Someone has lost a loved one. You want to help him, but words fail you. You can make your presence felt, without making things worse, with a little tact, a friendly face and offering a shoulder to cry on.
Steps
Step 1. Sit next to the person, hug them or hold their hand if they are a friend
If the person doesn't chase you away, move on to the next steps. If the person continues to cry, leave them alone. Sometimes you need to be alone - give space!
Step 2. Start with "It must be so hard for you", or "I'm sorry about what happened"
Don't start with words like, “Ooh, that's yucky” or “This really sucks for you! He / she is dead!”. Try to be kind, comforting, and show empathy.
Step 3. Be honest
Don't cry, but it's okay to show your pain. After all, who likes to suffer alone?
Step 4. Remind the person of all the pleasant moments spent with the deceased
Never remind her of unpleasant episodes. Help her - don't hurt her!
Step 5. After that you may start rambling
"You don't know how much I can't stand what happened" or "I'm sorry to see you suffer in this way". Don't be too sweet.
Step 6. Use physical contact, such as a shoulder rub or better yet a hug
Step 7. Optional:
Offer her a little gift to lift her mood. Maybe a book he wants to read or a piece of jewelry for girls.
Step 8. Hug her again and say “I hope you feel better”
Step 9. Here is a crucial point that might help
Ask "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?". Ask questions that will help you understand what would relieve the person's pain. It could be taking her to see the game or a walk around the mall, or just sending her an e-card, if that's what the person wants. If he says no, try to insist by saying “Are you sure? There are no problems."
Step 10. Finally, move on to the last hug, this time long and intense
You should say "I hope with all my heart that you will soon be able to feel better." Smile, say hello and say goodbye.
Advice
- If you are not sure if you are up to the situation, you could opt for a card in which to express your thoughts.
- If you are comforting the person simply to get the funny side of the situation, not because you regret seeing them sad, (hopefully not your case), don't put on excessive drama. Just because this person is sad doesn't mean they can't find a liar. Be honest.
- You can change the words to your liking. Just keep the basic idea.
- Don't ask why or how the person died. All the warmth that you have transmitted may vanish if she remembers why you are comforting her.
- If it doesn't work (but it usually does), leave the person alone. If your presence doesn't help, just give yourself a hug and a quick "I'm sorry".
Warnings
- If someone turns you away, do not continue with steps 2 and 3. If they want to be alone, it means they need to be alone. Give him some space.
- If the person finds you cheesy or gets irritated and screams, you probably don't seem sincere. This change in mood is not a good sign. Pull back by saying “I'm really sorry, _” and forget it.
- Understand that if he hunts you, he is in great pain and cannot bear the loss. Don't take it personally, sooner or later he will need someone to talk to or to comfort him. Give it some time.
