The art of conversation is natural for some and not for others. Interactions with other people are key to living well and are one of the best ways to bond with someone. You may have no problem talking privately or on the internet, but have a hard time conversing at parties or at work. Even a gallant date is a communication challenge. Find a strategy that helps you not feel uncomfortable and that allows you to manage conversations in all situations, in order to expand your network of acquaintances.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Managing a Social Conversation
Step 1. Start the conversation with a simple "Hi, how are you?
". Based on the answer, you will understand if your interlocutor is comfortable talking to you. If you want to converse, ask him an ice-breaking question, such as:" Where are you headed today? How long will you stay?".
- If the conversation continues, you can move on to more personal questions. When the other person shares more intimate information, you too can do the same; this will improve the quality of the exchange.
- Try questions like: "What was it like growing up in Sardinia? Did you spend a lot of time at the beach or playing sports?".
- If you feel that the other person is getting tired of talking to you, you can simply say, "Well, it was a pleasure to talk to you. I'll let you take back what you were doing." Some signs of boredom are looking away, checking the time, or feeling distracted or in a rush.
Step 2. Use conversations to determine if you are compatible with other people
Dialogues that occur during dates put more pressure than normal conversations. The only way to get to know someone is to talk to them about common interests, values, ideals and the level of education. You are probably looking for a person compatible with you and only by talking to them will you find them.
Step 3. Prepare to answer questions
A certain degree of vulnerability is required to speak out. Keep in mind the benefits of getting to know a person so that you can keep an open mind. You may want to invite your interlocutor to go out, do business with him, or ask him to mentor you.
- Thank the other person for being open and available to answer your questions.
- Start with simple questions and move on to deeper ones. You should certainly ask a person what school they attended before investigating their relationship with their father.
- If you feel that some topics are making your interlocutor uncomfortable, don't insist in that direction. Change the subject. Some signs of discomfort are looking down, fidgeting nervously, turning pale, gritting your teeth, or giving a forced smile.
Step 4. Listen actively
Let the other person know that you are listening to them by repeating what they say in your own words or at another point in the conversation. Everyone likes to be heard and above all understood.
For example, when you are talking to someone, keep your eyes on them and nod every now and then to show your involvement. Wait for him to finish speaking, then make a comment like "Wow", or "Yeah, I understand what you mean." You could continue with a follow-up question linked directly to what he was saying
Step 5. Ask for a second appointment
If you went out with a girl and the conversation was pleasant, you can say, "I think things went well tonight, right? I would love to meet you again." If the answer is yes, make a second appointment or at least tell her when you will call or write to her. Make sure you stick to your commitment.
Step 6. Consider the age difference when talking to someone
Everyone, regardless of age, is happiest when they have deep and meaningful conversations. However, it is useful to take into account the age of your interlocutor.
- Don't intimidate children and don't invade their personal space when you talk to them. Ask simple questions and let them answer. Young people usually do not like to talk about difficult topics that have more social importance. If a child doesn't want to talk to you, let them walk away.
- Speak at a normal volume when talking to an older person if they don't specifically ask you to raise your tone. Do not assume that all elders do not hear well. The conversation begins with "Hi, how are you today?". Learn as much as possible from those older than you. These people have had the opportunity to learn a lot from life and in most cases they willingly share their experiences.
- Not all older people enjoy being called sweetheart or being told they're adorable.
- Be polite and consider that you may be the only person your interlocutor has talked to all day. To live happily, meaningful conversations are important.
Step 7. Focus on creating new social relationships for your personal and professional growth
If you're in a meeting or convention with people you don't know, being able to converse is key to finding new business mates or responding well when someone else is interested in you.
- Break the ice with compliments like "Nice tie", "His watch is great" or "Those shoes are very elegant".
- Use irony with caution, because everyone has a different sense of humor.
- Ask for people's contact information and make a note of it to expand your mailing list.
