Bad relationships may seem dead-end, but there is always a possibility. Plan ahead and rely on friends and family for help along the way. Remember that ending the relationship will set you free to seek out a new, healthier, happier relationship.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Identifying a Bad Relationship
Step 1. Be yourself
Everyone changes a bit when they start a new relationship. Maybe you start following football because your boyfriend is a fan or you watch romantic comedies because your girlfriend loves them. But if you feel like everything inside of you is changing, there may be a problem.
- Ask yourself if you are compromising your values, your opinions, or the way you dress because of your partner.
- Remember who you were before the relationship and consider how you were different from now.
Step 2. Listen to the concerns of friends and family
Not everyone will like your partner as much as you do, but if several people who love you raise concerns, it may be time to listen.
Step 3. Make decisions for yourself
A relationship should be mutual in all respects, therefore important decisions should be made by both members of the couple.
- If when you go out you always go where he wants or you only visit his family and friends, ask yourself why.
- If your girlfriend never wants to go to parties, go out on a date, or always make you stay home, ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want. However, be sure to take into account the possibility that your girlfriend is dealing with something that makes it difficult for her to hang out, such as unresolved anxiety issues.
Step 4. Pay attention to controlling behaviors
Your partner shouldn't be in control of every aspect of your life. In a relationship you want to be close to your partner, but you still need to maintain your individuality.
- If your partner starts selecting people you hang out with or restricting visits to family members, consider that a red flag. If you and your girlfriend are too dependent on each other in every respect, you could be in a codependent relationship, which occurs when one or both partners base their self-esteem on the other person, creating an unhealthy dynamic.
- Telling you what kind of clothes to wear, what music to listen to, or which friends to hang out with are examples of controlling personalities.
Step 5. Measure the level of trust in the relationship
Mutual trust is an important component of a relationship. Without it, relationships can easily get worse.
- Constant questions indicate a lack of trust.
- Jealousy about dating other people is a trust issue.
Step 6. Notice how critical your partner is towards you
Constructive criticism can be helpful, but it shouldn't be a constant in your relationship. You shouldn't feel humiliated every time you are around your partner and you shouldn't always be the butt of every joke.
- If you get criticism of your appearance or personality, it is a sign that you may be in a bad relationship.
- Constant criticism points to an unhealthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, you should feel good about yourself when you are together.
Part 2 of 4: Preparing for a Breakup
Step 1. Admit you are in a bad relationship
To get out of a bad relationship, the first step is to recognize that you are in it. It's easy to ignore the signs and continue living your daily life in a failed relationship, but no one should put up with something like this - everyone deserves to be happy.
- Write down the warning signs you think you perceive in your relationship. Review the list to get a clear picture of what is really going on.
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your concerns to hear an outside point of view.
- Know that you have the power to make a change and get out of the relationship.
Step 2. Plan a place to go after the breakup
Ask a trusted friend or family member if they can host you for some time after the relationship ends. Having someone around to provide support will help you feel better about the decision.
If there is a history of abuse in your relationship, it's important to let someone know about your plans to stay safe after the breakup. You should also develop a safety plan for when you leave the relationship, which includes support from loved ones and professionals who specialize in domestic violence, anticipate a possible change of mind, resist the urge to stay and quickly prepare your things to go. Street
Step 3. Create an action plan
To be able to end a bad relationship you must have a plan: it will help you not to abandon the idea. To have the best chance of success, a plan must include the implementation of specific intentions and must foresee several eventualities with consequent solutions (“if… then”).
- "If I start missing my ex, I'll call a friend to go out."
- "If I begin to regret my decision, I'll write a list of the reasons I left."
- "If I feel depressed after the breakup, I will seek help."
Part 3 of 4: Ending the Relationship
Step 1. Schedule a time to talk to your partner
Prepare for when you end the relationship.
- Large crowded areas can create awkward scenarios for a breakup.
- Consider meeting in a quiet public space to avoid fighting.
Step 2. Tell your partner that the relationship is over
Be straightforward and direct. When ending a relationship, it's best to be specific about your intentions. Talk to your partner in person about how you feel; do not do it over the phone or by text. This will help you process what is happening and show that you really think what you are saying.
- Make sure you stick to the facts so you don't get carried away by emotions and use first-person affirmations to avoid putting your partner on the defensive, such as: “Our relationship has made me miserable lately and it's time to put an end to this story. ".
- Deliver the message in a calm, direct voice, so your partner knows you take this decision seriously: "I'm leaving you."
- If you are afraid that your partner will react violently to the breakup, you shouldn't meet in person or alone. In this case, a phone call might be the best option.
Step 3. Put distance between you and your new ex
Once the relationship has ended, you will need to stay away from the person you left behind. Bad relationships are often psychologically complicated to quit; make the operation easier by cutting ties with this person so as not to be tempted to go back with her.
- Stop following your ex on all social media.
- Delete his phone number from your address book.
- Go to places where you know he won't be there.
- Ask your friends not to talk about your ex to help create some distance.
Part 4 of 4: Move on
Step 1. Surround yourself with positive people
Once you get out of a bad relationship, it's important to surround yourself with the right people, who give you strength and remind you that you made the right choice.
Step 2. Give up regrets
When a relationship ends, it's easy to fall into the trap of mulling over what you could have done better to change your ex. Know that no matter how much you think about the past: it won't change.
- Learn from the relationship rather than having regrets. Try to focus on what you want in your future to help you stay positive and move in the direction you want to go.
- Be kind to yourself. Try not to think too much about why the relationship went wrong. Focusing on the past will prevent you from thinking about the future.
Step 3. Forgive yourself
You shouldn't feel guilty about a bad relationship. Many people blame themselves for not seeing the signs of a bad relationship in time, but this kind of thinking will only make you feel worse.
- Forgive yourself by saying it out loud or writing it down.
- Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes - you can learn a lot from the failed relationship.
Step 4. Remember who you were before the relationship started
It's easy to lose sight of your true interests when you've been through a bad relationship. Now you have time to rediscover yourself, take back your interests or look for new ones.
- Take a class on a topic that interested you.
- Join a club.
- Pick up a hobby from your past.
Step 5. Get help
If you feel it is too difficult to process the breakup on your own, you may need help. Ask friends or family for a hand; talk to people who love you when you're feeling down.
- Don't be ashamed if you have to ask for help. Many people who are in the same situation as you receive tremendous benefits from professional help.
- Use your family and friends to get the emotional support you need to heal after a bad relationship.
Step 6. Contact the authorities if you think a restraining order is needed
If your ex is harassing or intimidating you, contact the police or carabinieri to request a restraining order. Contact a shelter or support group if you feel threatened or in danger.
Advice
- Once the relationship is over, don't go back. Starting a bad relationship again creates a loop of unhappiness; just don't do it.
- Talk to a friend or family member about your plan to end the relationship and why you want to do it. This person will help you not give up and remind you that you are doing the right thing.
