Most people cry, but women have a tendency to cry more often than men. Whether it's your partner, a friend or a colleague, if you are faced with a woman in tears, there are various solutions you can take to make her feel better. By consoling a woman, you have the opportunity to strengthen the bond that binds you to her and lift the spirits of both of you.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Console Your Partner or Close Friend
Step 1. Assess the situation
There are endless reasons why a woman might cry. Perhaps she is in pain, stressed, ill or moved. Before proceeding, try to understand what the situation may be and, if appropriate, try to console it. Here are some reasons why you are probably not the right person to comfort her:
- If you are involved in the same situation that is troubling her, avoid comforting her. If you are shaken, bothered or hurt by the circumstances that led to her crying, you may not be in the best position to cheer her up. In this case, it would be wise to seek support that can help both you and her cope with what's going on.
- If he is crying with joy, there is no need to intervene. Scientists aren't exactly sure why, but someone who is overwhelmed with happiness may cry uncontrollably, just like someone who is scared or sad. In such cases, it may be more appropriate to congratulate your friend or partner than to try to comfort her!
- If she's crying because you had a fight, it would be best if you calm down for a moment on your own before comforting her so you don't get back to arguing.
Step 2. Make the decision to console her
Unless there's a good reason to keep you from lifting a crying woman's mood, you should make an effort to help her. It can be very damaging to your emotional well-being not to get help. If you choose to comfort her, she can stop crying sooner and you will also make your relationship stronger.
Step 3. Listen carefully
This aspect is never stressed enough. Tears are a very important form of communication, and therefore, you should pay attention to what a crying person is trying to say. Use some active listening techniques, such as reiterating her words and avoiding interrupting her.
- Be careful not to direct the conversation on yourself, but focus it on her. Don't focus on yourself. Even if he engages in behavior that you disapprove of, it doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve some comfort or that he deserves to be sad.
- Avoid phrases like "If I were in your place", "Did you try …" or "When it happened to me, I didn't make a fuss about it."
Step 4. Don't belittle the pain she's in and don't tell her she shouldn't cry
Tears are often beneficial, even if they are caused by something painful. They can provide both physical and emotional relief to those who are sad or stressed. By repressing emotions, there is a risk of not being able to recover. Even if you feel uncomfortable, let her cry as long as she needs it. He will probably feel better after a good, liberating cry.
- In principle, avoid any kind of imposition, the use of negative terms or imperative ways. Refrain from saying, for example, "Don't cry", "You shouldn't be sad" or "It doesn't seem so tragic."
- On the other hand, people who cry because of a psychological distress - for example, a severe form of anxiety disorder or depression - may actually feel worse, not better, after crying. If you think his state of mind might be due to this, you should still offer relief and support, but also suggest that he see a doctor so that he can receive the necessary treatment.
Step 5. Don't ignore her sadness
Show her that you understand how much she is suffering by admitting that her pain is legitimate and that you understand it. Here are some phrases to use:
- "I understand how painful it must be."
- "That must be really frustrating. I'm sorry."
- "I am not surprised that you are upset. It seems like a really difficult situation."
- "I'm sorry for what happened to you."
Step 6. Use non-verbal consolation techniques
A tearful person may more easily understand that you are trying to comfort them if you prefer non-verbal language to verbal communication. By nodding, using appropriate facial expressions, looking her in the eye and leaning forward with your body, you have a chance to let her know that you are worried and that you care.
While handing out a handkerchief can be interpreted as a thoughtful gesture, it could also be understood as an invitation to stop crying. Therefore, only offer it if the crying person asks for it or gives you the impression that they are looking for it
Step 7. Assess whether physical contact is appropriate
Some people find relief from physical contact, while others become more anxious. You can offer her a hug if you are sure she reacts well. Hugging can also help relieve stress over time. Other appropriate ways of physical contact include taking her hand, touching her shoulder, stroking her hair, or kissing her forehead. Use your judgment to choose the most appropriate gesture based on what the other person prefers and the limitations of your relationship. Let her guide you. Don't hesitate to back down if asked.
You can also look at the other person's body language to see if they are willing to accept a comforting gesture from you. If he's on the defensive, perhaps because he clenches his fists, keeps his arms folded and legs crossed, or avoids eye contact, he probably prefers you to back off
Step 8. Ask her what you can do to help her
Let us guide you in this situation. It is easy to get caught up in the desire to resolve the situation in the seemingly best way. However, the other person may not want help or need something other than what you think is useful. The last thing to do is to make the situation worse. Resist the urge to troubleshoot her when what you should do is help her process the pain and grief she is feeling.
- Let her know that you are ready to help her, without forcing her. Maybe his help idea is to have someone to talk to. Listening is often the best way to console a person.
- Ask a few open-ended questions, offering to help her out. For example: "Is there anything I can do to help you?" or "I would love to help you. Do you think there is a way to improve the situation?". These could be great ways to start a conversation and offer your input.
