There are many boys who have the innate, often unconscious gift of conquering girls. This guide is designed to help even the most clumsy guy understand some of the basics of the game of seduction and to develop an approach that will help him hear the word "yes" much more often when asking a girl out for the first time. time.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Basics
Step 1. Broaden your horizons
Don't be fixated on finding girls to only ask for dates at parties, bars, or pubs. You never know where and when you might meet a girl willing to spend the night out with you if you play your cards right. The saying "there are a lot of fish in the sea" reflects this fact. If you want to find a girl to pick up, keep your eyes peeled wherever you go: at work, in cafes, on the street, and almost everywhere in public places. That said, there are a few things to keep in mind:
- It's hard to find a girl to pick up in the supermarket. Most people don't go to the supermarket or bank hoping to find love - conventional wisdom rightly suggests bars, clubs and parties as the best places to meet potential partners. Don't expect a positive response if you try to find us a girl you set up where the agent has to go for daily life demands.
- Instead, you might want to consider outdoor markets, bars, and other places people go to just because they want to have fun. It is likely that the girls in such places will be at least a little more receptive to meeting new people, as these are not important issues.
- Unless you are hoping to become some kind of don Juan (note: you will not succeed if this is your plan), try the ring test before trying it on anyone. Does the girl wear a headband a diamond ring or both on her ring finger? If so, she is probably engaged (right hand) or married (left hand). Respect her and leave her alone.
Step 2. Try to understand the typical male-female dynamic
It varies from country to country, but, in general, there is a clear paradigm in the Western world (i.e. Europe, Australia and North America) that defines what men and women find attractive in the opposite sense. It's actually a lot more complicated, but briefly, it works like this: women are primarily attracted to social power and influence; men are primarily attracted to fertility and health (which is why Western culture is obsessed with making women look younger).
- There is a whole universe of things men can do to suggest social power and thus become more attractive. Consider developing a strong taste for style or a smart sense of humor. Physical well-being gives a strong indicator of social power, which is why some guys keep nice cars even if they are living in poverty. Think about how you can accentuate your life to emphasize your strengths.
- The most basic and perhaps most useful way to indicate that you have social power is to be confident. By demonstrating the ability to speak and act confidently, you can prove that you have nothing to fear from other men, which makes you seem relatively powerful. That's why it's often said that self-esteem is all in the dating world. Get confident and the towing game comes down to details - you fail to prove confident and you will always have to struggle to get dates.
Step 3. Be yourself, but at your best
It is important to avoid being fake. Women are very perceptive and won't take you seriously if you disrespect them by pretending to be someone you don't know. On the other hand, women aren't even looking for a messy house to clean up. One of the biggest benefits of a long-term relationship is being free to share concerns and fears with someone who loves us. Now, though, it's not a long-term relationship - you're washing someone with a nice smile and a funny T-shirt in a laundry next door. Don't lose perspective. Picking up is your chance to show all the good things about you, not an excuse to dump your problems on a girl who is kind enough to listen to you.
Step 4. Perfect your body language
It's not just about standing straight with your back and making eye contact. Instead, it is all you do to communicate other than the words coming from your mouth. It is the essential way in which human beings communicate their emotional states respectively. It is a very important "language" to learn if you want to be at the top of the game of seduction. The general rules are as follows:
- It is always best to insist on eye contact.
- Smile every time you make eye contact. Don't look away until you smile.
- Don't stare. Try to avoid staring at a woman's body if you are talking to her.
- Adopt an open attitude: loose legs and arms, shoulders back, head held high. This makes you appear confident, relaxed and receptive.
- Don't grumble. Speak clearly and without hesitation.
- Lean slightly towards the person you are interested in when talking to them. If you are sitting, it is okay to bring your head slightly forward.
Step 5. Remember this:
body language powerful, but not always clear. For example, when drawn to someone, people tend to touch parts of themselves thinking they are attractive. A girl who keeps touching her lips to her breast with one hand while talking might be interested, but it could just be an itch. Always take any ideas with due caution.
Step 6. Learn this mantra:
"act or die". If a girl was attracted to you, wouldn't you rather let you know now instead of waiting three years? Girls think alike. That's why it almost never works to win a woman's heart by trying to curry favor with her slowly: women want a man who has the courage to express how she feels. If you are really interested in getting an appointment, you need to expect to be turned down.
- Even those women who are very attracted to you don't wait indefinitely for you to ask them out. They will think that you are not attracted enough to them and they will change their attitude towards you or they will find you unattractive because you do not even have the courage to ask them on a date.
- When you feel attracted to a girl, wait a month or more to let her know your intentions. Don't wait for the ideal moment, because it doesn't exist.
Part 2 of 5: Picking Up a Girl
Step 1. Have a course of action ready
The first thing you say to the girl she noticed doesn't have to be anything special - just an invitation to speak. Test with the weather if you are outside or with the furniture if you are indoors. At a party, maybe try asking her how she met the host. The essential thing is to have a lineup in mind before starting to speak.
Step 2. Put the conversation together
If your opening lines elicited a rushed response, you have two options: give up or continue hoping for the best. If, on the other hand, the girl has responded to your advances warmly, it's time to shine in the conversation.
