You were friends, very friends. You didn't want to lose touch, but life got in the way, weeks turned into months, or maybe years. How can you go back, find your friend, reconnect and re-establish your friendship? And is it even only possible?
Yes, it is possible, but sometimes it takes some time and patience.
Steps
Step 1. Find your friend
First of all you need to locate your friend if you have lost contact. Maybe he came home after graduation and lives in another region. Think hard about your friend and use every detail you can remember in order to track him down. The internet is a fantastic resource - if you can remember a middle name or initial, that's a good start. If you can remember which region he was from, start there - if you use an investigation service, it can cost you some money - but how much is it worth to you to get that friend back?
Step 2. Contact him
This is the hardest part. Once you have your contact information, and are reasonably sure they are the right person, contact them. This is easier if you have a postal address, e-mail address, or telephone number. The ways you can try to get back to him vary depending on how you broke up:
- You just lost contact: in this case you can try the most direct way to contact him. Use the phone or send an email. Make sure you send an email with a delivery confirmation - so you will be notified when your email is received. If you don't receive a confirmation, there's a good chance the email address you used isn't the right one. In that case you have to resort to Plan B: the telephone.
- You promised to write to yourself: in this case, use e-mail. Send a short note reminding your friend who you are and asking if you've contacted the right person. Try writing something like: "I visited a site to find old friends and saw your name. I want to make sure I found the right person - we used to go to the pool together, is that you? If so, I just wanted to let you know that seeing your name made me feel guilty about losing sight of each other - email me so I know it's really you! I'd love to meet you whenever possible! " Keep your tone light and witty, and remember - don't blame yourself too much! even your friend has not stayed in touch with you! That doesn't necessarily mean they don't care - just like you do.
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You separated badly: you fought and you separated on bad terms, but now you want to reconcile. This is a little more complicated, but if you intend to absolve your friend of any responsibility for what happened and take all the blame, and put a stone on the past, then your chances of success are good.
- You can ask if you can leave the past behind: write a letter by regular mail first, to avoid any embarrassment. For example, you can write: "Dear Giovanna: I cannot tell you how many times I have thought of you over the years. I have thought back to our last fight millions of times, and I am so sorry for everything that went wrong. I have never been able to forget you, even though we separated so badly, and I regret it every time I thought about it. You meant so much to me, and you were such an important and fantastic friend, I wonder: is there any chance of leaving I miss you, love you, and want you back - please call me at 02 555-555-5555 or email me at [email protected]. I hope you can forgive me and forget - All I want is to see you again. With love, Enrica."
- If enough time has passed, simply acting like nothing has happened is often the best way. If you decide that all the water has gone under the bridge, it often is. Just say hi and ask what's new in her life.
Resume a Friendship With a Long Lost Friend Step 3 Step 3. Call him on the phone
Give your letter or email at least a week to mature, especially if your breakup wasn't good. If you have no news after 10 days, try calling. In case you are left on bad terms, you probably better call when you think your friend is not home, and leave a message on the answering machine. You can then leave a short, jovial message, which hopefully will convince your friend that you are serious about it and get back in touch, which will prompt him to call you back. For example you could say: "Hey, I'm Enrica Scotti, I'm looking for Giovanna. Gio, it's me, Enrica! I hope I have the right number - if not, please call me on 02 555-555-5555. If you don't confirm that the number is wrong, I will probably continue to annoy someone, so please let me know if it is not Giovanna's number. But if it is … Giovanna, I miss you, please call me! Hi. 02 555-555-5555! Call me ". It's a pretty funny message and it identifies you and the person you're trying to track down. It is important to say your phone number at the beginning and at the end. If the listener does not pin it, then they can resent your message, knowing that the number is right at the beginning and that there is no need to resent it all again. Of course, if you later get a message saying you haven't tracked down the right person, you need to start looking for your friend all over again.
Resume a Friendship With a Long Lost Friend Step 4 Step 4. Give your friend time to believe in your friendship again
After a long absence, it is difficult for people to reconnect because they have already experienced the pain of loss. Sometimes, a lot of effort is required on your part, and you can feel like you're the only one to re-establish the friendship. This is the risk you face. Your friend may have a hard time believing your friendship - they may think there is no point in re-establishing the friendship, only to see you pull yourself out of it again. Give your friend time to believe in your love for him.
Resume a Friendship With a Long Lost Friend Step 5 Step 5. Contact him often in the beginning
Once you have the first contact, hopefully things will get easier. Some friendships recover more easily, as if there has never been a break. Others require work, and you can feel that your friend is alert when you talk, not telling you everything. That's okay. Especially if this is the case (a guarded friend), contact him often. Call him once a week - find out what a good time is when he can talk for a while. If he has 10 minutes, he chats for 10 minutes. If he has an hour, he chats for an hour. Time will restore the confidence you once had.
Resume a Friendship With a Long Lost Friend Step 6 Step 6. Contact him regularly
Pick up a pace that both of you can sustain as the weeks and months go by. Just send an email to say you were thinking about him, maybe with a few jokes. Call him at least once a month. Go out together if you live close by. Request his friendship on your favorite social network (MySpace, Facebook, etc.), and post recent photos. Sharing your lives regularly will keep your friendship vital once you are reunited.
Advice
- Go to the movies, to a cafe, to a date together - whatever time your friend may spend with you, do it, no matter how embarrassed you may feel at first.
- Act as if everything is normal, even if there is tension. As you rejoin the friendship, you will feel more and more relaxed and at ease. This may take some time depending on the case.
- Never hesitate to put a stone on the problems of the past.
- Don't hesitate to raise and address issues, but avoid arguing.
