Sometimes you can't do anything for others. It's the worst feeling there is, knowing that someone is in pain and you can't help them in any way. What to say when you stand there, unable, to watch him bury his head in his arms as he succumbs to the weight of life on his shoulders? You probably won't be able to lift it off that weight. And you won't be able to carry it yourself, that would be too much. But you can make the person forget about it for a while by supporting him. Don't think you can't do anything, sometimes friendship goes a long way.
Steps
Step 1. Listen to them
Sometimes people need to feel heard. Give them this gift, listen to them. Make their words your own, focus without estranging yourself, control your mind. Nod, ask questions if you think it's helpful. If these people panic, do your best to calm them down. Imagine yourself suffering as it is happening to them; this way you will truly understand what they are going through. Once you have finished speaking, say something reassuring so that they realize that you "are there" to listen to them and you will always be there. Even a "I feel terrible about what's happening to you but I hope you know I'm here for you," can go a long way.
Step 2. Hug them
It may sound silly but this simple gesture can do a lot for someone who is prostrate, scared or sad. Hold them tight if they cry and let them let off steam. Do your best to comfort and cheer them up.
Step 3. Calm them down
They may be in trouble, angry, or prostrate. And you may not be able to give them advice, but "you can" just calm them down with words. Be careful not to gloss over their problems - "it's not all this drama" or "You're worrying about nothing" is completely inappropriate to say. Instead, try "I know it's tough, but you're not alone", "If safe" or, "There is that helps you" - in short, use phrases that soothe and reassure.
Step 4. Remind them that you are there
Knowing that you have someone who supports you is one of the most fulfilling feelings in the world. Hug them as tight as you can. "I'm always here," "I really care about you," "I'll help you to the best of my ability," - all of these things will make people "remember" you no matter what they're going through and even if the problems will not completely pass, at least they will know they can face them together with you.
Advice
- Don't get depressed. Be strong for this person - getting carried away with him doesn't help. He needs support, not someone to cry with.
- Do not judge. Even if you think it's something they can shake from. It might sound patronizing.
- The problems for them are real. Speak kindly and positively. One day things might be different.
- Don't overburden yourself with too many worries. If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of others. Don't get bent or exhausted by other people's lives. Find a balance between supporting them and letting them recover on their own.
- Reassure them and tell them how much they are loved.
- Careful with words, people in such situations can be overly sensitive. The things to take into account are, glossing over people's feelings and personal struggles, being too rigid or embarrassed and not listening.
- Remember that no matter what they make you promise, if their life and safety are in danger, it is your responsibility to tell them promptly. When they get better, they will thank you. Ethics matters more than "please keep it to yourself."
