You and your partner were happily ever after before doubt crept into your relationship. At that point you started wondering if you really are soulmates. Is your partner interested in someone else? If you don't resolve doubts within a relationship, they can ruin everything. Deal with them by going to the source, your mate, and seeking the reassurance you need.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Receive Reassurance
Step 1. Communicate your fears
Suppressing your feelings breeds doubt. Free yourself from worries by talking to your partner. Confide in her and tell her what troubles you.
You can tell her, "We have never talked about the future and that makes me question your feelings towards me."
Step 2. Ask your partner for reassurance
After sharing your fears, ask for support and safety. Get her to remind you how much she loves you or to show you her affection, for example with a hug and a kiss.
- You can ask, "I need to hear that I'm your priority. Can you do this, please?"
- Be careful, as seeking too much reassurance can make you seem unrelated.
Step 3. Work together to find solutions
Try to understand which attitudes of your partner are causing you doubts. Then, both of you think about how to correct the problem.
- For example, if you are unsure why your partner is always putting off important conversations about the future, speak up about it and find a compromise.
- If the doubt arises after a bad fight, try attending couples therapy sessions and learn to better resolve conflicts.
- Talk about how you prefer to share and receive love. For example, some people make cute gestures to show their affection for the person they love, while others cover their partners with compliments and declarations of love. Since it is normal for people to employ different "love languages", it is important to know how you show your feelings so as to avoid misunderstandings.
Step 4. Prioritize quality time
Doubt can get in the way when a couple goes through the inevitable moments of lack of affection and in which the time spent together is little. Finding more opportunities to bond and experience intimacy can help dispel those doubts.
- Compare your schedule and set a few days or evenings a week when you can be alone.
- Make the most of your time together by turning off your cell phone and letting everyone know they don't have to bother you.
Step 5. Encourage your partner in her endeavors
If they try to change their behavior and make you feel more confident, show your appreciation for the progress. Let her know that you notice how busy she is, by saying, "I notice that you are making an effort to call me back as soon as you can. Thanks, love."
Express your gratitude when your partner makes you feel reassured without you having to ask. For example: "I appreciated the message you sent me that you will be late. It reassured me that you would still arrive and that I am important to you."
Method 2 of 3: Finding the Solutions to Your Doubts
Step 1. Reconsider the situations that lead you to have doubts
Notice in which cases your worries escalate, then question what you think about the situation, trying to change your perspective.
For example, if you have doubts when your partner does not answer the phone, consider the problem from this point of view: it could be in a meeting or in the shower. A missed call doesn't mean he's misbehaving
Step 2. Learn to stop your thoughts when worries arise
Doubt can interfere with your life, limit your focus and productivity. Force yourself to stop the cognitive process and distract yourself with an interesting activity.
Read a book, crochet or go for a run
Step 3. Ask yourself if there is any evidence to support your strongest doubts
If a particular concern is troubling you, your instincts may be warning you of danger. However, before taking action, look for evidence.
Perhaps your doubts have increased after seeing your partner flirting with another person. Can you find any examples that made you feel uncomfortable about your partner's looks?
Step 4. Decide if doubts are such that they warrant the breakup
It is common for a couple to have doubts, but if the worries stem from frequent lying, cheating, manipulation, or unreliable behavior on the part of your partner, it is probably a sign that you should leave.
- Healthy relationships do not involve control, deception, infidelity or abuse.
- Doubts can justify a breakup even if your partner doesn't share your values. If he doesn't respect the principles that are most important to you, it probably isn't about your soul mate.
Step 5. Discuss your concerns with a psychologist
If you are unsure how to continue your relationship, seek advice from a relationship therapist who specializes in romantic relationships. A professional can help you bring out the root of your concerns, determine if they are healthy or if they suggest there is a problem.
- You can choose to meet with a psychologist on your own before taking your partner to a session.
- Ask your GP or HR staff for a recommendation.
Method 3 of 3: Think Positive
Step 1. Recognize your worth outside of your relationship
Write a list of all the reasons why you are a great person, which are not related to having a partner. You could be highly intelligent, athletic, an animal lover, or an accomplished cook.
If your consideration of yourself is too tied to the health of your relationship, even the daily difficulties can make you doubt. You can solve the problem by increasing your self-esteem
Step 2. Use awareness to counter uncertainty
It's not nice to feel scared or insecure, but some doubts are normal and even healthy. Start practicing mindfulness to learn to accept or at least tolerate the uncertainties in your life and in your romantic relationship.
- When these feelings emerge, observe them but don't counter them. Inhale deeply through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Don't try to change your thoughts or take action. Let your mind flow.
- Practice mindfulness every day. Over time, you will begin to feel more in control, less bothered by doubts and worries.
Step 3. Get away from negative or critical people
The opinion of colleagues, friends and relatives can lead you to have doubts about your romantic relationship. If a person has only negative things to say about your partner and your relationship, distance yourself from them.
- In some cases, loved ones offer bona fide, but partial or selfish advice. Think about how your relationship with your partner makes you feel and what you see in their behavior before allowing the opinions of others to fuel your doubts.
- Do not listen to advice and do not discuss your relationship with people who are too critical and misjudge. Instead, talk to supportive and open-minded friends.
Step 4. Do not use absolute terms, such as the verb "must"
If your language about your relationship is rigid, you are more likely to experience uncertainties as obstacles. By removing those terms from your vocabulary you will feel more flexible and open.
- For example, if you think, "She has to answer the phone every time I call her," you may inadvertently get angry every time your partner is busy and can't answer you.
- Don't say "He didn't look for me, so he's definitely spending Saturday with someone else" just because he didn't make plans with you.
