In an increasingly interconnected world, love can be found everywhere, beyond all kinds of barriers. Every day new relationships are born on the internet, between chats, e-mails, forums, social networks and even video games: it is no longer a novelty. Unfortunately, not everyone has the opportunity to meet a loved one, especially if they live in another country or have obligations that prevent them from traveling. In these cases it is necessary to decide whether to end the relationship, curb one's feelings or continue to cultivate the relationship while knowing that you will never have the opportunity to meet the object of your love.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Forget the Loved One
Step 1. Keep busy in your free time, so that you don't have the material time to think about your loved one
Start practicing new hobbies, catch up on old hobbies, invite your friends for coffee or dinner, join an association or class, volunteer. Fill your days and evenings, so you can enjoy life and not have a fixation.
You will find that you will think less and less about this person over time
Step 2. Change your routine
Maybe you have a habit of texting her every morning or talking to her on the phone every night, so for now your days are going like this and you have very specific expectations. By changing the routine, mentally you will no longer prepare to talk, exchange messages or video chat at set times. If you usually talk in the morning, try physical activity instead. If you always text at lunchtime, make a point of reading a book.
- It is not easy to change your routine, it is perfectly normal to have difficulties. But try to be constant, and what was initially costing you a lot of effort will become natural.
- If this person tries to keep the usual routine intact (perhaps with phone calls or texts), you can explain to them that you no longer intend to speak on the phone (example), otherwise you can opt for a more radical approach and block them on social networks.
- If you decide to block her online, don't forget to do the same with her phone number so she can't call or text you.
Step 3. Stay on the right path thinking about why it can't work
It can help you to consider all the reasons why it is unrealistic to have such a relationship. Try to list them in detail. Here are some possibilities:
- Distance, like living in different regions, countries or even continents.
- Differences related to lifestyle, personality or interests. For example, maybe the person you fell in love with is outgoing and sporty, likes going to parties and other social events. Instead, you are an introvert who prefers to watch movies and stay indoors with friends. As a result, your lifestyles, characters and interests are unlikely to be in tune.
- Different goals in terms of sentimental choices. For example, you want to get married, while this person is not at all interested in a monogamous relationship.
Step 4. Say goodbye
You don't have to tell the person directly, but you definitely have to tell the relationship. Accept that it is not possible to love her and that it is time to move on. It can be a difficult process, but it needs to be started to show that you have made a decision and that you are willing to go your own way.
- You can say goodbye, write a letter or poem, or just work through the process internally.
- If you have a mutual friend or group, you can continue to nurture the relationship. If so, explain to the person that you are going to end your romantic relationship, but that you would like to establish a healthy and mature friendship.
- If you think it's best to make a clean break, it's up to you to decide whether or not to explain.
Step 5. Get rid of anything that makes you think of her
Although you have never met, it is possible that you have exchanged letters, gifts, and so on. You have to get rid of it in order to start the process of healing and falling out of love. Put everything in a box and throw it away, or ask someone to take care of it for you. You should do this at the exact moment you say goodbye, so as to truly make a clean sweep.
Part 2 of 4: Ending the Relationship
Step 1. Decide how to start when you talk to the person directly or write her a letter
Before you contact her to tell her you want to end the relationship, think about what you will say. Try to write what you want or need to express. You can start in several ways. Here are some ideas:
- "I have to talk to you about something important …"
- "Do you have time to talk about something important? I want to discuss …"
- "I'm not sure where to start, but …"
- "My heart breaks, but …"
Step 2. Send an email
It's the coolest way to end a relationship, but it allows you to carefully process your thoughts and intentionally choose your words. Ending a relationship by email also gives you the opportunity to express yourself without objection or interruption. Also, the recipient will have time to reflect on what you wrote before responding.
Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, explain that you feel the need to end the relationship and state your expectations for the future, whether it's cutting ties, limiting contact, or forming a good friendship
Step 3. Send a direct message
Ending a relationship via chat is a little more difficult because you need to make sure that you both have the ability to chat at the same time without interruption. Either way, explain that you intend to end the relationship and list your expectations for the future. Compared to email, chat and direct messages facilitate a conversation, so the other person will have the opportunity to respond.
