Extroversion is the act, state or habit of being predominantly interested in and obtaining gratification from what is outside oneself. If you want to get more rewards from the world around you, here's how.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Part One: Having the Mindset
Step 1. Observe the extroversion
It is important to focus on the great qualities that extroverted people have: they make friends easily, they are comfortable in front of and around people, and they can throw a party. While it is true that both extroverts and introverts have negative sides (some extroverts can talk, talk and talk until they are exhausted, which can be inappropriate at times), focus on the positive things.
- It's easy to think of extroverts in a negative way; people think that they speak before they think and that they are overly concerned with superficial things. It's not true! Extroverts are just as intuitive and reflective as introverts. If you want to become an extrovert, you have to associate it with positive qualities, and there are many!
- An extrovert is someone who recharges himself when he is around people. That's all. He is a person who is completely capable of having deep thoughts and being a good listener. He usually has good social skills (… in general) and can be quite a careerist.
Step 2. Imagine yourself as the right kind of extrovert
It's true: some extroverts appear to be false and self-righteous. Think of a car salesman, who is the kind of extrovert you don't want to be. And you don't have to be. You can be any kind of extrovert you want. Some extroverts are even shy!
What are the qualities of your ideal extrovert? Perhaps one who feels comfortable in groups, perhaps the one who talks the most or the one who animates the parties. Whatever it is, these are things you can accomplish. It is a simple habit. Think about some things and write them down. "Being more outgoing" is a difficult goal to achieve, "talking more" is something much more doable
Step 3. Know that there are many nuances
Look around: Studies show that we all have qualities of both extroverted and introverted people. Find the range within which your characteristics are. Some people are on one end (introverted), other people are on the opposite side (extroverted), but the vast majority of us are more or less in the middle.
Even if you are more introverted, you have at least a couple of characteristics of an extrovert. Even Jung (famous psychologist) said that nobody is just one thing or the other; if so, we would all be in a madhouse. All you have to do is bring out your outgoing tendencies. They are hidden somewhere
Step 4. Know that you can feel better
Although it is a bit controversial, some research has shown that when introverts act more like extroverts, they are happier. Experts are not entirely certain, however, but the underlying idea is that, in general, you receive a more positive reaction. This positive reinforcement from others can be very, very powerful.
It is not true that introverts underestimate the fun they will be able to get. Introverts are also afraid to face some things, but what happens next? Everything always ends well. You can be happy just for changing your style or for trying something new, you certainly cannot know in advance if you will like it or not
Step 5. Realize that it can be very difficult
Even if the brain is elastic, a dog cannot be taught to become a ferret. If you are truly, truly, truly introverted, being an extrovert can be excruciatingly tiring. Wow, even some extroverts find social stimuli too strenuous at some point. This could be an obstacle that takes years to overcome.
If you are on the verge of agoraphobia, do not force anything. Instead, consider this: Western cultures place a high value on extroversion, while Eastern cultures do not so much. Is it possible that this desire to be extroverted is not an innate desire, and is instead induced? Consider accepting your introversion; introverts are just as useful to society as extroverts are
Part 2 of 3: Part Two: Acting as an Extrovert
Step 1. Observe
Changing your personality is hard work. But the brain is elastic and it's not impossible. Start by observing the extroverts around you. Notice how there are different types and how easy-going they are in different contexts. Some may feel great in small groups, while others perform best in large crowds. Some may even be inhibited in certain situations!
Also take the time to notice what you think makes them outgoing. Remember this: Extroverts can be shy. Just because a person is shy doesn't mean they don't get their energy from others. Are you trying to be more confident? More outgoing? What other characteristics do these extroverts have that you want to emulate?
Step 2. Be an extrovert
This is a nice way to say "fake". But you are not pretending, you are just executing. Now that you've spent some time observing other extroverts, imitate them. When in a social situation, put on an extrovert hat. Robert de Niro, Barbara Walters, David Letterman: they are all introverts. In certain contexts they are extroverts. And then they go home.
Step 3. Start slowly
It starts slowly in both behaviors and over time. Spend 15 minutes of your day being outgoing. Do something small that makes you a little uncomfortable. Knock on your neighbor's door and introduce yourself. After the first time, the second time will seem a lot easier. The third will be a walk.
When you feel comfortable being outgoing in these little things, start with something bigger. Next week, spend an hour going to everyone in your condo. When you are at the bus stop, ask the person standing next to you for the time and continue with a few more comments on the situation. Smile at the cashier in the supermarket. The little things add up
Step 4. Be around people
The thing is, you can't be outgoing when you are alone. It is part of the definition. So, stay with the people! Whether it's joining the group in front of the water bottle in the office or accepting Julie's invitation to baby's party, go! You will never be able to grow and get better if you don't.
