Everyone will have experienced difficulties in adapting. It happens out of shyness or when you change schools. There are several ways to meet people and fit into the school environment. If one method doesn't work, you can always try something different. Have confidence and patience: it takes time.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Communicate with Others
Step 1. Prepare conversation topics to break the ice
Hooking up with a stranger is difficult. Prepare what you are going to say in advance to step forward. How to strike up a conversation without too much difficulty? Introduce yourself, give a compliment or a question. Knowing what you're going to say already, you won't feel nervous and you won't get stuck.
- Introduce yourself by saying: "Hi, my name is Gianni. Let's take the same bus / I'm going to the class next to yours".
- You can also compliment someone on their clothes, hair, or any other look that catches your eye.
- Talk to a classmate to ask them about a project or notes. Even if you don't really have any doubts, you can still ask a question for the sole purpose of chatting up.
- If you're not ready to strike up a real conversation, just smile and say hello. Try doing this with a new person every day. You can then gradually move on to asking a question or a compliment.
- If you are in a conversation that is already in progress, listen to understand what you are talking about. When silence falls, make a brief comment on the topic.
Step 2. Practice before a conversation
Try to write down what you mean and prepare yourself by repeating it in front of the mirror. You can also practice with a family member. The actual conversation doesn't have to go quite as you planned it, but it's still useful for practicing and boosting your self-esteem.
If you give it a try and it doesn't go as hoped, try a different approach in the future. Don't blame yourself if you don't get the result you want - no one is perfect
Step 3. Get involved
You are not the first and you will not be the last who will try to fit in a new school. Sometimes you will need to be slightly assertive to start seeing results. Try talking to a person who is alone. It is easier to get close to an individual than to a group. If he is alone, it is possible that he is in the same situation as you.
If you see a person sitting alone, observe them for a moment. Are you reading a book? Do you like what she wears or her hairstyle? At this point, you can introduce yourself and make a relevant comment. You might say, "What's the book you're reading like?" or "I like your shirt. My name is…"
Step 4. Start with your classmates
You have a lot in common, so it's easy to step forward. Talking to your counter mate is easier than walking up to a stranger at the vending machine. Just introduce yourself to the people sitting next to you. If no topic comes to mind, you can always talk about a subject.
Step 5. Try to be friendly
You don't always have to be the one to take the first step. If you appear to be friendly, others may speak to you. Smile at the people you meet. Don't walk around with headphones in your ears or arms crossed. You must be a person you would get close to yourself and would like to get to know better.
Step 6. Examine the signs
You can learn a lot by looking at the body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice of others. People often talk without actually saying anything. Understanding these signs can help you determine if someone is in a good mood or not, if they are upset or upset, if they are happy. This will allow you to respond accordingly.
- If a person has raised eyebrows, they may be surprised or perplexed.
- A smile indicates happiness, while a frown denotes concern.
- Hunched shoulders indicate fatigue.
- If someone crosses their arms and looks unpleasant, this is not a good time to approach and strike up a conversation.
- Stomping and gesticulating nervously indicates anxiety or irritation.
- Speaking quickly denotes excitement or a desire to convey an important message.
Step 7. Listen to others
Knowing how to listen is a very important skill from an interpersonal point of view and can help you a lot in a school context. Always look at your interlocutor and, before saying something, wait for him to finish speaking. While talking, try not to gesticulate, look around, laugh, or make gestures that indicate poor attention.
While your conversation partner is speaking, you can nod to confirm that you are following the conversation. You can also say "Ok" or "I understand" to it to show that you are listening
Step 8. Resolve Conflicts
Having the ability to resolve disagreements will help you be accepted by your peers and make friends. If you get involved in a conflict, try to take control of the situation and help find a solution. Suggest that all interested parties cooperate and be peaceful (i.e. without insulting, blaming each other or yelling at each other). Then, let everyone express their point of view on the matter. Once you have all the perspectives on the table, look for what they have in common. Finally, exchange ideas on how to solve the problem and reach a compromise.
- Respect the feelings and ideas of others when there is a conflict.
- Conflicts can affect any type of relationship and are absolutely normal.
Method 2 of 3: Be Yourself
Step 1. Cultivate greater self-esteem
Everyone likes to surround themselves with people who show confidence. You need to have a positive opinion about yourself, love yourself and believe in yourself. Many are too hard on themselves when they make mistakes or compare themselves to others. It's normal to have moments of pessimism, but you can replace them with a positive attitude.
- Focus on the positives rather than the negatives. Each day, write three positive things about yourself and three things that went well thanks to your effort. Did you pay someone a compliment today? Did you help your mom cook dinner? Did you answer a question correctly in class? All of this matters.
- Mistakes are part of life. Instead of blaming yourself, consider them a learning opportunity. If you did not have a test in class, make a plan to study more in the future to improve your average.
- If you are very critical of yourself and judge yourself harshly, fight these thoughts with positive inner dialogues. Ask yourself: "Would I be able to say these words to a friend of mine?". You would never tell a friend that he is not smart, that he is obnoxious, or that he is a loser. You would encourage him and emphasize all his qualities.
- Don't be afraid to try something new. If you don't do everything perfectly or you're not good at everything you do, no problem. Give yourself credit for trying and doing your best.
Step 2. Develop your interests and talents
Everyone has different passions (such as music, sports, art, theater, anime, science, board games and so on). It is important to explore to understand what you like and what you are good at. If you are good at drawing or playing the piano, try to give it your all. Sign up for an art or music class. Being good at something will also help you be more confident.
