Abuse can take many forms. Spanking a child is usually legal, but each state imposes different standards on the use of corporal punishment and its classification as abuse. Other types, such as sexual abuse, are not allowed in any way or form. If you believe that your parents are abusing you and causing you severe physical or emotional harm, you may be right. If in doubt, always talk to an adult you trust, such as a teacher or close family member.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Recognizing Physical Abuse and Neglect
Step 1. Think about what happened
You have to consider many factors when trying to figure out if your parents are abusing you; the main factors are generally why they hit you and how hard they hit you. Were they trying to teach you not to do something dangerous, like crossing the street without looking? In some cases corporal punishment is acceptable as long as it does not become extreme or excessive. If they hit you to vent their frustration, that constitutes abuse, as is doing it too forcefully.
- Were you impressed because your parents were trying to make you understand that you shouldn't repeat a certain behavior?
- Have they ever hit you while drunk or after receiving bad news?
- Have they ever used an object to hit you, such as a belt, branch, hanger, electrical cord, or anything besides the palm of your hand?
- Did they ever lose control when they hit you? For example, did a simple spanking degenerate into a slap or a punch?
- Have they ever pinned you to the ground and held you down?
Step 2. Look for signs of physical injuries
Child abuse laws are very different, based on the country you live in. However, in general, one of the deciding factors is whether your parents' acts of violence have caused you permanent physical harm. They may be abusing you if you notice any of the following symptoms after receiving punishment:
- Cuts or scratches
- Bruises
- Bite marks
- Burns
- Sores
- Muscle strains
- Fractures
Think about whether your parents take care of you. Abandonment is a form of child abuse. It can be very difficult to tell if they are neglecting you, especially if you have never lived with other parents or people who looked after you. The financial situation of your family must also be considered; your parents may have a hard time buying you food and clothes, not because they neglect you, but because they don't have enough money. Ask yourself the following questions to try to understand if you or your siblings are left to fend for themselves:
Step 1.
- Your parents are always well dressed and eat without problems, but are unwilling to buy you clothes of the right size or to prepare your meals?
- Do you wear clothes and shoes of the right size? Are they clean and climate-friendly?
- Do your parents take care of your hygiene by letting you shower or bathe regularly? Do they make sure you brush your teeth and comb your hair?
- Do they feed you and your brothers? Do you often skip meals?
- When you are sick, do they take you to the doctor and give you medicine?
- Are children with disabilities (you or one of your siblings) cared for according to their needs? Does access to basic necessities, such as food and water, depend on compliance with certain standards of behavior?
- When your parents leave the house and none of your siblings are old enough to look after you, do they ask an adult to come and take care of you? Are you left alone and have the chance to play in dangerous places or situations? How long are you alone?
Part 2 of 4: Recognizing Sexual Abuse
Step 1. Recognize inappropriate behavior on the part of your parents
Any kind of sexual contact between an adult and a minor is considered abuse. An adult may threaten you or use their position of power (for example, because they are in a role that is usually trustworthy, such as a coach or teacher) to coerce you into having sex or other sexual practices. If your parents watch you undress (without helping you to get dressed), if they take pictures of you naked, they touch you in private areas of your body in a way that scares you or makes you uncomfortable, or they force you to look at or touch them. their private areas, it is about sexual abuse.
In some cases, sexual contact can be pleasant and this can be confusing. A person doesn't have to hurt you to commit sexual abuse
Step 2. Recognize the physical consequences of sexual abuse
Not all abuse leaves behind wounds, but in many cases you will find yourself with bruising, bleeding, and other symptoms. Abuse of this kind can also transmit disease or lead to pregnancy in some cases. The most common symptoms of sexual abuse include, but are not limited to:
- Difficulty walking or sitting due to pain
- Bruising, pain or bleeding in the area of the penis, vagina or anus
- Painful discharge when urinating or other symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases, frequent genital or urinary tract infections
Step 3. Recognize media-related sexual exploitation
Your parents shouldn't show you pornographic materials or reprimand you in similar acts. They may abuse you by exposing you to sexually explicit content with the intention of prompting you to replicate those actions, otherwise they may use videos or pictures of you for sexual purposes, alone or with others.
