Change is part of everyone's life. It can mean anything - moving to a new place, dealing with a major life-disrupting event (like illness or bereavement), or pursuing a relationship. Learning to adapt to changes will help you feel more responsible and confident in your life.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Adapting to a Transfer
Step 1. Allow yourself to feel agitated
You won't be doing yourself any favors if you try to dismiss your feelings during the transfer. You are probably excited, anxious, stressed, sad because you are leaving your old life behind. All these sensations are natural and understandable.
- Take a break when everything seems excessive. It can be a 15 minute break in the quiet of a cafe or sitting on a park bench.
- When you remember your old life, don't dismiss the feelings it brings to you. Take your time to deal with them, even if it means crying. By examining your emotions, you will give yourself the opportunity to live better in your new place of residence.
Step 2. Abandon your expectations
You will surely have an idea of what you want the new life to be like. In all likelihood this idea will not correspond to reality. This does not mean that you will have a bad or bad life. You have to let go of your expectations and it will be what it will be.
- Don't detach yourself from the present. Instead of planning how to improve the future or remember how good the past was, enjoy every moment you live in the new place. Soon all of this will be so familiar that you won't even notice. Be happy to see new things and places.
- The place and life will be different from the old ones. You can't recreate what you had. When you find yourself comparing the new with the old, stop! Remember that things are different and different doesn't necessarily mean bad. Give your new location a chance to become a pleasant place for you.
- Remember that you probably won't adapt immediately. It will take time to find new friends. It will take time to get to know the area, to learn the customs of the place. It will take time to find all your favorite places, from the bakery, to the bookshop, to the gym.
Step 3. Get to know the new place
A key requirement for adapting to a new place is getting to know it. If you stay holed up in the house thinking about the past, you won't make new friends and you won't find new ways to express your personality. Go out!
- Join an association you like. It could be anything from a bookstore-based book club to group volunteering. Parishes are great places to join a new community if you are a believer. Otherwise, associations of a political nature or groups of artistic inspiration (such as those that gather around courses in photography, painting, etc.) are excellent possibilities.
- Go out with co-workers. If you've moved to a new place for business reasons, ask your co-workers what the best places to go out are and invite them. Even if you don't build lasting friendships, you never know who you will meet or who else you will know.
- Talk to people. Have a chat with the supermarket cashier, with the people waiting at the bus stop, with the librarian behind the counter, with the bartender at the bar. In this way, you will gradually get to know the place where you live and you will begin to meet people and become familiar with the surrounding environment.
Step 4. Prepare for culture "shock"
Even if you move from one city to another, it will be different. However, it is even more true if you are moving to a new country or from a small city to a large one and vice versa. The places are different and you have to be prepared for this.
- Try to match your rhythms with those of the new environment. For example, if you have just moved from a big city to a small one, you will notice that the pace of life and what people do are very different.
- Sometimes it can even seem like people are speaking a completely different language (although the same is true in reverse!). Therefore, it may be necessary to learn all new jargon, abbreviations and linguistic variations. Be prepared to make mistakes and ask for clarification.
Step 5. Maintain contact with the old life
Just because you have a new life that you are learning to live does not mean that you have to completely cut all ties with the old one. At first, feelings of sadness, nostalgia and regret may arise, but contacts with the old one can help strengthen you in this new phase.
- Use technology to keep in touch. You live in an age where it is much easier to keep in touch with people far away. Use texting, social media, Skype, etc. to be updated on the life of old friends and family.
- Receiving a nice message from a friend can help alleviate the loneliness you will inevitably feel in the new context.
- Don't let the old life take over the new one, though. If you spend all your time looking back, just talking to old friends and family, you will neglect the new life and friendships you have recently made. Therefore, it is very important to open a dialogue with the people who are in the new place.
Step 6. Exercise
It's a great way to not only stay healthy and be happy (with all those nice endorphins), but also to get to know the city and meet people.
- Go for a walk. Pick a new area to explore so you get a sense of life there.
- Join a group of people who exercise. Find people who feel like jogging in the morning, or sign up for a yoga class. You will begin to meet people.
Step 7. Learn to be alone
A key part of feeling peaceful in a new place is learning to be alone. It doesn't matter how sociable you are, how many groups you join or how many places you frequent, however there will be times when you find yourself alone. It's not a problem! It won't last forever.
Don't depend on other people to feel approved and supported
Step 8. Give yourself time
It takes time to adjust to anything, including a relocation. You will feel stressed, nostalgic and melancholy sometimes. This is perfectly normal. There is a time path to adapt to the new context that can help you:
- The first phase of the transfer is usually called the honeymoon phase. It's when everything feels so new, exciting and different (even scary at times). It typically lasts about three months.
