Sociability can help build meaningful bonds, break out of your shell, and feel less isolated. You don't even have to be that charismatic to talk to people. All it takes is some spontaneity, confidence, and some basic conversation skills. Once you are comfortable around people, you can organize something together with others and spend more time socializing. If you want to know how to become a sociable person, read on from step one and you will be well on your way.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Making a Conversation
Step 1. Let go of the fear of rejection
One of the reasons people tend to be withdrawn is that they are afraid of feeling rejected when they make the effort to hang out with others. Of course, it's an eventuality that can happen, and we all had the urge to chat with someone only to find out that they were such a rude person that they turned their backs. However, don't let this fear stop you from greeting people, inviting them out with you, or having a chat with someone you don't know very well. The thing is, most people are pretty nice when you give them a chance; as for those who are not friendly to your attempts at conversation, it is not worth considering under any circumstances.
- While it may sound corny, you will never know until you try. If you try dating someone who refuses, then you are no worse off than before. However, if there is someone who wants to go out with you, then you are on your way to earning a friend. There are far more pros than cons when trying to date someone, so what's wrong with trying?
- We all receive rejection in life. If this happens to you from time to time, you will just have to take it as a useful lesson to mature and develop a little numbness; life is also made up of waste, so react instead of avoiding it.
- Just take a deep breath, relax, and remind yourself that the worst that can happen when you try to be sociable is that the person won't want to reciprocate your sociability. Is it really a tragedy? It may seem like this to you, but in the general scheme of things, someone's rejection will be just a little unexpected.
Step 2. Show openness with body language
An easy way to be more social is to appear open to people you might interact with. If you stand up with an open posture and your hands at your sides, instead of hunching over, and make eye contact with people when they talk to you, then you will be much more open than you would be if you hunched over or were totally engrossed in it. cell phone or fiddling with the hem of the sweater. If you convey positivity from your gaze and take an approachable attitude, then people will be much more likely to talk to you and think you want to talk to others.
- You may have closed body language without even knowing it. If you are shy, then it is natural for you to retreat into your shell, keeping people away. Try to slowly open your body by standing in front of people instead of walking away from them, and show yourself willing to talk to people instead of appearing as if you want to be left alone.
- A few more smiles can have a huge effect. If people sense that you are friendly, they will be much more likely to ask you questions or strike up a conversation with you.
Step 3. Chat for a while
You have nothing to lose. You may feel almost allergic to talking to people about the weather or favorite football teams, but it's a way to start developing a more serious bond and get to know people more deeply. While you can directly enter into a discussion about the existence of God or talk about the complicated relationship you have with your mother, you should first be able to converse on a more superficial level in order to get to a deeper level. Don't think that you are above small conversations or that you don't have time for them; instead, consider them as a way to go about really getting to know people. Here are some pointers for a chat:
- Of course, maybe talking about the weather isn't the most exciting thing in the world. But you can use it to introduce more interesting topics. For example, if someone complains about how the rain kept everyone imprisoned in the house over the weekend, you might ask them if they've had time to watch something good on TV; use the rain, in this case, as an excuse to talk about your favorite movie or TV show.
- If a person is wearing a particular accessory, you can compliment them and see if there is a story behind it. Perhaps you will come to discuss how her grandmother gave it to her or how she bought that Murano glass necklace, in the same place you are dying to go.
- When chatting, avoid asking yes / no questions that risk cutting the conversation off. Instead, ask questions that need longer answers. Instead of asking "Did you do something fun this weekend?", Try saying "What did you do over the weekend?" in order to give your interlocutor more space to talk.
- Avoid asking too personal questions at first. Stay on light topics, such as hobbies, sports, music, or pets, and wait for the other person to open up a little.
Step 4. Be interested, not interesting
Perhaps you feel that the best way to be social is to make people think that you are a great person to spend more time with. Well, that certainly doesn't hurt, but the thing is, people are much more likely to socialize with those who are interested in them, rather than those who are interesting in general. While you can certainly reveal some information about yourself, one way to socialize more successfully is to show real interest in others by asking questions and showing that you are interested in what they do. Here are some topics to ask questions about:
- Favorite bands, sports teams, movies or TV shows
- Hobbies or interests outside of school or work
- Favorite places where they traveled
- Pets
- How much they like the place they live in
- How did the interview / basketball game / weekend go
- Programs for the weekend, summer or holidays
Step 5. Welcome new people
People who have a hard time being social are usually afraid, wary, or just plain skeptical about new acquaintances. They may think that a new person has nothing to offer and that it is better to stay within the familiar. Well, you should think that it is certainly worth getting to know others - and that you too are a new person to someone. Instead of being skeptical of people you don't know until they show you who they are, imagine that most people have good intentions and give them the benefit of the doubt. If you look at others as potential friends, rather than potential enemies, you will be well on your way to becoming a much more sociable person.
- If you stand around a group and see someone you don't know, introduce yourself instead of smiling awkwardly or looking away. Anyone will be impressed by your initiative.
