You want to go somewhere at all costs, but your mother limits your freedom. We've all been there. Fortunately, being able to convince her to let you go is not an impossible thing: all you have to do is arm yourself with patience, show maturity and use a little diplomacy.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Preparing the Ground
Step 1. Spend some time with her
Your mother really cares about you and would like you to let her know what's going on in your life. By spending time with you, she will be able to understand you better and trust you more. It will be important when you ask her permission to go out.
- Try talking to her about school, your friends, how you feel, and so on.
- Invite her to go to the mall, to the cinema, for a walk, etc.
Step 2. Work hard at school
Since you are a teenager, your primary responsibility is to get good grades; so if you are not studying properly, you have already put your mother in a position to deny your request. Throw yourself into the books to show her that you are serious about studying.
- Let her know when you get a good grade!
- If you're not doing well in school, show her your efforts by studying in a room she can see you from, or ask her if you can take private lessons.
Step 3. Help her with the housework without asking
If your mother has given you some chores around the house, don't wait for her to remind you to do it. Get it done before you even think you're asking. This will show her that you are a diligent and responsible child and that she can trust you.
- If you surprise her with your diligence, she will realize how good you are at the chores she has assigned to you. Let me find out for myself.
- Go past. If he asks you to do something, do it without sparing yourself. For example, if he asks you to tidy up your room, he'll also vacuum. This will show her that you are able to take the initiative and she will appreciate your gesture.
Step 4. Demonstrate good behavior
This tip is as valid at school as it is at home. If you want your mom to trust you to get out, behave in a mature and respectful way. You don't have to be perfect. We all mess up sometimes, but try your best.
- Be polite and don't forget to say "please" and "thank you".
- Don't bother at school.
- Respect your mother's friends by listening to them when they talk and chatting with them kindly.
Part 2 of 3: Ask Him Directly
Step 1. Ask her permission directly
Approach her calmly and without whining. Leverage on their common sense first and, only as a last resort, on their emotions.
- Introduce your request by phrasing it like this: "I was wondering if …" or "Would you consider letting me go …". Don't be too abrupt saying, for example: "Mom, I want to go…".
- Make sure she is in a good mood when you approach her. If she's been having a bad day, wait for her to recover or do something nice to lift her mood. However, do it out of affection, not to manipulate her.
- Don't hesitate to give her all the details about where you would like to go: who will be there, how long you will stay, how you will go and how you will go home. The more information you give her, the more comfortable she will feel.
- Remember not to make a scene. If you lose your temper and start screaming, your chances of getting what you want will be reduced.
Step 2. Don't delay making your request
If you intend to go somewhere on a Friday, start talking to your mom about it on a Monday. You don't have to make her feel pressured or rush her into giving you an answer. If not, he may say no if he doesn't have time to think about it.
Step 3. Introduce the topic randomly
Don't just ask her the question: "Can I…?". Be diplomatic. Introduce the topic, without insisting. You just have to make it think about your request.
- For example, if you want to go to the mall, you can talk about the time you were together, how much fun you had, how your friends are planning to go and how much you want to return.
- Here is another example. If you want to visit a friend's house, you can say that the friend has mentioned that he has the possibility to go out during the week and that he will ask permission from his parents. See how your mother responds, but don't talk as if you assume you can accompany him.
- If you can't hold back and ask her permission to go out, don't press her for an answer when she's hesitant. Let it reflect. If you are not pushy and stubborn, you will prove to her that you are a mature guy and she will notice.
Step 4. Offer reasons more than just an opinion
One of the reasons your mother might refuse is that it's just your opinion against her authority. As a precaution, do some research related to what you are asking and be prepared to present the information you have found.
- Even if it involves a little extra work, creating a PowerPoint presentation or a prospectus that informs her where you want to go will give her a good impression and show her that you have really thought about it.
- If you are making a prospectus, leave it where you can find it and read it when you have time.
Step 5. Write a letter
If you are not comfortable talking to your mother face to face, a letter will allow you to show her all your judgment in communicating what you would like to do. Think of this medium as some sort of essay that will help convince her by touching on the reasons why you feel she should give you permission to go out. Don't rely on your own opinion alone - do some research and include other people's arguments as well.
- In the letter, try to address his concerns about your personal safety, as they are one of the reasons why he may be denying you his permission.
- Make sure that the tone used in the letter is serious and loving: if you are too shameless in using his feelings, there is a risk that he will feel manipulated.
- Fill in a lot of details about why and where you intend to go. By clearing up all his doubts, chances are he won't have a hard time letting you go.
Step 6. Negotiate with her
In addition to being allowed to go somewhere, tell her that you think you are ready to take on more responsibilities around the house. Negotiation will likely only work if you are already fulfilling your obligations, such as housework.
- Make sure you are able to comply with the terms of the negotiation. If you don't, you will lose his confidence.
- An example of negotiating could be: "Mom, now that I am [xx] years old, I hope you can start trusting my sense of responsibility and independence by giving me other household chores and maybe letting me go out and go to [aa] 's house. this week".
- Here's another example for making a request: "Mom, now that I'm older, I hope you can trust me when I go out and maybe let me go to [aa]'s house this week. In exchange for your trust I would like to start take on more responsibilities at home ".
- When you come up with a good idea for negotiating, consider everything your mom has to do every day. Chances are he will appreciate your attempt to take on some responsibility and will see this as a gesture full of judgment.
Part 3 of 3: Reacting Properly
Step 1. Stay calm
If he refuses to give you permission, find out why he said no and react accordingly. Don't always throw a tantrum and don't start whining accusing her of being unfair to you. Only spoiled children behave this way and this is not the impression you have to give.
- Here's an example of how you might answer a "no": "May I ask why you don't want me to go out?"
- If your mom plays the old "Why do I say so" card, don't explode. In this case, he does it because he didn't have a good reason to let you go. Give her more time to think.
Step 2. Be grateful
Whether he says yes or no, be grateful for the trust or concern he shows you. This behavior denotes a certain maturity that will affect her favorably.
- Here's an example of how you might answer a "yes": "Thank you very much, Mom! It means you trust me enough to let me go to [xx]."
- Instead, you might answer "no" like this: "I understand. I appreciate your concern for my safety."
Step 3. Plan for the future
If your mother ultimately doesn't give you her permission, you might want to gratefully accept her answer and demonstrate your maturity rather than go wild in a childish way. Ask her how you could improve or grow so you can face the future. With this question you will make a good impression on her.
Advice
- Give her time to think. If you keep pushing her, she'll say no.
- If she doesn't give you her permission, take a step back and try again a second time, but don't bother her.