Step 8. Find the threads that bind you to people when you are around people
Humans have an innate tendency to find things in common with others. Use this ability to not feel alone in the crowd and be more comfortable, making conversation and creating bonds to explore.
- If you find yourself sitting at a table with people you don't know at a wedding, you have two alternatives. You can shut up and eat in silence or have a conversation to pass the time. Many couples were born on the occasion of the weddings of mutual friends and this cannot happen to you if you do not talk to anyone.
- Ask the people at the table with you how they met the bride or groom.
- Just talk about "safe" topics and avoid politics, religion, and sexual content. Don't risk fueling a heated discussion, at least until the moment of cutting the cake!
- Talk about the food being served and how you hope it will be good.
- If the conversation comes to a halt, walk away to the bathroom or go to another table where you know someone. Wedding receptions are usually held in great locations, so find the best spot to enjoy the view. Maybe you could pay a visit to the bar.
Step 9. End the conversation politely
In some cases, during an appointment, at the end of a meeting, or when you are very tired, you may want to end a dialogue. You have every right to stop talking if you want or need it. Be kind and try to say, "I'm very glad you took the time to meet me today. But now I have to go." Your goal is to leave politely.
Method 2 of 3: Have a Private Conversation
Step 1. Get your thoughts in order before you speak
You're about to have a private conversation with someone, so prepare yourself mentally. Identify a clear goal and the outcome you want to achieve. Private dialogue is usually private for a reason. Think about what you want to say and how you want to answer possible questions.
- If you want to confess your feelings for another person, try to understand how you feel about them. Are you ready for a relationship or do you just want an informal date? What are your expectations? Do you prefer to remain friends?
- If you want to ask for a raise at work, think about the reasons that can give more value to your request. Have you been one of the best employees? Did you take the initiative to complete projects?
Step 2. Write what you want to say before speaking
This allows you to clarify your thoughts and expectations. By putting things in black and white, you can focus on the points of the topic you want to touch on during the conversation. With better organization, dialogue will be more productive.
Practice saying what you have written aloud to relieve stress
Step 3. Exercise before talking to the other person
This helps you relieve anxiety and find calm. Choose an exercise you enjoy doing and focus on a good workout. You will have a clearer idea at the time of the conversation.
Being responsive in actions and communication with the person you like is very important in having a good relationship with them
Step 4. Set the date and time of the conversation
Most of us are busy, so making an appointment is always helpful. However, there are cases where you will not be able to do this and will need to take the right opportunity. If you are ready, you will know how to react when needed.
Step 5. Try relaxation techniques
Waiting for an important conversation can charge you with nervous energy. Find a way to calm down. Take deep breaths, close your eyes and repeat within yourself "I can do it. This thing is important to me and I have to do it."
Step 6. Give yourself a boost
In some cases we need a little stimulus to take the first step, especially when something is important to us and we are ready to take risks. The chance of success directly depends on your actions. Nothing can happen if you do nothing.
- Once you are with the person you want to talk to, take a deep breath, then count to three and come up with the words, "Hey, I wanted to tell you something that is very important to me. I hope you think the same too. I really appreciate the time we spend together and I would like to see you more often. What do you say? ". These words are a great place to start, then let the answer tell you how to proceed.
- Be prepared for the other person not to reciprocate your feelings. By starting the conversation with some degree of ambiguity, you will have the option to change the subject or let it go.
Step 7. Carry on a conversation by asking questions
Open-ended questions are better here, but you can also use those that require a yes or no answer. The former are formulated in such a way as to solicit detailed responses. If you've prepared yourself well for a conversation, you won't be short of things to ask.
- An example of an open question is: "Tell me what it was like to grow up in the countryside". Such a question can lead to talking about family, education and other interesting topics.
- An example of a closed question is: "Did you find a good parking space?". Although the answer will usually be yes or no, again a conversation about the difficulty of parking in this neighborhood can arise and from there you can continue on many other topics.
- Meaningful conversations include questions of both kinds, so don't let the pressure of finding the perfect question drive the discussion away.