- They voluntarily expose you to pornography (videos, pictures, books, etc.);
- They film or take pictures of you when you are naked, for sexual purposes;
- They write about your private areas.
Step 4. Understand child sexual abuse
In some cases, one child is sexually abused by another. When this happens, it is usually because the aggressor imitates acts he has suffered by force. Most children do not understand sex, so if one is forcing you or your brother to participate in sexual acts, it is usually a sign that they have been abused.
Talk to an adult you trust if you believe a person you know is a victim of sexual abuse, just as you would if your parents were abusing you
Part 3 of 4: Understanding Emotional Abuse
Step 1. Recognize when you are a victim of verbal abuse
Your parents may scold you for stopping you from dangerous or abusive behavior, but a single incident of this type does not necessarily indicate that you have been verbally abused. If, on the other hand, you are constantly insulted, threatened or made uncomfortable, you receive verbal abuse.
- When your parents scold or scold you they are not verbally abusing you. This type of punishment is usually appropriate and has a purpose, as long as it doesn't get out of hand.
- If your parents are always yelling or telling you bad things, even when you haven't done anything wrong, they are emotionally abusing you.
- If they belittle you, shame you, or always make fun of you, they are emotionally abusing you.
- Any verbal threats to you, one of your siblings, or another family member are also abuses.
Step 2. Recognize emotional abandonment and when you are being ignored
If a parent reserves the treatment of silence for you, tries to make you feel bad or to isolate you from other people (such as friends, uncles and grandparents), they can abuse you emotionally.
- If your parents don't look at you, don't recognize you as their child or don't call you by your real name, they abuse you emotionally.
- If they don't touch you, don't meet your physical or emotional needs, or say nasty things to make you feel bad, they abuse you.
Step 3. Identify the behaviors that tend to isolate you
Isolating yourself means preventing you from having relationships with friends, relatives or other people who are important to you. Your parents may only keep you away from a few people they don't like, or from everyone. It may be an attempt to prevent others from influencing you so that you are in their control.
- They don't allow you to be friends with some people, simply because they don't appreciate them;
- They don't allow you to invite friends over or go to them;
- They do not allow you to leave the house or to do other activities, even if they have the time and the financial means to do so, or they ignore your requests;
- They control your phone calls and other social interactions;
- They criticize people for getting away from them;
- They force you to stop participating in certain activities or to change schools because they don't like the people you hang out with.
Step 4. Consider how they talk about you
It's wrong for a parent to belittle you, say he didn't want you, or criticize your personality (instead of your actions). There is a difference between saying "You hurt your sister's feelings" and "You are a bad and terrible person." An abusive parent can make you feel like you are not welcome in your family.
- They say they wish I had never been born or that it was better to have an abortion;
- They insult you;
- They say they would like to have had a different child, for example a boy instead of a girl or a healthy child instead of a disabled one;
- They make fun of you about your appearance or your abilities;
- They express the wish that you die;
- They tell you how bad / difficult / awful you are, directly to you or someone when they know you can feel;
- They talk about how you ruined their life;
- They throw you out of the house.
Step 5. Notice the behaviors aimed at bribing you
Your parents might expose you to something illegal or very dangerous and maybe encourage you to imitate them.
- They encourage you to steal, take drugs, cheat, bully, etc.
- They give you drugs or alcohol, or use those substances in your presence (letting a child taste a drop of beer to let him know the taste is not serious; letting him drink the whole bottle yes);
- They encourage you to be promiscuous and irresponsible;
- They encourage you to hurt yourself or others.
Step 6. Consider if you are being exploited
Your parents should expect reasonable standards of you. For example, a four-year-old cannot be expected to do the laundry, a ten-year-old to take care of younger siblings for an entire weekend, and many disabled children cannot have the same responsibilities as able-bodied ones. A child's expectations and responsibilities must go hand in hand with his or her level of development.