- Sometimes, when a person is upset, they are too upset to receive suggestions on how to solve a problem. In these cases, try to think of a number of things that could calm her down. For example, ask her if she'd like to go out for ice cream or if she'd like you to stop by and see a movie together. See if she reacts positively to what you propose.
Step 9. Step in to help her if appropriate
While you shouldn't try to solve her problems as a first reaction, perhaps there are specific and concrete gestures you can do to help relieve her suffering. If you have the opportunity to make her forget her difficulties (and if she seems to want to), then offer to intervene in some way.
For example, if she cries because she is under stress at work, tell her that you can take care of some extra housework so she has more time to focus on work. If she cries because she got into a fight with a friend, discuss the matter with her and, perhaps, help her find a way to recover their relationship
Step 10. Check if she is better
In the days or weeks following her outburst, contact her from time to time to make sure everything is okay. Don't be too pushy, but it could actually be helpful if you ask her out for coffee, inquire about her mood, or call her a little more often. He may recover quickly, but he may also need more time to overcome his bitterness. If you show your support during this time, it will be comforting.
Step 11. Take care of yourself
Empathy is important, but not so much that you feel upset or depressed. Remember to take care of yourself too and get in touch with other people if you need help!
Method 2 of 2: Comfort an Acquaintance or Colleague
Step 1. Show your empathy
Typically, people prefer to cry in front of someone they have a close relationship with, not in front of strangers, colleagues or acquaintances. If you don't have a strong bond with this person, but are crying in your presence, chances are that they aren't feeling well and need understanding. It is very important to react with empathy instead of expressing annoyance, panic or fear.
Step 2. Let her cry
If she wants me to stay close to her, let her let her out by crying. Don't force her to hold back her tears and don't tell her to "cheer up". Crying is a healthy and natural reaction that can help relieve stress and pain.
- Remember that crying on a job isn't very professional. Most people do this sometimes, so it can happen that sooner or later someone will break out crying under these circumstances.
- Say something reassuring if she seems embarrassed, such as, "It's good to cry" or "There's nothing embarrassing about crying. It's human."
Step 3. Show that you are willing to talk
Because you don't know each other well, he may not want to go into detail with you. However, you could help her by listening to her. Ask her a few questions and open your body language to show her that you are willing to listen to her if she wishes. For example, you could tell her:
- "I know I'm just a colleague, but I'm also happy to be friends if you need someone to talk to. Do you feel like it?".
- "My door is always open if you need to talk about something that is troubling you."
- "Is there anything I can help you with? Even if it's not business, I'm happy to hear from you."
Step 4. Listen to it actively
If she decides to talk to you about her problems, use some active listening techniques to show her that you pay attention to her, such as don't interrupt her, don't give her suggestions, ask her questions to confirm that you understand what she is saying, make eye contact and avoid distracting yourself.
Step 5. Be empathetic, but professional
You should behave humanly and show interest, but also try not to overstep any boundaries with colleagues. After all, the working relationship will continue even after this episode.
For example, it would be inappropriate to offer her a hug, unless requested. If you'd rather call her outside of work to find out how she is, you should ask her if she agrees
Step 6. Offer your help with work-related matters
Perhaps your colleague is crying due to work stress or perhaps because a personal problem prevents her from concentrating while working. Either way, if you can help her professionally, help her find some solution.
- For example, chances are she needs a break, or you could help her get organized to tackle a difficult professional assignment.
- Only intervene if you want, though. It is easy to get caught up in the desire to resolve the situation in the seemingly best way. However, it is possible that the other person does not want help or that they need something other than what you think is useful. The last thing to do is to make the situation worse.
- Don't try to meddle in personal matters. Don't feel obligated to solve a colleague's personal problems. Also, if you don't know it very well, don't think you can find a solution. Stand by her to comfort and listen to her, and focus on business matters.
- If you realize that your efforts are going nowhere, then apologize and tell her that you are unable to solve the problem. If you know someone who you think could help out, recommend that you talk to this person and ask for their help.
Advice
- Regardless of everything, the most important thing you can offer a crying woman is your listening and empathy. Other gestures might be nice too, like having dinner together, inviting her for coffee, or taking her to a movie, but your presence and attention are the best gifts you can give her.
- Remember that tears are not a problem to be solved, but a way to communicate the need to be heard.
- Tears can be uncomfortable, but try to overcome embarrassment by offering affection and attention to those in need.
Warnings
- Crying is usually a fairly healthy reaction, but it could indicate a more serious illness, such as an anxiety disorder, phobia, or depression. If she cries constantly without feeling any relief, you may want to suggest that she see a professional.
- Comforting a crying person is a healthy, loving, and positive gesture. However, it sometimes imposes a heavy burden. If you feel sick when you comfort someone, take care of yourself by surrounding yourself with people who can support you.