Step 8. Make good use of eye contact
Watching someone speak shows that you respect them. If your gaze moves to other parts of the body or to passers-by, your interlocutor will notice, get angry or lose interest in the conversation. If someone looks at you when you speak, you have to return the favor.
In other cultures, looking away from the person speaking is considered a sign of respect. Find out in advance to see if you need to take cultural differences into account during the conversation
Step 9. Keep your mobile away
The cell phone at hand is an unwanted distraction, which can take your attention away from the conversation and the other person. Try to understand if the dialogue requires all your concentration. The more important the topic, the more appropriate it is to remove possible distractions.
Step 10. Listen actively
If you ask a person a question, you need to listen to the answer without interrupting it. When you have finished you can move on to the next question, or ask a further question to ask for clarification or reflect on the emotions of your interlocutor. If he understands that you listen to him and feels understood, your exchange will become more enjoyable and over time you will have the opportunity to move on to more intimate topics.
Step 11. Try to be gentle and courageous when giving bad news
It's always hard to handle bad news, whether it's about firing someone, reporting the loss of a loved one, or ending a romance. It is completely normal to feel nervous, anxious and try to avoid discussion. Unfortunately, however, in some cases we cannot do without it and we must find the strength to speak up.
- Use the alternation technique. To do this, start the conversation by saying something positive about the other person, give them the bad news, and end with a positive affirmation. This will cushion the negative impact of the bad news. Depending on the gravity of what you have to say, any ploy can be helpful in alleviating the suffering.
- For example, you could say, "You are really good with people and I notice that everyone appreciates you. Unfortunately, however, we have decided not to hire anyone. I am sure that other companies will be very lucky to have an exceptional employee like you."
Step 12. Try to make the conversation as painless as possible
Don't prolong the inevitable, so get to the point quickly. This is the most compassionate thing you can do. If you drag on a dialogue that ends in bad news for too long, you will likely cause a negative reaction.
- Start the conversation by saying, "Look, I have some bad news and you probably won't take it well, so I'll get right to the point. I got a call from the hospital and your mom left us. Can I do something to help you?"
- Listening to the other person expressing their feelings and concerns is an important part of the conversation.
- Share similar experiences with the person by saying "I remember I was terrible when my mother died. I am very sorry that you have to go through this."
Step 13. Practice the approach
The more you practice with approaches to various types of conversation, the better you will become. When the time comes to talk, everything will be easier. Develop techniques for dealing with people like mechanics, builders, shop assistants, and strangers you meet on public transport.
For example, if you always have difficulties with the staff who take care of the work in your home, immediately clarify your expectations by saying: "I'm looking for a person who keeps his commitments and does not promise me the moon and then get little. I prefer one honest communication rather than being disappointed when my expectations are not met ". The professional will tell you right away if it lives up to what you ask for. With this approach, it will be easier to manage future difficulties
Step 14. Be prepared when you need to give good news
Being able to communicate good news to someone is one of the pleasures of life. However, in some cases it takes a bit of preparation and you can't just stick to one hasty sentence. If you want to have a conversation about having a child, getting married, or taking your dream job in New York, you need to have a plan.
- Consider everyone's reactions and act accordingly. If you know your mom is on a rampage when she gets exciting news, find the right place to talk to her.
- Anticipate the questions people will ask you. For example, if you are pregnant, everyone will want to know when the baby will be born, if you have chosen a name and how you feel.
- You need to be available to answer questions and remember that the other person is happy for you.
- If you want to ask someone to marry you, decide where you will do it, at what time and what you will say. Whether you're on top of a mountain at sunset or on an early morning surfboard, the conversation before and after your proposal can be exciting. This is a special occasion, so plan well so you won't be disappointed.
Method 3 of 3: Carrying On an Online Conversation
Step 1. Write and reply to emails in a way that represents you
Internet conversations are becoming an increasingly important part of everyday life, particularly in the school and academic settings. Your words represent who you are and your personal brand, so it's important to make a good impression. If you don't have the privilege of having face-to-face conversations with a person, you need to form your image through online communication.