- Talking to someone you just met is challenging for both of you. If you make it easy for her, she will appreciate it. Try offering some opinions on irrelevant topics, such as background music. Be honest and see how he reacts. Try to listen to her opinions and ask her for more details. If you avoid any intrusiveness, you will allow her to express herself and evaluate your considerations.
- Don't try to turn the conversation into an interview by asking her, "What are you doing?", "Where do you live?" and "Where did you go to school?" in quick succession. Instead, try turning those questions into statements, such as "You see you come from Rome" or "I bet you take care of organizing events". You will look bolder and give her space to express herself more naturally, allowing her to relax and enjoy the chat.
Step 3. Use humor
Humor is universal, and finding someone who appreciates your personal sense of humor is a great feeling. On the other hand, someone who doesn't laugh at your jokes probably isn't interested in you and isn't worth pursuing. It's a clever way to test the terrain without looking clunky.
Even if you think your sense of humor is too immediate, subtle, or weird for most people to appreciate or understand, still use it in conversation. If the girl you're talking to is interested in you, she'll play along and laugh, even if other people don't
Step 4. Make sure you use very subtle compliments
They should be born naturally. The key to a good conversation is to talk about topics that make both of you comfortable. When you find a way to compliment or hint, do it, as long as it doesn't interrupt the flow of the conversation; if not, stick to your guidelines.
A woman can respond to an overt compliment in three ways: by agreeing (indicates arrogance), disagreeing (indicates embarrassment), or by returning the compliment (unlikely possibility, especially at the beginning of the conversation). It is more important to show that you are funny than to explicitly state that you find her attractive, as she should have already understood this since you approached her
Step 5. Prove that you are all in one piece
Girls love men who are confident and comfortable with themselves. Always answer questions about yourself honestly. Most girls prefer the guy who builds a robot in their basement and says it with a smile rather than someone who is ashamed or embarrassed about it.
Don't be afraid to give her kind criticisms or little jokes, but always without overdoing it. Girls like the guy who seems interested but not "thunderstruck" by them, because it means he probably doesn't get attached too soon, putting them in a position to feel suffocated. On the other hand, someone who overdoes the joke gives the idea of being rude and childish
Step 6. Ask for her phone number when it's time to end the conversation
Tell her that if you are having fun, but that you need to go home, to work, or to your previous commitments. If she doesn't want to give it to you, be nice anyway and wish her a good day. If she does give it to you, call her within a couple of days to see if she can schedule an appointment over the weekend.
Step 7. Prepare for the first date:
it does not require excessive moments of silence. Avoid concerts and movies. Instead, suggest something that gives both of you a way to talk and isn't too expensive. Have a couple of alternatives on hand; most women prefer the man to decide on the date.
- If you are inclined to something out of the ordinary that you think she will appreciate, like renting a pedal boat, propose it; if not, stick to a lunch, coffee or an aperitif somewhere. All of these options offer plenty of opportunities for uninterrupted conversation and, if you're lucky, a first kiss.
- Offer to pay for the first date, but don't insist. Some women prefer to split the bills or pay what they spend. Stick to what she decides.
- Give it space. It's a first date, not a marriage contract. Once you've chosen a time and place, don't call her back until it's time to meet her. You will then have plenty of time to talk.
- If she calls you, asking you to postpone, give her the benefit of the doubt - after all, if she wanted to refuse, she could have done so before. Try to be patient and flexible.
Part 3 of 5: Picking Up a Friend
Step 1. Think about the risks
This is a delicate situation, but remember that your friend may want to remain friends even if you have asked her on a date. The biggest problem may come to you when you try to ask them. If all your hopes and all your dreams are centered around how to get your friend on a date, you will probably have a lot of disappointments.
Step 2. Wait for the moment when you will be alone with her
You could potentially save yourself a lot of embarrassment in front of mutual friends. If you respect each other, there won't be any embarrassment, but if he makes a scene, it means it's not worth it.
Step 3. Simply ask her out
Don't declare your love to her - just ask her out with you. Maybe you really love her, but telling her won't change anything, because you won't offer her any real reason to decide to go out with you. It's best not to express your feelings to her right away and make this proposal just like any other girl.
Make sure you are very clear that this is a romantic date and not just a friendly one. Hiding your intentions from her won't do you any good
Step 4. Behave in moderation
It does not matter what the result of your request will be: you will still need to be responsible and mature. If she says yes, that's fine, but it's not time to burden her with too many responsibilities yet. After all, the first date hasn't happened yet. If, on the other hand, he says no, don't be disappointed. Eventually, go home and cry in private.
Part 4 of 5: Picking Up a Colleague
Step 1. Try to understand the risks
Unlike what happens in a classroom, whether or not she agrees to go out with you, you have to consider that it will be difficult to continue working closely with this girl. You won't have the opportunity to wait for school to finish to avoid seeing it. This also applies to her. If things don't go as planned, you can take steps to minimize those risks and make sure your working life runs smoothly no matter what happens.
