A new relationship is often hilarious, intense, and fun, but how can you turn a new relationship into - lasting love? While it's not easy to make a love last, the commitment you put into the relationship will turn into a deep and important connection that can last a lifetime. To make a love last, you need to appreciate your loved one, support them, and make time for love and romance. If you want to know how, follow these steps.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Appreciate Your Beloved
Step 1. Always appreciate the best part of your loved one
If you want to make love last, you need to focus on your beloved's best qualities - not the worst. You can be honest about the less fortunate qualities of your loved one, but you need to focus on his ability to make you laugh, his intelligence and his big smile, rather than the fact that he is always late or spending time on the phone.
- Compatibility research between 470 couples revealed that what many long-term relationships have in common is the "positive illusion," which allows people in a relationship to see each other in a positive light. This is also known as a "positive perspective".
- Every day, look on the bright side of your partner and remember why you are with this wonderful person.
Step 2. Have compassion for your loved one
It's proven: Couples who feel compassionate love have happier marriages. To have compassion for your loved one, you need to learn to understand why he or she is angry, understand his or her needs instead of annoying you because he or she is not in a good mood. Take advantage of these opportunities to practice random acts of kindness towards your partner and you will see the positive impact this will have on your relationship.
- Make it a goal to surprise your partner with a small gesture every day. It doesn't have to be complicated or cost a fortune; sending a message or leaving a little note to let him know how special it is can mean a lot more than an expensive gift.
- When your loved one is having a bad day, try to be even kinder and help him around the house by making dinner, washing laundry or even giving him a massage.
Step 3. Appreciate the little things
To make a love last, don't underestimate the moments of the "sliding doors". Sliding door moments are seemingly irrelevant everyday moments filled with words we randomly say to each other, accompanied by small, evanescent pains, frustrations, joys and laughter, flying through our minds and hearts, creating or breaking most important relationships of our lives. These little moments accumulate and make sense over time.
Even if you only have a few minutes with your loved one in the morning, make the most of it
Step 4. Exchange a 6 second kiss every day
The six-second kiss is a simple and fun activity that you should incorporate into your daily moments as a couple. This kiss is long enough to feel passionate and romantic, and can serve as a temporary oasis on a busy day - for example, when you're on your way to or from work. Make it a point to share this kiss at least once in the morning and once in the evening. You will see what a big difference it will make.
Greeting your partner with affection communicates the importance they have for you, while also reminding them of the good feelings you share when you are together
Step 5. Give your partner the affection and attention they need
When your partner lets you know that he needs an emotional connection, whether he wants a little pampering or hanging out on the balcony to gaze at the stars, try to give him what he needs rather than reject it, no matter how busy you are. These moments don't happen often, and if you want your relationship to flourish, then you should give your partner the affection they need, you will see that you will receive that return love.
- Take the time to listen to your partner and address their needs thoughtfully.
- You won't always be able to give your partner the affection and attention they need, but make it a goal to do it as often as you can.
Method 2 of 3: Resolve Disagreements with your Beloved
Step 1. Avoid the four most common relationship killers
If you really want to solve problems with your loved one, you must avoid the four forms of negativity that are lethal to relationships and are also called "the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse": criticism, contempt, defensive and obstruction. After observing a couple for even just a couple of hours, scientists can predict with more than 94% accuracy whether they will be together or divorce, if these negative behaviors don't change. If you find yourself using any of these approaches towards your partner, hurry to do something about it before it erodes your love.
- Avoid criticizing your partner just to get rid of a repressed resentment. Complain but don't blame, talk about your feelings using phrases that express a positive need. What do you hear? What do you need?
- Avoid despising your partner and instead build a culture of appreciation and respect in your relationship.
- Avoid being defensive, and be open to your partner's comments and advice. Don't focus on trying to prove you're right and instead work on finding a solution together. Accept responsibility, even if only for part of the problem.
- Boycott, or refusal to listen to your partner or accept their requests even in a small way, is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship. The antidote is to practice psychological self-comfort. The first step in psychological self-comfort is to stop useless arguments. If you continue, you will find yourself exploding in front of your partner or imploding (stonewalling), neither of which will get you anywhere.
Step 2. Maintain a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions during discussions
This will help you and your partner maintain a positive attitude while trying to solve a problem together, rather than blaming each other, yelling or hurting each other with words you don't really think. You can maintain this positive relationship during an argument by avoiding saying phrases like "You never have …" or "You always do …". Don't think absolutely and focus on the positive aspects of the situation, not the negative ones, if you want to come to a solution.
Talk to your partner as if you are on the same level. Use phrases with "I" such as "I would appreciate if we …" instead of phrases with "You" such as "You must …". In this way the problem becomes "our problem", not "your problem"
Step 3. Manage the perpetual problems of the relationship
Even the best relationships have problems, and not all of them can be solved. To make your love last, you have to accept these problems or find ways to handle them without constantly arguing to no avail. What matters is not solving these problems, but being positive and open when they are discussed.
