Maybe your partner cheated on you, your best friend stabbed you in the back, or your co-worker took credit for your idea. On the other hand though, maybe you lied to the one you love, dated the person your friend had their eye on, or refused to help a colleague or classmate on an important project. A relationship of trust between two people implies that they can both be vulnerable. In order to have fulfilling relationships, it is very important to gain and maintain the trust of others. Fortunately, losing someone's trust isn't a one-way street; it is always possible to decide to change direction and try to rebuild it. To rebuild trust it is important that both parties commit to achieving the same goal. Read on and find out what to do in both situations.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Taking Responsibility for Your Actions
Step 1. Confess
If you're the one who cheated on someone else, you need to tell the whole truth. In interpersonal relationships, telling the truth when you could benefit from a lie is of particular importance. If you have betrayed someone's trust, telling them the truth and being prepared to suffer the consequences will make them realize that their happiness is even more important to you than yours. Denial will only intensify distrust, particularly if the truth is already very evident.
Admit all mistakes made. Even when there are things you may be keeping hidden because you are certain they will not be discovered, it is advisable to tell the whole truth. Only by admitting all your faults can you be truly forgiven
Step 2. Expect an emotional reaction from the person you hurt
Admitting that you have cheated on someone does not mean that things will immediately settle; on the contrary, by simply saying your words you will have to be ready to witness an explosion of emotions - screaming, crying and so on. But remember that the best way to get over what happened and regain lost trust is to be completely honest.
Step 3. Apologize
While it may seem like an obvious step, sometimes it risks being overlooked. The way you say your apologies will affect whether or not they are accepted and the possibility of rebuilding your relationship.
- When you apologize, don't try to justify your wrong behaviors. Do not claim that the offended person misunderstood you ("Yours was a misinterpretation"). Don't minimize his pain ("You didn't even suffer"). Don't use sad stories ("I had a difficult childhood").
- The best way to take responsibility for your responsibilities is to acknowledge that you hurt the other person, to admit what your behavior should have been, and to make a commitment not to repeat the same mistake in the future.
- Let the person you hurt know the reasons for your apology. Knowing that you feel guilty or embarrassed, they will be more likely to forgive you. If he thinks you're only apologizing for pity, he'll be less forgiving instead. Pity, unlike the sense of guilt and shame, is unable to convey the will to assume one's responsibilities; furthermore, it implies that the offender is superior to the victim.
Step 4. Forgive yourself
When you betray someone's trust, you can feel so pained that you have a hard time forgiving yourself for your mistakes at first. Although showing that you have a repentant heart is essential to be able to rebuild the relationship with the offended person, it is equally important to be able to accept the mistakes made and learn to forgive yourself.
- Remember that no one is perfect. Whatever the extent of your mistakes, it only shows that you are only human. Accept your failures and commit to doing better in the future.
- By holding on to past failures, you risk underestimating yourself and undermining your will to improve.
Part 2 of 4: Turn the Page if You Betrayed Someone's Trust
Step 1. Make your behaviors transparent
We all want to be in control of our personal information, but, for a short time, you may have to sacrifice some of your privacy for the sake of the person who is trying to restore their trust in you. By behaving in a crystalline way, you will show her that you are not betraying her trust in any way and will allow her to see it with her own eyes.
This decision is particularly significant when trying to rebuild a romantic relationship following a betrayal. Granting full access to your calendar, text messages, social network accounts and email for a few months or weeks will ensure that your partner can always check where and who you are with
Step 2. Let the person you hurt vent
When you feel betrayed by a loved one, it is normal to feel a grudge. To be able to overcome what happened, the person who felt hurt will need to vent their feelings and thoughts. From your point of view, you might consider it an unpleasant situation, but remember that it is essential for his recovery.
- One of the worst things you can do is try to "silence" the person while venting their anger. Such behavior would make her think that you don't take her feelings seriously.
- Remember that everyone has their own times. Each person vents and reacts in different ways and times. Putting the person in a hurry by urging them to forgive you will only convey a lack of consideration.
Step 3. Prove your good intentions with facts
Actions matter more than words. If you want to enjoy another person's trust, you need to be consistent and reliable for a long time. You will have to promise to change for the better, but remember that simple promises or words of apology will only rebuild trust in the short term. If in the future you are unable to behave honestly or keep all your promises, the person you have betrayed will not consider you truly changed or worthy of regaining their trust.
You will have to do your best to avoid making the same mistakes again
Step 4. Be patient
Understand that rebuilding trust in a person takes time. Be patient with the person you hurt and persistent in your endeavors.
- Depending on the severity of your betrayal, rebuilding the relationship of trust could take weeks, months, or even years.
- Never be persistent by pretending to quickly regain lost trust.
- Understand that when you cheat on someone, things may never go back to the way they used to be. However, if you prove that you are a trustworthy person, the trust is likely to be at least partially restored.
Part 3 of 4: Prepare to Trust Someone Back
Step 1. Assess the situation
Before you can trust someone who hurt you, you should ask yourself if you feel your relationship is worth saving. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Is this the first time this person has betrayed my trust?
- If she behaves perfectly from now on, will I really be able to trust her again?
- Am I able to forgive?
- Is it worth fighting to rebuild our relationship?
- Was it a single wrong behavior or a repeating pattern of behavior?
Step 2. Evaluate the other person's reaction
What do you think makes her most sorry: hurting you or being caught doing it? Is he showing himself willing to listen to you and make an effort to behave better in the future? Do you think she is capable of taking on her own faults?
If you feel that the person who hurt you isn't really sorry for doing it and doesn't seem interested in changing their behavior in the future, it most likely doesn't make sense to waste your time trying to rebuild your relationship
Step 3. Be on your guard
Continue to keep a close eye on the person. After a few weeks or months, you should be able to define if it is showing reliable. Knowing when a person is lying isn't easy at all, but the following clues could signal a new betrayal taking place.
- Responses from a lying person tend to be late and incomplete.
- A person who lies tells unlikely and poorly detailed stories. She also tends to pause a lot, gesticulate little, and be less direct.
- Unlike a person who tells the truth, a liar corrects himself little while speaking.
- As a rule, people who lie are quite tense, so they tend to raise their voice and have a hard time staying still.
Step 4. Express your feelings
Let the person who cheated on you know exactly how hurt you felt by their behavior and don't forget to explain what details hurt you the most. Express whatever you feel is necessary to be able to rebuild your trust.
Part 4 of 4: Overcoming Being Betrayed
Step 1. Try to let go of anger
Once vented, let it go. After discussing what happened and expressing your feelings, you will need to move on and leave the pain in the past. Just because you still feel sad or angry doesn't mean you have to feel this way forever. In future discussions, avoid mentioning what happened, especially if the other person is really making an effort to change.
If you find that you can't detach yourself from negative feelings, stop and think about the reasons why you can't let them go. Maybe your partner's current behavior continues to make you feel betrayed? Or maybe the reasons are to be found in your personal past history?
Step 2. Adjust your expectations
Even though they have no desire to betray you, no one can ever give you exactly what you want. By learning to accept that you cannot expect perfection, you will have less difficulty understanding how much trust you can place in a person.
Note that your goal is to be realistic, not to let others take advantage of you. Accept that everyone can make mistakes from time to time, but don't let anyone hurt you intentionally or through carelessness
Step 3. Give and Receive Love
You must have the will to accept and love the person who hurt you, and you must also be able to accept the love you receive in return. When the person tries to express their affection to you, accept their gestures and make an effort to consider them sincere. Try to embrace any behaviors that seem genuine to you.