If you think he won't take it well, you should write an email so he won't be able to reply to you by direct message
Step 4. Talk to her over the phone or video chat
By opting for this method you will have a much more direct conversation despite the distance. In any case, you still need to focus on the decision to end the relationship and express your expectations. Don't accuse her and don't be rude, otherwise it will be counterproductive and will only provoke negative emotions.
If you're worried she might try to get you to think again, send her an email instead, avoid having a direct dialogue
Step 5. Try to get over it and find your balance
At the end of a relationship (especially with a loved one), having a final emotional break is an important step towards healing. It helps you understand that both of you jealously cherish your experiences together, but the time has come to go our separate ways. Talk to your loved one and tell them how you feel, but also explain that you need to limit or end the relationship and wish them well.
Sometimes it is not possible to have a conversation that allows for a satisfying closure. It's not a problem. This lack is an epilogue in and of itself. Continue on your way and focus on your recovery
Part 3 of 4: Assessing Your Needs
Step 1. Define the type of relationship you are looking for
List what you are looking for in a romantic relationship, such as complicity, harmony, a person to share life events with, to talk to, and so on. This will help you figure out if you are looking for a virtual or real bond. You may find that you want someone who is physically close to you, and this will motivate you to stop loving a person you will never know.
Step 2. Consider your self-esteem
If you are convinced that no one will ever be attracted to you or that there are no people available in your city, a virtual relationship can be a shortcut to avoid facing your personal problems. Instead of focusing your energy on a relationship, commit to working on yourself and your self-esteem.
- Take two minutes each day to think about the things you love about yourself, such as your sense of humor, your eyes, your intellect, or your ability to sniff out good business.
- Make a commitment to be kinder to others, this way you will have a more positive opinion of yourself.
Step 3. Learn from your experiences
While this relationship didn't meet your needs, it still gave you a good learning experience. Perhaps you have realized that you are someone worthy of being loved, that you have a personality suited to nurture a relationship, or that long-distance relationships are sometimes just plain difficult. Whatever you have learned, it is essential to treasure the experience, without wasting it.
- Consider the positive aspects of the relationship. Has it enriched you from a cultural point of view? Did it help you mature emotionally? Was it nice to have someone you can count on? Thinking about the positives will help you understand what you are looking for in a future relationship.
- At the same time, consider what needs have not been met within the relationship. Was it difficult to coordinate your commitments or do you have different goals in life?
- Finally, consider what made you happy and what bothered you about the relationship. Thinking about these aspects of the relationship will help you identify your future needs and expectations.
Part 4 of 4: Deciding to Date Someone in the Area
Step 1. Redistribute your resources
Loving a distant person is a good learning experience and has the potential to satisfy many emotional needs. However, it also requires an enormous mental, economic and temporal effort. At this point in the journey, it's best to reassign your resources and start dating people in your area. Since you will be able to meet people close to you, you will definitely invest your means better.
- Go to a specific dating site in your area.
- You can also use a national one, but choose your geographic area.
- You can also consider groups of people who have similar passions to yours.
- Ask a friend to introduce someone to you.
- Enter an amateur sports league.
Step 2. Accept that you may have conflicts
When you decide to end a virtual relationship to start dating someone in the area, it is possible that an inner conflict will arise. This new experience can get you upset, especially if you are in love with someone you will never meet. The emotional and intellectual attunement you have developed with her is undoubtedly valuable, but you should try to have a physical connection as well. Recognize the conflict that has arisen, accept it, then give yourself permission to seek happiness within walking distance of you.
It is right and healthy to recognize that you will never meet the one you love. Holding on to even the slightest glimmer of hope will only worsen the inner conflict
Step 3. Break any vicious circle
Ending a relationship is painful, and you definitely don't want to relive such an experience by repeating the same mistakes. Avoid starting another relationship with someone you will never know. If necessary, temporarily stop using the internet to avoid falling into the same trap.
- Look for new games, new forums to interact with, and new groups to join.
- Past experiences have taught you that it's important to get to know your loved one in real life, so you need to avoid building similar relationships with someone you've met in new groups or communities.