- If you see a new person who doesn't know anyone, work hard to make them feel comfortable. It is an act of kindness that will not go unnoticed.
Step 6. Learn to interpret people
Another way to be sociable when talking to people is to learn how to interpret them, even if they say the opposite of what they seem. You should become a master at decoding body language and be able to understand how a person feels only from standing or looking when not speaking. If someone tells you that everything is fine, but you see that their eyes are puffy or that their clothing looks a bit messy, then it may be that they actually need some help.
- In order to have a conversation with people, you need to go beyond appearances by trying to understand what the person is actually trying to tell you. If you are in a group and a person backs away or looks around, then they will likely be bored, uncomfortable, and may need a hand.
- If you talk to someone who constantly checks their watch or shifts their weight from foot to foot, they may be late or anxious; since he seems to have a lot to do, it is better to say that you will continue another time.
Part 2 of 3: Building Social Relations
Step 1. Connect with people you already know
You will probably think that you have some difficulty being sociable, because you don't know a single person who is worth socializing with or that there is no one around who would like to hang out with you. Here's where you go wrong! Your life is full of potential friends and it's up to you to hang out with them. You can't tell in advance whether the girl sitting in the counter behind you, your teammate or even the neighbor will eventually become your best friend. Look for people you barely know and ask if they want to go out for coffee or go to a quiet place. You will soon be well on your way to making new friends.
- Do not be shy. Asking someone out without putting pressure, for example, to have a coffee, go to an interesting conference or see a movie together, is not a big deal. You're not inviting him to a dance party, nor are you asking him to marry you. It's just about spending some time together.
- Think: Is there anyone in your life who seems interesting and who you always want to know a little better? What's the worst that can happen if you were to get close to this person?
Step 2. Find new hobbies or interests
Another way to build social relationships with more people is to cultivate a new hobby or interest, whether it's related to study, work, or where you live. You can take a yoga class and make friends with the person next to you. You can join a volleyball team and become friends with teammates. You can take painting lessons and find someone who shares your interests. The more you expose yourself, the more likely you are to connect with people you care about.
- If you spend more time doing something you care about, you will also be more likely to make friends with the people around you, because you will want to share your interests. Even if you're just cultivating a passion for a new hobby, you can find someone to share that bond with.
- Finding new hobbies or interests will also help you become more social, simply because you will get in the habit of stepping out of your comfort zone, exposing yourself more, which is exactly what you need to do if you want to become a social person.
Step 3. Invite more often and more people
People who are sociable always invite others to go out. It is not necessary to organize a megagalactic party to make invitations to several people. Don't be afraid to ask people out with you and think about what you can do together. Just smile, make the invitation, and make it clear that it's not a big deal if the other person is too busy to go out. Here are some ways to invite people to hang out with you:
- Ask someone in the class to join a study group
- Invite someone you know to work with you at some pub
- If someone you know shares your passion for a certain band or actress, invite them to a concert or a movie.
- Ask a colleague to go out with you for lunch or coffee
- Have a happy hour at work
- Invite someone to watch a popular TV show together and order a pizza
- Organize a game of tennis, soccer or basketball
- Ask a friend to help you interpret some poetry in your home or in a cafe
Step 4. Accept multiple invitations
If you are concerned about sociability, then chances are you are the kind of person who tends to turn down invitations they receive. While you shouldn't be dating people who make you feel uncomfortable, it's good that you make an effort to give others a chance. If someone invites you to study together, to a party or happy hour, try giving it a try instead of refusing instinctively. If you really don't enjoy yourself, you can always leave - no one is forced to stay. Half of success in life comes only from being in the right place at the right time.
If accepting an invitation makes you nervous, because you're not quite sure what to expect, try asking a few questions to get an idea of the organization so that you feel more comfortable. If you're invited to a party, see if anyone else you know will be there. If you are invited to a concert, ask what the place is like. If you have a more or less realistic idea of what awaits you, you will be less nervous about the occasion
Step 5. Spend more time away from home
While you can't hit a party every time you step outside, you definitely won't have a chance to be more sociable if you stay holed up. By going out, you can strike up a conversation or meet a new person. Instead of studying at home, go to a coffee shop, where you could start chatting with whoever is sitting next to you. Going out for a cup of tea or to eat something, you will have a thousand opportunities to bump into someone you know and sit with them for a few minutes. The more time you spend in the world, the more likely you are to connect with people.
- Hanging out with people will help you get into the habit of being with others. The more time you spend around people, the more accustomed you will be to greeting those you meet, chatting and decreasing any social anxiety you may have.
- Also, just going out, getting some sun and fresh air will make you feel less isolated and more likely to connect with others. It can be difficult to socialize when you are used to being on your own.
Step 6. Be more involved in the work or school environment
If you want to build more social relationships, one of the best ways to go in this direction is to get more involved in your workplace or school. If you work, try to get involved in organizing happy hours, holiday celebrations, work or volunteer events, Sunday soccer championships, etc. If there is an organizational group, join or help manage an event to get to know more people. As for school, joining the student council or football or volleyball team could help you feel more involved and make new friends.
