In recent years, statistics have shown that over 50% of married couples have gone through the pain of an extramarital affair. Many of these couples may face the situation improperly, eventually ending up in resentment, hatred, and eventually divorce. On the other hand, many couples are also able to overcome it to save their marriage. The commitment to recover often causes the relationship between spouses to become much stronger than before. However, learning how to save a marriage after infidelity is difficult and will require sacrifices and compromises on the part of both of you. The steps outlined in this article are required to recover a relationship that has been weakened by adultery.
Steps
Step 1. End the affair immediately
For the couple to recover properly from marital infidelity, the unfaithful partner must close all contact with the lover without delay.
Step 2. Take some time alone to calm down
At the moment of discovery, both spouses will experience a sudden burst of numerous emotions: guilt, anger, fear, betrayal, etc. During this period, in which emotions are exasperated, there is a strong possibility that neither of us will be able to communicate with serenity. Both should therefore take some time to calm down, whether it be for a few days or weeks.
- Share your feelings with one person - or more people - who is genuinely eager to hear your problems and help you get through this painful situation. The people who will be the most helpful right now are those who won't take one side or the other and those who won't try to solve the problem by giving you advice. Until the emotions have had time to subside, most of the advice will be fruitless.
- Take your time. The sudden discovery of a betrayal can lead to a kind of information overload. It is normal to feel distressed at a time like this. Give yourself time to think about the situation and deal with it step by step.
Step 3. Communicate your feelings honestly to your partner
Once you are calm, you can sit together and deal with the situation in words. Be honest, open and respectful. Voice your thoughts and reflections, and don't keep anything hidden (even if you think this might make things worse), so that any problem can be addressed correctly by both of you.
- If you are the unfaithful partner, this is the time to apologize. If your partner wants to know, explain the history of the relationship and tell them the reasons that prompted you to take part in it. If, on the other hand, he prefers not to know, then keep it to yourself. What's more important: express your remorse.
- If you are the victim, forgive your partner. It will be difficult (it may seem impossible), but it is vital to the future health of your marriage. The unwillingness to forgive will lead to anger and resentment. Forgiveness does not imply that you have to trust again, but it does mean that you acknowledge the situation and that you want to overcome it.
- During this time, you should talk to your partner about the future of your marriage. Discuss the possibilities of recovering it. Reconciliation is a painful process that will take months and months of hard work, dedication and commitment. If neither of you wants reconciliation, then the marriage is unlikely to be saved.
Step 4. Rebuild trust in the relationship
You spend a lot of time with your partner, even if you don't feel like being around them much anymore. Do not hide anything anymore: emotions should be shared, problems faced and nothing should be a secret anymore. Talking and spending time together is an integral part of the rebuilding process. Keep in mind that this process can take months or even years.
Step 5. Seek the help of a marriage counselor
A licensed marriage counselor, experienced in couples therapy, can greatly help couples overcome the pain of infidelity. Marriage counselors are third parties who manage to maintain a fair and impartial perspective. This third perspective can help identify problems and guide you in saving the marriage.
