When someone you know is sick or sick, it's not easy to see them suffer without being able to help. While there isn't much you can do about the condition, you can show your interest with gestures and words of encouragement during this difficult time.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Show Your Interest Through Shares
Step 1. Visit the patient
If a close friend or loved one is hospitalized or can't leave the house, the best way to encourage them is to be there; you can help him distract himself from the illness and maintain a semblance of normality even in a difficult time.
- Think about what you could do during the visit. If the friend likes to play cards or board games, take something like that with you; if you have children, you'd better leave them at home, but you can ask them to draw a picture for the sick person to cheer them up.
- Remember to call first and make sure it's a good time or plan your visit in advance. Sometimes, special precautions are needed to visit a sick person, trying to fit her between appointments, times for medicines, naps, the fact that she goes to bed early in the evening and other circumstances.
Step 2. Treat the person as a friend
Chronic or terminal patients live surrounded by things and situations that constantly remind them that they are sick. What your friend needs instead is to still feel the same individual you love and care for; treat him as if he is not sick.
- Maintain regular contact. Chronic illness puts friendship to the test, and in order for your relationship to withstand the emotional and logistical difficulties, you need to work hard to keep in touch and make them a priority. A person who is undergoing treatment or is hospitalized is often "forgotten" because, as the saying goes, "eye does not see, heart does not hurt"; then put a note on the calendar to remind you to visit her or call her constantly.
- Help the patient do the things they normally enjoy. If your friend has a chronic or terminal illness, it is important that he can still experience some pleasure and joy from life. You can help him by offering to take him out to do his favorite activities.
- Don't be afraid to joke and make plans for the future! It is always the same person you know and love.
Step 3. Support him and be supportive for his family as well
If he has a family or even pets, the disease is likely to be even more stressful, because he is not concerned only with prognosis or recovery, but also with the people who depend on him. You can help the family during this time in a practical way:
- Cook for them. This is the classic and proven way to be of support to a sick person. Whether or not he can participate, by cooking a home-cooked meal for his family, you can ease his burden by letting him rest better in the knowledge that there is someone who cares for the children, partner, or other individuals who depend on him. he.
- Help him with his duties. If the patient has young children, elderly parents, or other individuals to care for, ask them how you can help with these tasks. for example, they may need someone to visit and monitor their elderly father, take the dog for a walk, or take and pick up the children from school or football practice. Sometimes sick people have a hard time organizing small logistical commissions, but having a trusted friend who takes care of these tasks can make a difference.
- Clean his house. Some individuals feel uncomfortable with this type of support, so ask your friend for permission before going to work; if he agrees, ask him to let you go to his house once a week (or more or less frequently, depending on your ability) to take care of the housework. You can offer to do jobs that you are particularly good at (mowing, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, grocery shopping) or let him show you how to best serve you.
- Ask him what he needs and act accordingly. People often say, "Let me know if you need anything," but most people are too shy to really call, ask for help, and take this kind of offer. Instead of letting the person contact you when they need it, call them and find out about their needs. Tell him you're going to the grocery store and want to know if you can get him something or if he needs help around the house one of the next evenings of the week. Be specific and honest about your availability, then complete the commitment, which is the most important part!
Step 4. Send some flowers or a fruit basket
If you can't be physically present, send at least a token of your affection so the friend knows they're in your thoughts.
- Consider the fact that the disease may have made him more sensitive to intense scents (some cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy, for example, may not like a bouquet of flowers), then consider other things that may be more suitable, such as his chocolate. favorite, a teddy bear or some balloons.
- Some hospitals offer a gift shop delivery service; if the person is hospitalized, consider buying a bouquet of flowers or balloons directly from this store. In some cases, you can find the store's phone number on the hospital's website or you can contact the switchboard and ask to be put in touch.
- Consider buying a better gift or bouquet of flowers with mutual friends or colleagues of the patient.
Step 5. Be yourself
You are a unique person and you don't have to pretend to be able to fix everything or have the answers for anything; just be who you are.
- Don't pretend you have the answers. Sometimes, even if you know them, it is better to let the sufferer understand some things for themselves. Behaving naturally also involves some sense of humor; being in the company of a sick person may make you feel like you are walking on eggs, but if you are nervous or act like you don't know what to say, you only make the friend uncomfortable, so try to laugh and be joking as always (if that's your nature).
- Make sure you are pleasant company. Your purpose is to be as supportive and comforting as possible. You must cheer up the patient and not distress him with gossip and negative opinions; even wearing colorful clothes with joy can brighten your day!
Step 6. Make him feel useful
Sometimes, asking someone with a chronic or terminal illness for advice or a little favor makes them feel useful, increasing their motivation to commit.
- During many diseases the brain is as active as ever; Thinking about others' lives and problems can help patients distract themselves from their own for a while.
- Consider the subject he is an expert on and ask him pertinent questions. For example, if your friend is a keen gardener and you plan to prepare flower beds for spring, ask him how to get started and what type of mulch to use.
Part 2 of 4: Show Your Interest with Words
Step 1. Talk to him
Learn to be a good listener and let the patient know that you are available to him, in case he wants to vent about the illness or other topics. In any case, having someone to talk to is a great relief for a sick person.
