And so you want to flirt with a girl or a guy on MSN, Facebook or other chats without looking crazy. Congratulations - by looking for cars, you've already shown more attention than most people flirting online. Start with step 1 to learn how to flirt intelligently and respectfully.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Things to Do
Step 1. Start the conversation naturally
As in the real world, the first step to flirting is to overcome shyness and take the first step. Write the other person a short message asking about the day, asking a specific question about work or school, or simply writing "Hello!". The hardest part of flirting is overcoming the teething troubles, so if you can't take the first step, remember that however bad it may go, it will still be a lot less stressful than a real-world meeting.
- There's no reason to be nervous when flirting via instant messages - if the other person doesn't want to talk to you, they'll always have the option of not responding, because from your point of view, you might think they're not at the computer.
- That said, if you "barely" know someone, it may be a good idea to have an excuse to start the conversation, to avoid embarrassment. Asking for help with a work or school-related problem are good ideas, as is asking a question about an obvious characteristic of the person. For example, if someone has a username for a band, you might say, "Hey, cool name. Did you go to the concert the last time they came to town?"
Step 2. Talk about more and less
After the initial greeting and pleasantries, you will probably want to ask the other person how they are (as you would in the real world). Ask her questions about her job or school, her interests or her most recent travels, for example. If you don't want to ask questions, you can simply offer your comments on those topics. When he responds, make more comments or questions and keep the conversation going! Don't invade his private life - keep the conversation light, fun, and focused on cheerful topics.
- Don't linger too long on trivial chatter. A minute or two will be all it takes to break the ice and if you linger further you could get boring.
- For example, after opening by asking about the other person's interests regarding the musical group that inspired their username, it makes sense and reasonable to ask questions about musical tastes. You will also be able to offer your opinions and suggestions. For example, you could say something like: "If you like that group, you should listen to Manic Albatross - they are like The Beatles, only with darker vibes. What other bands do you like?"
Step 3. Play around
Everyone likes a good mood. In Marilyn Monroe's immortal words, "If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything" (women, don't worry - same goes for men!). Try to be playful and even sarcastic when replying to the other person's comments.
- For example, if you are asked what you are doing, instead of answering "I'm looking for people on Facebook to try with", you could respond sarcastically with "I'm composing a chivalrous epic" or "I'm drowning my suffering in alcohol". These answers will also give you a chance to start talking about your hobbies, like writing or whiskey tasting.
- In our example conversation, you might make a joke or two while talking about music. For example, you could say "I don't understand why every song on the radio has Pitbull in it. Where does he find the time to record between all the parties he has on his yacht?"
Step 4. Tease in a playful way
Once you've established a good relationship with the person you're talking to, it's a good idea to up the ante with some teasing. When doing this, keep a playful air to keep the mood light. As a good rule of thumb, the better you know a person, the harder your teasing can be.
- Make fun of it sensibly. You should of course avoid the most uncomfortable topics that have to do with the person's personal life, career or aspirations.
- The line between flirting and being rude is very thin in some cases, so when in doubt, don't risk it. It's easy to find another mockery, but it's not so easy to apologize after hurting a person's feelings. In our example, you might gently taunt the other person about their preference for a group by saying something like "Come on, really, them? Hahaha." But if you say "That group is only made up of fake people and all their fans are the worst", you will sound more threatening.
Step 5. Use cheeky emoticons
One of the good things about instant messaging flirting is being able to clearly express the emotion that motivates your words. If you are flirting, you will need to use wink emoticons often (;)) and tongue (: p) that almost all messaging services offer. Accompany the joking comments with these emoticons to make your intentions explicit, yet pleasing.
Be careful though - don't abuse emoticons. Use them sparingly during conversation to make your teasing sweeter and to clarify the most ambiguous sentences. If you always use emoticons, you will end up looking childish or annoying
Step 6. If the answers are positive, go further
If the other person seems to react well to jokes and teasing, you may want to move on to more intimate territory. Do it "gently" - don't go from light teasing to explicit declarations of intent. Instead, write subtle romantic references. Express concepts "implicitly" without declaring them openly. This is the right way to flirt and is the most sought after technique by everyone, online and in the real world.
- Try to use irony in your comments. There is always a certain silly component to flirting or advancing. Recognizing this component will help you look more natural and less creepy.
- In our music retention for example, if the other person says they find a certain song sexy, play along and move on to that topic. Respond by pretending to be scandalized with a "Screanzata!" or show your appreciation with an "Ooooh, really?;)".
