If you've had affairs with unkind people in the past, it's probably a top priority for you to find someone who knows how to give you their attention. If you really want it, you can find and fall in love with a good person. Just keep in mind that you can't force anyone to lose their minds for you. Among the things you can do to get to know a caring person to love, try to identify what you want in a partner, look in the right places, act without haste and, once you have found someone you are interested in, ask them a few questions to learn more..
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Analyze yourself
Step 1. Know yourself
Before you find someone who fits your needs, you need to get to know yourself. Take the time to determine what your core values are and assess your emotional needs. Write everything down so you can go over this list when you search for your future partner.
- What is most important to you? The family? The carreer? A passion of yours? Friends? Honesty? Loyalty or what else? List all your values and then rank them in order of importance.
- What do you look for in a mate? Understanding? Sense of humor? Kindness? Power? Encouragement? Again, list in order of importance all the characteristics you would like in the future partner.
Step 2. Think about what you want
Before you go looking for someone nice to love, think about what you really want from the person who should be around you. Make a list of everything you expect from your partner before starting your research.
What character traits do you want in him? Do you want someone who loves to read or likes to cook? Do you want someone who stands next to his family, who has a sense of humor or who treats you like a queen or a king?
Step 3. Take care of yourself
Physical attraction isn't everything, but it's important to stay and feel good to impress someone. Remember that self-confidence is a quality that increases people's appeal, so if you take care of your aesthetic side, you will feel more confident. Try not to neglect your basic needs, such as nutrition, exercise, sleep, and hygiene before you search for love.
- Go to the hairdresser or barber to get your hair cut if you haven't trimmed your hair for a long time.
- Buy new clothes if the ones you have are worn out or out of style.
- Try to stay healthy by eating healthily and doing at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise a week.
- Make sure you have enough time to rest and relax each day.
Step 4. Don't neglect your needs
Sometimes, we have such a desperate desire to fall in love with someone that we are willing to put up with everything about the other person. Truly kind people respect the needs and limitations of others. Before you go looking for someone to love, promise yourself that you will respect your needs and desires.
Step 5. Stay away from mean or aggressive people
If you've dated someone in the past who didn't treat you well, avoid those who might behave the same way. In the early stages of getting to know a suitor, notice how he treats you and acts on others. Is he aggressive? Bad mannered? Nagging? Critic? Bossy or just plain mean? In this case, you should think carefully before committing to such a person.
Hang out with someone who has positive qualities. Try to find someone who is courteous, polite, encouraging, highly supportive, and most importantly, nice to you
Part 2 of 4: Get Noticed by a Kind Person
Step 1. Look for a nice person in the right places
To find it, you will probably have to direct your searches to places other than the usual bar you are used to going to. This does not mean that bar customers are not friendly people, but only that you can more easily find someone who is in tune with your interests and values by orienting yourself to other contexts. Try to find out if there is someone you might fall in love with in places where you tend to meet people similar to the one you would like.
For example, you may have multiple opportunities to meet a nice person at a charity event, while volunteering at a hospital or library. Also consider asking a friend if they know someone who matches your criteria, or introduce yourself to someone you see often sitting reading in a coffee shop you hang out with
Step 2. Flirt a little
To show your interest to someone, you need to flirt with them a little to let them know that you are attracted to them. You can use facial expressions, body language, and a few gallant phrases. By communicating with her body, eye contact, and flirty phrases, you can show her that you are interested. In fact, according to some research, it is more effective to seduce a person with gestures and manners than with physical appearance.
Step 3. Look for clues that indicate mutual interest
As you communicate your interest to someone, pay attention to signs that may indicate that the other party is interested in you as well. See if he smiles, looks you in the eye, and places his body in front of yours. Among other positive signs, consider touching your hair, adjusting your clothes, raising and lowering your eyebrows, or casually brushing your arm.
- Other clues that indicate interest are physical reactions that are beyond our control. For example, when you are aroused, you may blush and your lips may swell and become redder.
- If someone doesn't seem interested in you, don't waste your time. Continue your search.
Step 4. Start talking
There are several ways to strike up a conversation with an interesting person you just met. They are called "approach tactics" or are also known as "boarding phrases" or "ice-breaking jokes". However, you don't need to be bleak to use them. According to some research, it is possible to open a conversation using these approach tactics in the following ways:
- Direct. Explain your intentions honestly and clearly. For example: "I find you cute. Can I offer you a coffee?". Generally, men are the target of these icebreakers.
- Harmless. Be a little vague, but always kind and friendly. For example: "I don't know this place. Can you recommend a cappuccino or a latte macchiato?". Generally, women prefer this kind of approach.
- Charming / sassy. Use typical boarding phrases, but keep in mind that they can be funny, seedy, or even tacky. For example: "Do you prefer scrambled or fertilized eggs?". Usually, both genders like another kind of approach.
- According to some studies, those looking for a kind person to fall in love with should base their choice on certain qualities such as honesty, courtesy and a willingness to offer support. In this way, the acquaintance is more likely to turn into a lasting relationship.
Part 3 of 4: Fall in love
Step 1. Don't rush
When you get to know someone, you need to avoid giving too much information about yourself, and not too soon. It is often the case that some people confide excessively during the early stages of a relationship because they want to appear straightforward and sincere. However, excessive and premature opening can also be overwhelming for the other person, but it can even take away the mystery, and the mystery is part of the game of falling in love.
