefers to resign rather than fight for their ideas to get angry and sad if they don't give it to you
Step 5. Give each other the right space
You will have to support your boyfriend, but to do so it will not be necessary to always be really physically present, you will have to be able to be there even only in spirit. If you want to be a good girlfriend, you need to have the time to take care of your things, hang out with your girlfriends, and see your boyfriend. He should know that you think about him even when you are not physically next to him. If you feel insecure and doubt the strength of your relationship as soon as you walk away, it means you have a problem.
- Instead of trying to slip into a men-only opportunity, you should try to support him when he wants to spend a night out with his friends. You don't want your boyfriend to be laughed at for being the one who has to take his girlfriend everywhere.
- If you feel empowered to have all of her time and attention, learn not to be an obsessive girlfriend. Don't be too protective; let him out without making him feel observed.
- Remember that he doesn't need you through and through, and that you are two separate people, as well as being a couple. When it needs space, don't take it personal and accept it for what it is: time to feel young and share different interests with other people. But make sure he knows he can always count on you.
Part 3 of 3: Affection
Step 1. Be loving
There are various ways to show your affection, some more obvious than others. Also, not all people love being affectionate in public equally. Affection and intimacy are two distinct things. Affection means openly showing that you care about a person and can be shown at any time, day or night, publicly or privately. Think about how you like to show your affection to your loved ones, holding their hands, touching an arm, giving a quick kiss on the cheek, a hug, stroking their hair, giving words of support, expressing compliments in front of others, etc..
- Men sometimes enjoy being referred to as "sweetie" or "puppy" by a girl, but try not to overdo it. Calling him a "cuddly bear" might push him away, especially in public. Good communication is always a vital part of any relationship, so make sure he knows how much you like him.
- Messy messages and emails may be welcome from time to time, but too much is too much; don't risk looking sticky. Even when you want to show him that you like him and want your story to last forever, don't overdo it to the point of scaring him!
Step 2. Be seductive
Don't be afraid of it. Most men find a sexy, classy, self-confident girl irresistible. Being confident means feeling good about yourself. You will exude confidence without too much effort by accepting yourself for who you are and being aware of what you are worth. You won't have to strive to be the most popular and have a bubbly personality if that's not your style; rather be the best on the scene by taking care of yourself and being convinced that you deserve his attention.
Step 3. Give him gifts
When you're in a relationship, it's fun to give yourself small gifts. Guys love to receive gifts, and giving him a gift will show him how much you care for him. Don't overdo it though, just give him a gift when you're feeling loving and want to let him know how much he means to you. You don't want him to think you're trying to buy his affection.
Give him something. A paper flower or a heart, something creative that reflects your personality, so that every time you look at it, it will think of you and smile. If you love music or play an instrument, feel free to play a song or two (preferably written by yourself). Put a private video of this song on YouTube
Step 4. Don't be jealous
You should be affectionate, but not to the point where your boyfriend talks to another girl or just mentions someone else's name. Nothing will push him away faster than an insecure girl who can't bear the thought that there are other female beings in the universe. Your boyfriend will be happy if you can be nice to her friends instead of criticizing every girl you see.
If he's out with his friends, don't text him every second to make sure he's not talking to the other girls. Otherwise you will only show him how little faith you have in him
Advice
- Don't let your friends manage your relationship. The relationship is yours and nobody else's. While they may have their own opinions, just as you have yours on their relationships, you don't have to listen to their every single advice if you don't want to. Sometimes they can be incompatible with your boyfriend, don't worry, no one has to get along perfectly. Just agree to listen to them and ask that in return they do their best to get along with him.
- Don't be insecure about your appearance. If he is dating you it is obvious that he thinks you are attractive.
- Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life, and obviously not your boyfriend either. Don't let it pressure you; talk to him openly and let him know how his requests affect you. Likewise, don't tell him how he should live his life.
- Appreciate everything positive about your relationship. Men feel comfortable when they are appreciated. It's the same for you too isn't it? Learn to thank him for what he does, even when it means thanking him for driving you home. All the things he does for you reflect the respect he feels for you. Not all women have a good relationship; appreciate yours.
- Give him reason when it's due. It will be a huge confidence boost; as well as admitting your mistakes when the fault is yours will be a great way to soften conflicts in the relationship. Learn these skills from the start to lay the foundations for a strong and stable relationship.
- Try to get along well with his family and friends. They are most likely people who mean a lot to him, and getting positive feedback about you from the people he cares about will mean a lot. Try to make friends with his friends and relatives. Make sure you are respectful of his parents and make him like you. Try taking baby steps, like getting closer to her mother or going shopping with her sister.
- Don't try to change it. Tell him what you like; if he loves you, he will try to adapt himself. If it is very different from the person you imagined spending the rest of your life with, consider looking for this person and take this relationship as an opportunity to learn.
- When you are in a restaurant and he offers to pay, consider refusing. You will show him that you are not only interested in his money. Remember that if the guy you like is old-fashioned, he may still insist on doing it. In this case, let him be a gentleman or you could hurt his feelings.
- Understand that every relationship is different and that there are no universal ways to be a good girlfriend as everyone has different tastes.
- If your boyfriend acts passively around you, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you. He is more likely to be shy or withdrawn. Maybe he has never been in a relationship before and doesn't know how to behave. Or maybe he's not the kind of guy who doesn't shout it out loud, still has deep feelings for you. Talk to him about his reasons for doing this and be understanding. Perhaps he expects you to take the lead, because you are more familiar with relationships. Or maybe that's just his way of being and you'll have to get used to it.
Warnings
- Jealousy is a very dangerous feeling. Don't intentionally make him jealous. In the long run, you will end up undermining his confidence.
- Don't be annoying. To annoy means to constantly call, to get angry if he spends time with friends, to pester him to spend more time with you, to whine, to complain about other people all the time, to constantly ask for confirmation (for example always ending the end of a sentence with "not Is that so? "), etc.
- Never flirt with his friends! No matter how nice they are to you, reassure him by showing him that he's your only man. The need to flirt with them indicates that you are not ready to establish a monogamous relationship.
- You can share some things with your friends when you talk about him, but remember to respect him by not telling any embarrassing, confidential or vulgar things. Don't reveal any rumors! You can keep your friends updated on the progress of your relationship without involving them, unless abuse or other dangerous activity occurs. In this case informal of everything and allow them to help you leave it. If, on the other hand, you decide you want to share private information about your relationship, let him know so he knows he can do the same with his friends. But don't let him talk about you as an object.
- Don't look into his cell phone unless he specifically asks you to. But expect to have to do the same.
- Never lie. Be honest and open and don't leave anything unspoken, even if it's embarrassing; you will avoid future problems within your relationship.
- Don't test your boyfriend to see how he behaves. It is a humiliating, disrespectful and unjust action. You certainly don't want him to do the same with you. The same goes for forcing him to have sex.
- Try to recognize the difference between constructive criticism and one that simply destroys the other person's character, stemming from the fact that you prefer him to behave differently than he is. Attempting to change it indicates a strong incompatibility and suggests that perhaps it is better to look for someone else.