- Then the negotiation phase begins, when you really start to see the differences between the new and the old place. It often happens when uncertainty, loneliness and homesickness begin to appear. Although they usually come after the honeymoon phase, sometimes you enter this state directly.
- The next phase tends to be that of adaptation, which occurs approximately six to twelve months after the transfer. It is when new habits are acquired and you feel a little more at home.
- Typically, it takes nearly a year to reach the mastery stage, when you feel most comfortable in the new place. Sometimes, however, it could take even longer. Remember that every person is different.
Method 2 of 3: Adjusting to an Important Life Event
Step 1. Hold on one day or one moment at a time
No matter what the big change is (illness, bereavement, firing or marriage), you will not be able to cope with it if you try to take on everything. The more you look ahead, the less you will be able to focus on the present and the worse you will feel.
- For example: if you have lost or quit your job, avoid going through it all at once. You will end up being overwhelmed and drift away. Instead, take each moment as it comes. Take a moment to update your resume, another moment to look online or in classifieds, or talk to people to find a new job.
- Living in nostalgia for the past or in anxiety for the future is one of the signs of depression or anxiety disorder. It is wise to make sure you seek help if you are unable to live in the present due to anxiety or suffocating depression. People who have gone through a major life change, or who still have such a problem, are very likely to feel depressed or anxious or experience these problems getting worse and worse.
Step 2. Take care of yourself
One thing many people tend to forget is taking care of themselves and feeling protected. It is such an intimate care that it really allows you to relax and feel surrounded by attention, as if you were enveloped in the warmth of a large blanket.
- You will know what is best for you, but it is advisable to drink a cup of tea and concentrate as you drink it (breathe in the steam, feel the heat slide down your throat and collect in your stomach), wrap yourself in warm blankets or make a warm compress., do some yoga and focus solely on your breathing and body movements.
- If you have negative or upsetting thoughts that intrude during these moments, acknowledge them and let them go. Tell yourself that you will deal with them later, but now what is needed is to focus on regaining some well-being.
Step 3. Allow yourself to feel
Whatever kind of change it is, it will bring you a flood of emotions. If you ignore them and try to avoid them, they will come back with more strength and pain later on. This doesn't mean that you have to grieve in pain and anger, but that you have to give yourself a chance to get angry and cry.
- You will tend to go through a sequence of emotions, such as denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance. Each time you face them, they will pass faster the next time.
- Do not turn to "painkillers": we mean drugs or alcohol, but also TV and food, when there is abuse and not a pleasure, because they desensitize a part of you or even build an emotional relationship. These "pain relievers" numb the sensations instead of helping you deal with them.
Step 4. Take the time to reflect on the change
Change has a different meaning for each person, even for the same person at different times in their life. Reflecting on how you feel, what has changed and why you can have a weapon to handle emotional turmoil, all of this comes with change.
Writing in your journal is another great way to reflect on change. Not only will it help you kick out the feelings, but it will be a true story of your journey through change. When another one comes along, you can look back at how you handled the previous one, how you felt and how you sorted things out
Step 5. Find someone to talk to
Not only will it be very comforting to let off steam with someone, it can also make you see the situation and look inside yourself more deeply than you would have thought before.
- Try to find someone who has already experienced what you are going through. It will have to be someone who almost mentors you, someone who can help you see that the way you manage change is normal, that what you feel is understandable. It can also shed some light on your situation and help you recover.
- Support groups and religious associations are fine, especially for people facing illness, the death of a loved one, and profound life changes. Here you can find someone who has already suffered what you are going through and who can guide you.
Step 6. Imagine the future
While it's not appropriate to be obsessed with the future or spend too much time worrying about what's to come, you will surely be looking forward to your tomorrow. It means deciding what your future will be like and making a commitment to make it happen.
- Daydreaming is a great tool to challenge yourself by imagining what you intend to do. Let your mind wander to see how you want to deal with this major life change.
- Collect interesting ideas from the internet or from what you read. You can evaluate any ideas for home and work and plan how to introduce them into your life.
Step 7. Make small improvements
It is easier to work in small steps. It can be stifling to take on everything at once. What you need to do to adapt is to gradually improve your life, simply making it a little easier.
A little effort to adapt could be: eat better (especially if you're dealing with illness), train to help increase the chemicals of happiness in your body and stay healthy, make better use of your time (planning and following put in place, make sure you get more out of a day)
Step 8. Introduce some relaxation techniques into your life
Relaxation techniques, such as yoga, meditation, and even long walks, can help reduce stress and adapt more easily to changes in life.
- Meditation is a good relaxation technique to choose because it helps calm the mind, reduces stress, and can be practiced essentially anywhere. If you're still just starting out, it wouldn't be a bad idea to pick a quiet spot, set a timer for 15 minutes (or you can count your breaths if you don't want to deal with the clock), and sit comfortably. Breath deeply. Focus on your breathing, in and out. If you are distracted by any thoughts, acknowledge them and return your attention to the breath.
