Being kind is a lively way of personalizing our lives and those of others in a meaningful way. Kindness allows us to communicate better, to be more empathic and to be a positive force in other people's lives. It has its source in the depths of being and, even if in some people it is an innate characteristic, it is still possible to cultivate it if you want. If you want to know how, start reading from the first step.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Develop a Kindness Perspective
Step 1. Be sincere in concern for others
Basically, kindness is caring for others, wanting the best for them and remembering that everyone has dreams, aspirations, needs and fears, just like you. Kindness is warm, resilient, patient, trusting, loyal, and grateful. Piero Ferrucci sees kindness as a way to “make less effort”, since it frees us from negative attitudes and feelings, such as resentment, jealousy, suspicion and manipulation. In summary, being kind means taking care of every living thing.
- Experience kindness and generosity towards others. Not having this practice, being shy or not knowing how to reach others are limits that can be overcome by acting, trying continuously, until being kind and giving yourself to others becomes a natural impulse.
- Don't ask for anything in return. The greatest kindness expects nothing in return, comes without limits and places no conditions on what is done or said.
Step 2. Don't be kind just to get what you want
Beware of false kindness; it is not about behaviors of "interested courtesy, calculated generosity or formal etiquette". Being generous to others just to manipulate them and get what you want in life or to control them is not kindness at all. Nor is it pretending to take care of someone just to suppress anger and frustration.
Lastly, it is not even pleasing to others; it is simply a behavior adopted in order not to stir things up, because you are afraid of what could happen if you impose yourself
Step 3. Be kind to yourself
Very often we make the mistake of wanting to be kind to others without being kind to ourselves first. Sometimes, this happens because you don't like some aspects of yourself but very often it comes from poor knowledge of yourself. And unfortunately, when you do not perceive the right solidity within you, your kindness towards others risks being false, as described above, or it can lead to a nervous breakdown and a sense of disillusionment, since you have put anyone before you.
- Knowing oneself allows us to understand what causes pain and conflict and to dominate contradictions and weaknesses. It also allows you to work on the parts of yourself that don't make you happy. As a result, it will help you avoid projecting your negative aspects onto other people and thus stimulate you to treat other people with love and kindness.
- Take some time to become more self-aware and use what you learn to be kinder to both yourself (reminding you that we all have weaknesses) and others. In this way, your deepest anxieties will be kept in check, rather than being free to feed your pain and suffering research project.
- You must not think that the time you take to increase self-awareness towards your needs and limitations is an act of selfishness; far from all this, it is a vital precondition for being able to communicate with others with great strength and awareness.
- Ask yourself what it means to you to be kinder to yourself. For many people, it means being in control of the negative vibes that depress them and stopping negative thoughts.
Step 4. Reflect on the kindness of others
Think about the really nice people you know and how they make you feel. Whenever you think of them, do you feel something warm enveloping your heart? This may be because kindness persists, heartening you even when you face the toughest challenges. When others find ways to love you for who you are, it is impossible to forget this sense of trust and this confirmation of value and their kindness will live on forever.
Always remember how other people's kindness makes your day radiant. What is it that makes you feel special and loved? Are there things they do that you can give back in a deliberate and conscious way?
Step 5. Cultivate kindness for your own good and for your health
Better mental health and a state of happiness come from positive thinking, and kindness is a positive state of mind. Because it means giving and being open to others, offering kindness restores a sense of well-being and awareness that improves our mental state and health.
Although simple, the profound ability to be kind is in itself a strong and consistent reward, which greatly stimulates self-esteem
Step 6. Get into the habit of focusing on being kind
Leo Babauta says that kindness is a habit, one that anyone can cultivate. He suggests paying attention to kindness on all days of the month. At the end of that, you will realize profound changes in your life, you will be more satisfied with yourself as a person and you will find that people will react to you differently, treating you better than usual. As he says, in the long run, being kind means practicing karma. Some tips to help you cultivate kindness include:
- Do a nice thing for someone every day. At the beginning of the day, consciously choose what the kind thing should be and give yourself the time necessary to make it happen.
- Be kind, friendly, and empathetic when interacting with someone and even more where that person usually makes you angry, stressed, or bored. Use kindness as your strength.
- Strengthen your little acts of kindness and turn them into acts of compassion. Volunteering for people in need and promoting initiatives that help alleviate suffering are tremendous acts of compassion.
- Meditate on how to spread kindness. Read “Practicing the loving-kindness meditation” (Metta) for more information.
