Millions of people dream of orange blossoms. Will they also dream of marital conflicts? Surely not. Here is a simple guide on how to solve marriage problems.
Steps
Step 1. When talking to your wife, don't accuse her
The exact moment you do this the conflict begins. Do not point your finger at her, either metaphorically or literally, the meaning of this gesture remains unchanged anyway. Example: the wife says "Honey, never take out the trash", the husband replies "I did it last week". The situation explodes. In order not to cause problems, the wife should say "Honey, I'm tired, can you take the trash out for me please?". The husband would respond in a normal way, which is "Yes". You should thank. In this way, the man feels appreciated and will do it more often and the woman will have more time to think about how to reciprocate or to clean up.
Step 2. Argue face to face
If you've already started arguing, sit down and talk about it while looking into each other's eyes. If your wife doesn't feel like sitting down, show yourself superior and politely ask her to do so.
Step 3. Don't blame your husband for little things
For example, every day, when he comes home from work, he moves some cushions and places them in bulk on the other chair, and then you have to put everything back. Don't get nervous, make tidying up your pillows a habit while you tidy up. Don't blame him for this. If your wife likes to organize the mail you receive, let her do it so that you are both happy. Complaining about everything your partner does isn't helpful at all.
Step 4. Appreciate each other
Thank you often, even for the little things, will do you good. Also, apologizing for a mistake if the other person feels hurt (even without a logical reason) can make a big difference.
Step 5. Let your wife make mistakes
Nobody is perfect, everyone is wrong. Don't make her feel guilty about a mistake, remember that you wouldn't like to be treated this way either.
Step 6. Don't stay on a warpath all the time, because you will be the first to suffer
Sure, we all have bad days, but don't blame your wife for your problems and try to understand her, especially in difficult times.
Step 7. Spend quality time together
What is the real reason you married this person? To just have children? You certainly didn't do it just for that. You have chosen this companion; remember that such a bond is coveted by many, but not found by everyone. She remains your best friend ever, despite having other best friends. Spending quality time together doesn't mean shopping for five hours or going to a game, these activities probably won't appeal to both of you. It means taking the time to chat, to relax, to take a walk on a country road or to challenge yourself to a go-kart race.
Step 8. Understand each other
Listen to what the other person has to say. It is said that women tend to talk too much and that men, on the other hand, often don't feel like talking, or say half of what is on their mind. It may happen that in a couple the situation is reversed. Either way, listen to your partner and watch her body language. For example, when she looks you in the eye as she tells you what she wants, then she really believes it. On the other hand, if she tends to look away, she probably feels embarrassed or too shy and doesn't know what to say. Don't accuse the other person of hiding something from you, because sometimes it's hard to put into words what you are feeling.
Step 9. Don't get involved in your wife's past
The moment you got married you started a new life. Delving into his past will lead to misunderstandings. The truth is, everyone has made mistakes in their lifetime. Your partner probably grew up in a different way than yours, but you ended up reuniting in a new world, made up of both of you. Why try to bring the old world back to life when the new is definitely more interesting?
Step 10. Don't get stuck
The bravest thing you can do is forgive your partner and move on, as if nothing had happened. It may be difficult, but if you can truly forgive her, the world will be a better place for you and you will feel so much better.
Step 11. Don't isolate yourself often
Sure, sometimes being alone is good for you, but spending too much time alone isn't ideal. When you are alone and think about the wrongs your partner has done to you, you suppress the anger you feel, and sooner or later you will explode. So, it's best to invite a few friends to hang out with you to at least release some tension. Going for a drink will reassure you all and entertain you.
Step 12. Stay away from people trying to control your marriage
They will destroy it. There's nothing wrong with getting tips on how to avoid problems and how to have a peaceful relationship. However, when a person (whether a friend of yours or not) says “Oh, my wife is busy cooking all day! That's where women should always be, yours too!”, This means that she hasn't quite understood how a marital relationship should be cultivated. These words could touch your vulnerability and make you reconsider your marriage. When a friend of yours tells you "Oh, my husband bought me this and that" and makes an endless list of the trivial things he gave her, it means that she is trying to make you jealous, doubting your husband's generosity.. If you don't want to stop seeing these people, then change the subject. You are in control of your marriage, no one should interfere.
Step 13. Keep a safe distance from jealousy
The jealousy and overwhelming thoughts we talked about earlier go hand in hand. Don't jump to conclusions. In fact, many marriages end because of jealousy and because the wife or husband unreasonably thinks they are the victim of a betrayal. If you see your partner in a compromising situation with another with your own eyes, okay, you are right. In this case it is up to you to decide what to do. However, if you see her talking to a stranger about this and that, she may be asking her where a certain route is or suggestions about a special gift for someone, don't go off on a tangent. Always think positive. If he loves you, he wouldn't hurt you. Don't screw it up for a trifle.
Step 14. Be honest with each other
If you disagree with something, say it politely: "I disagree with you because …".
Step 15. This step will test you, but you shouldn't forget:
choose to be happy, not to be right. Sure, we all want that, but sometimes being right at the wrong time can be bad for a relationship. Let the other person get the better of them, even if they are wrong half the time. Do not worry too much, four benefits derive from this: you will feel happy, you will learn to compromise, deep down you will know that you are right (and maybe your partner will notice it sooner or later, apologizing) and you will live peacefully. Above all, always being right is not even the best. Everyone makes mistakes, and they learn from them.
Step 16. When you argue, don't drag other people into the discussion
It's a conflict between you and her. Not between you, your wife, her best friend, her mother, her father, your children, etc. By the way, people outside the relationship don't even know the whole story.
Advice
- Smile, hug, show affection!
- Do your best to save the marriage before deciding to divorce.
- Show yourself superior when your partner is acting in a really stubborn way. Apologize first.
- Others must stay out of your conflicts.
- Don't blame yourself all the time. This will make the situation worse.
- Solve problems on a full stomach!
- Sit down to quietly talk about something when you both have time and don't get distracted!
- If you are unable to resolve your conflicts, consult a marriage counselor.
- Do not bring up past events and on which you have put a stone on, the past must be separated from the present.
Warnings
- Don't start talking about important topics as soon as your partner walks home and / or when she is hungry.
- Don't envy the weddings you see in movies. Real life is more difficult.
- Don't talk about past problems.
- Don't throw objects at your partner in a moment of anger.
- Don't shout if the other person doesn't answer you. He can hear you, but he is doing what he can not to respond in kind and to ignore you. Try talking to her at another time.
- Don't raise your hands.
- Don't talk about marriage problems with other people, just tell the good things.
- Don't become a victim of gossip.
- Don't let other people intrude, this shows that you are too weak to defend yourself. In particular, don't drag your children into fights.
- Don't harass the other person by listing everything you want. Appreciate what you have, don't think that jewels, clothes, shoes from famous designers and expensive bags make you happy.