- Yoga is another great way to relax. Not only is it a form of meditation (its essential part is based on breathing), but it is a great way to exercise, to get the body moving and to loosen any knots in the muscles or in the back.
Step 9. Realize that changes will always exist
Life revolves around change. It doesn't matter how prepared you are for this, because there will always be news that will surprise you. If you try to face life and things in a rigid way, you will have a harder time adapting to change in the long run.
Again, this doesn't mean denying how you feel, because change can be scary and overwhelming, but it does mean accepting these emotions as part of the change
Method 3 of 3: Fit in a Relationship
Step 1. Adapt to the new relationship
Starting a relationship can be filled with intoxicating emotions. It's important to stay present to yourself, though, if you want the relationship to go somewhere.
- Move slowly. It is not advisable to go live together immediately, planning the future together, when you have just started dating. If you quickly find yourself picking your kids' names after just a few months of intercourse, take a step back and remember to live in the moment instead of going too far.
- Avoid being sticky. It is natural that you will want to spend all your time with this new person, but it is not healthy. Don't call her or text her all the time, because you always want to go out with her. Not only will the relationship become heavy, but you risk getting tired of each other quickly.
- Save your life. Don't neglect friends, work, and habits. Of course, you have to do things together, but you also have to have time to do other things separately. That way, there will always be a lot to talk about and it won't be overwhelming for both of you.
Step 2. Address the changes inherent in the relationship
Relationships are bound to change. There is nothing you can do but face them. They could involve anything from the partner's sudden disorder, unlike before when he was a neat person, to his decision not to have children, even if he was convinced of it before.
- Address problems as quickly as possible, especially if they are not serious, as they may become bigger later. For example: if your partner has become a messy person and does not fix after he has used something, talk to him using the so-called "I statements". Say "I feel like I'm still doing all the dishes in the end, even though I haven't used any" or "It's really frustrating when I finally have to put away all your clothes."
- A key requirement for adapting to change is compromising or accepting differences. It could mean putting what your partner feels before your feelings or finding a meeting point.
- Discuss how the changes affect your relationship and define how important the problem is. If you want children unlike your partner, this distance of mind could mean that it is okay for you not to have them or that the relationship will have to end and your paths will divide.
Step 3. Maintain a long distance relationship
It can be incredibly difficult for many, but it's easier now that you're used to it. It probably takes time and effort to adjust to a long distance relationship, and you must be willing to invest the time.
- Make sure there is mutual communication. This is the biggest problem with long distance relationships. Make sure you thoroughly discuss the things that matter to you, the problems that arise in the relationship and in your life, and what matters to you.
- Face doubts. You will probably be afraid of what the other person is capable of doing, sometimes you will not trust them, other times you will doubt them. The best thing you can do, unless you have evidence that something suspicious is going on, is to talk about your frustration with the long haul, or tell a friend about your doubts. This way you will be able to get them out and they will be less poisonous.
- Spend time together. Make sure to give each other time by sending each other funny postcards and letters, talking on the phone and over the internet. Make appointments and commit to meet in person.
Step 4. Adjust to follow your partner
Moving to join your partner can be a big change in the relationship and, therefore, must be approached with due caution. In all likelihood, you will calm down pretty quickly, despite the inevitable difficulties along the way. Also consider that you can change your mind - usually a couple of days after making the decision - because change is scary.
- A key thing to be good together is not to hide everything that has no charm and is necessary, such as tampons and sanitary pads, or that really awful pair of underwear you keep. He will come to find it in every way and the more open you are about these kinds of things, the more comfortable you will feel together.
- Habits will change. These are things you will need to be prepared for. You will have to figure out who will do the housework, where to put what belongs to each one and so on. There will be negotiation and changes.
- Give the other person space. Adapting in coexistence means giving space and a way to the other to deal with the emotions that arise from change.
Step 5. Deal with the breakup
First of all, you will need time to mourn the end of the relationship, even if it was you who broke up. The breakup of the relationship is tough on both parties and it takes time to get over it. There are a few important things you should do if you are trying to adjust to your new single status:
- Put distance between you and the other person. It means deleting her from your Facebook friends (or at least blocking her posts), deleting her from your phone's address book, staying away from her favorite hangouts. The more you talk to her, the more you will feel under her control.
- Find yourself. When you've been in a relationship, especially for some time, you start to lose your individuality and become part of a couple. When the breakup happens, it's time to figure out who you are without the other person. Organize fun things, go out and try new things. This way you will keep your mind off and meet new people.
- Beware of fallback relationships. It is not at all appropriate to immediately switch from one relationship to another without having time to fully process and mourn the end of the first relationship. By directly attaching yourself to a new person, you will surely hurt you and her.
