Assertiveness is a very important tool for communicating your needs in a balanced way for you and for others. Unfortunately, for some insecure people, assertive people sometimes appear threatening and it is easier to see them as arrogant, selfish or useless when they receive a "no" response, or when they tend to set boundaries. In particular, people who have concerns about being duped or have trust or poverty issues may interpret assertive responses as a threat to their to-do schedule and will try to respond negatively to an assertive person's behavior. This is where things can be a bit complicated for assertiveness newbies, but there's no reason to suddenly start worrying about being arrogant!
Steps
Step 1. Verify that you are using assertive communication appropriately
If you have recently embraced assertiveness, or are not feeling the way you usually are due to illness or stress, etc., you might use techniques that are more aggressive, passive aggressive, or make assumptions where there is nothing to assume. rather than being assertive. A quick check you could do is reflect on your comments and attitude with the person in question and write down what you said. Reread what you wrote: does it sound assertive to you, or the other way around? Be honest - it's about you!
Here is a good way to express yourself without being arrogant: How to Practice Nonviolent Communication
Step 2. Check the context
Sometimes certain factors get into the problem when they shouldn't. Race, gender, marital status, age, disability, illness, and so on can sometimes make another think you have an "attitude" rather than an assertive style of communication. If you suspect this is the situation, continue with your assertive communication, and consider whether it is worth fueling the concern that your state may be the cause of the negative responses from the person accusing you of being arrogant, or whether this may be something that requires a reaction from you in the workplace, school, neighborhood, etc.
Step 3. Be an active listener
Letting people know what your boundaries and feelings are, while giving them space to talk, discuss, and be available to consider their feelings is important. Assertiveness is about giving and receiving; take some of their time to clarify your feelings and spend a lot of your time hearing about theirs. Remember that a good listener is also one who flatters, and it's hard to find arrogance in that!
Step 4. Be humble and modest
Assertiveness and humility form a good combination. An assertive person doesn't need to shout "Me, me, me, look what I've done!" from the roofs. Assertive people strike because they continue to support an opinion, because their needs and interests are clear to others, and because they are reliable; moreover, they often become a role model for others who seek to impose themselves effectively. Take this role to heart but don't brag about it, don't point it out, or get pushy, no matter how smart, popular, or established it may be.
Step 5. Reflect on your communications with others and on purpose
While assertiveness is ensuring that others respect you and what you want out of life, communication ceases to be assertive when you use assertive techniques to confuse or astound someone in things you are more knowledgeable about, have more money available, or are better off than he. Assertive communication is not about "doing it your way". This turns assertiveness into aggressive communication techniques and this is the time when you can be considered arrogant. Always keep the purpose of your communications in mind - will they make you understand better, will they ensure that your needs are fully communicated, and will they still respect another person's need to be clearly understood and well informed? For example, which of these examples do you prefer:
- Hi, I'm "Arrogant". I bought this iPhone here last week. It's a bin. He shuffles my messages, he ate my hard drive, and makes this loud, piercing sound that drives my dog crazy. Now I just know that an iPhone shouldn't behave this way, but I suspect your store has removed the X factor that makes it work properly when the software download from Herod's site is added to the overall structure. I mean, you think you are very smart but I am one step ahead of you and this really stinks. I mean, in 1989 I practically invented the idea, but it was stolen from me, so I don't intend to be fooled anymore. This is such a serious breach of your store's customer service that I want the manager, not just a sales person!"
- Hi, I'm "Assertive". Oh, I see your name is Giovanna - Hi Giovanna! I don't think we've met before - I think I was served by Angelo last time. Anyway, I bought this iPhone last week and it's a can. He shuffles my messages, he ate my hard drive, and makes this loud, piercing sound that drives my dog crazy. Now I just know that an iPhone shouldn't behave this way and I was hoping you could take a look at it to fix it, or maybe, better yet, give me a new one? I really want a new one, so I don't have to worry about it failing again. I have always bought my gadgets at this shop and have always really appreciated your customer service. So Giovanna, do you think you can help me?"
- In the first example, the Arrogant starts OK and then starts wandering and ends up being aggressive. In the second example, the Assertive takes things lightly and thoughtfully but remains focused on the point, asks only for the involvement of the sales assistant and does not fail to respect his role. Also note how he called her by name in the beginning - establishing relationships with someone for who they are, not just their role, it really matters. And this is an amazing way to prevent others from considering you arrogant when you practice assertive communication - whether you treat others as important people (because you feel they are).
Step 6. Remember that assertive techniques take time to master and no one always practices them right
However, apologizing is a good answer when you have failed assertive communication and there is always room to reopen the doors to better communication. Read articles on how to apologize.
Step 7. Don't take negative reverberations to heart
When you are facing one of the most challenging personalities in your life, the best thing to do is not to take it personally. Sometimes it is self-confidence that causes irritation for less confident people and their response is to try to insist on their own way through criticism. This is never a good reason to fall back into the old patterns of unhealthy communication styles. You simply reaffirm your point of view, whatever it is, and choose to plant it there. It is something that can help you fully understand where you are. Read articles on how to deal with impossible people and how to stop taking things personally.
Step 8. Look for the middle ground
Sometimes if you are in a situation where you have to choose between different points of view in a group, there may be accusations of arrogance from some. Always consider being able to appreciate both sides of the argument and find the middle ground to mediate apprehensions. You don't necessarily have to resolve the situation, but you can effectively help the group find an answer to their divisions through assertive communication. In such situations, he informs everyone that it is not a question of seeking blame, complaining, and establishing accountability. Instead, it helps people see if there is a possibility of compromise by demonstrating where everyone has made assumptions about the other or about the facts, while still supporting your belief or opinion. And you suggest that they have another perspective to reach a compromise. For more information read articles on how to obtain consent.