- While these things don't help you become someone's best friend immediately, they are useful for learning to be in close contact with other people, to be part of a team, and to have social interactions with others every day.
- It is not necessary to aspire to become the student representative. Starting recently, perhaps from some organizational group within the school, can help you be among people without being in the spotlight.
Step 7. Avoid building all your social relationships on the Internet
It's okay to be part of an online community where it's really meaningful to exchange ideas with people who share your interests. However, if you're the type of person who spends hours on Facebook, Google chat, Twitter, other social media, or interacting without actually speaking to anyone in person, then that could be a problem. While having someone who likes your photo or posting a comment on someone's Facebook wall can give you some momentary joy, certainly this kind of exchange is not a substitute for meaningful interaction with someone in the flesh.
- In fact, socializing too much on social media risks distracting you from building real interactions. Avoid using social media as a crutch and spend more time talking to people face to face.
- You can use Facebook to connect with people, but make sure the messages you send are aimed at seeing you in person with them; use it to invite friends to real events and generally make an effort to meet off the internet. If not, it won't be real socializing, but you're only taking the superficial steps to feel connected with people.
Part 3 of 3: Making Relationships Last
Step 1. Give yourself time to come out of the shell
While building relationships and learning to engage in valuable conversation is key, you also need to know how to go beyond the surface and actually make relationships last. The secret lies in dedicating time to this aspect, considering that even those who have a strong charisma among the people do not always manage to establish meaningful bonds. The important thing is to give yourself time to open up and come out of your shell, instead of expecting to win five new friends a month. Have patience with yourself and the people around you and know that it will take some time to build meaningful friendships.
Starting from a simple acquaintance, you could organize a meeting for a coffee or a pizza and, later, try to define that person as a friend. After a few months, if you begin to open up to each other, soon enough you will become important to each other. However, if you rush to have a connection, the knowledge could run out. So, don't rush to make real friends
Step 2. Stay in touch with people
Another way to build meaningful social relationships is to stay in touch with the people you care about. Sure, having a chat and going to some party can be useful for meeting people, but if you want to remain friends, you cannot disappear from the face of the earth. If you turn down three or four invitations, then people will give up on other things. If you don't answer the phone or text, then your relationships will be ruined. However, if you try to reconnect with your friends at least once a week, organize yourself to hear from them routinely, and let them know they're on your mind, then you'll be well on your way to building strong social relationships.
While you don't need to be around all the time, it's also not worth earning a reputation as an untrustworthy person. If you intend to build real relationships, then you need to show that others can rely on you
Step 3. Make appointments on your agenda
Another way to make your relationships last is to be able to fill your schedule with commitments. Now, you don't have to force yourself to hang out with people every day of the week, but you should plan at least once or twice a week so that you have a healthy social life. Just to say, if you go to a party or a concert, marking it on your diary can give you the right measure of how your social life is developing in an appreciable way. Every time you write an appointment on your diary, you will have made a commitment that is important to respect.
- If you have a really busy week, then see if it's possible to combine an event with something you need to do. Maybe you can invite a friend to study together for the history question or ask him to join you on the weekly yoga class.
- Of course, making time for yourself is equally important. If you are naturally introverted or have a hard time socializing, then you can't go from complete solitude to continually hanging out with millions of friends without difficulty. Make sure you have time for yourself and don't sacrifice it for anything else.
Step 4. Focus on quality rather than quantity
You may think that being sociable means talking to a million people day and night. In fact, it's more important to be sociable with a few really loved ones on a regular basis rather than filling the lives of people who don't really care. Only a handful of good friends can go a long way in feeling less lonely and more outgoing. Find the people you really care about and commit to spending time with them.
Of course, hanging out in a large group can be fun every now and then. Try alternating these situations with more intimate and personal encounters with people close to you
Step 5. Be a good listener
Another way to build strong social relationships is to learn to truly listen to people. This means putting away the phone and other distractions when someone talks to you, maintaining eye contact and not interrupting the other person. It also means remembering what the person told you so you can learn more about it later. Just sit down with someone you care about and give them your time, thus proving that you are a friend worth keeping close to.
- If a friend tells you about a difficulty they are having, try not to make too many comparisons between their life and yours, otherwise you risk downplaying the problem. Instead, take his situation as it appears and use your experiences to give him advice.
- If a friend tells you that something important is coming up for him, then you should call him back before the event happens to wish him good luck or ask him how it went. This will show that you listen to him and care about him.
Step 6. Show people how much they mean to you
Another way to go beyond the superficiality of relationships is to show others how much they really mean to you. It means thanking friends for a favor or just letting a person know how much their friendship means to you. While you may be shy about showing how much you appreciate them, by making this effort you can go a long way in developing meaningful and long-lasting social relationships.
- You could do a friend a favor, such as bringing him a coffee or a sandwich to show him how much he means to you.
- Don't think thank you cards are outdated. Writing to a friend who has helped you can really make a difference.
- Give your friends the affection, the positivity and the joy of receiving your compliments. State how amazing they are, emphasizing their sense of humor or their ability to listen.