- The purpose of your relationship when discussing these types of issues should be to establish a dialogue that communicates acceptance of your partner, showing him humor and affection.
- Finally, what matters is to be able to tackle unsolvable problems together rather than treat them as a dead end. Problems left unquestioned only lead to painful exchanges or icy silences.
Step 4. Introduce a conflict tactfully
Using a "soft approach" or diplomatic technique to present a problem during a conversation changes the way your partner will see the problem and how easily it can be solved. To introduce a problem, you should gently complain about the situation, without accusing the other person in a vindictive and angry way. This will lead to a more stable and healthy relationship.
- For example, instead of saying, "You said you were going to the grocery store this afternoon and you forgot about it," say, "I'm a little annoyed that there isn't any food in the house today. expense this time ".
- Express yourself with sentences that begin with "I" instead of "You". When you start a sentence with "I" you seem less critical. Blame immediately puts your partner in a defensive position, while sentences with "I" show that you are discussing the impact on your feelings.
- Avoid rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or not looking your partner in the eye. All these little gestures of anger can make a big difference when starting an argument.
Step 5. Learn to compromise
If you want to make love last, you need to know that being happy is better than being right. If you are determined to win every time you argue, then your relationship won't last long. You and your partner should be able to rationally weigh the pros and cons of each decision, and think about how much the decision means to each of you. Eventually, you should be able to satisfy both of you rather than just having one happy person.
- You can also take turns. If you come up with an important decision, then at the next big break, let your partner decide.
- In a good relationship both sides should be willing to compromise. If you find yourself always agreeing with your partner because you prefer to avoid arguments, you have a problem.
Step 6. Apologize when you are wrong
If you want to make love last, then you should be ready to swallow your pride and let your partner know when you are wrong. Admitting that you are wrong takes courage and will make your partner appreciate your honesty and candor even more. If you know you've screwed up but want to sneak it under the rug and fix it next time, sooner or later you'll find yourself in trouble.
When you say sorry, really feel it. Don't say this just because you think it's the right thing to do
Method 3 of 3: Find Time for Your Loved One
Step 1. Find time for romance
No matter how long you've been together, you should always make time for romantic moments at least once a week. Go on a "romantic outing" during which you will do nothing but talk, enjoy good food and see a good movie together. You can also plan more elaborate romantic adventures, such as a trip to the beach, long walks, or a night of star gazing. Whatever you do, do it regularly, and make sure you spend at least a few quality hours with your loved one, if all you want to do is experience your love and relationship.
- When you are romantic, you should really take the time to connect. Talk about your dreams, fears, and goals - not who's going to do the laundry or pick up the kids from school.
- You should keep a "romantic evening" in your weekly journal, and keep it as a sacred event that no friends' visits or business commitments can change.
Step 2. Take the time to compliment your partner
You may be thinking "We've been together for five years - she should know how much I love him / her by now." It is logical reasoning, right? Wrong. In your heart you know how special your loved one is and how much he means to you, nevertheless you must let him know how much you love him and how important he is and that you appreciate all or at least some of his unique qualities. Make it a goal to pay him at least one compliment a day with something fresh and heartfelt.
- Don't take your partner's looks as guaranteed. If you've dressed up for a date, let him know he's fine - or let him know how good he is while he's watching TV in his everyday clothes.
- Let your partner know everything they have done to make your life better. Expressing thoughts like "I could never have done this without you" or "I am so lucky to have been around you during this crisis" will let your partner know how helpful and supportive she is to you.
- Take the time to let your partner know all about the aspects of their personality that you prefer, their sense of humor, or their ability to fascinate people.
Step 3. Take the time to say "I love you" You should say "I love you" to your partner every day - and feel it
Don't forget to say this because you are too busy or because you think they already know, or because you are in the middle of an argument. You will never say it enough. When you say "I love you," look your partner in the eye and give them your full attention to let them know that you really mean what you say.
Step 4. Find time to have fun with your partner
Love isn't just about appreciating each other, handling disputes, and being romantic - it's also about having fun and being ridiculous at times. Find time to do something really fun with your partner, whether it's seeing a comedian show, spending hours telling jokes, or going to an amusement park and laughing out loud. Don't underestimate the positive impact laughing with your partner has on your relationship.
It's true: a couple who laugh together stay together. Make time to laugh each day
Step 5. Find time to pursue new interests with your partner
If you want to keep your relationship fresh, then you should take the time to pursue new interests with your partner so it won't always be "the usual soup". You can take a dance class together, dive into the classic movie collection or travel to a whole new place. Developing a routine that makes you happy helps a relationship, but finding new hobbies and interests together is equally important to the growth of your relationship.
- Taking a salsa class together can make your relationship more fun and… sexy!
- Start exploring nature together. Going for walks or hikes in the midst of breathtaking landscapes will improve your mood and make you appreciate nature - and each other more.