Step 2. Use appropriate tone in messages and emails
Be careful, because in written conversations it can be difficult to interpret the tone of the words and can often be misunderstood. You can't take advantage of in-person communication, such as body language, tone of voice, and atmosphere.
- Adopt a polite style in your choice of words.
- Avoid writing all caps. It is the equivalent of screaming.
- Use emoticons, small smileys that represent an emotion, in order to better express the meaning of your comments and sentences.
Step 3. Start and end online communications in a personal and professional way
For example, always include a greeting, such as "Dear _, I was delighted to receive your e-mail today and thought I'd reply." Close by writing: "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to explain my situation. I await your response. With respect, _".
Step 4. Be clear and direct
If you have a question, ask it now. Depending on the recipient, you may only have a few seconds to grab their attention.
Step 5. Be friendly
Treat others as you would like to be treated. Even if you have to express a conflicting opinion or your dissatisfaction, you can maintain a professional attitude. For example, "Dear _, I have been pointed out that your company has made a mistake. I am contacting you to resolve this issue and I hope I can reach a compromise without the need for further action on our part."
Step 6. Try to be discreet when talking on social media
Whether you spend an hour a day online or an hour a month, we all have an internet reputation. The power of positive action and the devastating consequences of faux pas can change your life in an instant. Any comments you make are a possible beginning of a conversation or a response that can carry on a dialogue.
Step 7. Express your opinion without being abrupt
For example, you can say, "I understand why you are angry and I want to tell you why I am too." Pause before commenting. Ask yourself if what you are about to write is offensive, demeans the other person, or can cause problems in future relationships with them. Think twice before hitting Enter. Remember that you cannot take back what you have written once you have published it.
Step 8. Avoid taking an antagonistic position with respect to the community
The anonymous nature of online communication often gives free rein to the mentality of the angry crowd. If you start an internet conversation on a social network and someone doesn't like what you write, you could be inundated with a horde of protesters. Even reasonable people can become uncivilized, thinking that no one can find out or punish them for what they say.
Step 9. Don't respond to conversations that make you angry or lead you to negativity
If someone tells you something, turn the other cheek. Positive comments often elicit positive reactions. Just stick to those kinds of comments, and all the conversations you have on the internet will be enjoyable.
Step 10. Use messages to converse with others
Text messages allow you to stay in touch with the people you care about. Some demographic groups use them more than others and some people even go so far as to abuse them and turn them into a health problem. What is certain is that messages are a very useful tool in today's communication. When your life is busy, you don't always have time to call or talk to the people who are important to you.
Step 11. Don't forget about education when writing a message
If someone writes to you, reply within a reasonable time. Try to apply the same rules to text conversations that you follow when meeting someone in person.
- If you text and don't get a reply, don't take it. Send a second message asking if the person has read the first.
- If you get annoyed when someone doesn't reply to your messages, you can say, "Hi, you can do me the favor of at least replying" Ok "when I text you. That way at least I know you've read and I don't have to worry anymore."
Step 12. Stay connected with your family
If your grandparents can receive emails and messages, write them something from time to time so they know you think about them and are important to you. In some cases, grandparents feel ignored and are always happy to know that you are okay. If they are smart and interested, they are never too old to learn something new.
Advice
- Be available to answer questions.
- Be brave in social situations. Share your thoughts and opinions, even if you feel uncomfortable.
- Respect the fact that some people don't like to talk on the plane or in other situations.
- A smile and a friendly "Hello" are often enough to break the ice in all situations.
- If you don't want to talk, you can say, "I don't feel like having a conversation right now. I would be grateful if you gave me some space."
- Not everyone is able to speak, but if you learn the basics of communication, you will be able to extricate yourself well in almost any situation.
- Silence is important for everyone. Respect those who seek it.
- Don't tell someone you love them if you're not sure. If you use those words too soon, you may seem unreliable.