Step 2. Don't spit on the plate where you eat
It is always a valid saying. The closer you are to the person you're dating on a daily basis, the more likely it is that insisting on dating them will lead you to unpleasant situations. This means that, at work, you'd better avoid picking up girls you see all the time or very often.
If you work at a large company - a department store or a major sales office - try to focus on the girls who work in other departments. That way, however things go, both of you can go to work later without any discomfort
Step 3. You must be respectful
Obviously, respect is an important component of any (realistic) dating strategy, but in the workplace you need to be more aware of it. Look at it from the girl's point of view: she's there because she needs to work, not because she thinks there are a lot of cute guys. Anything that makes your job more stressful will completely affect your life - you certainly can't afford to quit just because of an inconvenience with a colleague. Never put a girl in a position to feel unwell on going to work.
Be short, polite, and if she refuses, don't bother her further. Even if you think you're friendly, she probably won't appreciate you continuing to hang around her after she has already told you no. Leave her plenty of room
Step 4. Be discreet
Many employers frown upon romance in the workplace, as it is often accompanied by declining productivity and conduct violations (from excessive cigarette breaks to inappropriate topics). If you are going to woo a woman at work, don't spread your intentions.
If the work goes as usual, your bosses won't care if you succeed with a colleague. But remember: the workplace is first and foremost to work; everything else is secondary, no matter what it may seem to you
Part 5 of 5: Picking Up a Girl on the Go
Step 1. Try to understand the dynamics of romance while traveling
Maybe you are in town for a family reunion and are sitting at a cafe next to a cute girl. Maybe you're traveling across the country by bus before a move, just to see what it's like. Picking up a girl while traveling is fine, as long as the mode is light, simple, and straightforward at the moment. A different approach could be frustrating for both of you.
Step 2. Try to look ahead
If you feel compelled to lie or omit information in order to get a girl, you are wrong. Pretending won't do anyone any good. Also, some women find the idea of a date with someone who is "just passing through" intriguing or exciting, because there is no risk of bonding. Try to be clear that you are in that situation.
Travel is also an interesting conversation piece, so you probably won't have to struggle to find topics to talk about. Just mention that you are only visiting for a few days and ask questions about those areas. Most girls will be happy to respond with their own opinion on the matter, and that conversation could last a long time
Step 3. Be quick
There is no time to be shy or modest. You want a date, a night out with someone you just met that you are unlikely to see again. The girl will not understand that you feel uncomfortable if you just try to "warm" her up all night. Instead of asking her for her phone number, suggest that she go out with you "now", before you are gone. Ask her where to go and offer to pay her bill as usual. The trick to being able to have a short-term fling with a girl is to show her what you want (a fun night together) and get right on the subject.
Step 4. Be faithful
If you have someone at home waiting for you, don't go out with anyone else while you're out. It is vile and unfair and will weigh heavily on your conscience for a long time. Imagine how you would feel if you knew that your girlfriend spent a hot weekend with a guy she met by chance at her last family reunion while you were all alone suffering from missing him all the time. No momentary impulse deserves to jeopardize the relationship you already have.
And if you think you're ready to end that relationship, do the right thing and take responsibility for ending it. And don't go after your ex girlfriend again like you're a slimy little man with no backbone. Once you're officially single again, you will have plenty of chances to mess around with other girls
Advice
- Practice - exercise really makes perfect. Erase any fear you have of talking to women by treating those you see every day as normal people who they are. Talk to them as you would if they were men until you get the idea that women are people too, just like you, and that talking to them is no different than talking to anyone else.
- If you get on a date, consider searching for that girl on social networks to see her interests. It's a great way to get ideas to talk about when you see each other.
- Anticipate in complimenting her and asking for her phone number. The woman loves the man who manages to anticipate her and who takes the lead.
- Put yourself on the same level as her, but don't please her in everything: you would seem insecure. If you put her on a pedestal, she may take advantage of it and, in the long run, step on you. If you treat her badly, however, she will have no regard for you.
- Rest assured: after all you are only two people. It is normal for you to be nervous, but try to handle the situation gracefully and be as confident in yourself as possible, instead of allowing your nervousness to panic.
- As with any performance, it is better to play your part and wait for the audience to react, rather than continuing with no one cheering. In other words, if you've made a good impression on her, she'll prove it to you in due course.
- Some girls have many suitors. Your persistence, positive and ladylike being will make you stand out above most others.
Warnings
- Avoid looking needy or insecure. These attitudes do not increase your chances of success. Girls aren't looking for an injured animal to heal - they're looking for a nice, stable guy to have a good time with. Remember that wanting something from someone else is not a valid reason to force that person to give you what you want.
- The advent of the so-called "trailer artist" in recent years has led to the emergence of a misogynistic and short-term focused attitude. The methods that embody this attitude generally boil down to brazenness and numerous attempts until an appointment is made. It is best to avoid such tactics, as they are disrespectful towards women and almost useless in terms of meaningful relationships.
- Pay attention to where you are looking. DO NOT LOOK at any part of a woman's body, especially while she is talking to you. Remember: watching her talk to you and staring into her face are two different things. You have to avoid staring at it.