Step 7. Be kind to everyone, not just those who "need it"
Expand the circle of kindness; it can be quite easy to be kind if we are subconsciously doing what Stephanie Dowrick calls "condescending kindness." The term refers to the kindness given to those people whom we perceive as really needy (the sick, the poor, the vulnerable and all those who fit into our ideals). Being kind to people close to us, through emotional ties (family or friends) or in other ways (compatriots, people of the same color, gender, etc.), is much easier than being towards those whom the philosopher Hegel called "the others". It can be harder to be kind to people we consider to be our equals, but it's worth it.
- The difficulty in reducing this to "convenient" cases depends on the fact that we are wrong in recognizing that we need to be kind to everyone, regardless of who they are, their level of wealth or luck, their values and their I believe, in their behaviors and attitudes, in the place where they were born, in the fact of being pleasing to them, etc.
- By choosing to be kind only to those we deem worthy, we are only giving free rein to our prejudices by practicing conditioned kindness. True kindness encompasses all living beings, and while the challenges you will face as you attempt to apply this notion will test you, you will never stop learning how to deepen your ability to be genuinely kind.
- If you are avoiding being kind to someone because you feel they can do it without your support or understanding, then you are practicing selective kindness.
Step 8. Try not to judge others if you want to be truly kind
Instead of wasting your time criticizing others, always try to be positive and compassionate. If you tend to think badly of others, whether they are false people or who will never need help, then you will never learn what true goodness is. Stop judging others and start thinking that you will never understand their story unless you put yourself in their shoes. Focus on wanting to help others instead of thinking everyone should be better than they really are.
- If you are someone who often judges, gossips, or talks badly about other people, you will never be able to achieve the goal of being a nice person.
- Being nice means always giving the benefit of the doubt, instead of expecting other people to be perfect.
Method 2 of 3: Developing the Qualities of a Kind Person
Step 1. Be compassionate, because every person you meet is already fighting a tough battle
Attributed to Plato, this saying recognizes that everyone experiences challenges or something else in their life and that it is sometimes too easy for us to lose sight of this when we are enmeshed in our problems or distracted by the anger that such problems cause us. Before committing an action that could have negative consequences on another person, ask yourself a simple question: "Is it a kind action?". If you can't give a positive answer, consider it a warning to change your action and approaches immediately..
Even when you feel your worst, remember that other people also experience a sense of uncertainty, pain, hardship, sadness, disappointment, and defeat. In no way can this diminish your feelings but instead allows you to realize that people often react from their pain and suffering rather than their own self and kindness is the key to putting feelings of anger behind them. and to connect with a person's authentic intimacy
Step 2. Don't expect perfection
If you tend to perfectionism, are competitive, or tend to do things anxiously, being kind to yourself can be difficult for you, either because of your fast pace and your ambition or because you are afraid of appearing selfish and lazy. Remember to slow down a bit and learn to forgive yourself when things don't go as you would have liked.
Learn from your mistakes instead of scolding yourself or comparing yourself with others. Being compassionate with yourself is the key to being compassionate with others as well
Step 3. Be there
The greatest gift of kindness towards another person consists in being present at certain times, in knowing how to listen carefully and in being truly attentive to the needs of others. Plan your days well, so you are not told that you always run away. Being present means first of all being available and, to be present, you can't always be busy running after people or activities to do.
Use other ways to communicate with others. Impersonal and fast communication systems, such as text messages and emails, have their role in life but they are not the only ways to communicate. Find time to talk to people face-to-face or via a phone call. Send a letter instead of an email and surprise someone with the kindness of taking the time to put a pen on a sheet of paper
Step 4. Be a good listener
Even the act of listening is easier said than done in our ultra-fast world, where running and being perpetually busy are considered virtues and where isolating someone because you are too busy or rushing somewhere is the norm. Making being busy a habit does not in any case justify being rude. When you talk to someone, learn to listen with all of yourself and keep your attention until your interlocutor has finished revealing his thoughts and his story.
- Really listening to someone, maintaining eye contact, avoiding distractions and giving them your time, is one of the most sincere acts of kindness you can do. Take the time to understand what your interlocutor actually said and don't give pre-packaged answers or don't interrupt. Make it clear that you are truly interested in what he is saying and that you are seriously listening to him.
- Being a good listener doesn't mean being a great problem solver. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there and listen, while acknowledging that you don't know what the person is supposed to do.