Step 7. If you get negative feedback, step aside
Flirting with someone, in any scenario, carries the possibility of rejection. Online, where communications are of little importance and impersonal, this possibility is very real. If the person you're flirting with doesn't seem to reciprocate the interest, limit your losses and gracefully leave the conversation. For example, you might try and say that you have something to do (homework and work activities are great excuses) or that you need to go to sleep. The excuse you choose is not important - what matters is to respect the person's desire and avoid dragging on an awkward exchange.
For example, if in the conversation about the previous music, after you mention a song, the other person replies that it is their boyfriend's favorite song, take the opportunity to end the conversation. You can just write "Hey, I have to escape. Talk to you later!"
Step 8. End the conversation yourself
A good rule of thumb for flirting on the internet and in real life is to end the meeting leaving the other person wanting something more. In the world of texting flirting, this means you should say goodbye before the conversation goes flat. That way, the person you're writing to will only have fun and positive memories of the meeting - not embarrassing memories of not being able to find something to say.
If the conversation went well, give a special greeting to make sure the other person doesn't forget about you. Emoticons can help you in this case. For example, if a normal "Goodnight" is flat and banal, "Goodnight:)" can let the other person know that you will think of them
Part 2 of 2: Things not to do
Step 1. Don't belittle yourself too much
Self-confidence is sexy. This is especially true for dating in real life, but this mantra can also be applied to the world of instant message flirting. For example, you should avoid making too many jokes at your own expense. Just one is enough - it shouldn't become a recurring theme in your conversation. If you do this too often, you may feel like you despise yourself and need affection.
But that doesn't mean you should necessarily make jokes about other people's expenses, as you may appear mean and mean. Avoid all the digs and sour comments about yourself or someone else
Step 2. Don't be too sweet
People flirt for fun. For most of us, receiving compliments is only fun to a certain extent - after one or two we can feel embarrassed. Too many compliments can also cast doubts on your true intentions, and people may think you are trying to achieve something. After all, the flattering power of pompous, flowery compliments is dwarfed if they are displayed in a small box on the screen alongside animated smiley faces.
Instead of relying too heavily on compliments, focus on an interesting and sincere conversation. Follow the advice "facts are worth more than words". That is, show the other person your interest with a great conversation, without having to say it explicitly
Step 3. Don't be too clingy
Flirting with someone for the first time over text is an obvious sign that your relationship is very, very informal. For this, you should definitely keep the conversation informal. Don't talk about love, long-term commitments, or similar topics when flirting - these are topics to be absolutely avoided and in most cases will completely sabotage your chances of getting a date.
Step 4. Don't be vulgar
Different people think differently when it comes to the use of bad language, bar humor, sexual references and so on. Respect these differences. On the internet, after bad language, violence, rough humor and sex are just a few clicks away, it's easy to forget that many people don't like dealing with this type of content. So keep the conversation relatively family-friendly until you get to know the person better. At a minimum, try to imagine how you might look to the other person if they weren't used to this kind of thing.
A good rule of thumb is not to be vulgar until the other person does. In other words, if you're flirting with someone, don't swear, don't make dirty jokes or obscene comments unless the other person does it first
Advice
- Try to quickly review what you have written to avoid typos and errors. You don't want to communicate the wrong message.
- Don't answer immediately - you will look too desperate! Let a couple of minutes pass and then write: so you can also think about what to say.
- Make sure you're not always talking about just one person.
- Do not be too insistent if the interlocutor is busy or simply does not answer. You don't know what is happening.
- If you really like the other person, and they show interest, let them be discreetly understood.
- Don't laugh too often!
- Be honest, but not depressing.
- When trying to flirt via text, express hilarity with "ha ha". Help the conversation and let the other person know that you appreciate talking to them.
- Being perverse doesn't mean flirting. Sure, some sexual cues are acceptable, but that alone can be creepy and weird, especially if you're unrequited.
- Hugs are a very tender thing to use, almost as powerful as kisses, but less provocative, which is ideal for a little flirting.
Warnings
- As with anything else online, it could be dangerous. Never give your number, address or other private information to anyone you don't trust!
- As with any kind of flirting, don't get too familiar and don't complain about your life too much. You may be desperate, but don't make it obvious.
- Don't talk about past relationships or you may feel like you're not available.
- Don't flirt without a purpose. It is cruel. Don't do it so much for. Do this if you like the person or if you want to send a signal.
- Don't complain about your day, stay positive.
- Do not send too many messages when the other person is not online, or you will look desperate. Sometimes it's okay, if you just have to say that you won't be there that day or if you have something urgent to communicate.