- They expect you to do things beyond your level of development;
- They force you to take care of relatives even if you are too young or unable for other reasons;
- They blame you for the behavior of others;
- They expect you to do an unreasonable amount of housework.
Step 7. Identify the behaviors that create a climate of terror
In such a situation you would feel threatened or unsafe. Parents terrorize their children to make them live in fear.
- They endanger you, one of your siblings, a pet or your favorite toy, to punish you for your action;
- They have extreme and unpredictable reactions;
- They are violent towards a person, animal or object in front of you (for example, throwing a glass against a wall or kicking the dog);
- They scream, threaten, or curse in anger;
- They expect you to meet the highest standards and threaten to punish or hurt you if you don't;
- They threaten to harm you, themselves or others;
- They abuse other people when you can see or hear.
Step 8. Consider using humiliation or deprivation of privacy, especially as a punishment
Parents who abuse you can embarrass you or invade your privacy and be obsessed with the idea of you doing things they don't want. They might be the kind of people who advocate "My house, my rules".
- They force you to do something embarrassing;
- They check your phone, your diary or your browsing history;
- They remove the door to your room;
- They take back your punishments and post them on the internet;
- They make fun of you;
- They follow you when you are with friends.
Step 9. Notice the signs of mental manipulation
An abusive parent may try to convince you that your experiences are not real, leading you to question your sanity. For example, he might hit you and tell you that you are lazy, then the next day claim that you made it up. These types of behaviors include:
- Call you crazy or a liar;
- Saying "It didn't happen that way" or "I never said it";
- Say you are exaggerating;
- Telling others that you are delusional, that you are unreliable and that you are not telling the truth;
- Move things around and insist that nothing has changed;
- Saying "You did it on purpose" when you make a mistake.
Part 4 of 4: Getting Help When You Need It
Step 1. Talk to an adult you trust
The first step in reporting abuse of any kind is to speak to an adult. That person can listen to you and help you figure out if you are really being abused by your parents. Talk to a trusted relative (such as an uncle or grandfather), family friend, teacher, school psychologist, or a neighbor.
- Explain exactly what happened and tell all the circumstances surrounding the accident. Were there any triggers?
- The adult you talk to should be able to tell if your parents are abusing you.
- If the person believes you are being abused by your parents, they should contact the police. If she doesn't do this despite telling you that you are being abused, you should.
- The school psychologist should know who to contact and how to ensure your safety. He may also be trained to help you deal with abuse.
Ask for help. If you know your parents have abused you or continue to abuse you, you need to call the police or other authorities so you can be taken to a safer place. You can call the police if you need help immediately, or a child rights number to report protracted cases of abuse.
Step 1.
- Call 113 if you think one of your parents is going to hurt you. It may show signs that you know precede an assault; maybe he hits you when he's drunk and you smell alcohol and his screams. Whatever the signs, if you think you are about to be beaten, call 911. The police will come to your home and stop the abuse of your parents right away.
- Look up the number of the local office of the child protection agency. You can find it in the telephone directory or by searching on the internet; make sure your parents don't notice your intentions.
- Call a crisis line. The Telefono Azzurro is available 24 hours a day at number 114.
Try to get away from danger. If you are in danger and have called 911, try hiding in a safe place until help arrives. Lock yourself in a room away from your parents (with a phone if possible). You may also be able to run away from a neighbor, friend, or relative.
Advice
- If your parents abuse you in any way, remember that it's not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong.
- Tell an adult you trust about your situation and find someone who believes you and is willing to help you.
- If the situation escalates or if you are in danger, call the police. If you don't feel safe making the call yourself, ask a friend to do it for you.
- Defend yourself. Your parents think they can hit you because you are weak. Don't let them believe it.
- However, keep in mind that by defending yourself you could provoke their anger and violence. Be careful.