For example, avoid discussing certain topics, such as your ex, your boss's injustices, or your financial possibilities
Step 2. Get to know the suitor
It is important to find out if you are compatible with the other person (and if they are really nice). Ask her a few open-ended questions to get to know her better and get a clearer idea of her character. Don't be too pushy at first and don't get personal. You need to give the impression that you are a friendly and fun person to talk to. For example, here are some questions you might ask on a first date:
- Do you share the apartment with someone? (If the answer is yes) who is it?
- What are your favorite reads?
- Do you like dogs or cats more (or neither)? Because?
- What do you like to do in your free time?
Step 3. Trust yourself
Self-confidence and self-esteem are important factors in falling in love. People who have low self-esteem may have a hard time harboring a feeling of love because they believe they don't deserve it. If you don't believe in yourself, take the time to analyze yourself before trying to build a romantic relationship. Alternatively, try faking self-confidence until you feel more confident.
For example, stand up straight, smile and look others in the eye. This will give the impression that you are confident and can begin to believe in yourself. People who are kind will be very interested in dating someone who demonstrates high self-esteem, while those who are mediocre may not appreciate this quality because it will seem more difficult to control
Step 4. Keep making time for yourself
We often get so involved in a new relationship that we stop committing to everything we care about. However, it is wrong not to find enough time for yourself and your interests, but it also carries the risk of ruining a newborn relationship. Remember to dedicate enough time to yourself and your passions, no matter how much you prefer to be with the person you like.
For a kind person it shouldn't be a problem if you feel like making time for yourself. However, be careful if she gets angry because you want to have your own personal spaces. This attitude may indicate that he is not as nice as you thought
Step 5. Let her know that you want to keep seeing her
You need to make your intentions clear if you wish to continue dating. If you like being with her, tell her. In the early stages of a relationship, you don't have to make declarations of eternal love, just say that you enjoy spending time with her and would like to learn more about her.
Try saying, "I really enjoyed the last few times we met and, if you agree, I'd love to keep dating you."
Part 4 of 4: Strengthening the Bond
Step 1. Ask deeper and more personal questions
After some time you go out with a person, you really start getting to know them. In other words, try to understand what stimulates her, what are her hopes, her dreams, her beliefs and the values she believes in. These kinds of questions, especially if they're about the future, can also help the other person imagine what your presence would be like in their life.
Social psychologist Arthur Aron has developed a list of 36 open-ended questions that can help you strike up interesting and important conversations with your partner. For example: "What should a perfect day be like for you?" and "What do you really feel grateful for in your life?". A kind person should be inclined to talk in this way
Step 2. Listen actively
Active listening is a process that builds trust and mutual understanding - key elements of falling in love. By learning to listen, you can show your partner that you really care about what they are saying. This is important if you want a kind person to continue to feel attracted to you.
- Try to name your emotions. For example, if your partner tells you they had a bad day and needs to let off steam, put their mood into words by saying, for example, "I guess how upset you feel."
- Ask a few questions for more information. Try asking: "In your opinion, what would happen if I did ….?" or "What would happen if I tried to….?".
- Value the other person. Even if you don't necessarily agree with their way of thinking, acknowledge their state of mind. No feeling is right or wrong, but it does and that's what matters. For example: "I know that speaking I may have hurt your sensitivity. I appreciate that you are here talking about it."
- Don't take things lightly. While it may seem natural to immediately reassure your partner by saying, "You don't have to worry about this at all," such concern can give the impression that you haven't been listening carefully. Don't be in a hurry and try to make more relevant comments.
Step 3. Communicate effectively
By communicating clearly and effectively, you can create a climate of trust and interaction with the other person that will strengthen your emotional understanding until you fall in love. Try some of these techniques:
- Ask questions. Don't assume you know what's going on. Ask a few questions to get a better idea of what the other person needs, especially if you're not sure. For example, if your partner seems nervous, ask him, "I have the impression that you are really angry. Do you just need to let off steam or do you want me to help you find a solution? I'm here either way."
- Speak in first person. This way, you will not give the impression that you are blaming or judging whoever is in front of you, putting them on the defensive. There will be times when you come to confront something that has made you nervous or hurt, but it will be more effective and respectful if you can express yourself. For example, if the other person is so nice and kind that they never notice things that go wrong, try to tell them how their attitude makes you feel: "When we go out to dinner and you don't ask the waiter to make up for their mistakes., I have the impression that you do not defend my needs. Can we discuss and understand what is the best way to manage this problem? ".
- Avoid passive aggression. You will probably think that when you are angry, it is "nicer" to make hints than to openly express your mood. However, in these cases it is much better to be clear, direct and honest. The passive-aggressive attitude can compromise trust between two people and fuel anger and grief. Say what you think and think what you say. You can be both direct and kind at the same time.
Step 4. Win friends and family
Your partner's family and friends could have a strong influence on their life. If you conquer them, you will fall in love more easily.
Be kind and polite, but always yourself! Don't give the impression that you are behaving one way with your loved one's friends and family and another with them. Be authentic with everyone
Advice
- Keep in mind that it takes the right person to fall in love. It's not necessarily going to happen to you just because someone seems nice.
- Try to be patient. Falling in love is a process that can happen quickly or slowly, depending on the conditions.