People generally stop asking you about things if you always find an excuse not to go. Do yourself a favor and accept their invitations. The more you are around these people, and the more comfortable you feel with them, the easier it will become for you to be outgoing
Step 5. Find out your worth
Some of us consider ourselves misfits or idiots. We think of extroverts as social people who spend their time doing nothing during the day, like us. It's not true! That's not true at all. Just because you're an introvert doesn't mean you don't have social skills or value. There is a role to play in every group.
Let's take the most extreme example: You sit at home every day of the week at your computer playing video games eating cheeseburgers. Are you still smart? Yes. Do you still have the skills? Yes. Does a man with a business idea who can talk to people need someone else to set up his website? Yes. What can you offer?
Step 6. Increase your wild side
Extroverts tend to be a little more impulsive than introverts. To simulate the instinctive attitudes of an extrovert (until they come naturally to you), think off the cuff. If you are walking by a stream, take a dip (if you can swim). Start singing when you are in the supermarket. Everything that you previously considered a little crazy, should now be your second thought.
Part 3 of 3: Part Three: Engaging with Others
Step 1. Find the right group
Sometimes the problem isn't us, it's the people around us. In the most pleasant way possible, of course. Part of the problem may be that you simply don't get along with the people around you. Perhaps an older (or younger) age group or different backgrounds would be more suitable for you. These people might bring out a more talkative part of you and, frankly, people would enjoy it more. Think about it.
Test this theory by joining a club. Any small group of people, who have a similar mentality to yours, can show you that not everyone has the ability to shut you up, but only a certain type of people can. Some people inhibit you and others don't. Find the ones that make you feel good
Step 2. Leverage your strengths
Maybe you are a great listener, but not a great talker. Maybe you've read a lot, instead of always celebrating. Flash news! Strengths of introverts can be strengths of extroverts. The next time an acquaintance makes it clear to you that he is having a bad day, go to him and ask him what happens. Your listening skills will stand out. Start a conversation about the book you are reading; if you don't know, even extroverts read!
If you are truly introverted, you are probably very reflective, focused on your thoughts, observing and noticing things. If that's the case, that's it - you've got an attention to detail that's hard to cultivate naturally. Use this feature of yours. Look at something small and comment on it. People might be taken aback for a moment before bursting into laughter, realizing that someone has finally noticed something in them. Everyone loves this feeling
Step 3. Talk
Once you are in a social context (and therefore you are already halfway there), start talking. Any subject. You obviously have opinions! And if you're uncomfortable stating how you feel, ask questions. Everyone likes it when people seem interested in them. Asking questions is an easy way to melt.
If this is a problem, start talking when you are alone. Talk more when you are with your family and best friends. Sometimes it's hard to just get used to the sound of your own voice. Practice does not make perfect, but it makes habit. The more you get used to talking, the better you will find yourself talking in all situations
Step 4. Affirm yourself
The next step, after overcoming the difficulty of speaking, is to affirm yourself. When you get the chance to say your opinion, take it. Unless you are supporting mass genocide, you probably won't wreak havoc or rejection. Basically, are you telling everyone what memorable movie you would like to see? What about the introduction of your boss? Spit your opinion.
Let other people set up the conversation if you want. Complaining is one of the things most people are good at, and they're really good at it when in a group. Find the right moment when you and a couple of friends / acquaintances are chatting about nothing and say your opinion. If others don't like it, patience. The conversation will move to other topics
Step 5. Stop
Introverts are often guilty of being too kind. An extrovert picks up the conversation and manages it. Make sure it's you! You don't have to wait for a free space to be created in the conversation, because that can't happen. You are not rude if you are timely. Extroverts do it all the time.
The only problem is knowing when to do it. If you think about it, you probably recognize the right moments. Halfway through telling your best friend getting sick isn't the best time. Speaking in the middle of the vegan story might be a good time. If it's a lively conversation or debate, step in. If the person is venting or grieving, wait for your time to come
Step 6. Get attention
The smallest part has been done, now it's time to take the big step: draw attention to yourself. This may mean you have to be strong, or maybe not. Very often, however, it is a question of having to take action. Start a game. Offer to do something on Friday night. Organize people.
Get people to do things. Start a conversation that anyone can join. Start by shaking the popcorn on the table. Clumsily hide behind a small pole. Send a funny video to all your friends. Get people to do things and get them to talk
Step 7. Make people laugh
While not all extroverts are comedians and not all comedians are extroverts, if you want to get noticed socially, a good way is to make your group laugh. Getting attention is a good place to start, but you can achieve even more. Although it may be at your expense!
Even something as simple as making weird noises or slow motion can get people to laugh. If being eccentric is feasible, it will work. People will be entertained and hopefully feel comfortable. If you are sociable you will drive others crazy when they are with you
Step 8. Liven up the party
A true extrovert can find themselves in any awkward silence and overcome it, even if it means talking about their cat. If you are in a group of people and you are bored, start talking. See how many marshmallows you can balance on your forehead. Ask someone "true or false". Put on a macarena and start dancing.