Step 5. Be optimistic
Happiness, joy and gratitude are the foundation of kindness and allow you to see what is good in others and in the world, giving you the ability to endure the challenges, anguish and evil you can witness, continually restoring the your sense of trust in humanity. Maintaining optimism ensures that gestures of kindness are offered with sincere joy and cheerfulness, rather than reluctantly or out of a sense of responsibility or service. Maintaining a sense of humor, on the other hand, will prevent you from taking yourself too seriously and will teach you to accept with hope the difficult and contradictory moments of life.
- It's not always easy to stay upbeat, especially if you've had a tough day. However, with a little practice, anyone can cultivate optimism, focusing on the positive rather than the negative, thinking about the happy moments of the future and living a life that is full of joy and not sadness. And, anyway, always looking for the bright side in things, it costs you nothing.
- Being optimistic and staying positive will not only make it easier for you to perform acts of kindness, but it will also bring joy to the people around you. If you spend most of your time complaining, it will be very difficult to make the people you care about happy.
- Read articles on how to be happy, how to be fun and how to be grateful, for more information or to cultivate optimism.
Step 6. Be warm and friendly; it is the prerogative of many kind people
This does not mean that you should be the center of attention, but that you should strive to meet new people and always make them feel at ease. If someone new comes to your school or workplace, start talking to them and explain how things work, even inviting them out, maybe. If you're not that outgoing, just smiling and chatting can make a difference and you can be sure your kindness won't go unnoticed.
- Friendly people are kind because they expect the best of others; they talk to friends and acquaintances in a reassuring way, always making them feel at home.
- If you are shy, you don't have to make an effort to radically change your way of being; you just need to learn to be kinder by paying attention to who you are in front of.
Step 7. Be courteous
While it does not imply kindness, genuine courtesy shows your respect for those you are interacting with. Being courteous is a kind way to get people's attention. Some easy ways to do this include:
- Find alternative ways to rephrase your questions and answers. For example, try saying "Am I allowed?" instead of "Can I?"; use "I'm surprised" instead of "It's not fair"; "Let me explain this in other words" instead of "I didn't say that". Reshaping your language speaks volumes.
- Try to have good manners; keep the door open for people, avoid being vulgar and don't take too much liberty with those you've just met.
- Compliment them and give them reasons.
- Read an article on how to be courteous and kind to find other ways.
Step 8. Be grateful
Those who are truly kind are also able to express their gratitude. These people take nothing for granted and always thank those who give them a hand; they know how to say "thank you" in a sincere way, also writing cards and knowing how to recognize when they needed help. Grateful people also thank those who make their days better, not just those who perform a specific task. If you get into this habit, it will be easier for you to be kind.
If you can understand all the good things other people do for you, you will be more likely to do them yourself. You will understand how a nice gesture made by others makes you feel good and you will be able to spread love to those around you
Method 3 of 3: Take action
Step 1. Show your kindness through love for animals and for the whole living world
Loving animals and caring for a dog or cat is kindness in the act. Nothing forces you to take care of a specimen of another species, especially in a period when the tools of human domination are so powerful. In addition, the profound action of loving an animal and respecting it for what it is, is a manifestation of profound kindness. In fact, being kind to the world that supports and nourishes us indicates sensitivity, ensuring that we do not offend the elements that guarantee us a healthy life.
- Adopt or care for a small animal. Your kindness will be reciprocated by introducing another living being into your life, which will bring you joy and love.
- Offer to keep the pet of a friend who has to leave, reassuring him that someone loving and attentive will look after his little companion while he is away.
- Respect the species you care for. Men do not "own" animals; rather, it is good to see it as a true relationship in which we are responsible for their well-being and care.
- Spend some time restoring parts of your local environment with your community. Take outdoor walks with your family, friends, alone and live in communion with the world you belong to. Share your love of nature with others to help them remember they are part of it.
Step 2. Share; kind people are always happy to do it
You can lend your favorite sweater, sell half of your sandwich, or even give job advice to someone younger than you. The important thing is to donate something interesting and not what you don't really need; it is better to lend your favorite sweater to a friend, instead of giving him an old rag that you have never even worn. This way you will learn to be more generous and consequently, kinder.
Always look around; someone might really need something of yours. People don't always ask for help, so make sure you always offer what you need, before you are asked
Step 3. Smile more
It's a simple gesture of kindness but it can do great things. Get used to smiling at friends and acquaintances but also at strangers; this does not mean that you have to walk around with a smile on your face, but hinting at one could also bring some joy to other people's days. In addition, a smile can also convince you that you are happy even when you are actually not. A smile is good for everyone and will also help you become kinder to others.