- Never change your interests based on what you think is popular or the tastes of others.
- It can take some time to identify your talents and gifts. If you are unsure of your skills, ask someone who knows you well for an opinion. Your family, friends, and teachers may have an idea. Talk to them and see what they tell you.
Step 3. Create your own group
You may think that no one else has the same interests as you, but you are wrong. In your school there are certainly people who have the same passions as you. Never pretend to like something or to be different to be accepted. Get closer to people who share your interests. Sometimes you have to be assertive and put yourself out there.
- Observe the students at your school to understand what their interests are. Pay attention to the books and magazines they read, the prints of their shirts, or the conversations you overhear.
- If you are interested in something and want to start a club, go ahead. You can ask an adult for advice to guide you in the right direction.
Step 4. Be optimistic
Having a positive outlook on life will make you more serene and predisposed to triumph. Try to identify all the positive aspects of your life and be convinced that you can achieve certain results. If it doesn't go as you hoped, find the bright side instead of blaming yourself. When things go right or you do something good, be proud of yourself.
- Repeat positive phrases to yourself: "If I work hard, the assignment will be fine" or "If I sign up for a class, I'll meet people."
- Instead of saying "I can't fit in because I'm a loser," he says, "I haven't found my place yet, but tomorrow I'll greet two people I don't know."
Method 3 of 3: Finding Your Group
Step 1. Join a club or association
When similar interests come into play, it's easier to bond with someone. Join a club or association that aligns with your passions. This is an effective way to find people with similar interests. You will always have something to talk to them about. You will also have the opportunity to meet people outside of school hours.
If you don't know any associations, find out on the internet or take a look at the message boards. You will thus be able to get an idea
Step 2. Observe the dynamics of the school
Get to know your classmates and other students. Stop for a moment to identify the various groups and understand which are the apparently more sociable people. Are there any students who seem rude or make fun of others? Are you attracted to certain groups of people or people in particular? Once you understand school better, decide where your place is.
Take your time to decide where to stay. Once you start dating a certain group of people, it can be difficult to change
Step 3. During recess, try to attend different groups
After getting to know the groups that interest you better, choose the one that makes you most comfortable. Not everyone will accept you: approach a group and see what happens. If they ignore you, introduce yourself. If they don't seem to like you, or have a mean or negative attitude towards you, it's not worth pursuing, remember that you can find people who are more suitable for you.
- If you walk up to a table and see an empty chair, you can say, "Hi, is this seat already occupied?" or "Do you mind if I sit here?".
- If there are vending machines in your school, don't bring your own snack to try to make socializing easier. This will give you an excuse to go to the vending machines and strike up a conversation with someone. If you bring your own snack from home and you still don't know anyone, you will almost feel compelled to sit at your counter and eat it alone.
Step 4. Don't be afraid to hang out with more people
Maybe you will find more than one group that suits you. Many go to various groups, others just a couple of people. Try to figure out what's right for you. You could spend recess with one group and see another one after school. It is important that you are happy and have a sense of belonging, so make friends with whoever you want.
Step 5. Approach teachers:
they are an excellent resource. They know the environment and the students better than you do. They can suggest some people to talk to or even introduce you to someone you could befriend. Talk to teachers before class starts or after.
- They can also help you deal with any conflicts with other people.
- Having a good relationship with teachers will allow you to have a more positive school experience.
Step 6. Invite someone home
After a few weeks of acquaintance, invite someone over to spend an afternoon together or do your homework. Seeing yourself outside of school can help you cultivate a deeper relationship and really get to know others. Having real friends will make you fit in much easier at school.
Step 7. Try to be a good friend
To make friends, you must first be a good friend, loyal, honest, and breezy. Think about all the qualities you look for in a person and what attracts you. These are the characteristics that will allow you to adapt.
- Show genuine interest in others. Ask someone how their day is going or what they did over the weekend. Ask open-ended questions that don't require a simple affirmative or negative answer. For example, ask, "What did you do over the weekend?" Instead of "Did you have a good weekend?".
- Share with others. If you have something to eat, offer a piece to a friend.
- Help others. If you see that a person is carrying something heavy and is having difficulty, help him or her open a door.
Advice
- Choose people who make you feel good about yourself. If you feel uncomfortable, they are not for you.
- It takes some time to find your place in school. Remember this is a gradual process, try not to get frustrated.
- Don't feel like you have to do something you don't like (like taking drugs, bullying, arguing, being abusive) just to be accepted.
- Be yourself: Nobody wants to befriend a person who pretends to be different than they are.
- Look for someone who has the same interests or hobbies as you.
- Always remember that it is difficult to become popular all of a sudden in a new school. You need time to get used to the environment, just as others need time to get used to you.
- If you don't think a group is for you, don't push yourself too hard to be accepted and look for other people to hang out with.
- If you're trying to fit in, it's usually best to look for groups with similar desires and tastes to yours. You shouldn't have to change to be accepted.
- If your new group puts pressure on you to do something you don't want, impose yourself or look for people who share your values.
- If you don't think about it too much, adapting is easy. Relax and don't stress yourself out. Engage in any conversation and laugh with others. You don't have to be the same as all the other members of a group, you can have your own peculiarities and no one will complain. You don't have to create a new group to hang out with people like you.
- Ask questions and answer your teachers' questions. Don't always do this, otherwise others won't be able to participate. You need to be sociable and polite towards classmates and teachers. Try joining an association.