Be honest if you don't know what to say. Illness often makes people uncomfortable and there is nothing wrong with that; the important thing is to be present and offer your support. Remind the friend that you are there for him
Step 2. Send him a postcard or call him
If you can't be physically present, send a postcard or call. It's easy to send a message or post on Facebook, but a letter or a phone call is a more personal contact, showing greater concern for the recipient.
Consider writing a letter with your heart. If you generally don't know what to say in front of people in need, this method may be easier. You can write a letter, and if you feel it doesn't convey your feelings well, take the time to correct and rewrite it. Focus on kind wishes, prayers for a speedy recovery, and good news that is not related to the disease
Step 3. Ask him questions
While it is important to respect the intimacy of the patient, if they are available to answer questions, you have the opportunity to learn more about their condition and understand how to be more effectively supportive.
You can do some research online, but asking the person concerned is the only way to know how the disease affects their life and, more importantly, what their feelings about it are
Step 4. Talk to your children
If you have children, they are likely to feel isolated, lonely and confused. Depending on the severity of the condition, they may be afraid, angry, or worried. They need someone to talk to, and if they know and trust you, you can become a mentor and friend during this difficult time.
Take them for ice cream and talk to them. Don't force them to say more than they want. Some children just need you to be there as a strong source of reassurance, while others want to tell you all of their emotions. Be available to them and keep in touch every few days or weeks, depending on your level of knowledge
Part 3 of 4: Know what not to do or say
Step 1. Beware of common missteps
There are many clichés that people fall into when others are having a hard time and, in most cases, these reactions seem insincere or hurt the recipient. Here are some examples of what not to say:
- "God tests you no more than you can bear" or the far worse variant "It is God's will." Sometimes, believers say this sentence in good faith because they are really convinced, but they are very hard words for the sick person, especially if they are living in a very difficult or oppressive situation; not to mention that he may not even believe in God.
- "I know how you feel". In some cases, people say these words to individuals who are in trouble, and while it is true that everyone encounters obstacles in life, it is impossible to know the feelings of another. This sentence is even worse when accompanied by personal memories that are not remotely comparable to the intensity of the experience the sufferer is going through. For example, if an individual is coping with the loss of a limb, don't compare it to the time you fractured your arm, because that's not the same thing. However, if you have already gone through a similar experience, you can say, "I've been through it too."
- "You'll be fine". It is a common phrase of people who do not know what to say and it is more the expression of a wish than of a fact. You cannot know if someone will be well and, in the case of a chronic or terminal illness, who is sick Not will be fine; he could die or be condemned to a life of suffering. To utter these words is to minimize the experience he is enduring.
- "At least…". Do not reduce the sufferer's suffering by suggesting that he should be thankful that the situation is no worse.
Step 2. Don't complain about your health problems
In particular, avoid discussing minor ailments, such as a headache or cold.
This advice can vary based on the type of relationship you have with the person and the duration of their illness. If they are a chronic patient or a very close friend, you are more likely to be able to discuss what you are going through
Step 3. Don't let the fear of making a mistake cause you to do nothing
While it is important to be attentive to the feelings of an individual who is unwell, one sometimes tends to compensate for fear by remaining completely inactive. It is better to "bite your hands" and apologize for a gaffe, rather than completely ignore a sick friend.
If you mess up and say something indelicate, just apologize, reiterate that it was not your intention to say that sentence and that the situation is very difficult
Step 4. Be considerate
Try to pay attention to the clues your friend sends you, to understand if you are visiting too often or if you stay longer than necessary. Especially when an individual is very sick, he may have a lot of difficulty holding a conversation, but at the same time he doesn't want to offend you, so he may get excessively tired just to please you.
- If your friend seems distracted by the television, cell phone, or struggles to stay awake, it could be signs that he is getting tired of your visit. Don't make it personal! Remember that she is struggling a lot both physically and emotionally and it is a heavy commitment.
- Be aware of the time and be careful not to stay during meal times or other times when your friend needs to be alone. If you plan to visit during lunch or dinner time, ask him if he would like me to bring him or cook him something to eat.
Part 4 of 4: Understanding Chronic Illnesses
Step 1. Be aware of the person's limitations
Learn about the disease and treatment to be prepared for side effects, personality changes, or reduced stamina and energy levels.
- If your friend wants to share their experience, ask them questions about the condition or take the time to find out online.
- Pay attention to body language to understand her feelings and how the condition affects her ability to participate in activities, stay alert, and remain emotionally stable. Be kind and understanding if he doesn't behave like he used to and remember that he is carrying a lot of heavy burdens.
Step 2. Consider the effects on his mood
Managing a debilitating, chronic, or terminal illness often leads to depression and other problems; moreover, even the medicines to treat the pathology often have side effects on the mood.
If the person is facing thoughts related to depression, remind them that the illness is not their fault and that you are ready to support it, no matter what happens
Step 3. Show empathy
Try to put yourself in his shoes. You could also suffer from a similar pathology and in that case you would like to be surrounded by caring and kind people; remember the golden rule: "do to others what you would like them to do to you".
- If you were in a similar situation, what types of daily activities would you struggle with? How would you feel emotionally? What kind of support would you like to receive from friends?
- By imagining yourself in the place of the sick person, you can better understand how to help them.