A smile also puts your interlocutor at ease, making you more available, also giving the benefit of the doubt to those you don't know, which is one of the main characteristics of someone who is kind
Step 4. Be genuinely interested in other people
Those who are really kind can also take care of others. Such people are not generous just because they expect something in return but they do it because they genuinely care about the interests and happiness of others. To be like this, learn to take an interest in other people's problems by asking questions and simply paying attention to what they say. Here's how to do it:
- Ask people how they are, honestly.
- Ask about their families, their hobbies and interests.
- If one of the people you care about has had a great event in their life, ask them how it went.
- If someone you know is facing an exam or interview, wish them luck.
- When talking to someone, don't dominate the conversation; leave room for your interlocutor to speak and focus on his words.
- Maintain eye contact and put your cell phone away; show the speaker that he is your priority.
Step 5. Call a friend for no apparent reason; you don't need to have one
Call a friend or two, once a week, if only to find out how they are doing and what they are doing. Don't do it just to organize something or to ask for something specific, call because you miss someone and you find yourself thinking about it. By doing this you will make people feel important and you will feel better about yourself, showing that you are kind and caring.
If you don't have much time, you can still call your friends for their birthday; don't be lazy, just send a text message or a post on Facebook, pick up the phone and make a phone call that comes from the heart
Step 6. Donate your things
Another way to be kind is to do charity; instead of throwing away or selling what you no longer need, such as clothes, books or household items, donate it to charity; it's a great way to be generous with others.
If you have clothes or books that you no longer need and you know someone who needs them, don't hesitate to give them to them
Step 7. "Perform a casual act of kindness, without expecting reward, sure of the fact that one day someone could do the same thing for you
”These words were spoken by Princess Diana. Practicing kind actions at random is a conscious effort to spread kindness; there are also groups of people who have decided to fulfill this essential civic duty !. Here are some gestures you can do:
- Clean a neighbor's driveway as you would your own.
- Offer to wash a friend's car.
- Put some money in an expired parking meter.
- Help someone carry a heavy bag.
- Leave a gift in front of a friend's door.
- For more details and ideas, read a wikiHow on how to practice random acts of kindness.
Step 8. Transform your life
Changing your lifestyle and your world view may seem daunting, but remember one of Aldous Huxley's tips for transforming your life: “Many people often ask me what is the most effective technique for transforming their life. It's a bit embarrassing that after years and years of research and experimentation, I have to say that the best answer is: be a little kinder. Capitalize on Huxley's many years of research and allow kindness to change your life, to move beyond the feelings and actions of aggression, hatred, contempt, anger, fear and self-disapproval, and to restore strength worn out by despair.
- Through kindness, you will take a precise position, affirming that taking care of others, of our environment, is the right way for you to live your life fully. There will be no immediate effects; kindness is a lifestyle, a tune always in the head and a rhythm that accompanies every single thing you say and do.
- Through kindness, you will overcome the limit of fearing that others have more than you, that they are more or less deserving of you or that they are in a position of superiority or inferiority to you. On the contrary, kindness requires everyone to be valiant, including you.
- Through kindness, you will understand that all living beings are one. That whatever you do to harm someone harms yourself and that what you do to help and stimulate someone helps and stimulates you too. Kindness gives dignity to everyone.
Advice
- When someone loses something, collect it for him or you can even offer to collect it together, no matter how heavy it is!
- You may not like a certain person and this is normal; even the nicest people in the world get bored! However, don't give up and continue to be nice.
- If someone you don't know smiles at you, don't hesitate to reciprocate; it's a kind gesture.
- Kindness grows among people; be generous without expecting anything in return and you will be rewarded someday.
- Carry a heavy suitcase for someone who seems to have a hard time doing this.
- Plan a dinner for a friend who is having a hard time.
- Help a blind person cross the street.
- Be nice to homeless people and give them some money or food.
- Go to a hospice and spend an hour playing cards with someone who doesn't get many visitors.
- Buy some peanuts and chocolate at the super market and give them to someone who doesn't have a home.
Warnings
- Don't feel the need to please yourself with your good deeds; be humble. Doing something nice just to get thanks from those around you isn't exactly being nice. Helping someone who is unaware of your help is enough to make you feel good.
- Make sure your kindness is wanted. Sometimes, unsolicited help can be a boomerang. "No good deed goes unpunished." There are situations where we think we can help, but we could cause problems, as we are not well informed.
- If you are really angry and upset with someone, remember that kindness creates a greater sense of debt in another person than an unvenged crime. People can bring all sorts of justifications for wrongdoing but being forgiven through kindness is something that cannot be forgotten.
